National Library of Scotland mmmmii *6000481376* <» ’’ill?--'' THT* LAIRD OR LOGAN: ANECDOTES AND TALES ILLUSTRATIVE OT THE WIT AND HUMOUR OF SCOTLAND. GLASGOWDAVID ROBERTSON, AND BLACKIEBOOKSELLER * SON; OLIVER TO HER *MAJESTY, BOYD, EDINBURGH; LONGMAN & CO.,AND AND JAMES SIMPKIN, M'GLASHAN, MARSHALL, DUBLIN. A CO., LONDON; MDCCCLTIL •-V '^ A; 750^ . ’ HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE ALBERT, THIS COLLECTION SCOTTISH IV IT AND HUMOUR IT II PERMISSION, DEDICATED. S ROYAL HIGHNESS’ MOST DUTIFUL AND MOST OBEDIENT HUMBLE SERVANT, THE EDITOR PREFACE. In preparing- the present Volume for the press, great care has been taken to exclude every thing with which the public were previously acquainted; for, notwith- standing all the ingenious expedients of the culinary art, we fear our homely national apothegm will still hold true, that “ Cauld kail het again is aye pat-tasted,” which is equivalent to intimating in the English tongue, that no art of the cook can disguise a dish presented a second time at table. Such anecdotes and stories as have before appeared in type, obtained only a local currency; but the reception given to them in this neighbourhood, induced us to believe that the world would also acknowledge them to be the sterling mint- age of the brain, and would aid in giving them a wider circulation. No expression or allusion having the least tendency to offend correct morals has been admitted. Our object was to “ point a moral,” as well as to “ adorn a tale.” PREFACE. We should be guilty of great ingratitude, did we not acknowledge the assistance received from all quarters in the “ Land of Cakes,” without which we fear our pages would have wanted much of the racy humour which the public admits they possess. In particular do we owe our thanks to Dr. Andrew Crawfurd, Lochwinnoch, who furnished many of the anecdotes, and almost the whole Glossary, or “ Key to the Pas- sage.” The terms and illustrations with the initial X. are from his pen. The Editor. BEARINGS LAIRD’S LOG. Preface, Longitude.. Lat.iii A ConvenientLong. Jail,Ac to Ag.. Lat.231 Dedication,Biography of . v A ConsiderateConsultation, Doctor, . .269. 278 WilliamJohn Donald Motherwell, Carrick, xxviii. vii A CrapCritical for Elder, a’ Corns, . .447. 147 Andrew Henderson, xxxiv A DangerousDaft Bargain, Shot, . .. ..142 366 Long. Ab to Ac. Lat. A DeepDean Cutamong the Beggars, 320197 A Beautiful Island, . 39 A DeterminedDisconsolate Debater, Widow, . 444251 A Beggar’s Discharge, . 197 A DoctrinalDiscriminating Preacher, Eater, . 33 .A 365446 A Beggar’sBeggar's Bequest,Entry, . 45695 A Dog Tax, . .273 A BlackBroth ofSheep, a Boy, .. .257.174 A Drunkard’sDouble Discharge, Apology, . .. 449132 A CanvassingBute Toast, Cobbler,. ..371 25 A FamilyDry Rub Debt, . .144288 A Careful Walk, . .400 A FamilyFemale Likeness,Chancellor, . 267365 A Case ofSupposed, Distress, .... 27255 A Friendship worth Having, 211 A ChanceCautious Hit. Adviser, . .. .197. 398 A Friend inat Need,Table, .. 262275 A ChargeCheap Wife, of Homing, ... 25627 A Geographical Prayer,Politician, . 275115 A Clerical Antiquary,Cook, . .. 237465 A Glasgow Blow-Out,Civic, . .178. 415 A Collieshangie,Clerical Nurse, Anglice, . .Dog .465 A Good Natured Client,Civic, . 412101 A QuarrelConditional Prayer, . .116399 A GoodGoose Salesman, on the Wing, ... 36227 A Conjugal Hint,Mistake, . .119.334 A GreatGrave Noise Concern, and Little. Wool,.434 468 THE LAIRD’ A HighlandLong. Apology,Ah to Ad.. Lat.439 A Nautical Road Maker, A Highland Caution,Cabinetmaker, . 433110 A geance,New Edition with a Ve A Highland Chronometer,Charge, . 455437 A NoisyNew Light, Neighbour, A Highland Epitaph,Echo, .. 23840 A NoseNorthern with Socrates,a Warrant, A Highland Husband,Financier, .. .. 44451 A Paisley Toast,Pun, . A TradeHighland Member of the 09 A PeerlessPassing Remark,Country, A Highland Preference,Pledge, . ..113 48 A Physician’sPerpetual President, Apology, . A GHighland Servant and Sand- >ass 150 A PoliticalPoor Customer, Partisan, . A Highland Watchman,Voter, . 8929 A PracticalPoser, .... Joke, . A HighlandHint to Guards Wonder, to be. on . 257 A Precentor’sPractical Remark, Prayer, . A theirHint Guard,to Masters, . .. .123. 138 A ProfitablePress of Business, Servant, . A HorseHint to for the a Ship’sSelf-Righteous, Crew, . 267109 A Promise to Balance Ac A Jack Ketch in the North, 164 A Prospect of Relief, A KindredJeremy Diddler Spirit, Diddled,... 2198 A Prudent Advice, A Lady’s Reproof, . .291 A QualifiedPunch-Drinker Legal Practitione from Horn A Lawyer’sLame Bargain, Charity, ... 23530 A RealRailing Veteran, Accusation, A Left-HandedLawyer’s Postscript, Compliment, . .Ill 138 A Rough Passage, . A Legal Pursuer, . Ii7 A Royal Pun,Regiment, A LiberalLegal Pedant Offer, Nonplussed,. .47934 A ScotchSacrifice Advice, for Conscien . A LocalLogical Tide, Deduction, .... 28699 A Scotch Bankrupt,Answer, . A MarriageMan of Letters, Bell, . .238. 330 A Scotch Beggar, A Matter of Taste, . 196 A ScottishScotch Bull, Cesar attempting A MeetingMember of Friends,Session, . 288252 Cross the Rubicon, AMis-deal 205 A Scotch Hint,Coroner, . A Modern Oracle,Jezebel, . .480. 40 A Scotch Mason, . A Modified Entail, . 26 A Scotch Query,Nickname, . A NaturalMonkey’s Inference, Tale, . ..295 29 | A Self-taughtScottish Wager, Mason, . THE EAIRD’S LOG. Long. An 1 A Self-RighteousShaving Advice, Seceder, An IrishIrish Expositor,Exception, A ShiftShort beyondFall, . the last, An IrishIrish ReadingObjection, of the Riot A Shotts’Shot on Summer, the Wing, Act,Irish Survivorship, . A SliceSocial of Dog, Cold Tongue, AnAntibilious Irish Wonder, Soup, . A Thrasher,Tale for the Malthusians,. AttendingAs you were, a Funeral, . A VillageTractable Timepiece, Stilt, . AyeAuricular the Auld Translation, Scottish Kail A WetWell-timed Sunday Reproof, in the High- Brose, A Widow’sWholesale Wonder, Merchant, A WordWooden in Substitute,Season, . BauchleBalance ofLee, Evils, . A ZealousWord of AdvocateCaution, for the BeastsBearding of Burden,the Lion, . AboveKitchen, and Below, BeatingBefore Elders’ the Air, Hours, Adult Baptism, BeginningBeggars’ and at Baronets’the Wrong Bairas, End, AdvantagesAdvice to Heritors, of having a Farit BelowBeginning Proof, in Time,. •*sopAdvice Illustrated, from a High . Quarter Bell the Cat, . All the Honours, . BetterWagging, a Finger . a£f than aye An Accident Anticipated, Better a Wee Bush An AlarmingAccommodating Sight, Beggar, Better to Haud than to Draw An Ancient Glasgow Magis- Bills onPayable, Demand, . Antrate Angry Wife’s Advice, BirthBirds ofPlace a Feather, of Sir Isaac New An AptAudible Quotation, Witness, . Blank Verse, . An EconomicalEnraged Amateur, Preacher, . BookingBoard without at the Lodging,Paisley Coach An ExtensiveExciseman Manufactory, in Distress, Bound or Free, An 111Heir Habit, of Entail, . BrandyBread and Twist, Cheese, . BrevityBreaking in up Business, a Dinner Party, xlii THE LAIRD’S LOG. Long. Bn to Dog. Lat. Dog-English,Long. Dog to Ha. Burnssellers, and the Glasgow Book-2 60 Double Vision, DuncanDrawing Dhu, the Long . Bow, ' Cameron, William, alias Dunning Extraordinary,Dogs, CarringHawkie, for the-Ladies,. .14. 129 DustDunning and inDrought, the Highlands, CeltsChanged and Times,the Secession, . .257■ 222 Cheap way of Paying Fare, . 143 ChurchChemical Accommodation, Diatribes, . 46 .& 207445 Economy ofin theColours, Teeth, . Church Going, . .259 Enough is as good as a Feast, sSs Church Yard Queries and Entertainment for Men and Replies, Horses, . I Clerical Candour, . Epitaph in a Church Yard in Clerical Retort, Inverness-shire, . i ClothClerical Measure, Water Brash, . EveryJock, Body has his Bubbly Club Law, Every Man to his Trade, IS CockneysCoach Office from Queries, Home, .. F. CollectorColin Dulap, and Commission,. Facetious Chambermaid, CommercialColour versus Importance, Courage, . FaithFacts and Fiction,Works, . .130 CoquetingCourtesies Extraordinary,of the Table, FemaleFamily Debts,Astronomers, . CripplesCourting forare Cake great and boasters, Pudding, Ferrier,Female Generalship,Doctor, Criterionbreak your of Taste, leg and . try, Fighting Men, G. D. Glossary, orKeyto the Passage, 481 DeferenceDanger of Weaningto the Ladies, too Early, . 33360 GoodGoing Excuse and Coming, for a Bad Hat,. • 44530 DesideratumTable at a Breakfast. 101 Gravy before Meat, . 207 Determined Opposition, . 467 > H. DivisionDifficulty of of Labour, Raising the Wind,. 23625 Hard Arguments, . 454 Doctortical Cobbler,Chalmers and... the Deis- 97 Hawkie,eron, Memoir alias, William of, Cam-. 14 DoctrineDogged Resistance, and Practice, . 394466 Hawkiesistency, on Professional• ... Con- 393 THE LAIRD’S LOG. Long. Int Kawkiedesty, on Professional Mo- 35 InfantineIn the Key Shrewdness, of F Sharp, . Hawkie’sHawkieonTrialby Pledge, ... Juiy, . 3515 InIrish the Recognition, Nick of Time, Hawkie'sHawkie’s Polities,Retorts to ... the Police, 114 IrishIt’s an Right ill thow of Possession, (thaw) th Hawkie’sHeads or Tails,Vocation, . .. li1< comes frae the North, Hena that’s meddle scant wi’ o’ a win’ Chanter should ; Highlandor put the Accommodation, Pipes in the Pock, . 2.H Jock Mair and the Lawyers, 271 Highland Astronomers,Arithmetic, . 1 JohnnieJones, Captain, Coup the Creel,. ..242 18C Highland Banishment,Cure for Rheuma- . 4 Jottingsa Paisley from Manufacturer, the Journal of . 420 Highlandtism, Descent, Jedburgh Justice in Gorbals, 102 Highland Distinctions,Determination, . K. Highland Economy, Key to the Passage, or Glos- HighlandmanHighland Hospitality, end the G sary of Scottish Terms and Highland Medical Prescription Phrasestrated,