SWAMI SHIVADANANDA Treat Everyone with Honour and Forbear : Holy Mother SWAMI SHIVADANANDA s we meditate on Holy Mother Radhu’s mother, was quarreling with a ‘low- Sarada Devi’s life and message, we caste’ woman at Jayrambati. Mother noticed Afind that every step she had taken this and said: It is not good to get locked in a was for our well-being so that we may duel of words. If you throw stones at advance on the path of attaining peace. This somebody, you too will be greeted with was the responsibility Sri Ramakrishna put brickbats. on her shoulder for our welfare. We hear the echo of this priceless Holy Mother didn’t say anything which teaching in Swami Vivekananda’s she herself had not practised in her life. All declaration after his phenomenal success at her message had become transparent and the Parliament of Religions. The conquest of very much alive in her extraordinary life. Chicago earned him many friends in The words she spoke always dripped from America. At the same time it created some her lips as nectar that soothed the suffering foes who had become exceedingly jealous of souls. Her words gave peace and solace and his triumph which threatened their narrow were never ejected like an arrowhead to self-interest and petty dogmas. These pierce the heart of others. opponents included, on the one hand, Pratap She was extremely soft-spoken. On Mazoomdar, the Brahmo leader from hearing someone using harsh words to Calcutta, and some self-seeking Christian Surabala (the wife of her youngest brother) missionaries, on the other. They joined at Jayrambati, Mother said: What’s that! forces to spread various canards and vicious Should one say something in a manner that remarks against him. This concerted drive to hurts another person? Even if it is truth it malign him was not confined to America, should be said sweetly and softly. Rudeness such remarks were being circulated in India in speech makes one’s nature unmannerly. also. Consequently, Alasinga Perumal, When the sense of decency goes, one is not Swamiji’s devout disciple, wrote a letter to ashamed of blurting out anything that comes Swamiji requesting him passionately to to mind. Sri Ramakrishna used to say, ‘If refute the false allegations levelled against one wants to ask a person how he has him. become lame, one should ask, “How your leg has got twisted?”’ Swamiji’s response In our day-to-day social life we often In reply Swami Vivekananda wrote to find that we get involved in squabbles over Alasinga more or less to this effect: Tell my even a small incident. Once Surabala, friends that my only answer to those, who 12 Bulletin of the Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture December 2018 TREAT EVERYONE WITH HONOUR AND FORBEAR : HOLY MOTHER are vilifying me, is to keep absolute mum. If with them which he couldn’t be. In this I hurl stones at them as they have done to context we should also remember Holy me, I become in no way different from Mother’s warning that it is not good to get them—in that case I drag myself down to entangled in verbal duel. their level. Please tell my friends that truth triumphs in the long run. They do not have Forbearance to quarrel with anyone for my sake. The question is: Who can keep away Why did Swamiji say this? The reason is from senseless wrangling? He, who has the that bandying of words with others is no power to forbear. Holy Mother Sarada Devi good. It disturbs mental tranquillity so much used to say that one should have forbearance that one loses mental balance and the power like the Earth. It is being tyrannized in all of judgement. sorts of ways, nevertheless it bears all Swami Ranganathananda, while outrage silently. Likewise, man has to have interpreting the verses of the Gità, has this virtue of forbearance because he has to compared the agitated mind with a fierce live with others in society. To live peacefully storm that covers the sky with dust. In such with others we need the power of adjustment dust-storm nothing is visible. But as the which again requires forbearance. storm subsides, everything becomes visible Forbearance is absolutely necessary. That is once again. Likewise, nothing should be said why Mother says that there is no virtue like and done in a state of frenzy. If one does, forbearance. there is every possibility that he will commit Once Holy Mother came to know about some mistake. What is the way out then? We a bitter quarrel between Nalini, her niece, should allow the mind to be calm. When the and Subasini Devi, a sister-in-law. In a letter agitation dies down, we are able to take the she reminded, possibly Subasini, that ‘At right decision and act nicely. times one has to put up with everything— Swami Brahmananda, the first President even one has to offer flowers at the feet of a of the Ramakrishna Order, therefore advised goat, depending on a situation!’ a monk not to post a letter the latter had Let us give an example from Holy written hurriedly to teach a lesson to Mother’s life itself. She herself has narrated someone with whom he was angry. He said: this incident that had taken place when she Whenever you will feel tempted to write came to Dakshineswar for the fourth time. someone a strong letter, keep the letter under She said: My mother, Lakshmi, I, and some your pillow for two or three days; don’t post others had come to Dakshineswar after it rightaway. Then you will find the fire of offering a promised sacrifice of hair and your rage is no more active and then you nails to Lord Shiva at Tarakeswar. Since my yourself will feel that it was wise on your brother Prasanna accompanied us, we had part not to post the letter; and then you will first gone to his residence in Calcutta. Next either not post it at all, or change the morning we came to Dakshineswar. But no language of the letter. This will save you sooner had we arrived there than Hriday from being repentant afterwards. started showing disrespect to them saying, It was precisely out of this consideration ‘Why have they come here? What for? What that Swamiji wrote Alasinga that if he threw do you want?’ and so on. My mother stones at his revilers, he would be on a par (Shyamasundari Devi) and Hriday belonged Bulletin of the Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture December 2018 13 SWAMI SHIVADANANDA to the same village—Sihore. That was why that not only she could put up with everyone Hriday paid no respect to my mother. in this world, but also accepted all without Mother kept mum. She only said, ‘Let us go distinctions to be her own—not just back to our village (Jayrambati). In whose toleration, but wholehearted acceptance by custody should I keep my daughter here?’ paying due respect to each and everyone. Thakur observed everything from beginning This paying a premium on everyone’s self- to end, but didn’t say anything for fear of esteem and forbearance went hand in hand Hriday. in her life. That is why she would say: Shortly after this tragic drama Holy Whatever you want to do, listen to others’ Mother left Dakshineswar with a heavy suggestions at the same time. Give them a heart, for she couldn’t spend even a day little freedom of opinion and action and there! But in spite of this agony, neither was watch them from a distance so that the work she displeased with her husband, nor her doesn’t get spoiled. Give everyone the compassionate nature allowed her to curse satisfaction of having some say in matter of Hriday, Sri Ramakrishna’s nephew. Only work and you yourself maintain a low-key before leaving Dakshineswar, she profile, watching everything from a unburdened her anguish to goddess distance. Bhavatàrini saying mentally—‘Mother, I This is a very practical lesson, not only shall come again only if You bring me.’ for the householders but also for those who It is true that if God, the real Doer and have to get along with many people. Controller of everything, removes one who Let us give an example. Once Sarada has taken shelter in Him, one who knows Devi had to send some customary gifts to the none but God as the true Protector, to whom house of Radhu’s father-in-law. But there will she make her earnest prayer except God was a problem because Mother feared that Himself? Nalini, another niece of her, would Consider now what we do in such a invariably create a trouble and make an issue situation. We accuse one another. Prior to of this proposal as she had a perpetual marriage, parents are the last refuge of a enmity with Surabala, the crazy mother of woman. She shares her joy and sorrow, good Radhu. Both were jealous of one another. To and bad things with them. And after avoid a hitch, Holy Mother approached marriage, her last prop is her husband. And Nalini and sought her considered opinion in we find Hriday mercilessly trying to deprive this matter. This unexpected honour pleased her of that support! What did Mother do Nalini so much that she forgot all old here? She didn’t depend on any human enmities with Surabala. She checked being. Depending entirely on God, she took seriously the list of items Mother wanted to everything in her stride and forbore silently.