Walter Mencken’s SD ON THE QT Almost factual news No City for Old Men Go! Go! Go! Now Stop! Sexy Septuagenarian Spokesman Slams Hugely Popular Sleepy San Diego, Slips Speedily South- Motivational Semi- ward for Spanish-Sobriquet Suds. nar at Valley View CITY STAFF RAISES Most Interesting Man in the World: Casino Center EDITION “I don’t often Sends Thousands In Max, John Cusack find myself in into Highly Moti- played an art dealer San Diego, vated Traffic Jam, who gained a measure of but when I notoriety for Scores Injured in befriending young, artistically do, I prefer Resultant Pileups frustrated Adolf Hitler. .” San Diego Risk Tijuana “Joe Montana told me Management to keep driving, no director Greg “The zoo? Why would I go see a tiger I Bych gained wasn’t allowed to wrestle?” matter what!” “This part wasn’t covered in the bullet points.” a $16,000 pay raise for help- ing push the Living Like Kings of Old? retiree health care overhaul. On Will & Grace, City Council Votes to Replace City Megan Mullally Operations Building with Fictional Castle played Karen Walker, Skeletor and his minions send a small a wildly “As long as we’re wishing…” wealthy woman with no sympa- fraction of it back to us. It’s a no-brainer, thy for others’ suffering. JUST OUTSIDE THE NAZI-BUNKER- in my point of view.” San Diego STYLE CITY OPERATIONS BUILDING, But councilman David Alvarez voted chief financial DOWNTOWN — In response to gover- against the measure, noting that “the officer Mary nor Jerry Brown’s exceedingly generous vast majority of Grayskull’s magic has Lewis offer to allow redevelopment projects been targeted toward the support of lazy picked up an extra that are already “under way” to continue Prince Adam and his even lazier twin sis- $30,000 a despite his plan to eliminate urban rede- ter, Princess Adora. I can’t help but notice year during a salary freeze and velopment funding in general, the San the $300,000 set aside for the grooming budget crisis. Diego City Council recently approved of Adam’s cowardly tiger, Cringer. King a $4 billion wish list of projects they Randor and Queen Marlena hardly need deemed worth pursuing. Most notable this kind of public backing for the care and Joe Nem- mer had a among these was the $500 million plan feeding of their precious little boy. And small role in to replace the current City Operations all the while, poorer communities” — like Bad Lieuten- Building with Castle Grayskull from He- those that Alvarez represents — “receive ant: Port of Call: New Man and the Masters of the Universe. little of Grayskull’s magic. No heroic Orleans, a film “Redevelopment has proved to be a blonde warriors in leather harnesses and about a corrupt, addicted, and possibly crazy officer of the law. powerful source of magical energy for loincloths have been seen in Barrio Logan San Diego San Diego, one that has made our city lately, that’s for sure.” San Diego the envy of all Eternia,” said council As if on cue, He-Man suddenly burst chief operat- president Tony Young, whose district into the council chambers astride his ing officer Jay Reader includes the public baths owned by He- mighty Battle Cat, astonishing all those Goldstone explained Man’s boon companion, Duncan the present. Brandishing the Power Sword 2011 March 17, that the raises Man-At-Arms. that was developed using funds from last were neces- Councilman Todd Gloria agreed. “We 2008’s Proposition P, he proclaimed, “I sary because Bych and Lewis can establish the source of the Power of have the power!” before lopping off Alva- were doing extra work critical to financial reform initiatives. Grayskull here in San Diego or we can rez’s head and revealing him to have been 11 City Operations Building, before and after send it to Snake Mountain and hope that Beast-Man all along. 0011.indd11.indd 1111 33/14/11/14/11 77:56:56 PPMM.