Editorials- February 5,1998 Creatures of the night emerge during Winter term Fourteen wellness classes, a half) before you snuggle under your with unfettered freshmanesque de­ Since nighttime is not usually than in a bed. stomach virus, and many a Seinfeld comforter for your usual 14 hours light at my narrow escape from the time that most food service or Your sleeping hdbits are rerun later, I am pleased to report of sleep? Do you consider break­ homework. commerce centers are open to the screwed up enough by the odd hours that I survived my very first Winter fast to be the Pantry dog you ate Nights during Winter term, on insomniac masses (Walmart, Su­ you are keeping, so why not screw term at Elon. While mercifully right after watching “Buffy the the other hand, saw me at the Waffle per Kmart and the aforementioned up your lumbar by sleeping on blessed with a 1:30 class, I did not Vampire Slayer?” These are the House almost every evening, Waffle House being the notable somebody else's couch. A prereq­ emerge from the experience com­ first signs of the develop- crammed into a narrow exceptions), one must find a way to uisite to owning a Playstation seems pletely unscathed. On the contrary, booth with fellow hungry amuse themself in the wee hours of to be a previous ownership of a I picked up a nasty habit which Carrie Lancos nightcrawlers who were the morning. In these desperate ridiculously comfortable couch. progressed to an addiction; namely Opinions Editor salivating heavily for a situations, the dormmate with the Should you find yourself far from a tendency to stay up too late which, [email protected] bacon, egg and cheese sophisticated piece of machinery your loft with the first rays of dawn when combined with the numerous sandwich and a piece of on top of their television can be­ peeping in through the blinds, you idle nighttime hours of Winter term, ment of entirely nocturnal raisin toast. Granted, be­ come the only salvation of the avid might as well take up residence on metamorphosized into a full-blown habits. It goes beyond coming as regular a fix­ nocturnalist. that person's couch. You have case of nocturnalism. merely sleeping until 2 p.m. ture at such a bastion of While a Nintendo 64, a Sega watched them play Tomb Raider 2 How can you tell if you are on weekends; rather it be­ fine dining as the Waffle Genesis or Saturn, or even an ar­ all night, after all. suffering from nocturnalism? Judge comes a case of an inability to func­ House as my sleepless associates chaic Nintendo system (provided it 5) You have learned all the yourself against one of the chronic tion in a normal human manner and myself did this winter does has Super Mario Brothers 3) can subtle nuances of television's more sufferers, of course! Naturally, little unless the sun is nowhere to be have its disadvantages. provide vital minutes of entertain­ obnoxious infomercials. old philanthropist me has a easy- found. The distressing plumpness ment, nothing is a better diversion This would be the terminal to-follow guide to the symptoms of 2) A late night outing to thearound the midsection and corre­ than a sweet Sony Playstation. You phase of the nocturnalism disease. this common collegiate malady; an Wajfle House is no longer an expe­ sponding leanness of the wallet would be surprised at the size of the If you are no longer watching illness which has risen to near epi­ rience, but a way o f life. notwithstanding, by the time Feb­ slack-jawed crowd you can draw infomercials for their farcical value demic proportions in the wake of During the fall semester, I ruary rolls around, you do get fairly while innocently playing a heated and find them to be even the slight­ our uneventful January. would view the occasional voyage green at the sight of yet another game of NHL'98. The only down­ est bit entertaining, then either pro­ 1) Your body is now operatingto the Waffle House to be a sort of butter-smothered waffle the size of side to becoming a an observer of fessional help or simply curling up on Tokyo time. naughty pleasure. At 2 a.m., per­ a hubcap sitting placidly in front of other people's video games is the in the fetal position and sleeping Is it dark when you get out of haps in the midst of studying for a you. question of sleeping arrangements, for a while would be advisable. the shower in the “morning?” Do test or writing some ungodly paper, 3) You have first-hand experi­which brings us to the next symp­ Sleep well, fellow creatures of you wave hello to Mr. Sun (who I would sneak off to partake in hash ence with the. time vacuum that is tom: the night, and good luck if you have you haven’t seen in a week and a browns and sweet tea, snickering the Sony Playstation. 4) You sleep better on a couch an 8 o'clock this semester. Wrestling makes Monday night too sweeeeeeet! How do you spend your Mon­ Championship Wrestling) has result, has been fined $50,000 and day nights? Ifyour answer is study­ within itself a renegade group called has been arrested twice, scream­ ing hard so you can achieve the the nWo (New World Order). ing, “Attica, Attica!” on his way to most out of college and go on to Founded by the Outsiders, Scott the pokey. The only thing Kevin have a fruitful, profitable future, Hall and Kevin Nash, and led by Nash does that I question is sport you’re lying. I know the girls on “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan, the nWo the occasional fanny-pack, but my hair spend it with the whole has made it their mission to create who’s gonna tell a man that size he gang from Melrose Place and Ally a new wrestling industry and de­ can’t wear a fanny pack? Case McBeal. Where are the guys you stroy WCW. Heading the fight closed. ask? In their testosterone filled against the n Wo are the likes of The We haven ’ t forgotten about our mudhole watching WCW Monday Giant, Lex Luger, “Diamond” Dal­ readers who are still stuck in high Nitro, by God. las Page, and the Dark Warrior, school and have Ah, yes, Nitro, The pinnacle Sting. There are several grudges brought with them of sports entertainment as we know between other wrestlers and their teen angst issues. it. I used to have to hide in my room You know, the whole and watch it with the sound down Ethan Pell My-Life-Sucks-So- Scott Hall (left) and Kevin Nash are in your face live every because if anyone knew how I spent Guest Columnist r 11-Pout-About-It- Monday night on WCW Monday Nitro my Monday nights, I’d be the laugh­ [email protected] And-Listen-To-Hor- ingstock of my high school. The rible-Music syndrome. ever since Ted Turner bought them scary than that is the fact that it was only thing I was embarrassed about groups, but WCW vs. nWo For those “non-con­ out. The only thing saving WWF is followed with a horde of Moun­ was the fact that I knew how cheesy seems to overshadow everything formists,” WCW of­ “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, a walk­ taineers responding with a hearty the acting was and how ridiculous else. fers Raven, a man whose rules are ing, talking southern cliche with a “Yeeeaaaahhh!” People know this the gimmicks were. Those days are Still have any doubts? Reason no rules and fights some of the can of whoop-ass for every person stuff. long since gone. In the past three number one to check out Nitro is most brutal matches you’ll ever who comes within five feet of him. If you’d like to check it out for years, wrestling has Kevin Nash. The man is a seven see. He had a pretty kick ass eye­ I’d skip the WWF altogether and yourself, the time listing on this metamorphosized into a male soap foot beast that can work a micro­ brow ring, but that got ripped out in stick with WCW if I were you. We page should help you. In the mean­ opera. Think about it, there are phone like no other and back up his amatch against the “Canadian Crip- all love Stone Cold, but even he time, train, say your prayers, style good guys, bad guys, stuff in the ring. He’s currently in pler” Chris Benoit. You have to be can’t entertain me for two hours a and profile, oooohhhhh yeah, and doublecrossing, plots, friendships, an angle in which WCW banned cool if you wrestle in an indie rock week. nWo 4 life. feuds.... sound familiar? It’s every his JackKnife PowerBomb maneu­ t-shirt and a flannel wrapped around There is no shame in wrestling WCW Monday Nitro episode of Beverly Hills 90210 ver because he seriously injured your waist.... quoth the journalist, anymore. I went to a football game 8-11 p.m. on TNT (Channel 16) since its days with Shannon The Giant. WCW has decided the “nevermore.” at Appalachian State University and WWSF "Raw is War*' and Doherty. move is too dangerous. Since then, The WWF (World Wrestling their mascot looked at the crowd "Warzone” In the world of WCW this is however, Nash has refused to quit Federation) is still around, but all and threw up the hand signal for the 9-11 p.m.