BELLA BELLA a play by Harvey Fierstein from the Words and Works of Bella Abzug 1 n/s BELLA On one historical night in September 1976, Bella Abzug hides out in the bathroom of Manhattan’s Summit Hotel as she awaits the results of her bid to become New York’s first ever woman senator. BELLA Known for her fearless career as a lawyer, protestor, and champion of gay rights, one of New York’s fiercest feminists must collect herself A PLAY BY as her friends, family, and constituents (including the likes of Gloria Steinem, Shirley MacLaine, and others) hold their breaths just outside the door. The clock is ticking and the world is ready—just BELLA BELLA — FIERSTEIN HARVEY FIERSTEIN as soon as Bella is. FROM THE WORDS AND WORKS OF “Fierstein’s incarnation feels as passionately determined as its subject. BELLA ABZUG …Fierstein captures [Bella’s] political savvy, her fierceness, political nous, and sense of fun, wit, and mischief.” —The Daily Beast “…a lively and deeply affectionate portrait of the hat-wearing, barrier- breaking 1970s liberal firebrand.” —Time Out New York “…Fierstein [is] an eternally captivating storyteller who sprinkles the fond salute with Yiddishisms, zingers and amusing aphorisms. …The solo show also serves quite transparently as a timely reminder of the wisdom of putting women in government.” —The Hollywood Reporter Also by Harvey Fierstein CASA VALENTINA DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE INC. DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC. BELLA BELLA Copyright © 2021, Harvey Fierstein All Rights Reserved BELLA BELLA is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America, and of all countries covered by the International Copyright Union (including the Dominion of Canada and the rest of the British Commonwealth), and of all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention, the Berne Convention, and of all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), or stored in any retrieval system in any way (electronic or mechanical) without written permission of the publisher. 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Permission for performances of copyrighted songs, arrangements or recordings mentioned in this Play is not included in our license agreement. The permission of the copyright owner(s) must be obtained for any such use. For any songs and/or recordings mentioned in the Play, other songs, arrangements, or recordings may be substituted provided permission from the copyright owner(s) of such songs, arrangements or recordings is obtained; or songs, arrangements or recordings in the public domain may be substituted. 2 BELLA BELLA was originally produced by the Manhattan Theatre Club (Lynne Meadow, Artistic Director; Barry Grove, Executive Producer) on October 1, 2019. It was directed by Kimberly Senior, the set design was by John Lee Beatty, the costume design was by Rita Ryack, the lighting design was by Tyler Micoleau, the sound design was by Jill BC Du Boff, the projection design was by Caite Hevner, and the production stage manager was Laura Smith. The cast was as follows: BELLA ABZUG ....................................................... Harvey Fierstein BELLA BELLA is being presented by special arrangement with the Estate of Bella Abzug (Liz Abzug and Eve Abzug, Executors). 3 CHARACTER BELLA ABZUG SETTING September 1976, 2 a.m. Bathroom of a guest room at the Summit Hotel on the east side of Manhattan. Just outside of that bathroom awaits: Martin Abzug, Bella’s husband Eve Abzug, eldest daughter Liz Abzug, younger daughter Mary Anne Krupsack, Lt. Governor Midge Costanza, supporter Harold Holzer, press secretary Shirley MacLaine Lily Tomlin Gloria Steinem Maggie Peyton Carol Bellamy Mim Kelbar, Bella’s best friend Joan Nixon, Bella’s driver Helene, Bella’s older sister Various aides, volunteers, and supporters 4 BELLA BELLA The curtain rises on a bathroom in a midtown Manhattan hotel in 1976. The white and powder-blue tiled room is strewn with luggage, campaign posters, and discarded clothing. Through the distortion of the shower door’s textured glass we see the silhouette of Bella, her famous hat perched on her head. Bella steps from behind the shower door and into the light. The actor is dressed simply in black. BELLA. (Addressing the audience.) Where the hell is Bella Abzug? She’s stashed away in the toilet of a guest room at the Summit Hotel on the Upper East Side of Manhattan in the middle of the night wearing nothing but her gotkes as she waits to be declared the first ever female senatorial candidate from the great state of New York. Where the hell else would I be? You’ve heard of backroom politics and bedroom politics? Welcome to bathroom politics. We rented the whole ballroom downstairs. You’d think maybe they could upgrade me to a suite? (Indicating the door.) And don’t ask what’s going on behind that door. Everyone I know, every nervous chalaria, is shoved into one hotel room. They’re camped out on the dresser, the floor, the desk, the radiator… And, inmiten derinen, my dear friend Shirley is strewn across the double bed wailing, “What’s taking so long?” She’s an actress. They get emotional. I told her, “This primary is a five-way race. Every vote is going to count. And those upstate districts always take forever to report. But relax. I have never entered a race I didn’t win. (Thinks again…) Eventually.” 5 It’s true. The first time I ran for reelection to the House, the Repub- licans gerrymandered my district. They blended mine with that of a long-time, well loved, liberal Democrat. They fixed it sixty percent his folks, forty percent mine. Not that they wanted him to win. But the poor putz had throat cancer. They figured he’d knock me out and then, when he got too sick to serve, they’d slip their own guy in. Yeah. Real big-boy backroom politics. When I discreetly mentioned his cancer to a few folks they attacked me for spreading false rumors. They got five doctors to swear the guy was perfectly healthy. They made that poor putz walk the entire district end to end. It was barbaric. Every reporter and editorial page called on me to drop out. Even the people who knew the truth thought I was cruel; running against a dying man. There was no winning. I lost two to one. But…a month later, when the guy died, they ran his widow against me and I got my seat back. See? It all worked out. She ditches her hat. God forbid I do anything the easy way. How many people get them- selves into a five-way primary? Shirley, the weeper out there, begged me not to do this. “Stay where you are until you’re ready.” “Ready for what?” “To be president.” Well, she’s not wrong. Not about being president. But most folks see a House seat like mine as an annuity. They hold on to them until they’re wheeled out in a box. But does that sound like me? I don’t think so. Not when there’s actual work to be done. In the House I’m one of four hundred and thirty-five with a staff of eighteen and just look what we were able to accomplish. But when I get to the Senate I’ll be one of only a hundred, with a 6 staff of nearly eighty… We can change the world! And, pursuant to my own preachings, I feel it’s time we have a woman in the Senate again. Too much to ask? One woman. My best friend Mim, who also happens to be my speechwriter, came up with a great ad for this campaign. Maybe you saw it: A photo of a hundred men staring up from the Senate floor and the caption reads, “A stag Senate is a Stag-nation.” So, I stayed out on the street shaking hands as late as I could.