Western Washington University Western CEDAR WWU Graduate School Collection WWU Graduate and Undergraduate Scholarship 2011 Sugar sandwiches K. Toole Western Washington University Follow this and additional works at: https://cedar.wwu.edu/wwuet Part of the Creative Writing Commons Recommended Citation Toole, K., "Sugar sandwiches" (2011). WWU Graduate School Collection. 101. https://cedar.wwu.edu/wwuet/101 This Masters Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the WWU Graduate and Undergraduate Scholarship at Western CEDAR. It has been accepted for inclusion in WWU Graduate School Collection by an authorized administrator of Western CEDAR. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Sugar Sandwiches By K. Toole Accepted in Partial Completion Of the Requirements for the Degree Master of Arts Moheb A. Ghali, Dean of the Graduate School ADVISORY COMMITTEE Chair, Ms. Kelly Magee Mr. Oliver De la Paz Dr. Brenda Miller MASTER’S THESIS In presenting this thesis in partial fulfillment of the requirements for a master’s degree at Western Washington University, I grant to Western Washington University the non- exclusive royalty-free right to archive, reproduce, distribute, and display the thesis in any and all forms, including electronic format, via any digital library mechanisms maintained by WWU. I represent and warrant that this is my original work, and does not infringe or violate any rights of others. I warrant that I have obtained written permissions from the owner of any third party copyrighted material included in these files. I acknowledge that I retain ownership rights to the copyright of this work, including but not limited to the right to use all or part of this work in future works, such as articles or books. Library users are granted permission for individual, research, and non-commercial reproduction of this work for educational purposes only. Any further digital posting of this document requires specific permission from the author. Any copying or publication of this thesis for commercial purposes, or for financial gain, is not allowed without my written permission. K. S. Toole February 2011 Sugar Sandwiches A Thesis Presented to The faculty of Western Washington University In partial Fulfillment Of the Requirements for the Degree Master of Arts By K. Toole February 2011 iv ABSTRACT Sugar Sandwiches is an excerpt from a larger body of work about the life story of a young girl named Katie. This portion covers three key days of both loss and gain. This story interrogates the mother/daughter, sibling relationship as it functions in the unorthodox situation of the drifter family of the 1970’s. It is about the bonds that enable Katie to survive this world. Set in small town Kansas, on a local carnival midway we see what choices mothers, daughters and sisters will make in life and in this piece specifically - when the family is not only observed by but also challenged by outsiders. This is not a family that thinks about doing, but because they must, they do. v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I’m very grateful for all the support and guidance I received from my remarkable creative writing thesis committee. This piece wouldn’t be as courageous as it is without the tireless support, patience, inspiration and encouragement of Kelly Magee, my committee chair. You are amazing. To Oliver de la Paz who was more than just a rocking boss but who also stepped in during the crunch to save the day. Brenda Miller who supports not just great stories but also the strong woman’s voice. This journey would not exist without my big sister Amy Ruth, my Grandma Alice and without the light of my life, my daughter. My thanks to my amazing friends along the road, from the mountain, to the spirits of the woods and for my tribe whose tireless faith brings me through the day. vi Table of Contents ABSTRACT ....................................................................................................................... iv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ................................................................................................ v Part I – Day One ................................................................................................................. 2 8:15 am - Beverly ............................................................................................................ 2 8:40 am - Katie .............................................................................................................. 11 Mid-afternoon. County Fair. ......................................................................................... 16 Part II – Day Two ............................................................................................................. 25 Mid-morning, County Fair ............................................................................................ 25 11:45 am ........................................................................................................................ 33 Noon .............................................................................................................................. 36 1:00 pm .......................................................................................................................... 39 11:45 pm ........................................................................................................................ 43 Part III – Day Three .......................................................................................................... 47 12:10 am ........................................................................................................................ 47 2:15 am .......................................................................................................................... 55 3:00 am - Beverly .......................................................................................................... 56 9:00 pm - Katie .............................................................................................................. 62 Part I – Day One 8:00 am, Garden City, Red Rose Motel. Room 4. June 1977. He is outside. 8:15 am - Beverly I can’t tell you what it’s like to love a man like Robert. I can’t tell you that his laugh, so rarely heard, makes me want to sing because it doesn’t. There’s nothing special about his smile, the cut of his blond hair or the wrinkles on his young face or even the way he fucks me. His eyes are pale blue and his body is tall and bony, even wiry. Even after long hours in the sun, he doesn’t tan. His hair is short, cut in a sharp angle and he shaves every day, no matter where we are. It is one of his rules. I love his hands. I’m not that interesting either. I’m like those women Gertrude Stein wrote about in Three Lives. That’s me. I work for a living. Anna was my mother’s name. The girls don’t understand. We all dream at night. I used to have real dreams, dreams about a life someplace. I wanted a house. I wanted to see the world. I don’t have them anymore. My hands are broken. “Wait for it girls.” I watch Katie press her nose into the carpet. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen this movie altogether. “I’m in all three of the crowd scenes.” “I’m watching, Mom,” Susan says. “What’s the name of it?” “Gunsmoke.” “Were you famous, Mom?” 2 “No.” Watching the cowboy gallop across the desert makes me thirsty. Thank God for the invention of early morning motel movie channels. “But I could have been.” I run my fingers down the long silver chain around my neck to the wrought silver spider on the end. My mother gave it to me - she discovered I had it when Katie was a year old. She sent a letter wanting to know how much I got for it. I think about the empty bottle in the car, our last one. “I want to be famous someday,” Susan says. “Your girls’ Daddy is famous, did you know that?” “Really?” Susan asks. “Do I look like him?” Kat rolls her good eye towards the ceiling. Katie’s eyes were crooked when she was born. The girls get that from their father - that and their mouths have too many teeth like his does. We had to pull out two of their baby teeth, each girl, so their mouths wouldn’t hurt. Straightening Susan’s hair with my fingers, I start to weave the lengths of hair together into a braid from her seat on the floor in between my knees. The television is a fifteen-incher, bolted onto the wide, short two-drawer dresser. I’m fairly certain the chest-of-drawers is also chained to the wall. “Yes really. He was the first guy to get shot off of a horse in the movie the Wild Bunch. He’s written some books too.” The Red Rose Inn in Garden City has pink carpet that was new when John Dillinger was passing through here. “Wait for it girls, I think this is it.” Peering over Susan’s head at the snowy screen of television without glasses is becoming a problem. Someday. I twist my head to look behind me and watch Kat pick up the receiver on the green telephone, the O shape of her mouth moves as she talks silently to the imaginary 3 person on the other end. She puts her fingers in the holes of the rotary dial and spins it. The cord that runs from the phone into the wall is gone. Robert needed it to tie something down in the engine of the car or the trunk or something. “Why don’t you come and see this?” We spent twelve dollars on this room, which is more than we’re allowed, but that cop was circling our car so closely we had to get inside. We had a bus before this, usually a campground or a place in the woods will do. When you have kids in a car, people notice. Adults alone and no one cares. Kat nods with a