Strength of our Mothers www.ourmothers.org Author: SuAndi ISBN: 978-1-78972-129-4 Publisher: artBlacklive Strength Of Our Mothers Copyright © National Black Arts Alliance 2019 The right of SuAndi to be identified as the author of this work on behalf of all the contributors has been asserted in accordance with section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All photograph copyright remains with each family SuAndi photograph: Copyright Julian Kronfli. http://juliankronfli.com/ artBlacklive books are published by National Black Arts Alliance 15 @ M19 2HG UK. Cover image Mrs Ada next to her husband Alfred Lawrence (Anya) in his circus outfit in the 1930s. Courtesy of their daughter Coca Clarke. Typesetting: Afshan D’souza-Lodhi (www.afshan.info) No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission except in the case of very brief extracts embodied in critical articles, reviews or lectures. For further information contact NBAA [email protected]; [email protected] This is a limited print run, copies available from: Ahmed Iqbal Ullah Race Relations Resource Centre. [email protected] Central Library Manchester City Council PO BOX 532 Albert Square Manchester M60 2LA. INTRODUCTION “Of course they are interesting tho’ often painfully honest. Don’t think I’ve ever seen any accounts that are less rose-tinted. This is not a criticism by the way”. When I received the above text (not from Sally), I was somewhat taken aback but only for a short moment of time. Then I thought this is exactly what I hoped for; honesty. In order to reach the truth, you have got to tell the truth. SOM was not intended to fictionalise life but to tell it just as we live it. Sometimes it is cruel and heart- breaking but even then, families pull on through. In many cases hardship and heartache makes the bond of family stronger, especially when Mothers have stepped away from the relationship into single parenthood. Fathers too became the sole carer of their children when mothers left because they couldn’t or didn’t want to stay in the home. This is how life rolled but for these women, as mothers, wives and partners of Black men, society has made cruel and derogative assessments of their characters. This was particularly so for those whose husbands, partners and fathers of their children were Africans who arrived in the UK mainly from 1925. I wanted a hot line to Mike Leigh after I watched the scene where the daughter first meets her mother in “Secrets and Lies” (1996 Drama film). Not only does the character Cynthia deny the relationship, she has little recall of it ever happening. Did this reflect Leigh’s assumption of low moral characters of White Women with Black men? Not surprising therefore that I glowed inside when Estelle said, ‘I have no regrets about marrying. All the way through life you make choices about what you are going to do and sometimes you regret those decisions or those choices, but not in this case.’ And laughed out loud with Avis ‘But I don’t give a shit, I am not arsed. I choose my own friends; I don’t need people to say whether they like me or not and you can tell I have gone through life like that.’ Everyone interviewed made sure that mothers were honoured for their strength, diligence and determination to bring their families up with the dignity that society in many cases denied them because they were with Black men. None of the children were embarrassed by their white mothers or ashamed, rather they felt it gave them added character. Ann Sarge wrote “… the project … opened my eyes as to not just how our parents but geography had an effect on our lives; African tribal cultures, Irish/English all affected our outlook on life. Potatoes or Garri, Fou Fou or chips. No bloody wonder we are characters.... wouldn’t change it though ... x’ Whenever my late brother and I talked he always said, “my mother” whereas I said “our”; I tell you this to because it is unavoidable for each sibling to have widely different memories of their parents. While I did interview two children from two families it proved to be very difficult to present on the page. The reality of oral history is that it is almost impossible to bring together every member of any family into one voice. In the UK, advertisers have gone to the extreme to over compensate with the largest number of television commercials now played by bi-racial couples. In fact, I have started to count when then couples are of the same race and it is rare! But has the bigotry ended in this era of Meghan and Harry? I would like to think so, but I doubt it. In March 2019 this headline appeared in The Guardian ‘New interracial couple emoji marks victory for partners of color (sic)’ https://tinyurl.com/yyvh4w9j There are still occasions when I find myself holding my breath when, for example, being told that someone rejected their child because of their partner not being of the same racial heritage. I have left parties to avoid losing myself in a debate over Mixed Heritage and felt a huge sense of sadness when a parent (of either race) has told me their child was simply brown!! From the heart, reaches the heart. The journey of SOM has left me personally feeling strengthened by the achievements of the first, second and third generations. Each interview made me miss my late Mother, Margaret Josephine Andi, even though she lives on in my own publication; ‘The Story of M’. Had my mother lived longer, I would like to think she would have the appetite for life that Madge Abbey has with a twinkle in her eye and the biggest smile. I found her such a joy to talk to. So, there it is. The purpose, process and reasoning. SuAndi OBE D.Litt, D.Arts In June 2014, the Ahmed Iqbal Ullah Education Trust published online a toolkit titled “What is the point of oral history?”. This reflected years of the Trust’s experience of both delivering its own oral history projects and of supporting other community organisations to deliver theirs. I was the champion of the AIUET’s oral history work and for some time its Director (now retired). I remain convinced of the incredible importance of oral history collection, particularly in relation to Britain’s Black communities, so let’s here reiterate the point of oral history: To widen official history by recording ‘ordinary’ people and everyday experiences, forgotten and untold narratives. To fill gaps in our knowledge and understanding of the past and provide insights based on the memories of individuals and families. To acknowledge the lives and achievements of groups that are usually overlooked and often subject to discrimination. Oral histories can be used to encourage younger community members to learn about their heritage and to share experience and memory with other communities. But this only happens if the histories collected are both made widely accessible at the time of collection and preserved for future generations through the process of archiving. It is a sad and sobering fact that the majority of British archives contain very little material that reflects the lives and experiences of ethnic minorities in this country in spite of the very long history of migration to this island nation, itself reflecting centuries of British imperial engagement with Africa, the Americas and the Indian subcontinent. Moreover, many previous efforts to gather and share these histories have proved vulnerable and short-lived. I’m thinking particularly of the admirable ‘Moving Here’ website – itself now archived since 2013 as if the collecting was done and the histories no longer of interest! ‘Strength of Our Mothers’ has collected oral histories, memories and reflections of white women in mixed race relationships and their dual heritage children, across a period in which racist bigotry was the norm and daily life was often difficult. Yet through the hardships emerge stories of love and personal strength. This collection complements the histories collected in National Black Arts Alliance’s previous project, ‘Afro Solo UK’ (www.afrosolouk.com) and will also be added to the digital exhibition and archives of Manchester Central Library. In this way it becomes an enduring resource for future generations and historians as well as a legacy of the struggles and triumphs of two generations. Jackie Ould ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS There are many people to thank for their contribution and support in making this historical publication possible. Off course the Mothers’ themselves for their trust along with the sons and daughters. From the start fate was a cruel and unwelcomed visitor bringing the sadness of death to many of the families with the passing of a son, daughters, a brother and a sister Special thanks must go to the family of Ellen Forrester for allowing her chapter to be included following her sudden passing within weeks of the interview. Also, to the Williams family when Jo died within weeks of sharing their mother Bernadette’s story. Muli’s Mum Dorothy passed before any work was done on her interview. The format was seemingly simple. I recorded the interview, each session could last four or more hours during which there were many tears shared between us along with laughter. Then Sadie Lund transcribed every word without exception. It takes between two or three weeks to mould it into a chapter. I meet up with the interviewee again to read them the moulded chapter. I leave this along with the interview transcript and an edition of the draft chapter clearly showing any additional text and parts edited out.