Navigating intimacy with ecstasy: The emotional, spatial and boundaried dynamics of couples’ MDMA experiences Katie Anderson A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements of London South Bank University for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy http://orcid.org/ 0000-0002-3156-7427 August 2017 Table of Contents ACKNOWLEDGMENTS .................................................................................................................... 1 DISSEMINATION OF FINDINGS .................................................................................................... 2 ABSTRACT .......................................................................................................................................... 3 PREFACE ............................................................................................................................................. 4 CHAPTER ONE – INTIMACY AND MDMA ................................................................................... 7 1.1 MDMA ......................................................................................................................................................... 8 1.1.1 Terminology: MDMA or ecstasy? ................................................................................................. 9 1.1.2 Approaches to understanding drug use ................................................................................ 10 2.1 SOCIAL EFFECTS OF MDMA USE ........................................................................................................... 17 3.1 INTIMACY ................................................................................................................................................... 22 3.1.1 Defining intimacy ............................................................................................................................ 23 3.1.2 A disclosing model of intimacy .................................................................................................. 24 3.1.3 A practices approach: ‘Doing’ intimacy ................................................................................ 27 4.1 THE EURO-NORTH AMERICAN CONTEXT FOR INTIMACY ................................................................. 31 4.1.1 Defining cultural context ............................................................................................................. 32 4.1.2 The ‘rules’ of intimacy ................................................................................................................... 34 4.1.3 Gender and intimacy ..................................................................................................................... 36 4.1.4 Sex and intimacy ............................................................................................................................. 37 5.1 THINKING ABOUT PRACTICES OF INTIMACY ON AND OFF MDMA .................................................. 39 CHAPTER 2 – A PSYCHOSOCIAL PROCESS ACCOUNT OF EXPERIENCE ........................ 41 2.1 Why a psychosocial process account? ....................................................................................... 42 2.1.1 The psychological context to people and their experiences: Two very different stories .............................................................................................................................................................. 42 2.1.2 How does a psychosocial process account encourage us to think? ........................... 47 2.1.3 A reframing of experience ........................................................................................................... 51 2.3 MIND AND BODY: TWO ATTRIBUTES OF THE SAME PROCESS .......................................................... 54 2.3.1 Our experiencing, meaning-making bodies ......................................................................... 57 2.4 BEING AFFECTED ...................................................................................................................................... 60 2.4.1 Defining feeling, emotion and affect ....................................................................................... 62 2.4.2 Relational patterns ........................................................................................................................ 64 2.5 A RELATIONAL UNDERSTANDING OF MATERIALITY ........................................................................... 69 2.5.1 Spatial affordances ........................................................................................................................ 70 2.5.2 Objects ................................................................................................................................................. 75 2.5.3 Materially mediated subjectivity ............................................................................................. 77 2.5.4 Affective atmospheres ................................................................................................................... 78 2.6 CONCLUSIONS ........................................................................................................................................... 80 CHAPTER THREE – METHODOLOGY ....................................................................................... 83 3.1 TALKING TO DRUG USERS ....................................................................................................................... 83 3.2 RESEARCH DESIGN ................................................................................................................................... 86 3.3 COUPLE INTERVIEWS ............................................................................................................................... 87 3.3.1 Visual methods: objects and timelines ................................................................................... 88 3.4 WRITING DIARIES ..................................................................................................................................... 91 3.4.1 Diary interviews .............................................................................................................................. 93 3.5 PARTICIPANT RECRUITMENT ................................................................................................................. 94 3.6 ETHICAL CONSIDERATIONS .................................................................................................................... 96 3.6.1 Confidentiality .................................................................................................................................. 97 3.6.2 Informed consent ............................................................................................................................ 97 3.6.3 Interviews ........................................................................................................................................... 99 3.6.4 Participant protection ................................................................................................................ 100 3.7 ANALYSING THE DATA THEMATICALLY ............................................................................................. 101 3.7.1 Making analytical decisions ..................................................................................................... 102 3.6.2 Step-by-step process .................................................................................................................... 107 CHAPTER FOUR – INSIDE THE BUBBLE: AN EMOTIONAL SAFE HAVEN .................... 112 4.1 ‘WE’RE JUST ON…THE EXACT SAME WAVELENGTH’: MOMENTS OF EMOTIONAL ATTUNEMENT ......................................................................................................................................................................... 113 4.2 DISCLOSURE: ‘YOU CAN [SAY] WHATEVER YOU WANT’ .................................................................. 124 4.2.1 Relationship disclosures ............................................................................................................. 126 4.2.3 Remembering together .............................................................................................................. 133 4.3 EMOTIONAL ERASURE: THE POWER OF COLLABORATIVE FORGETTING ..................................... 138 4.4 CONCLUSIONS ........................................................................................................................................ 145 CHAPTER 5 – SHIFTING BOUNDARIES, (UN)MOVING BODIES ..................................... 147 5.1 DEFINED BOUNDARIES AND PLAYFUL SUBJECTIVITIES .................................................................. 148 5.2 ‘GETTING YOUR BODY FLOWING’ IN MOTION: A WHOLE, EMBODIED SELF ................................... 160 5.3 MERGED SELVES: BECOMING ONE IN STILLNESS ............................................................................. 168 5.4 CONCLUSIONS ........................................................................................................................................ 176 CHAPTER 6 – ‘NEVER DROP WITHOUT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. THAT WAY LIES RUIN’: THE BOUNDARY WORK OF COUPLES WHO USE MDMA TOGETHER ............. 178 6.1 ASSEMBLING THE TEMPORAL BORDERS OF ‘SPECIAL’ MDMA SPACE-TIME ............................... 178 6.2 ELIMINATING AND ENCHANTING EVERYDAY LIFE: RITUALISED PRACTICES OF SEPARATION . 181 6.3 POLICING THE INTIMATE BORDERS OF MDMA SPACE-TIME: JUST