Diary of the Coolville Killer: Reflections on the Bush Years, Rendered in Fictional Prose A dissertation presented to the faculty of the College of Arts and Sciences of Ohio University In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree Doctor of Philosophy Sherman W. Sutherland June 2008 2 This dissertation titled Diary of the Coolville Killer: Reflections on the Bush Years, Rendered in Fictional Prose by SHERMAN W. SUTHERLAND has been approved for the Department of English and the College of Arts and Sciences by Darrell K. Spencer Stocker Professor in Creative Writing Benjamin M. Ogles Dean, College of Arts and Sciences 3 ABSTRACT SUTHERLAND, SHERMAN W., Ph.D., June 2008, English Diary of the Coolville Killer: Reflections on the Bush Years, Rendered in Fictional Prose (214 pp.) Director of Dissertation: Darrell K. Spencer This dissertation consists of an allegorical novel, written in the form of a diary, set mostly in southeastern Ohio. The critical introduction explores the effect of temporal perspective on first-person interpolated stories such as diaries and epistolary narratives. Based on the work of narratologists such as Gerard Genette and Gerald Prince, the introduction discusses the need for thoughtful consideration of temporal position and distance in the composition of first-person interpolated narratives. Approved: _____________________________________________________________ Darrell K. Spencer Stocker Professor in Creative Writing 4 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thanks to Drs. Darrell Spencer, David Burton, Zakes Mda and Robert Miklitsch for their support and guidance. Thanks also to Joan Connor and Dr. Andrew Escobedo for their continued encouragement. Thanks to Dr. William Austin, Alan Black, Richard Duggin, Dr. John J. McKenna, Dr. John Price and Dr. Eleanor Williams for leading me on the way. Thanks to Tim Angel, Bryan Bello, Reuben Bresler, William Hein, Erin Joy, Joseph Kell and Kerry Shaffner for their input. I would be remiss if I didn’t also thank Dr. David Bruzina, Dr. Robert DeMott, Shelton Jackson Lee, Markos Nila, Timothy Parker, Dr. Michael Ryan, James Taylor, Brian Tichota, Roger Waters, Kanye West and Woody Widhalm. And thanks, especially, to Rae-Fen and the rest of my family, for everything. 5 TABLE OF CONTENTS Abstract ............................................................................................................................... 3 Acknowledgments............................................................................................................... 4 I Need to Know When I Am Before I Tell You What I Did: Temporal Perspective in First-Person Narratives ....................................................................................................... 9 References ......................................................................................................................... 40 Diary of the Coolville Killer: Reflections on the Bush Years, Rendered in Fictional Prose .................................................................................................................................. 42 P to the A, T-R-I-O-T, pt. I ................................................................................... 43 The Guy Everybody Wants to Have a Beer With ................................................. 43 We Have a Winner ................................................................................................ 45 The First Hundred Days ........................................................................................ 51 When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going—on Vacation ..................... 55 A Message from the Right .................................................................................... 56 Working Hard, or Hardly Working? ..................................................................... 57 Approval Ratings are Down .................................................................................. 58 United Nations Security Council Resolution 1441 ............................................... 61 Address to the United Nations Security Council, March 7, 2003 ......................... 63 Blocking One Possible Port of Entry .................................................................... 68 Oil! ........................................................................................................................ 70 Tackling the Big Questions ................................................................................... 74 Welcome Home, Mr. Vice President .................................................................... 75 Threat Level Yellow ............................................................................................. 76 6 Threat Level Orange ............................................................................................. 79 Meet the Constituency .......................................................................................... 82 Dependence on Foreign Oil .................................................................................. 85 The Need to Bear Arms ........................................................................................ 85 Call to Duty, pt. III ................................................................................................ 88 Mission Accomplished—Well, Almost ................................................................ 88 Ode to Valerie Plame ............................................................................................ 89 2.0 mb/d ................................................................................................................ 91 It’s Like They Slipped Us All Roofies and Aggressively Fondled Our Breasts Before Digitally Penetrating Us .......................................................................... 101 Foreign Relations ................................................................................................ 104 Threat Level Orange ........................................................................................... 104 Call to Duty, pt. I ................................................................................................ 115 “Dear Mr. President—” ...................................................................................... 116 We Will Never Waver ........................................................................................ 121 Approval Ratings at an All-Time Low ............................................................... 125 State of the Union ............................................................................................... 129 Philosophicating .................................................................................................. 131 August 29, 2005 .................................................................................................. 132 August 31, 2005: Indifference is not just a song by Pearl Jam, pt. I—It don’t look bad from up here—a little wet, maybe ....................................................... 140 September 2, 2005: Indifference is not just a song by Pearl Jam, pt. II— Nobody’s shopping at Ferragamo on Bourbon Street ......................................... 141 7 “I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees” ............................. 141 The Buck Stops—Over There, Somewhere, Probably—Maybe, for Sure ......... 141 September 5, 2005: Indifference is not just a Song by Pearl Jam, pt. III— “What I’m hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this—this is working very well for them” ................................................................................................................... 142 September 15, 2005: Mission Accomplished—Well, Kind Of .......................... 145 Threat Level Yellow ........................................................................................... 146 When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going—on Vacation, reprise ...... 147 P to the A, T-R-I-O-T, pt. II................................................................................ 151 February 11, 2006—Watch Where You’re Pointing that Thing! ....................... 156 Threat Level Orange (It Must be an Election Year) ........................................... 157 Threat Level Yellow ........................................................................................... 161 Call to Duty, pt. II ............................................................................................... 162 Mission Accomplished—Well, Pretty Much ...................................................... 166 The Decider Decides ........................................................................................... 167 What Happens When You Squander the Good Will of the World ..................... 170 The Buck Stops—Over There, Somewhere, Probably—it’d be Cool if it Did, Anyway ............................................................................................................... 172 Making the Tough Choices ................................................................................. 178 Threat Level Blue ............................................................................................... 178 Threat Level Orange ........................................................................................... 178 8 Threat Level Red................................................................................................