Duquesne University Duquesne Scholarship Collection Electronic Theses and Dissertations Summer 1-1-2016 Sexual Desire(s) and the Desire for Intimacy: An Autoethnographic Exploration Nikolaos D. Kiskiras Follow this and additional works at: https://dsc.duq.edu/etd Recommended Citation Kiskiras, N. (2016). Sexual Desire(s) and the Desire for Intimacy: An Autoethnographic Exploration (Doctoral dissertation, Duquesne University). Retrieved from https://dsc.duq.edu/etd/99 This Worldwide Access is brought to you for free and open access by Duquesne Scholarship Collection. It has been accepted for inclusion in Electronic Theses and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of Duquesne Scholarship Collection. For more information, please contact [email protected]. SEXUAL DESIRE(S) AND THE DESIRE FOR INTIMACY: AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC EXPLORATION A Dissertation Submitted to the McAnulty College and Graduate School of Liberal Arts Duquesne University In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy By Nikolaos D. Kiskiras August 2016 Copyright by Nikolaos D. Kiskiras 2016 SEXUAL DESIRE(S) AND THE DESIRE FOR INTIMACY: AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC EXPLORATION By Nikolaos D. Kiskiras Approved July 7, 2016 __________________________________ _________________________________ Leswin Laubscher, Ph.D. Suzanne Barnard, Ph.D. Professor of Psychology Professor of Psychology (Committee Chair) (Committee Member) __________________________________ Lanei Rodemeyer, Ph.D. Professor of Philosophy (Committee Member) __________________________________ _________________________________ James Swindal, Ph.D. Leswin Laubscher, Ph.D. Dean, McAnulty College and Graduate Chair, Department of Psychology School of Liberal Arts Professor of Psychology Professor of Philosophy iii ABSTRACT SEXUAL DESIRE(S) AND THE DESIRE FOR INTIMACY: AN AUTOETHNOGRAPHIC EXPLORATION By Nikolaos D. Kiskiras August 2016 Dissertation Supervised by Leswin Laubscher, Ph.D. Sexual desire has traditionally been approached and investigated through reductionist lenses that have usually overlooked its complexity. In the past 150 years, it has mainly appeared articulated within medical and sexological discourses that have actively attempted to demarcate, categorize, and medicalize it. As a result, “healthy” and “pathological” forms of sexual desire have been constructed, whereas the social, cultural, political, and ideological forces that structure and shape it have been largely ignored. Furthermore, the conceptualization of distinct forms of sexual desire has given rise to the construction of equally distinct, ostensibly fixed, “healthy” as well as “pathological,” sexual identities. This dissertation represents an attempt to resist the aforementioned hegemonic discourses of sexual desire. Far from articulating a coherent theory, it aspires to challenge fixed notions of sexual desire; historicize it and highlight its contingent, time- and iv context-dependent nature; pose ethical questions as to how we sexually desire and what this means for our relationships to others; encourage others to engage into similar, ethical explorations; and ascertain whether such explorations can promise less violence to one another on the grounds of how we sexually desire and use our bodies. To these ends, its guiding research questions explore the cultural/social/political forces that shape our psychological and corporeal experience of sexual desire as well as our ability to feel sexually intimate with our lovers. In an effort to better serve the purposes of this dissertation, the author draws on a wide variety of ideas and theoretical perspectives (Darwin’s theory of sexual selection, Queer theory as loosely represented by Michel Foucault, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, and Judith Butler, Irigaray’s feminist theory of sexual difference, and Lacanian psychoanalysis) and uses an autoethnographic method. Autoethnography allows the author to delve deeply into his personal history and provide detailed, critically examined, vulnerable narratives of social exclusion, psychological violence, stigmatization, and isolation. The author’s autoethnographic stories explore the constitution of his sexual desire within the context of the Greek culture and describe his efforts to overcome his sense of dehumanization and pursue sexual intimacy. They also emphasize the importance of experiencing our emotions, exploring the materiality of our bodies, openly acknowledging and grappling with our internalized violence, and critically engaging with the idea that the personal is almost always social, cultural, and political. Finally, and most importantly, the author’s stories invite the readers to temporarily forget about generalizability and, instead, focus on the elements that render their sexual desires unique, fluid, and porous. v DEDICATION Στη μνήμη του πατέρα μου Dedicated to the memory of my father vi ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS The completion of this dissertation represents the culmination of a long, challenging, but, in the end, emotionally enriching and rewarding process. The beginning of my PhD in the United States almost coincided with the beginning of the financial crisis in Greece. Therefore, my dream to spend six carefree years, fully devoted to studying, honing my clinical skills, and immersing myself in new cultures, friendships, and relationships was shattered quite early in my stay in Pittsburgh. My constant concern over the situation in Greece would often leave me feeling drained, exhausted, and lonely and, on numerous occasions, I would contemplate quitting my PhD and going back to Greece. Yet, I have somehow persisted in reaching the end of the road and this is mainly due to the unwavering support of many people whose significant contribution I wish to acknowledge in this section. First and foremost, I wish to thank my family. My late father, Dimitris, despite his ill health, never ceased to encourage and support me financially and psychologically throughout my stay in the United States. His generosity and emotional availability during the last years of his life were beyond words and I hope he knows, wherever he is, how grateful I will always be to him. My wonderful mother, Alexandra, has never ceased to amaze me with her ability to listen to, unconditionally love, and constantly encourage me to widen my horizons. Above and beyond anything else, she has always inspired me to become a better person; a truly priceless gift. Finally, my amazing sister, Nicoletta, has constantly made sure to keep me grounded and down to earth, always reminding me in vii her own special way that there is a world which feels, lives, and loves beyond the strict, sterile confines of the Academy. Thank you all. I feel so lucky to be a part of our family. I wish to offer my gratitude to my director, Dr. Leswin Laubscher, and my readers, Drs. Suzanne Barnard and Lanei Rodemeyer. Dr. Laubscher’s caring support, perceptive guidance, intellectual openness, and wide erudition has allowed me to write the dissertation I’ve always wanted to write. There are no words to express how thankful I am to Leswin and how lucky I’ve always felt to be under his mentorship. To my readers, Drs. Barnard and Rodemeyer, I owe my warmest thanks for taking a genuine interest in my dissertation and coming up with wonderful suggestions for its improvement. I am fairly certain that I couldn’t have hoped for a better dissertation committee. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. The Duquesne University (DU) psychology department has been an indispensable part of my life over the last 8 years. Its intellectual legacy, I suspect, will be following me and shaping my clinical thinking and practice for the rest of my life. Therefore, I wish to express my gratitude to all of its faculty members, clinical supervisors, and administrative staff. In particular, I wish to thank the following individuals: Dr. Russell Walsh, our Director of Clinical Training, for supporting me every step of the way through my clinical training; Dr. Jessie Goicoechea, the Director of the DU Psychology Clinic, for being constantly available whenever I needed extra supervision; Dr. Will Adams, for being a very compassionate supervisor during my first two years in the doctoral program; Dr. Stanton Marlan, for introducing me into Jung’s thought and transforming our supervisory sessions into mystical, intertwining experiences of personal discovery, theoretical exploration, and clinical wisdom; Dr. Bruce Fink, for teaching Case viii Formulation, the best clinical seminar I have ever attended, and introducing me into Lacan; Dr. Susan Goldberg, for being such a warm human being and repeatedly inviting me to present my clinical work in her Forensic Psychology classes; Linda Pasqualino, assistant to the Director of the DU Psychology Clinic, for being the wonderful person she is and always making me feel at home away from home; and Marilyn Henline, administrative assistant at the DU psychology department, for always having answers to my endless list of questions and relieving my anxiety. In addition, I wish to thank the staff in the DU Office of International Programs for making my transition to the United States much smoother than I had ever expected. Special thanks go to Joseph DeCrosta, Michelle Janosko, and Philomena Bolea. There are no words to express my appreciation and gratitude to Dr. Robert Coufal. Apart from teaching me the lion’s share of what I know about psychotherapy with sex offenders and providing me with excellent supervision over a period of three years, Dr. Coufal and his wife,