Read Ebook {PDF EPUB} Vultures by Luke Tarzian Real Shit and Book Shit: An interview with Luke Tarzian. Did you hear Vultures is out in hardback? Yeah, well maybe you should buy it then! Links at the end of the interview. Real Shit and Book Shit with Luke Tarzian. In which I talk life and books with indie fantasy writer Luke Tarzian. CW: vulgarity, mental illness, and probably some inappropriate comments by Luke. This interview was conducted via Google Docs, and it was fun to see what Luke was typing, thinking he was finished, then I would start answering, then he would go off on another tear. If anyone reading wants to join me for the next one, I’m here for it! Dan: How’s your mental health these days? Luke: It’s absolutely all over the place; depends on the day, time of day, and whatever else is going on. I’ve been dealing with a lot of chaos externally on my end and having been more or less used as a rung on a ladder by someone I considered a close friend really hasn’t helped either. Dan: Fuck, that sucks ass. What keeps you from going off the deep end right this second? Luke: Whiskey and a hot bath. But also reflecting on how much I’ve worked to improve my character the last several months. Years, even. I wrote a train of thought essay a couple months back for the VULTURES book tour in which I basically acknowledged a lot of previous faults but also how I hadn’t realized just how badly my mom dying almost three years ago fucked me up. Dan: How much of that comes out in your writing? Is that where the darkness comes from? Or part of it, anyway? Or was it always there? Luke: I’ve always liked stories with a darker edge to them, but I’d be lying to myself if I said that my mother’s death didn’t have an impact on the way I write now. I went to therapy after she passed, was given meds for anxiety, depression, and OCD—and they’ve helped. But going through all of that sort of shifted my focus in terms of what I wanted to say with my writing. I wanted to tackle really touchy subjects like mental health because it’s something I’m familiar with and believe should not be stigmatized; it’s important to talk about it. I wanted to write about death and loss and grief because that’s what was familiar to me at that point. A lot of my focus to writing is based on the idea that the darker the story is, the stronger those small moments of hope and light are going to be. Dan: I totally agree. I’ve been lucky enough not to have been hit too hard with mental health troubles personally, but I lost my father to depression, and almost my sister, so I definitely want to talk about it, and I want your voice and all the other voices to be heard. Is writing dark fantasy cathartic in this respect? Like, do you feel better after locking down some super dark shit on the page, or does it not impact your mental well- being? Luke: Depression is definitely no joke. As far as the writing goes, I think it’s mostly cathartic for me, though sometimes I definitely need a break from writing about it. With my current WIPs, I had to step away and kind of slow down on the drafting because it was affecting me in a really not so fun way. Dan: Tell me how having twins fits into this equation. Like, when you’re sitting there watching your toddlers roll around on the floor is your mind being pulled toward this dark writing space or do you have like a riot shield keeping that shit separate? Or do they somehow pull you out of the dark place at times? Speaking as someone with 13 year old twins, I remember those days! Luke: They keep me floating. Without a doubt. I try to keep those spaces separate, but it can be a challenge at times. Dan: Generally speaking, when it comes to mental health, what pushes you toward the edge, and what pulls you back from the brink? Or is it totally unpredictable? Luke: That’s a tough one. I think a lot of what nudges me toward the edge is the feeling of invisibility or feeling like I’ve been taken for granted. My biggest fear is being alone, so obviously when people aren’t talking to me for whatever logical reason, my brain likes to play a really shitty game. Lately, meditation and ice cream and Netflix seem to have done the trick as far as keeping me centered. And listening to a lot of nonfiction audiobooks. I think this year alone I’ve listened to The Four Agreements six or seven times, plus a couple of other books by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son, and i just finished Neil Gaiman’s The View From the Cheap Seats and Russell Brand’s Revelation. There’s definitely something about listening to other people talk about their lives and struggles that makes it easier to examine yourself. Dan: That’s wild--I am just now getting into audiobooks a little but the thought of listening to the same one 7 times is mind-blowing. But I have been listening to literally the same album for the entire fucking pandemic, so maybe that’s a thing. Luke: It helped it’s only a few hours long. Dan: You mentioned meditation. Let’s talk about that a bit. I do yoga, but I really struggle with the meditation/mind-clearing aspect of it. When I’m there doing my stretches and poses, my brain does not want to stop, and it takes a good long while before I can get out of my thoughts. Should I be trying straight meditation, taking classes, that kind of thing? What does it bring you? Luke: Honestly, however people approach meditation or centering themselves or whatever is purely personal preference. I picked up meditation several years ago because it’s something my dad is super into. It’s something I look forward to, being able to turn off the lights, crawl under a weighted blanket, and turn on the YouTube channel I use. It definitely brings a feeling of relaxation, especially when you lean to focus on your breath. Obviously I’m still pretty new to it, but I’ve found it’s done wonders for me. Dan: I hear intrusive thoughts can be the worst part of mental illness, and I imagine meditation helps with that. I have your garden variety intrusions, but seldom to the extent I hear people talk about. Does meditation help curb those thoughts? Luke: I’ve found my intrusive thoughts don’t play by any rules—I don’t think anyone’s do. Mine tend to mostly be self-worth, feeling useless, and imposter syndrome as far as writing goes. I’m by no means suicidal, but having to listen to yourself tell you you’ve not done anything impressive is pretty shitty. Dan: I don’t imagine it will help, but when I first got on Twitter you were one of the writers I saw and thought, damn, I need to be more like that guy. There were a handful of indie authors who really impressed me--you, and Devin Madson, and Zack Argyle, and a few others. You just have this mojo that has always impressed me. Luke: Haha, immensely appreciated. Flattered even. I’ve always been a bit self-deprecating. Maybe it’s part of my charm, haha. I don’t know. It used to be a defense mechanism but it’s just sort of, uh. a part of my character, I guess. I write seriously dark shit, but I’m a huge whacko and I really make it a point to make new authors feel welcome in the community. Self-publishing is scary enough without the whole networking part. Dan: No doubt! Speaking of which, I have a really unfair question, but here it is: Sum up your feelings about self-publishing in less than a paragraph. (sorry!) Luke: Self-publishing is basically perfect if you want to have fun while also causing yourself pain. And I mean that in the best way. It’s a weird beast, publishing. Dan: I literally spit out my spicy cashews just now. Luke: Interactions with me should also come with a disclaimer. Nick over at Out of This World SFF can attest to that. Dan: Yeah Nick is super tolerant of your shenanigans. There are some well-known fantasy writers who started self-pub and went trad (KS Villoso and Devin Madson come to mind, and their books are freaking awesome). I don’t know how that process worked, and I’m sure it wasn’t this simple, but if Orbit or Tor called you and was like yo, we want to publish your next book, how would you react? Luke: Fuck, I don’t know, honestly. I think I’d have to consider it, sure, especially from a marketing perspective and the fact I really respect both houses, but on the flip side, I really like having creative control over my own product, and I like being able to tell my stories the way I feel works best. Dan: How much do you enjoy cover designing? It’s no secret you’re a beast at it.