Research Report DFE-RR018 Relationship difficulties and help-seeking behaviour Secondary analysis of an existing data-set Josephine Ramm, Lester Coleman1 , Fiona Glenn and Penny Mansfield 1 Dr Lester Coleman, Head of Research at One Plus One, is the corresponding author – [email protected] Relationship difficulties and help-seeking behaviour Secondary analysis of an existing data-set FINAL REPORT Josephine Ramm, Lester Coleman1, Fiona Glenn and Penny Mansfield One Plus One June 2010 This research report was written before the new UK Government took office on 11 May 2010. As a result the content may not reflect current Government policy and may make reference to the Department for Children, Schools and Families (DCSF) which has now been replaced by the Department for Education (DFE). The views expressed in this report are the authors’ and do not necessarily reflect those of the Department for Education. 1 Dr Lester Coleman, Head of Research at One Plus One, is the corresponding author – [email protected] 2 Contents Executive Summary Chapter 1. Introduction & methodology 1.1 Introduction 1.2 Research questions 1.3 Sampling and methods 1.4 Research findings 1.5 Research limitations Chapter 2. Relationship difficulties 2.1 Introduction 2.2 Results 2.2.1 Types of difficulties raised by participants 2.2.2 Underlying issues 2.2.3 Consequences of relationship difficulties 2.2.4 Variation by gender 2.3 Conclusion 2.3.1 Summary of findings 2.3.2 Discussion Chapter 3. What factors help a relationship endure? 3.1 Introduction 3.2 Results 3.2.1 What makes a relationship endure? 3.2.2 What makes my relationship endure? 3.2.3 Variation by gender 3.3 Conclusion 3.3.1 Summary of findings 3.3.2 Discussion Chapter 4. Exploration of relationship attitudes and beliefs 4.1 Introduction 4.2 Results 4.2.1 ‘...it’s not right’ 4.2.2 ‘...it’s probably just average’ 4.2.3 ‘We’re completely happy’ 4.2.4 ‘...we will get through it’ 4.2.5 ‘...solid, but it’s one which we’ve worked at’ 4.3 Conclusion 4.3.1 Discussion: ‘Developmental’ and ‘non-developmental’ relationship beliefs 3 Chapter 5. Relationship improvement behaviour 5.1 Introduction 5.2 Results 5.2.1 Relationship improvement and help-seeking behaviour 5.2.2 Attitudes to relationship improvement and help-seeking 5.2.3 Variation by gender 5.3 Conclusion 5.3.1 Summary of findings 5.3.2 Discussion: The influence of ‘developmental’ and ‘non-developmental’ relationship beliefs upon support seeking and relationship improvement behaviour Chapter 6. Conclusions and implications for policy and practice 6.1 Introduction 6.2 Summary of findings 6.2.1 Chapter 2. Relationship difficulties 6.2.2 Chapter 3. Factors that help relationships to endure 6.2.3 Chapter 4. Relationship attitudes and beliefs 6.2.4 Chapter 5. Relationship improvement behaviour 6.3 Implications for policy and practice References Appendices 4 Relationship difficulties and help-seeking behaviour Executive summary Couple relationship breakdown is prevalent in today’s society. To illustrate, it is currently estimated that 45% of marriages will end in divorce1. Other relationships, including cohabiting unions are more fragile2. Research has shown that couple relationship breakdown is associated with detrimental impacts on both the individuals in a relationship as well as any children present3. This impact upon individuals has not declined, despite the increasing occurrence of relationship breakdown4-6. Preventing relationship breakdown by strengthening a couple’s relationship has profound benefits for adult and child well-being, and the parenting ability of the couple7-12. As such, understanding how to support and strengthen families is an important area for research, policy and practice. It is important to note that there is convincing evidence to suggest that damaged relationships can be repaired, improved and prevented from breaking down13-16 . This report outlines findings from the secondary analysis of a dataset derived from interviews with individuals who were in long-term relationships. The data were generated from 112 individual interviews and eight focus group discussions (comprising 64 individuals). Given the nature of the purposively selected sample (with selection criteria including gender, age, relationship status, relationship duration, children, socio-economic group, education, ethnicity and area of residence) there is no reason to suspect the sample are atypical of the wider population of individuals within couple relationships. The chapters of the report outline findings in a number of areas including relationship difficulties; factors which help a relationship endure; attitudes and beliefs about relationships; and relationship improvement and help-seeking behaviour. Although the data were generated some seven to eight years ago, comparisons with both older and more contemporary studies suggest that the difficulties encountered by couples have remained relatively stable over the previous generation3,17-19. The report focuses on learning about the best ways to prevent relationship problems, overcome relationship difficulties and reduce the likelihood of relationship breakdown. The findings from this study make a valuable contribution towards our understanding of relationship difficulties and how relationships can be strengthened. Research questions The four main research questions, as represented through the four main findings chapters, are as follows: x When do relationship difficulties occur and what are the consequences? x What do people think helps their relationships to endure? x What attitudes and beliefs do people hold about their relationships? x How do people try and improve their relationships? A key strength of the research is that it is based on a large and demographically representative dataset, which explores the experiences of participants in ongoing relationships in rich detail, and offers the opportunity for an ecologically valid insight into the processes which occur in relationships. The qualitative nature of the study is particularly important, as people are speaking from their everyday reality and meanings. Any strategies 5 for improvement in, or strengthening of, relationships are more likely to succeed if they can address or are rooted in these real-life accounts. Key findings Relationship Difficulties 1. The main difficulties reported by interviewees were in relation to the transition to parenthood and the challenges of raising children; finance; health and well-being; the influences of in-laws, family and friends; and infidelity. Relationship difficulties were most frequently reported during the transition to parenthood. Problems during this transition included difficulties associated with conception through to dealing with older children. 2. Two key underlying issues were evident in many of the participants’ accounts of their relationship difficulties. These issues were the unequal balance of control in a relationship and poor communication. 3. An increase in emotional distance between a couple was sometimes the consequence of relationship difficulties. Some participants reported that they had experienced periods of doubt about remaining in their relationship. Some of the reported consequences illustrate the process of relationship breakdown21. In contrast, some reported that by working through their relationship problems they had become closer to their partner. Factors that help relationships endure 1. The most frequently reported factors that participants considered would help any relationship to work were being in a relationship with the ‘right person’, putting work into a relationship, communicating well, and having trust in a partner. 2. The most valued aspects of the participants’ relationships were closeness, independence, having children, and support. Feeling close to a partner involved understanding a partner and being understood, sharing a sense of humour and laughing together, and having a friendship with a partner. Having independence from a partner was valued by many participants. Independence allowed people to maintain personal friendships, spend time away from their partner and further their own interests. It also included respecting a partner’s individuality. Participants found that it was important to balance independent activities with time spent as a couple and as part of a family. 3. The participants believed that their relationships had been strengthened by good communication, living through and sharing difficult life events, spending time together, having compatible personalities, and learning about and understanding their partner. 4. People observed that over time there were changes in themselves, their partner and their relationship. Some participants recalled that they had a greater understanding of their partner, had become more mature over time, and that their attitude to their relationship had changed. These factors had sometimes altered their attitude and behaviour towards a partner in a positive way. 6 Relationship attitudes and beliefs 1. Participants perceived their relationships in many different ways. Five groups emerged from the analysis, representing the range of perceptions: ‘...it’s not right’; ‘...it’s probably just average’; ‘We’re completely happy’; ‘...we will get through it’; and ‘…solid, but it’s one which we’ve worked at’. 2. Each group was associated, to differing extents, with a variety of different themes which emerged through the data analysis. The themes concerned factors such as relationship satisfaction, conflict, the development of their