THROUGH THE YEARS… AN EXCLUSIVE PHOTO JOURNAL OF MALLORY’S JOURNEY REDEFINE LIMITATIONS February 12, 2008 As the days pass my heart feels as if it is in a perpetual state of tug-of-war, on one end I feel numb as if I am just looking to the world around me but cannot seem to comprehend what happened, yet on the other I feel the all-encompassing awareness that three weeks ago everything I knew changed. I find myself holding onto the bible verse that is engraved on the bracelet my mom gave me, it is Isaiah 41:13 and reads, “I will forever hold you in the palms of my hand.” Those words remind me I am not alone. Yes, today was hard – I left the hospital on a pass with my dad and went to the mall to get a pair of shoes for PT. While we were there I felt so alone, it was as if I was invisible to the world, yet everyone stared which made me feel over exposed. It felt like people turned the attention to look at me, but didn’t see me as a person, but rather an object as they looked through me. I have known this is going to be hard, nothing about it has been easy, but today it showed me what life outside the walls of the hospital is going to be and it has left me feeling terrified for what is to come. As I lay in bed tonight, I look around my room holding those words dear to my heart and I know, in my heart of hearts that despite how lonely the path may feel at times, I am never truly alone. The wall at the foot of my hospital bed is covered in photos, reminders that I have my parents, my sisters and our collective community. So, for now, I hold onto the memories each of those photos carry. Those images don’t just fill my heart with memories, they bring color to my life in a way that remind me that while I will have plenty of days before me that will challenge me, somewhere in all this, I will realize that everything happens for a reason. My sisters, Christin and Jessica, and I as we moved my oldest sister, Christin into her college dorm. I am so grateful to have two amazing older sisters. My Sisters At work with my mom, who is a nurse, in middle school for bring your daughter to work day. Bring Your Daughter to Work Day With my dad at our campsite on our families annual camping trips. Each year our journey varied a little, but it always consisted of weeks on the road camping the five of us. Camping My dad, sisters and I at Lake Louise in Canada on one of our family camping adventures. Our favorite place that our trips took us over the years was the Canadian Rockies. Family Camping Trip Me during swim lessons as a little kid. I jumped in the pool as a toddler and never looked back. Swimming has shaped who I am as a person in every way possible. Swimming As Child My senior year of high school I served as co-captain of the Eagan Wildcats swim team. This was one of my favorite traditions prior to the start of our meets, leading the team cheers with my fellow captain. High School Swimming Heading off for one of my yearly backpacking trips with my dad on the Lake Superior Hiking Trail in Northern Minnesota. Backpacking with Dad My best friend Katie and I before I left for my senior year homecoming dance. We met through swimming as kids and have been best friends for over half of our lives at this point. Katie and I Scuba diving in the Cayman Islands with my dad. In middle school I got scuba certified which allowed me to join my dad and sister Jessica on scuba diving adventures on our family vacations. Scuba Diving with my Dad With my mom and sister Christin at my high swimming school section meet my senior year. This was my last meet I competed in before my paralysis. High School Swimming April 8, 2010 Two years ago, I took my leap of faith. Following my paralysis while I was in the hospital my medical team thought it would be a good idea to try water therapy. At first, I was excited, but then I realized just how different the water was now that I was paralyzed. I remember those first few sessions, trying to connect with the water the way I remembered it to be, but so much had changed it seemed to stem fear and anxiety rather than the comfort and peace I was used to. In all honesty, I never thought I would go back, in fact at one point I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t. But on April 8, 2008 something felt different and despite being terrified I allowed myself to lean in to that fear for no other reason than because I knew it was what I needed to do. As if a greater force pushed me in that direction. In the time since that day not only has the water brought me back to life, it saved me. I still have dark days and honestly, I think I always will, regardless of how much time passes. But today, I sit in my little studio apartment and I look at all that has come into my life as a result of that day. For me my swimming has been about so much more than the physical act, it is what allowed me to begin to heal and find my path forward. Over the past two years I have not only fought my way back to life, but I have thrived. I found the courage to go away to college, swimming for an NCAA Division I program. I made the US National Team just under a year later following my return. I went on to break countless American and World records. I became a 5-time World Champion this fall and am currently training for my second World Championships as a member of Team USA. My life looks different than I ever imagined possible and I know that my healing will never end, because I will forever carry that day with me. But today, today I am grateful that two years ago I took a chance and leaned in, because it brought me back to life and taught me what living truly looks like. My parents, sisters and I at the going away party my family threw for me before I moved to North Carolina to go to school and swim at Gardner-Webb University. I had been paralyzed for just under a year when I made my move to the other side of the country. College Going Away With my mom and dad at my college conference meet in Atlanta, GA. That meet served as a powerful symbol of moving forward with life following loss. Swim Parents (College) In May of 2009, just a few months after being named to the US National team I broke my first American Record in the 100-yard Butterfly. My family decorated my parents driveway as a surprise for when I returned home. First American Record Competing at my college conference meet for Gardner-Webb University in the spring of 2009. College Swimming In August of 2010 I raced in the Can Am Championships in Edmonton, Canada – this was taken moments before I raced in the 400-meter Freestyle. Racing In August of 2010 as my parents and I appeared on the Today Show. It was my first To d a y S h o w time to New York City. At the Can Am Championships in August of 2010 moments after finishing my 400-meter Freestyle and realizing I had just broken a nine-year-old World Record. World Record Allowing myself to attempt to take a few strokes as I floated around the therapy pool for water therapy while I was in the hospital in February of 2008. Water Therapy With my parents and coach, Jimbo in Rio de Janeiro for the 2009 World Championships. This was my first-time representing Team USA internationally. Parents and Jimbo Proudly donning gold medals from 2009 World Championships where I became a 5-time World Champion. World Championships January 21, 2013 Just like that, it has been five years since my paralysis – each year I have made the conscious decision to celebrate all that life has brought since that day, rather than grieve the loss associated with it. I will admit, it isn’t always easy - last year was one of the most challenging years I have faced since 2008. It started with trying to find the words to use as I released my anger and choose forgiveness for those involved in my paralysis. As the year went on I faced the excoriating heartbreak that comes with realizing the life you had planned for yourself isn’t necessarily the direction life takes you. Writing those words, I feel silly, because obviously I know that – I learned it in the most real way possible in 2008 on that fateful day. But this year, it felt different – I watched as my engagement came to an end and struggled to keep my passion for swimming alive. Yes, this was the year that I became a Paralympic champion, but all that transpired in London challenged me in ways I never knew possible.