THE LIBRARY RIOTS DOORS BROKEN AS LIBRARY STAFF Volume 10 Number 8 May 09 PROTEST PLAN TO INSTALL STARBUCKS FRANCHISE ….. ............................... 2A OMEGA’S GOT TALENT CHAZ STEALS THE SHOW WITH HIS KOOKY CHARLES WALTERMYER ACT ... ................................ 2 TICKS ARE SO 2008 BEAR & SPIDER SEASON IS UPON US. 10 TIPS TO AVOID THE FANGS. .. ................................ 3 OmegaTimes Bear Hauled Away in Stretch Limo by SPCA: Faculty Support Miffed Trailer 34 news agency in front of Guest Services. reported today that the “We were not expecting Society for Prevention of any faculty arrivals,” said Cruelty to Animals send Faculty Support team an emergency task force member Divya White- under the guise of a cage, who was instru- stretch limo to rescue the mental in calming the bear recently spotted bear using some of her wandering around Omega yoga nidra relaxation campus. The bear was fit- techniques. “And the idea ted with white robes and of Omega faculty actually secretly escorted into the using or needing a high limo camouflaged as priced limo during touch Omega catalog faculty. economic times is just so Though the Faculty Sup- foreign to us. I had no port team did experience idea what to think.” The some confusion around SPCA used the limo think- the matter, no casualties ing that Omega faculty were reported and both actually might expect the bear and faculty sup- such luxuries. “We port team are reported to thought using a limo be safe and in good con- would both provide com- dition. fort for the bear and eas- Smith’s Communicating with Ani- “We were concerned for ily be disguised as a hired mals workshop in September of the bear’s welfare,” said car for an Omega faculty this year. The bear will be listed an unnamed SPCA teacher,” said the SPCA as a workshop assistant, and source. “Omega staff source. “Luckily, we were therefore receive proper housing were taunting the animal able to get away with it and a meal card. Sounds True is with yoga poses that the even though most spiri- also apparently offering the ani- bear could not possibly tual teachers would never mal a book deal to for a memoir emulate, and the animal expect such things.” The tentatively titled: was becoming increas- bear has been taken to ingly confused.” But more an undisclosed location, Salmon Mudra: confusion may have been but apparently negotia- The Yoga of Catching Fish with experienced by the Fac- tions are in place for the Your Hands by Yogi Bear. ulty Support team when bear to make a return ap- they saw the limo arrive pearance during Penelope Classified Ad: Of Thee I Sing poetry book now available on Lulu.com. Starving poet needs your financial assistance. Go now to www.Lulu.com http://newomegatimes.blogspot.com/ .