Praise for your own kind of girl ‘The words that kept coming to me over and over again as I read this book were authenticity and decency. Clare Bowditch made me feel how wonderful and difficult and amazing it is to be a human.’ LEIGH SALES ‘Brutal at times but funny as f@#k. This book will change a lot of lives for the better.’ BERNARD FANNING ‘Reading this book felt as intimate as having a long, heartbreakingly vulnerable yet hilarious conversation with Clare by a fire with wine in hand. It is a celebration of the human struggle, how we can learn to befriend (and say “f@#k off” to) our demons, and ultimately write our own story. There is so much hope in this book.’ MISSY HIGGINS ‘Clare Bowditch opens her heart and history with staggering generosity— unpicking the birth of her creativity and the early scars that forged her. Much like the woman herself, Your Own Kind of Girl is unflinching, entertaining, inspiring and real. I inhaled this book.’ KAT STEWART ‘This book is like a life-buoy, tossed across a generation by a sick and frightened young woman, who grew up to be Clare Bowditch. An extraordinary tale faithfully remembered and generously told. What a woman. A transfixing and powerful memoir.’ ANNABEL CRABB ‘A brave and generous work. Never didactic or patronising, Bowditch nonetheless has much to share as she invites the reader inside the tender heart and evolving mind of a young woman determined to make sense of herself and her place in the world. Told with Bowditch’s trademark warmth and openness, this book is an act of compassion as much as it is the product of diligent reflection and insight.’ PEGGY FREW ‘For parents, indeed anyone that would like to understand mental illness, and that recovery is possible. Clare writes with extraordinary self-awareness and insight. Her journey encourages anyone to keep going; to believe that there is something better, to take one step at a time toward it, and not to give up. A truly compelling story of resilience, survival and growth.’ DR CHARLOTTE KEATING ‘A deeply revealing insight into how a true artist is born. Brutally honest, compelling and affecting, Clare’s luminous warmth shines through every page.’ KATE MILLER-HEIDKE ‘Finally, an author who has found the words to describe that excruciatingly complex relationship many women have with food.’ JAMILA RIZVI ‘Clare’s story (so far) reveals how resilience is created from the suffering life inflicts. Clare’s honesty and warmth shines strongly through the pages of this inspiring and moving memoir.’ PROFESSOR PAT McGORRY ‘Vibrant, touching, hilarious. Clare’s heart-baring makes me want to live brighter, tell more truths, and laugh—in a sweet way—at my self-criticism and fears. This book is a healer.’ DANIELLE LAPORTE, author of The Desire Map ‘Clare takes us to the edge of the stuff we flee from—the late-night inner turmoil of an eating disorder, the loneliness of being the “fat kid” and death—so that, as her friend Leonard Cohen once said, the light might come in.’ SARAH WILSON ‘I fell in love with this book from the start—it’s a brutally honest, witty, smart and courageous account of Clare Bowditch finding her path and her power.’ EDDIE PERFECT ‘What I love best about the glorious Clare Bowditch is how richly she embraces life and holds to what’s most sustaining. Her beautiful book is so like her music: bold, original, earthy, funny, grateful, honest, truthful and tuneful—and fabulously female.’ STEPHANIE DOWRICK, author of Choosing Happiness ‘Clare Bowditch cements her status as one of Australia’s most mesmerising storytellers with this debut. Her ability to lay bare the vulnerabilities, hurts and triumphs of a woman’s life is second to none. She’s my kind of girl, for sure.’ CLEMENTINE FORD Clare Bowditch is a storyteller who lives in Melbourne with her husband Marty, their three teenage children, a white groodle, and one lone surviving free-ranging guinea pig. In terms of ‘the fancy stuff’, Bowditch is a bestselling ARIA Award- winning musician (Best Female Artist), Rolling Stone Woman of the Year (Contribution to Culture), Logie-nominated actor (for her role as ‘Rosanna’ on hit TV show Offspring), and a former ABC broadcaster who still misses her talk- back callers very much, and hopes they’re doing okay out there. In her spare time, Bowditch does a lot of public-speaking and event-running. She uses humour and the collective terror of ‘public-singing’ as tools to teach skills around courage and self-leadership. She is also the founder of Big Hearted Business, a love project designed to support creative people in their businesses, and businesses with their creative thinking. As a musician Clare has performed and toured with the likes of Leonard Cohen, Paul Kelly, Cat Power, John Butler, Snow Patrol and Gotye. The person she enjoys touring with the most is her drummer and husband, Marty Brown. First published in 2019 Copyright © Clare Bowditch 2019 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to the Copyright Agency (Australia) under the Act. All lyrics reproduced courtesy of Mushroom Music Publishing: p. 5 ‘Are You Ready Yet?’, written by C. Bowditch/M. Brown/W. De Backer; p. 17 ‘When I Was Five’, written by C. Bowditch; inside cover and p. 45 ‘Your Own Kind Of Girl’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 81 ‘Amazing Life’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 106 ‘Thin Skin’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 147 ‘Your Other Hand’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 170 ‘The Thing About Grief’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 192 ‘I Thought You Were God’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 207 ‘Empty Pockets’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 225 ‘One Little River’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 258 ‘On This Side’, written by C. Bowditch; p. 306 ‘Human Being’, written by C. Bowditch. Allen & Unwin 83 Alexander Street Crows Nest NSW 2065 Australia Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100 Email: [email protected] Web: www.allenandunwin.com ISBN 978 1 76052 895 9 eISBN 978 1 76087 284 7 eISBN 978 1 76087 284 7 Set by Bookhouse, Sydney Cover photograph: Anna Robinson For all the girls I’ve loved before In celebration of the grand legacies of Rowena Bowditch Dr Claire Weekes and John Patrick Hedigan Contents A brief letter of introduction 1 Happiness 2 When I was five 3 Your own kind of girl 4 Amazing life 5 Thin skin 6 Storms and other weather patterns 7 The thing about grief 8 God and Frank 9 Empty pockets 10 The story of music 11 On this side 12 Human being Epilogue Additional resources Acknowledgements A brief letter of introduction Thank you very kindly for finding your way to the first page of what I suspect will be the most honest story I will ever have the mixed pleasure of writing. To be clear, this is not a memoir that details my (let’s be honest, relatively modest) success as a musician—most of the stories in this book come well before any of that. Meaning, sadly, there’s not much in here by way of dirt on all the famous people I’ve (never actually) slept with, or even just … met (with one notable exception). As for any subtle bragging about fancy titles the world may or may not have given me? No. That’s pretty much covered in my short bio at the start. The fanciest title you’re gonna hear me called from here on in is probably my childhood nickname, Fatty-boom-bah (which I’m not sure really counts). This is just the story I promised myself—aged twenty-one—that I would one day be brave enough, and well enough, and alive enough, to write. At the time, that thought—that I might one day actually do something useful with my life—seemed outside of my reality, and yet, at the same time, it acted like a tiny flare of hope just in the moment I needed it most. What were the chances of me coming good on that hope? Slim. At age twenty-one, as you’ll soon understand, I wasn’t exactly renowned for my ability to follow through. Quite the contrary. My list of failures was already long and shameful, and if I knew how many more I would have to suffer before I ‘made something of my life’, I’m not sure I would have had the gumption to keep going. And, still, I latched again and again to the memory of this hopeful feeling: that one day I would write a book, one that proved I was more than this. That was twenty-one years ago. What took me so long? Well, look, I’ve been a bit busy. That is true. But that’s not the real reason. Even on the day I promised I would write this book, I knew it would be a long time before I was ready to share it with anyone. I needed the hope of the promise, but what I didn’t need was the pressure of rushing it.