Sigma Phi flame Sigma Phi NUMBER 132 • DECEMBER 2018 flameflamefflameConvention 2018 in Madison: 110th Chapter Anniversary Yields Valuable 'Sig Pearls' pages 10-18 DECEMBER 2018 | 1 Sigma Phi flame Disagreements, Debates and Our Dictate by Christy Lambden, T’11, 2027 Committee Chair [email protected] One of the Currently, we are facing a have been hidden from brothers most singular difference in opinion about the who disagree with the actions, and frustrat- membership direction our Society and stakeholders have felt ing aspects should take. Many undergraduate uncomfortable in sharing their of my members believe that women views for fear of being labeled continued should play a greater role in our and/or being unheard. A debate involvement Society. The tenor of this debate premised on insults, secrets, and in Sigma Phi involves the dis- has varied, changed, and chal- fear-mongering will never result agreements that inevitably arise lenged friendships as well as the in a healthy outcome. There between brothers. The beauty of foundations of our brotherhood. seems a conscious decision by all any organization - including our In my view, the unfortunate of us discussion participants to brotherhood - is the richness of reality is that the greatest chal- not challenge, change, or correct different people, different view- lenge to our Society is not the the tone of this discussion, even points and different opinions. when we see it going awry. The issue isn’t limited to the In this ongoing matter, I know Thrice Illustrious, of course. I have failed to live up to the So- Instead, not knowing how to “In emotional ciety’s Charge to its members. I disagree in a civilized manner discourse, there’s real am doubling down in an effort to extends well beyond the bounds improve and foster relationships risk we lose sight of Sigma Phi. Politics likely pro- with those brothers whom I love vides the best (most incendiary?) of the duties we owe but don’t see eye-to-eye with. example, perhaps. It’s fair to say each other.” Perhaps instead of being a that many sides don’t understand frustrating part of involvement or want to understand opponent with Sigma Phi, this debate motivations or rationale, and instead represents an opportuni- inevitably slip into trading barbs result of the debate, but the ty: an opportunity to have open, and insults. Fear of such caustic nature and tone of having upfront, and challenging conver- interactions has occasionally kept the debate. In that emotional sations with those who share the me from expressing different discourse, there’s real risk that same Charge about living their viewpoints and embracing dis- we lose sight of the duties that lives in pursuit of FLT. It poses cussion. I suspect this is so for we owe each other. Through- an opportunity to learn and grow many brothers. out the course of the debate, from others, instead of being But…did you know that this brothers have felt silenced for angry and taking disagreements goes directly against the Charge sharing opposing views, have personally. that each and every one of us been labeled as “immoral,” and promised to live up to? “morally inferior.” Many activities 2 | Sigma Phi flame Sigma Phi SPEF Pilots Successful Leadership Academy by Jack Romaine, L’90, President, Sigma Phi Educational Foundation [email protected] Wow, I am really excited about this! Society leaders keep asking ourselves how we can remain relevant as a fraternal organization in the 21st century and contribute more to the undergraduate experience and to our host institutions. In my view, what follows represents a major step toward that important goal! In September at the 2018 Con- him to Madison to implement the What follows is a high level vention in Madison, we piloted our training. look at the curriculum plan by day: Leadership Academy with great suc- At the conclusion of the cess. The Academy, to be formally program, we collected feedback Day 1 - Building Community & launched in 2019, will be called from both the undergraduates and Friendship: Understanding the the Howard/Jenkins Leadership from Dr. Kunstman. In fact, Dr. value of creating a community of Academy, named for two esteemed Kunstman made a presentation to friendship in order to become former Chairmen, Cal Howard, S’54 the SPEF Board during the afternoon more effective leaders. and Jim Jenkins, S’58. Both men business meeting. The feedback was cared deeply about Sigma Phi. Both positive and the decision was made Day 2 - Living Our Truth and were accomplished leaders. to move forward with the larger Truth: Understanding our value Our fall pilot in Madison was half leadership workshop. Dr. Kunstman as an individual and how we a day for 19 participating under- has agreed to return to teach the influence others’ truths. graduates. The curriculum was a first full program and SPEF has Day 3 - Leading with Love & condensed version of the full cur- begun the planning for the 2019 Compassion: Understanding riculum developed specifically for program. that leadership requires love Sigma Phi by Dr. Bobby Kunstman, Sounds good, you might think, and compassion in order to Director of Student Life and Lead- but what is the Leadership Academy? create change. ership at the University of North The program is designed to be a five Carolina. While Dr. Kunstman isn’t day intensive seminar held at or near Day 4 – Leading through Relation- a Sig, his expertise in leadership one of our host institutions in the ships & Friendships: Understanding training and development suited early summer - ideally after classes, the value of building relationships him ideally to present this workshop but before internships. Funding in order to be effective leaders. to our young men. Along the way, permitting, we would like to include Day 5 - Living Our Values: he received ample background in- three undergraduates from each of Friendship, Love, & Truth: formation and excellent input from our active chapters every year. Our Understanding we can achieve Christy Lambden, T’11. desire is to target sophomores and great things when we live our Dr. Kunstman was kind enough juniors so the benefits of the training values of friendship, love, and truth. to donate his time to our pilot and will be spread to chapter members SPEF covered his travel costs to get not in attendance. (continued on page 5) DECEMBER 2018 | 3 Sigma Phi flame back up a boat trailer, split wood, make a The Vital and Enduring Role fire and cook for 15. He demonstrated unequaled generosity of spirit that would of Pledge Fathers at Sigma Phi become a benchmark for the rest of my life. Today I am an uncle to his children by Bill Cohen, F'90 [email protected] and essentially a part of the family. Later, joining Sigma Phi as a graduate student gave me the greatest opportu- Southern Vermont, 1987. I was a brand beginning of my friendship with my first nity to pay back the gift I had received new ski patroller shoveling ice away from “big brother”, Rich. from Rich. Over the years, I would a ski lift tower on a trail called “Freefall” I always wanted an older brother. Not become an older brother to a handful when skiers riding above began franti- one who was competitive, but one who of young men…just as Rich had to me. cally yelling at me that a skier had just could teach me all the things I needed to rocketed off trail below. I found the skier know in the world. When I moved from wrapped around a tree, critically injured. the beaches of San Diego to the snow "At Sigma Phi, the pledge His only chance for survival was going covered mountains of Vermont, it was a to require more experienced hands than culture shock. It was exhausting, but ski son/father process is an integral mine. My radio call might have sounded patrolling was both rewarding and reg- part of membership. It requires panicked; I asked for ALL the equipment. imented: dawn starts, ski/work all day, the buy-in of both pledge son and Paramedics soon arrived and went to coupla beers after work, home for dinner work. The good news? That young man and early to bed. Repeat six days a week. pledge father. That buy-in fosters lived and did ski again. And I learned I loved it. a special relationship within the that I had a long way to go as a ski When Rich joined the patrol he was whole of the Society." patroller. nearly ten years older than I, was a solid Throughout that emergency, the pa- skier, and had a boisterous personality tient’s ski buddy stood in dread nearby. that filled the room. He tended to gravi- Because of the response of my experi- tate toward the underdogs and took me At Sigma Phi, the pledge son/father enced colleagues, he was inspired to join under his wing. We all had such a great process is an integral part of mem- our ski patrol the next year. Although I time living the ski life. Rich taught me bership. It requires the buy-in of both didn’t know it yet, 1988 would mark the to mountain bike, waterski, snowmobile, pledge son and pledge father. That buy- in fosters a special relationship within the whole of the Society. It doesn’t always “take”, but - when it does - it can become one of the most important relationships of a pledge’s life. The first goal of being a pledge father is to be a role model for a younger person. Modeling gentlemanly behavior helps the pledge to understand that joining our Society comes with responsi- bilities.