i QUEER EVERYDAY LIFE, AESTHETICS, AND POSSIBILITIES WITHIN SPACES OF RETREAT by SARAH LINDSEY BECK BA, Humboldt StAte University, 2010 BA, University of New Mexico, 2012 MA, University of New Mexico, 2014 A dissertAtion submitted to the FAculty of the Graduate School of the University of Colorado in partiAl fulfillment of the requirement for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Department of CommunicAtion 2019 ii This thesis entitled: Queer Everyday Life, Aesthetics, and Possibilities Within Spaces of RetreAt written by SArah Lindsey Beck has been approved for the Department of CommunicAtion ______________________________ Peter Simonson ______________________________ LAurie Gries ______________________________ LisA Flores ______________________________ Ted Striphas ______________________________ EmmAnuel DAvid Date____________________ The final copy of this thesis has been examined by the signatories, and we Find that both the content and the form meet acceptAble presentAtion stAndards Of scholArly work in the above mentioned discipline IRB Protocol #18-0244. iii ABSTRACT Beck, SArah Lindsey (Ph.D.,CommunicAtion) Queer Everyday Life, Aesthetics, and Possibilities Within Spaces of RetreAt DissertAtion directed by Professors Peter Simonson and LAurie Gries This dissertAtion examines how queer communities use spaces of retreAt As a meAns of thriving and seeks to better understAnd how queer women, trans, and gender non-conforming folks engage with mundane, everyday existences. As a methodology I plAce rhetoricAl theorizing (specificAlly queer rhetoric, criticAl rhetoric, and neo-sophistic theorizing) into conversAtion with scholArship on queer worldmAking and on everyday life, with A particulAr on focus on the inventive potentiAl for building a better future. Additionally, I use rhetoricAl field methods, visual ethnography, and arts/practice-based field methods, all which demAnd that critics’ bodies embed themselves into the spaces of rhetoricAl action and invention And participate in the act of co- creAtion with their subjects. I engage with three unique yet interrelAted sites: A-Camp, a queer adult summer cAmp, the kitchens of queer women, trans, and gender non-conforming folks, and digitAl photographic Archives of everyday experiences. The first site, A-Camp, through a reprieve from the pressures of everyday responsibilities and hardships, offers an alternative model, I argue for more just and humAne everyday existences and enables participants to engage worldbuilding strategies. I forwArd the concept of utopic rehearsal—to describe the embodied enactment of a possible Alternative future as a meAns of addressing a current politicAl and sociAl moment—As a meAns of enabling participants to enact more just and humAne worlds. My engagement with queer kitchens Asks what possibilities arise when queer individuals embrace of domesticity and the everyday world. I propose an aesthetics of everyday life as a meAns of examining the productive potentiAl iv of homonormAtive enactments within domestic spaces. The final site, digitAl archives, examines the power that digitAl queer archives have in combating symbolic annihilation And contributing to feelings of representational belonging. I tAke a performAtive orientAtion to archival reseArch, by which entAils critics co-producing Archival mAteriAls alongside the communities they work with. I conclude that spaces of queer retreAt and everyday life cAn be an invaluable resource for building more humAne and compassionate worlds where individuals feel seen, valued, and exist comfortAbly within the sociAl world. v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I am indebted to mAny people who helped not only mAke the concept of this project possible, but who provided much needed support and guidance throughout the process. First, I would like to thank the community of queer women, trans, and gender non- binary/conforming folks who allowed me into their homes, mAde time for phone cAlls, and who Allowed me to share space with them at A-Camp. Without the vulnerability and generosity of these individuals, this project would not have been as successful. I am honored that they allowed their lives and experiences to be part of my work. Thank you to my advisors LAurie Gries and Pete Simonson. Both were unwAvering in their support And commitment to me and this project. They provided compassionate mentorship As I mAde my wAy through this endeAvor. I am especiAlly grateful for their patience, invaluable edits and feedback on countless drafts, pushing me intellectually, holding me accountAble, and believing in me, even when I found it hard to believe in myself. I am incredibly grateful and fortunate to have them as mentors on this journey. This dissertAtion Also would not have been possible without the support and guidance of my doctoral committee: LisA Flores, Ted Striphas, and EmmAnuel DAvid. Not only did they provide vitAl input during the process of writing this dissertAtion, the discussions and projects which originated in their seminars were fundamentAl to the development of this project. SpeciAl thanks to the friends I mAde during my time at CU Boulder, BlAke HAllinan, RebeccA Rice, NAthan Bedsole, and Elyse JAnish, who provided encouragement, support, humor, comradery, and accountAbility. I am extremely grateful that we were together on this intellectual excursion together. I would also like to thank Reslie Cortes, my first and only acAdemic life vi mAte, who began this journey with me during our time together in New Mexico, and who has provided compassion, support, and wisdom during over the lAst seven yeArs. My mom, JAn Beck, wAs essentiAl in my ability to complete this dissertAtion. She provided hours of emotional support (and cute animAl pictures) and never stopped believing in my ability to be successful in this endeAvor. My dad, Don Beck, sister Shannon Rock, and brother-in-lAw Nick Rock, also provided support, reAlity checks, And humor during this process. Finally, I would like to thank my cAt, and animAl familiAr, Sheldon. I couldn’t have asked for a better grad school cAt and his presence wAs life giving at mAny points over the lAst four yeArs. vii Table of Contents Introduction: Possibilities of Queer Spaces of RetreAt ................................................................... 1 Chapter One: TheoreticAl Assumptions and Commitments .......................................................... 14 Chapter Two: ReseArch Methods .................................................................................................. 35 Chapter Three: Utopic ReheArsAl: Embodying and ImAgining Possible Futures at A-Camp ....... 54 Chapter Four: Kitchens and a Queer Aesthetic of Everyday Life ................................................ 98 Chapter Five: Doing Archival Criticism: PerformAtive Approaches to Archives of Queer Ordinaries .................................................................................................................................... 139 Conclusion .................................................................................................................................. 167 References ................................................................................................................................... 182 Appendix A: Interview Guides ................................................................................................... 196 viii FIGURES Figure 1: The mAin A-Camp auditorium and performAnce areA feAturing banners stAting: “Be Right Here” and “Be ReAl Queer” ........................................................................................ 61 Figure 2: View of the OjAi, CA A-Camp grounds from the dining hall ....................................... 62 Figure 3: Community bulletin board at the 2019 cAmp ................................................................ 78 Figure 4: The A-Camp pool at the OjAi, CA locAtion ................................................................... 85 Figure 5: Trans, bisexual, and asexual flAgs hanging outside of a cAbin ...................................... 87 Figure 6: Picture of my first kitchen pulled from my FAcebook page .......................................... 99 Figure 7: Picture of my first kitchen pulled from my FAcebook page .......................................... 99 Figure 8: Sliced grapefruit on the counter of my first Denver apartment ................................... 100 Figure 9: A photo of my kitchen tAble tAken from my InstAgram account. The text accompanying this photo stAted, "I have zero motivation to leAve the kitchen tAble and join the reAl world todAy." ................................................................................................................................. 100 Figure 10: My current kitchen not long after I moved in. ......................................................... 102 Figure 11: Photo of refrigerator tAken during fieldwork ............................................................ 119 Figure 12: Photo of refrigerator tAken during fieldwork ............................................................ 120 Figure 13: “Protect Trans Kids” postcArd hanging on refrigerator ............................................. 121 Figure 14: Vegan cookbooks hanging on a kitchen wAll encountered during fieldwork ........... 122 Figure 15: Interview participant cutting their partner’s hair in the kitchen ................................ 123 Figure 16: An interview participant stAnding in her kitchen ...................................................... 123 Figure