October 10,1995 PAGE 9 Features Kidman Does a Lot of Sucking in To Die For by Nicole Kidman, not Helen Hunt. Citizen Kane in comparison. the characters are poorly developed; Jessica Greaves Suzanne is also not a teacher; she is The biggest crime that this mur- most of the jokes aren't funny; and Retriever Editorial Staff a narcissist who desperately wants der movie commits is that it wastes much of the dialogue leaves you Dateline, New Hampshire: A to get on television, and will liter- its potential. The idea that TV turns thinking, "Huh?" Additionally, the young high school teacher named ally do anything to make that hap- ordinary people into self-serving me- clothes and decorating are heavily Pamela Smart seduces a dipshit dia whores is certainly timely, reminiscent of The Brady Bunch. In student from her video produc- and could be the basis for a other words, if the bad writing doesn't tion class and convinces him "Matt Dillon ... is lucky that he provocative and funny movie. get you, the lime-green polyester will. and two of his friends to whack gets iced before the movie's over." To Die For, which is being The movie's actors are also her husband. touted in commercials as just wasted for the most part. Nicole Some of you may remember such a movie, does try a little bit Kidman, who gives an excellent this real-life soap opera from a few pen. Additionally, Suzanne is em- of ironic cultural critique, but succeeds performance, all things considered, years back, perhaps because you ployed as a weather girl for a local only in losing the audience's interest. should have had spent more screen thought it was cool at the time that TV station, not as a multimedia spe- The action (presented mostly in time being an ignorant ice princess some burnout metalhead your own cialist in a local high school, when flashbacks and interview segments) age got a chance to nail his pretty she starts filming her "video docu- is choppy, slow and hard to follow; SEE DIE, PAGE 11 teacher. You might also remember it mentary" of teenagers and hooks up for the same reason I do: I saw the with her young accomplices. TV movie, which starred Helen Hunt Yeah, that'll keep 'em from get- Fell's Point Fun Fest and Chad Allen. ting sued. Whatever the case, Buck Henry, Even if it doesn't, it should keep screenwriter of such oddball cin- you from seeing To Die For. Not Brews Rowdy Crowds ematic classics as The Graduate and only is the movie an insult to the in- Fortunately, I did manage to meet Shara Terjung Catch-22, apparently remembers the telligences of people who bother to up with my friends and could wan- Retriever Contributor Smart case well. He and vanguard watch the news (they actually have der around in comparative safety. A director Gus Van Sant (Drugstore the gall to put that disclaimer at A fine fall day, music in the air and girl alone at the Fell's Point Fest is Cowboy, My Own Private Idaho) are the end that "any resemblance to people puking in the streets. Ah, it like a steak in a lion's cage. currently trying to pass it off as the plot any persons living or dead is must be the Fell's Point Fun Festi- Actually, after about seven of an "original" movie called To Die For. purely coincidental"), it's so val. Every year I go, and every year, o'clock, a steak could have caused a Okay, there's a few differences. poorly executed that it makes on the day after, I wonder why. I riot in Fells Point. The organizers First, the lead character is named Murder in New Hampshire: The wonder why they call it a Fun Fest. decided that the vendors should all Suzanne, not Pamela, and is played Pamela Smart Story look like When did mankind decide that lech- close down at seven this year. As a ery, debauchery and public drunken- consequence, throngs of people were ness were fun? Why do I, a bright, milling about looking for something intelligent young woman, think it's to eat. I wonder how many milling- fun myself after a couple of Killian's? about drunk people would get hit by The Fells Point Fest starts off with cars at Fun Fest if Broadway weren't the parking nightmare. It didn't seem closed off to traffic. so bad this year. I guess going to Fortunately, most of these people Todd Vanderdonck / Retreiver Staff UMBC has gotten had been me used to driving ^^^^m^^m nwaBBnaaaai drinking all This year's Renaissance Festival in Crownsville includes violin around for 25 to 45 afternoon in playing, street performers, and a daring sword swallower. The minutes looking for "The crowd of crew-cuts the "Micro- Festival continues through October. a place to stick my and perms even started a Brew Gar- vehicle. fake-me-out moshpit to a den" (how There are two revoltingly Live Drama in Hughes' wonderful things cover of that fake-me-out '90s) and about being a writer punk band Green Day." were in that carrying your long term Dead Presidents.— notebook every- mellow com- Gregory Norris — this is not a movie about violence and where like a big dork. Number one: fortable buzz that is not so conducive Retriever Staff Writer robbing banks. This movie is well-acted, You can write down where you to violence. As Mark Teather of D.C. well-scripted, and shot with such superb parked. Number two: As you lean said "WE NEED TO EAT. Make sure School has just begun in the Bronx and accuracy that you will lose track of time against a parking meter, taking notes you put that in your article. Drunk the year is 1967. Three high school and won't even notice that two hours on the debauchery around you, you people must have food all day." friends discuss their future in the back of have passed. attract a good deal of interest and give Sadly, even the pretzel stand — that a milk truck during a morning delivery Anthony Curtis (Larenz Tate) is the rowdy young men the perfect excuse as a regular business, could stay open before they go to school. They each have main character whom the audience fol- to come talk to you, assault you, or after 7:00 P.M. — ran out of pretzels. separate ver- 1 o w s whatever you want to call it. I think the logic for shutting ev- sions of what ^^^^^^^^^^ throughout The best comment came from one erything down at seven has much to they want to "This is a film about a man's this fantastic trip down of my very own fellow UMBC stu- do with the festival organizer's fool- do after life, about a man's dream, dents. "This place sucks almost as ish idea that this will be the year they graduation. Memory bad as The Retriever." The crew- turn the Fun Fest into a family event. However, all and about his reality." Lane. His cutted young man refused to give his Shut it down at 7:00 P.M. and the three are very ^^^^^~^^^^^~ friends, name. Obviously, that stupid dog on families have two hours to get out in tune with Skippy and this year's parking permits, has taken before the serious bar crawling starts. the situation in Vietnam. They realize they Jose, are in the back of the truck also. it's toll of antipathy on this young This year, I did see an Elvis im- might be drafted. Skippy wants to go to college and man, as it has so many others. personator on hand. Elvis imperson- This scene sets the mood for Dead "Pimp'n some ho's!" He is the typical Another guy, I'm guessing in his ators are always fun for the whole Presidents, the next movie in the con- high school kid that thinks he is all that, thirties by his L.L. Beanesque family. I would have brought an ex- tinuing saga of quality films by the but actually isn't much at all. Jose, or Joe Copyright©1995 Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc. sweater, said to me: "It's a good time clusive interview with him to The Hughes brothers. I went into this movie as they generally call him, wants to marry for the family to get together," his Retriever, but the spangles on his expecting to see another Menace IlSoci- his girlfriend. He's so happy that he is Nicole Kidman stars as Suzanne Maretto, a woman whose naive breath reeking of beer. His girl friend costume blinded me every time I tried e/y-type-flick. Instead, I was surprised to graduating from high school. Meanwhile, ambition to become a famous TV personality lands her in very grabbed him by the wrist and dragged see how well-thought out and finely tuned cold water, in To Die For, a Columbia Pictures release. him off before I could get his name. SEE FEST, PAGE 12 it actually was. Don't let the ads fool you SEE DEAD, PAGE 11 Quotes From The Quad What actor/actress today could you see a president 30 years ffom now and why? Aaron Wallace, 18 Kathi Brady, 20 Jose Zaballos, 22 Renee Jefferson, 24 Mechanical Engineering, EHS, Junior Biology, Senior Sociology Freshman "Harrison Ford - Clear and "Jim Carrey - Why not! Every "Whoopi Goldberg - She's a "Jack Nicholson - all work and no Present Danger says it all.