The Look Man Report 2010 Week Four: Kiss, kiss. Bang, bang “His college coaches at Arkansas told us that you'd have to shoot him to get him off of the practice field. That work attitude really convinced us that Felix was who we wanted.” – Dallas owner Jerry Jones regarding why they selected RB Felix Jones over Chris Johnson in the draft Week Four started to put things in perspective for the 2010 season. In an odd move, Minnesota, Dallas and KC had bye weeks, but the balance of the league labored on. The Colts lost to Jacksonville on a 59-yard last second field goal, dropping them to 2-2 and 0-2 in the AFC Souse. Cleveland got into the win column with a hard fought win over the Bengals. And the Baltimore Dumpster Ducks won at Blitzburgh for the first time in the Joe Flacco era. Chicago was who we thought they were, giving up a record ten sacks to a Jynts team that had looked punchless. New England pounded Miami with a second half special teams explosion. When the dust cleared, parity reigned, and the contenders were separated from the pretenders. Just as it takes 3-4 weeks for an offense to gel, it takes the same amount of time for teams to show their weaknesses. Teams with winning records that are one dimensional in the pass are pretenders. The same teams that have used the running game can still develop a passing game once the offensive line gels. But the biggest story of the week might be the personnel moves. The Shehawks acquired RB Marshawn Lynch to help their anemic attack. The Hornheads orchestrated a blockbuster trade to obtain Randy (The Chronic) Moss. The latter move could decide the fate of two teams; the Vikes get a deep threat to open up the running game for Adrian Peterson, while New England has decided to go with Wes Welker clones. Tailpipe Keith, a native New Englander, is concerned. “Right now all I see is Wes Welker getting hammered because they have no one to stretch the field or force double coverage deep. They are maximizing use of eleven personnel, which could have a chilling effect on the running game.” For you non-technical Tailpipes, “eleven personnel” refers to the number of backs and receivers in the offensive set. One running back, one tight end is eleven personnel. By extension, twenty-one personnel is two running backs, one tight end. You all know that empty or zero personnel is five wides of which Mike Martz is so fond. The Chowds are in flux to be sure, but the Look Man has seen Dr. Evil in action before. Based upon New England’s acquisition of Carolina’s 2nd rounder in 2011, they could package the 3rd rounder received for Moss to obtain WR Vincent Jackson from San Diego. As of the writing of this report, they were in discussions with San Diego to obtain 1 OT Logan Mankins. Either way, the Chowds can cruise into Week Seven when Jackson could bear fruit. Or they could simply use the picks in 2011 to get the best receivers available. The emergence of TEs Gronkowski and Hernandez, as well as WR Julian Edelman and RB Danny Woodhead has already made their offense pretty potent. They still need a deep threat to make it all click, and keep Tom (Zoolander) Brady perpendicular in the pocket. LAGNIAPPE CJ2K vs. Felix the Cat? Folks in Big D thought they had the “steal of the draft” when they selected the Cowboys selected Arkansas running back Felix Jones with the 22nd overall pick. Not only was Jones a much needed speed back to pair with Marion (the Predator) Barber, but the pick was a bonus received for allowing Cleveland to move up to take QB Brady Quinn (Medicine Woman). The celebration was mitigated last season, when the guy drafted by Tennessee with the 24th pick racked up 2,000 rushing yards and a stellar Pro Bowl season. Chris (CJ2K) Johnson earned his nickname and took the league by storm. CJ2K has 354 yards on 94 carries and 4 touchdowns in four games, corresponding with just 88 yards on 22 carries with no scores for Felix the Cat. Needless to say the Pokes are struggling with their running game, and the pick could go down as one of the biggest blunders in Pokes history. The two teams face each other on Sunday, making the timing of Jerry’s comments even more bizarre. To complicate matters, Vince Young returns to his native Texas, and the Flaming Thumbtacks want a pound of cow flesh. It’ll be interesting to see what Jerry has to say after the 4:15 game on Sunday. One has to wonder if he’ll eat filet mignon or crow. The One-eyed Man is King… Did you see the look on Eric Mangina’s face after the Browns’ 23-20 win over the Bengos? Mangina almost skipped onto the field, looking for someone to shake his hand. The irony is that Bengals coach Marvin Lewis seriously mismanaged the clock - - - again. Lewis used his timeouts around the three minute mark, so when Peyton Hillis galloped for 24 yards and stayed in bounds at the 2:40 mark, the game was effectively on ice. The Browns went into victory formation right after the two minute warning, flipping the rock to the zebras with 35 seconds remaining. There are some coaches that simply should never outcoach you. Eric Mangina is on that short list with Lovie Smith, Marvin Lewis and Norv Turner. Mangina just has the look of Pop N Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy. 2 ZEBRA OF THE WEEK Jerome (Captain) Bogermill – Bengals at Browns The Battle of Ohio is always a physical affair and this one was no different. The Look Man counted two roughing the passer calls and two unnecessary roughness calls that were questionable. Since when did the league throw PF flags in divisional games that determine playoff spots? One of the personal foul calls was on the dramatic TJ (Hospital) Ward – Jordan Shipley hit in the end zone. The hit gave the Bengos a first down and ultimately resulted in a TD. TJ (Hospital) Ward, the grandson of Burt Ward, an actor who played Robin on the Batman TV series in the 60s, was fined $15K for the hit on Shipley, twice what Ndamakong Suh paid for nearly ripping Jake Delhomme’s head off in the preseason. Check out the play in real time on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfoPYpC4pyY Pereira, Pariah let’s call the whole thing off… Former head zebra Mike (Pariah) Pereira has lost his marbles. Not only did he suggest that Browns safety TJ Ward be suspended for a bang-bang hit on Jordan Shipley, he now wants to make defensive pass interference a 15-yard penalty. Pariah couldn’t define penalties when he worked as head zebra for the league, and he certainly can’t now. Pariah’s other suggestion was to suspend Tennessee D-coordinator Chuck Cecil for giving the zebras “you’re number one!” signal on national TV. Cecil did accuse the zebras of betting on the games last season, but one year without pay is too much. The 40 large that he has to pay is penalty enough. As Eddie Murphy said in Beverly Hills Cop, “Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What's the fuckin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh? Jaywalking?” NFL, please don’t legislate the football out of football. And while you’re at it, how about fines for QBs who throw medicine balls to defenseless receivers? Carson Palmer and Boomer Esiason would be broke if that rule applied. Kiss, kiss. Bang, Bang. Note the ball still in the air… 3 And the winner is Mike Pereira, who isn’t really even a zebra; he just plays one on TV. Mike Pereira, you are the Look Man’s Zebra of the Week! THE LOOK AHEAD There are some intriguing matchups in Week Five. Please note the preponderance of seven point spreads. It doesn’t seem to track with how close these games should be. Among the Look Man’s favorites: KC at Indy (-7.5) It’s time to separate the contenders from the pretenders. While the Bears were pretenders who were using the pass to mask their shortcomings, KC is doing it the right way. They are running the football with Jamal Charles and Thomas (It’s Not Unusual) Jones. Matt Cassel is adequate and the Baby Backs defense is young and aggressive. Look for Peyton to attempt to take advantage of an inexperienced secondary, but D- Coordinator Romeo (Ralph Cramden) Crennel usually does a good job on the Sheriff. If you review his games against Indy with New England and Cleveland, they were low scoring affairs. The loss of the aptly named safety Melvin Bullitt hurts the Colts, especially with Bob Sanders out with his career ending injury d’annee. It’s crunch time for the Colts, especially with them being 0-2 in the AFC Souse and ticked off about last week’s heartbreaker in J-Ville. Indy’s not playing especially well, and they have injuries across the board. The Look Man wants to take a flyer on KC, but the league wants the Colts to win and bring the Baby Backs back to the pack in the AFC West. KC covers, but Indy takes it. Denver at Baltimore (-7) The Donkeys won a close, physical game last week at Tennessee.