CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE EL TRÓPICO DE CÁNCER A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Arts in Chicana/o Studies, By Nathan A. Lopez May, 2012 The thesis of Nathan A. Lopez is approved: Mary Pardo, Ph.D. Date Jorge Garcia, Ph.D. Date Margarita Nieto, Ph.D., Chair Date California State University, Northridge ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I am the product of a community that has gone to various lengths to guide me throughout life. It goes without saying that I am eternally grateful for their time, support and the lessons taught. This thesis is as much a product of their work as it is my own. I would like to thank Committee members, Dr. Mary Pardo and Dr. Jorge Garcia, for taking the time to read this narrative and for their insight which helped shape this work. To Dr. Margarita Nieto, I can never thank you enough. For your support, friendship and mentorship during the difficult writing and personal periods. I hope I can continue to make you proud. To Mrs. Mary J. Berman, for expecting me to arrive at this point when I was merely a seventh grader. To Richard Lohman, for being more than a teacher – a friend and a brother. To my aunts, uncles and extended family (blood relatives or not), thank you for unconditional support. To my siblings and cousins, for inspiring me, and being the family we continue to be. To my parents, for placing expectations on me that you knew were always within my reach. To my dad, for teaching me to be a man and a person. To my mom, for setting me straight and forcing me to enroll for classes when I wanted to give up on school. To Ashley, for being the partner you promised to be. Thank you for putting up with me during this process. iii Table of Contents Signature Page ii Acknowledgement iii Abstract iv Introduction 1 Chapter 1: The Passenger 16 Chapter 2: Summer Madness 30 Chapter 3: Todos Santos 41 Chapter 4: Promises 62 Chapter 5: Untitled 84 References 99 iv ABSTRACT EL TRÓPICO DE CÁNCER By Nathan A. Lopez Master of Arts in Chicana/o Studies This thesis explores the influences and values that formed my identity. My identity is based on experiences stemming from my family’s Oaxacan-Mexican background and the fact that I was born, raised and educated in the United States. The dynamic conflicts between the two worlds I navigate on a daily basis have created a quagmire of experiences. On one side, my parents’ culture, values, traditions and customs, and the restrictions American life and society places on them. On the other lies the influence of American life, consumption of media and to some extent, the restrictions placed on it by my family. Furthermore, depression, anxiety and emotional disconnect that have been created or magnified due, in part, to these conflicts. These factors intertwine daily and forge my identity. As I arrived at the decision to write about these experiences, I was influenced by the writings of Octavio Paz, Richard Rodriguez, Roland Barthes and Terry Eagleton. v Their writings and insights on culture, and the deconstruction of culture, have allowed me to look at myself through a different lens. These readings have framed my exploration by addressing: the duality of my identity, the meaning of signs and the influence of the media I consume. vi Introduction The Mexican band Café Tacuba’s song “Trópico de Cáncer” inspires the title of this thesis. The song tells the story of an indigenous engineer, Salvador.1 He is told that through his work he can lead his people towards the future and into modernity. According to his superiors, modernization is an inevitability that his people must deal with, and through Salvador they will find their way. Salvador disagrees. He views his job, in this case oil refinery2, as destructive to the world and the environment. By the end of the song Salvador decides to leave his job as an engineer, despite protests from his superiors, because he cannot let his people down. In order to save them, he must be with them. Salvador realizes that the notions of modernity are only suited for those who can benefit from it directly. Through his education and profession, Salvador is forced to choose between his heritage and the notions of modernity. This is the situation I have found myself in. Caught between two worlds and forced to choose between the two. My family originates from a small village, Villa Diaz Ordaz, in the southern Mexican state of Oaxaca. The impact of culture is felt everyday. Culture defines the state. Over 20 dialects of Zapotec, Mixtec, Mixe and Spanish (to name a few) are spoken everyday in the various regions of the state. I was born in the United States, a child of two immigrants, raised to believe that the United States was the best place for me to live and attend school. Since my father believed in the value of work, and because child labor is illegal, attending school became 1 Can also be translated and interpreted as savior. 2 This job is significant because of the role oil played in Mexico’s economy, which was thought would help lead Mexico out of the “third-world.” 1 my job. Becoming an American was expected, yet it never felt comfortable. Though I was never asked to choose between the two explicitly, it has felt as if I am required to do so. Language, money and education have in some way dichotomized my way of thinking. Unfortunately, there are times when this way of thinking values one way of life over another. My parent’s life has informed much of what I know and how I perceive the world. Their life stories have given me a road map of sorts in which I can begin to find out for myself who I think I am. Much of what I write is written from the point-of-view of a male, twenty-six year old. How I refer to each parent is based on my feelings towards him or her during that particular story. My mother, Marina, is referred to as mom. Her husband, Ignacio, is either referred to as father, the distant authoritarian, or dad, the caring parent who did his best to spend time with me. Identifying culture has always been a challenge for me. For many years I have misunderstood what my family’s “culture” is. Much of that has to do with the way I see the world. Lavish folklore has always been used to define what culture is supposed to be. In television advertisements, magazines and in the streets, culture is largely defined by what we can tangibly see and I mistakenly applied it to the cultural experience I endured as a child. Partly because of the ways I learned to value things through school and partly because the culture I grew up in was one based on interpretation and duty, as opposed to tradition. Education and money have defined my role as an American. Whether it is the lack of it, the dream of having enough to live out a fantasy, or simply having enough to pay 2 the bills. Education was supposed to be the way to achieve those goals, but in the last 12 years, it has felt as if the future I was promised is no longer available. Being American was not simply the blind patriotism of claiming the United States as home; it was about believing in the idea that I could somehow make a difference. What follows is a collection of memories and experiences that influenced my perception of culture. Much of that perception is shaped and informed by various readings that have in one way or another influenced this work: The primary inspiration of this narrative is found in the pages of Labyrinth of Solitude (1950) written by Octavio Paz. In this work, Paz examines the condition of the Mexican character through his own experiences in various essays about Mexican culture. From the role a party (festivities) plays in the life of a Mexican to the exploration of the Other in the life of a Mexican. It is written through his perception of the world as an educated Mexican male living in Europe recalling the world in which he was raised. Exploring the Other is the focal point of his writing. As a Mexican, the Other is hidden, but always lurking, always waiting to come out into prominence. Paz would later describe his rationale for writing Labyrinth… in Itinerary (1994). Paz explains that he wrote Labyrinth… as a way to explore his childhood, in which he was moved, along with his family, from Mexico to Los Angeles as a way to escape the violence during the Mexican Revolution, and the life he had lived up to that point. Paz argues that he was not writing a book to define “Mexican philosophy, nor was he painting a psychological portrait” of the Mexican condition. What he did was interpret Mexican history to describe the modern condition. Essentially, in order to understand the way we see the world, we 3 must first deconstruct the heritage that defines our perception. Only then can we understand the Other that follows us throughout our lives. Two separate writings also play a major role in the understanding of my culture. Though they discuss two different topics, semiotics and literature, they both play a role in defining, and understanding, the way society understands and interprets culture. Roland Barthes’ Mythologies (1972) is an analysis of French culture and the creation of modern myths.