‘Baltimore – my Balmer’ … Vol. I Do you remember? … by Larry Collins You think being called "hon" by waitresses, cashiers, bank tellers, and complete strangers is perfectly normal. You watched local TV shows: Duckpins for Dollars, The Collegians, Pinbusters, Buddy Deane Show, Romper Room, and Hutzler's Theatre. You also saw Stu Kerr star as Bozo the Clown and Professor Cool for the kids, then host "Dialing for Dollars" for the stay-at-home moms, and later fill-in as the weather man (complete with cloud and sun magnets) on the 6 o'clock news. (Don't forget Rhea and JP, no Doppler then)! Your mother always knew the daily "count and the amount" on Dialing for Dollars. You know how to pronounce Towson and Ellicott City , and always notice ads where the announcers get it wrong. We had milk home-delivered by Green Spring, Sealtest, and Cloverland ...... but somehow Cloverland was the only who claimed to be "the dairy with cows". Oh yeah, you can probably sing their number too (NOrth 9-2222) Going for a Sunday drive to get ice cream at Murrays, Sanders (The Dam Place ), or at Cloverland Dairy Farm on Dulaney Valley Rd. If you didn't have a car, there was always a walk to the Arundel or High's. Or you could just stay home and wait for the bells of the Good Humor Man’ When somebody gave their phone number prefix such as CLearwater, VAlley, IDlewood or DRexel HAmilton you knew right where they were from. You've been on Sunday drives through "Droodle" Park’, and watched the submarine races at Loch Raven or Lake Montebello You remember late night "Mister Ray's Hair Weave" commercials. “Let me put that hair on your head!” You found yourself cheering for the guys who added "hon" to the Welcome to Baltimore sign on the BW Parkway , especially after the Mayor got upset and staked out the sign to catch them. You remember the nitwit who crashed the plane into the upper deck of Memorial Stadium. You remember when now trendy Canton was a true blue-collar neighborhood of small factories, a can company, waterfront oyster and vegetable packing houses, seed companies, tug boat piers, filthy harbor water, and a few greasy-spoon restaurants. In the early 70s the neighborhood had about eight square blocks of its homes demolished to make way for an interstate to connect 95 and 83. The interstate never happened, but there are ramps for it on I-95 to this day. You love to see the Domino Sugar sign reflecting across the harbor. You'll always remember a cheer-leading fan Wild Bill Hagy in Section 34, from the 70s. You remember when Towson U. was Towson State Teachers College in Towson , 4 Maryland . All the big downtown theaters were as cool as the Senator is now. You remember when the Baltimore Civic Center was home to The Baltimore Bullets, The Baltimore Blast, The Baltimore Clippers, rock concerts, car shows, horse shows, civil- service exams, circuses, ice shows, and graduations. (I do – I used to run the place.) You remember the wonderful spicy cinnamon smell of McCormick's on Light Street. You've marveled as the three-wheeled motor cops shifted both sides of 33rd Street to the "one-way" pattern to get all the traffic in and out of Orioles and Colts games in record time / every time. Try that one on Pratt St ! You remember cutting school to go to the Flower Mart and Opening Day or THS. You remember Greenmount Cemetery as a place you could actually visit, or drive past, without taking your life in your hands. You know where ' Downey Ocean ' is, and remember where the "Irish House" was. You remember the old rivalries of Poly vs. City and Loyola vs. Calvert Hall were played out every Thanksgiving Day at Memorial Stadium. You still cheer for the Orioles even when they aren't doing well, and root for anyone playing the Yankees or Colts. There'll never be even the slightest hint of forgiveness for Bob Irsay, and Mayflower Movers might as well move themselves to Indiana for all the business I'll ever give them. Everybody knows what a 'zink' and 'payment' are, and just how important it is to "warsh them marble stoops." You yell out "O" during the Star Spangled Banner. You remember urban renewal, the riots of 68, and burn-baby-burn. And no matter where you are, you can only laugh when you see signs saying ' Maryland Crab Cakes!' Even during all the years of no pro football team in Baltimore , you couldn't bring yourself to be a Redskins Fan. You say ' Blare Road ' for Belair Road You understand the inner and outer loops of the beltway, and don't understand why they need signs up to point out which is which. You remember Rolf Hertzgaard, Frank Luber, Royal Parker, Jim Mustard, Mike Hambrick, Ron Smith, Jerry Turner, and Al Sanders on the tube. How bout Rhea & JP and Miss Nancy? Sportscasters Chuck Thompson – “Ain't the beer cold!” & Vince Bagli @ WBAL-TV – and writer Charlie Eckman was "the" coach. There was Kirby Scott, Johnny Dark, Jack Edwards on WCAO, Jay Grason and Galen Fromm on WBAL, Lee Case on WCBM, Mike March, Johnny Walker (1948 – 2004) and The Flying Dutchman on WFBR, and Joe Buccheri on a variety of Classic Rock (WKTK) stations ....to name but a few. Don't forget Chop Chop Fisher & Fat Daddy on WWIN... You remember the strange mixture of Oprah Winfrey and Richard Sher on WJZ's morning show. You were confused for a few years after they swapped one-way directions on Lombard and Pratt Streets. You've been to a prom at the "Alcazar", and probably danced to the Admirals. You refer to Catonsville Community College as UCLA ( University of Catonsville Left of Arbutus) You remember Mayor Schaefer swimming with the seals at the National Aquarium, and whining about it ever since. You marvel at all the city bumper stickers; Baltimore 's Best / Baltimore is Best, Charm City , The City That Reads, and Believe! You remember Marty Bass with hair, and a leisure suit, trying to explain his way out of soliciting an undercover cop. (" I was just trying to get into her head") You know when to stay off the JFX. The Great Dantini (by Leonard Bahr – ’74) used to perform and hang at the Peabody Book Stube. You miss the RCA dog … ‘Nipper’. The ladies room and then the 'IRSAY' room at Johnny Unitas Golden Arm You swore Frank Perdue kinda looked like one of his tender chickens. The new candelabra TV tower on television hill was the tallest thing on the planet .... at the time. You know which bridge they're talking about when someone says, 'The bridge traffic is backed up.' You actually admire someone named "Boog" You remember the Gwynn Oak, Carlin's, and Bay Shore Amusement Parks .. You know where to park for the Preakness. The cheapest guy in town had an ideal location to watch fireworks. You love to hear Arty Donovan explain anything. Taking TV tubes to Read’s to be tested. Friendship rings for a buck at Read's (always carried an extra in my wallet) Sundays (after church) centered around the Colt Game Taking the NO. 10 from Towson to Howard Street - and then downtown – ‘NIRVANNA’ You got a parking ticket (or towed away) while in court for a parking ticket in the old traffic court at 211 E Madison St . You don't think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name. They SAY: bullets, Sheppard-Pratt, police, Germany, Italy, Europe, BelAir, hundred, alley, good one(as in:"Have a good one!") Druid Hill and the Orioles. In Balamerese you HEAR bu-wits, sha-pert prat, pu-weis, Germ-nee, It-lee, Yorpe, Blair, hunnert, al-wee, and goo-win(as in:"Have a goo-win!") droodle and oreos. The Hunt Cup - there's a race there, too? And, the Bromo Seltzer Tower - CARS My first car – a 1960 Mercury TURNPIKE CRUISER Convertible Mine was white with red, black and silver rolled and pleated leather. What a pimp-out ride … and what a feeling of independence! Billy Friend’s ’57 Chevy convertible – ‘tropical turquoise’ blue and white – it was awesome. Danny Merritt’s VW bug … Jerry’s ‘killer’ Chevelle SS 396 in blue. GTO’s (GOT’s), 442’s, 64 Volvo’s, TR3’s, Healy’s, Rick’s XKE, and Tommy’s ‘bug-eye’ Sprite and Monte’s red ‘55 Chevy pick-up … You could only buy a Volvo from Michaelson Motors on Reisterstown Rd , ‘the best place to become a Chevrolet ownah was at York and Bellona’, Johnnys on Harford Rd was the "Walking Mans Friend", Granny Packer was on Blair Road in Oberlee, and "Hey, Hey Fox Chevrolet" was just as annoying then as the car ads these days. Don't forget Doug Griffith's Corvettes on Harford Road. RESTAURANTS – FOOD You've had the monster "Powerhouse" burger at one of four Ameche's Drive-ins, long before there was a McDonald's in sight. You could "Meetcha at Ameche's!" at Loch Raven & Taylor, 5800 Reisterstown Rd , 7700 Wise Ave , or Ritchie Hywy & 5th in Glen Burnie. The perfect meal: an Ameche’s Cheerleader, onion rings and an orange drink. “People would ride around to see who was at Ameche’s. They they’d pull to the cement island where 20 or so parking bays were flanked by hanging menus and place an order for a Powerhouse with its special sauce and onion rings.