DEADLINE ARTISTS AMERICAS GREATEST NEWSPAPER COLUMNS EDITED BY JOHN AVLON, JESSE ANGELO & ERROL LOUIS THE OVERLOOK PRESS NEW YORK, NY CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 13 I. WAR 17 Like a River of Steel It Flowed, Gray and Ghostlike-Richard Harding Davis -Neu/ Yod, Trilnme 18 The Chauffeurs of Madrid-Ernest Hemingway-New York Times 20 "Peace"-And the Crisis Begins-Dorothy Thompson-New York Herald Tribune 22 Jock Evans Was on Duty That Night-Robert]. Casey-Chicago Daily News 25 Pearl Harbor-Eleanor Roosevelt-United Features Syndicate 27 The God-Damned Infantry-Ernie Pyle-Scripps Howard 27 The Death of Captain Waskow-Ernie Pyle-Scripps Howard 29 D-Day: A Pure Miracle-Ernie Pyle-Scripps Howard 31 Dispatches from the End of the War-Orson Welles-New York Post 34 There Are No Young Guys Here-Pete Hamill-New York Post 35 To Root Against Your Country-Art Hoppe-San Francisco Chronicle 38 Obituary for South Vietnam-Peter It Kann-Wall Street Journal 39 Hallelujah-William F. Buckley Jr.-Universal Press Syndicate 43 Word of the Year: Freedom-William Safire-New York Times 45 Death Takes Hold Among the Living-Pete Hamill-New York Daily News 47 We'll Go Forward From This Moment-Leonard Pitts Jr.-Miami Herald 50 Boots on the Ground, Hearts on Their Sleeves-David Brooks-New York Times 52 A Village Waiting for Hape and Murder-Nicholas D. Kristof-New York Times 53 Farewell to Geronimo-Thomas L. Friedman-New York Times 55 II. POUTICS 57 What's the Matter with Kansas?-William Allen White-Emporia Gazette 58 Good Luck to the Anti-Bolshevists-Theodore Roosevelt-Kansas City Star 60 Gamalielese-H. L. Mencken-Baltimore Sun 62 Scopes Monkey Trial-H. L. Mencken-Baltimore Sun 64 There Is a Ship-Heywood Broun-New York World-Telegram 69 The Mad-I latter Loyalty Purge-Joseph and Stewart Alsop -New York Herald Tribune 70 Welch Defends One Friend and Finds He's Made Many-Mary McGrory -Washington Star 72 The Ninth Life-Murray Kempton-New York Post 74 8 DEADLINE ARTISTS A Day of Endless Fitness-Mary McGrory-Washington Star 76 Touring Dixie with LBJ-James Reston-New York Times 77 The Decisive Political Center-James Beston-New York Times 79 Are YouAgainst the Handicapped?-William F. Buckley Jr.-Universal Press Syndicate 8 I Nixon's Besignation-Charles McDowell-Richmond Tlmes-Dispatch 82 Being Spied On Has Benefits of Sorts-Jack Anderson-Washington Post 85 Reagan Shot: End of an Era?-David S. Broder-Washington Post 87 Slats Mistakes GOP for GOD-Mike Boyko-Chicago Tribune 88 The Soun'd of a Lapdog-George F. Will-Washington Post 90 Supreme Court Buzzword Guide-Michael Kinsley-Washington Post 92 When Clinton Talks, People Listen-and Vice Versa-Molly Ivins -Fort Worth Star-Telegram 94 No Guardrails-Daniel Henninger-Wall Street Journal 96 Pulp Nonfiction-Maureen Dowd-New York Times 98 Eastern Middle School-Thomas L. Friedman-New York Times 100 In Defense of the F-Word-Charles Krauthammer-Washington Post 101 Palin Problem-Kathleen Parker-Washington Post 103 Morning in America-Eugene Bobinson-Washington Post 104 National Greatness Agenda-David Brooks-New York Times 106 III. SPORTS 109 Casey at the Bat-Ernest Lawrence Thayer-San Francisco Examiner 111 The Four Horsemen-Grantland Rice-New York Herald Tribune 112 Louis Knocks Out Schmeling-Bob Considine-International News Service 116 Seabiscuit: The Gamest Thoroughbred-Grantland Rice-New York Tribune 117 "Iron Horse" Breaks-Shirley Povich-Washington Post 119 The Graziano-Zale Fight-Jimmy Cannon-New York Post 121 Death of a Bacehorse-W. C. Heinz-New York Sun 123 Miracle of Coogan's Bluff-Red Smith-New York Herald Tribune 125 Fisk's Home Bun in 12th Beats Beds-Peter Gammons-Boston Globe 127 Beggie Jackson's Three Homers-Red Smith-New York Times 129 Muhammad Ali-Jack Newfield-Village Voice 13 I A Slugger, Right from the First Tee-Jim Murray-Los Angeles Times 135 Webber College: Best Team You Never Saw-Mitch Albom--Detroit Free Press 13 7 Why Is Baseball So Much Better Than Football?-Thomas Boswell -Washington Post 141 Who Has Won and Who Has Lost?-Bob Greene-Chicago Tribune 148 For Timeless Player, It Was Time-Thomas Boswell-Washington Post 150 Her Blue Haven-Bill Plaschke-Los Angeles Times 152 9 Contents IV. HUMOR 160 The Danger of Lying in Bed-Mark Twain-The Buffalo Express 162 First Entries in the Devil's Dictionary-Ambrose Bierce-The Wasp 164 Reform Administration-Finley Peter Dunne-Chicago Post 165 Congress is Funniest When It's Serious-Will Rogers-New York Times 168 Tips on Horses-Ring Lardner-The New York World 170 Apology-Westbrook Pegler-Scripps Howard 171 Death Pays a Social Call-Damon Runyon-King Features 173 The Vertical Negro Plan-Harry Golden-Carolina Israelite 175 Political Poll in 1776-Art Buchwald-New YorkHerald Tribune 177 Nixon Goes to the Mountain-Art Buchwald-Washington Post 179 How to Cure a Hangover-Mike Royko-Chicago Daily News 180 Francs and Beans-Russell Baker-New York Times 182 How to Argue Effectively-Dave Barry-The Local Daily News 184 Spring Before Swine-Russell Baker-New York Times 186 How to Keep the IRS from Finding Out You're Lying-Dave Barry -Miami Herald 187 Pithy into the Wind-Dave Barry-Miami Herald 189 The Hellfire Club-Hunter S. Thompson-San Francisco Examiner 191 You're Never Too Young to Aim High-Carl Hiaasen-Miami Herald 193 I Ate Breakfast and Lived-Lewis Grizzard-Atlanta Journal-Constitution 195 Pardon My French-Tony Kornheiser-Washington Post 196 Why Not the Worst?-Gene Weingarten-Washington Post 198 v. CRIME 214 Chicago Gang War-Ernest Hemingway-The Toronto Star 215 Murder in the Worst Degree-Damon Runyon-International News Service 216 Waiting for Lepke-Walter Winchell-New York Daily Mirror 221 Marvin the Torch-Jimmy Breslin-New York Herald Tribune 224 Breslin to .44 Killer: Give Up Now!-Jimmy Breslin-New YorkDaily News 226 Head in a Box-Pete Dexter-Philadelphia Daily News 229 A Woman Burned While Police Had Their Danish-Murray Kempton-Newsday 230 Etiquette at a Crime Scene-Carl Hiaasen-Miami Herald 232 Lucy's Blue Light-Steve Lopez-Philadelphia Inquirer 233 Steak Tips to Die For-Mike Barnicle-Boston Globe 235 New Land, Sad Story-Mike Barnicle-Boston Globe 237 A Bullet's Impact-Mitch Alborn-Detroit Free Press 238 VI. CIVIL RIGHTS & CML LIBERTIES 248 The Destiny of Colored Americans-Fredrick Douglass-North Star 250 To an Anxious Friend-William Allen White-Emporia Gazette 252 10 DEADLINE ARTISTS A Fine Lesson for the Whole Nation-Heywood Broun -New York World-Telegram 252 Rcbellion in Connecticut-Dorothy Thompson-New York Herald Tribune 254 Thcre Ought to Be a Law-Langston Hughes-Chicago Defender 257 Free Speech Is Worth the Risk-I. F. Stone-I. F Stones Journal 259 The Wrong Man-Murray Kempton-New Y(JrkPost 261 Faubus and Little Rock: Scars Are for the Young-Max Lerner-New York Post 263 He Went All the Way-Murray Kempton-New York Post 265 A Flower for the Graves-Eugene Patterson-Atlanta Constitution 267 Marching to Montgomery-Jack Ncwfield-Village Voice 268 Are the Rioters Racists?-William F. Buckley Jr.-Universal Press Syndicate 273 Thc Power of Onc-Anna Quindlen-New York Times 275 Out of the Closet and Open to Legal Attack-Pete Dexter-Sacramento Bee 276 Strangling the NAACP-Carl T Rowan-Baltimore Sun 278 Coming Out Against Cultural Pollution-Stanley Crouch -New York Daily Nc'Ws 279 Living Proof of Immigration's Marvelousness-Cynthia Tucker-Atlanta Journal-Constitution 281 A Path Beyond Grievance-William Raspberry-Washington Post 282 VII. LOCAL VOICES 285 She Bids Farewell to New York-Margaret Fuller-New York Daily Tribune 286 The History of Our Late War-Fanny Fern-New Y(JrkLedger 287 Postscripts-C). Henry-Houston Post 288 Don Quixote and His Last Windmill-Ben Hecht-Chicago Daily News 290 About Ncw York-Meyer Bergcr-New York Times 292 Ah, San Francisco-Herb Caen-San Francisco Examiner 294 Picasso and the Cultural Rebirth of Chicago-Mike Royko-Chicago Sun-Times 296 A not-so-classic Christmas story about a not-so-silent day in Pershing Square -Jack Smith-Los Angeles Times 298 Lubbock: "Her Tceth Arc Stained, But Her Heart Is Pure"-Molly Ivins -Dallas Times-Herald 300 True Confessions-Steve Lopez-Philadelphia Inquirer 302 Moneylender Jasper Speciale Last of a Different Breed-John L. Smith -Las Vegas Review-Journal 304 A Sprig of Verbena and thc Gifts of a Great Teachcr-Kathleen Parker -Washington Post 306 VIII. HARD TIMES 308 Thc Death of Frankie Jerome-Westbrook Peglcr-United News Syndicate 309 Migration Workers Take Lots of Abuse-Woody Guthrie-Peollles Daily World 3/0 To First and Last Things-Waltcr Lippmann-New York Herald Tribune 311 11 Contents Death in Emergency Boom One-Jimmy Breslin-New York Herald Tribune 313 It's an Honor-J immy Breslin-New York Herald Tribune 318 Two Minutes to Midnight: The Very Last I-Iurrah-Pete Hamill-Village Voice 320 On Losing a Friend-John Leonard-New York Times 325 If You're Expecting One-liners-Jim Murray-Los Angeles Times 327 "Are YouJohn Lennon?"-Jimmy Breslin-New York Daily News 328 A Short Story About the Vietnam War Memorial-Molly Ivins -Dallas-Times Herald 330 A Fool's Errand-Bob Herbert-New York Times 332 His Delicious, Mansard-Roofed World-Peggy Noonan-Wall Street Journal 333 Open Letter to America-Chris Rose-New Orleans Times Picayune 340 IX. FAREWEllS 342 Mary White-William Allen White-Emporia Gazette 343 American Mussolini-\N'estbrook Pegler-Scripps Howard 346 Amelia Earhart-Walter Lippmann-New York Herald Tribune 348 FOR: A Great Man Passes By-Damon Bunyon-New York American 349 Babe Ruth: Game Called-Grantland Rice-North American Newspaper Alliance 352 The Ernest Hemingway I Knew-Jimmy Cannon-New York Post 354 There Was Only One Casey-Wells Twombly-San Francisco Examiner 356 Daley Embodied Chicago-Mike Royko-Chicago Sun-Times 359 John Wayne's True Grit-Mike Royko-Chicago Sun-Times 361 She Said Goodby with Charm-Jimmy Breslin-New York Daily News 363 King of Cool-Michael Kelly-Washington Post 364 Reagan: An Optimist's Legacy-George F.