ASK THE RABBIS What Does Judaism Say About Love? Independent What matters is how we carry ourselves, for life, reminds me to pay attention to the Love is defined in Hebrew as ahavah, which how we treat others, how we act with loving quality of my loving every day and points is rooted in the Aramaic word hav and liter­ intentions. The mandate isn’t necessarily a me toward the essential goodness of being. ally translates as “give.” Rather than trans­ mandate to love God. In fact, God doesn’t Learning to love and be loved is the most late B’reisheet, the firstwords of the Torah, as even need to be part of the equation and is rigorous spiritual path there is. Every day, “in the beginning,” one can say “in the first conspicuously absent in the instruction to we must ask, “How do we love God and gift.” Creation originated in the Creator’s love our neighbor as ourself. receive God’s love through this world?” will to give. We refer to the nature of this Rabbi Peter H. Schweitzer Rabbi Shefa Gold gifting as love because it involves not only The City Congregation Director, Center for Devotional, Energy giving of oneself, but also stepping back to for Humanistic Judaism and Ecstatic Practice enable the existence and flourishing of the New York, NY Jemez Springs, NM other. God thus models what love entails: selfless gifting accompanied by withdrawal Renewal Reconstructionist to enable the other to emerge. Therefore, The Torah commands: Love God “with For romantic love, see Song of Songs. But the the ancient rabbis defined authentic love as all your heart, with all your soul and with word love in Torah is primarily an activist not contingent on any factor because if it is, all your might,” “love the stranger” and commandment: Love your neighbor and and then that factor is gone, so is love. But “love your neighbor as yourself.” You are the stranger; love God. Even to love God romantic love does have contingencies. It (says Talmud Yoma 26a) means we should requires compatibility and trust because it behave divinely toward others, “making involves intimacy. The Talmud admonishes, God beloved, through us.” And Maimo- “A man should never marry off his daughter nides brought an almost ecological con­ but to the one whom she finds favorable.” sciousness to loving the One in the Mish- Is romantic love then a step down from neh Torah: “When we study God’s many altruistic love? Not at all. It is rather a step wondrous works and creations, and thus into the inner sanctum of love, a sampling comprehend God’s infinite wisdom, imme­ of the World to Come, where love is not diately we love, and praise.” The prophets merely a state of grace but a state of bliss. warn us to pair every prayer with acts of Rabbi Gershon Winkler love. As 20th-century Jewish philosopher Walking Stick Foundation Martin Buber taught: “Love of the Creator Thousand Oaks, CA and love of that which God has created, are finally one and the same.” Humanist Still, can feelings of love really be com­ What is love? An emotion? Is it defined by manded? In the rabbinic mind, these what it is not? The opposite of hate? Like mitzvot demand actions. Here we should the theological challenge of defining God, God created the emulate our Unitarian-Universalist cous­ does love defy being pinned down? Per­ world because ins, whose “Stand on the Side of Love” haps the most familiar references to love campaign takes the logic of love to its full­ in our tradition come from two verses: love needs est by organizing for universal health cov­ “Love your neighbor as yourself,” (Leviti­ erage, same-sex marriage equality, caring cus 19:18) and “You shall love your God another to love. for creation and more. In short: Love the with all your heart, with all your soul, and stranger, whether documented or undocu­ with all your might,” (Deuteronomy 6:5). I asked to receive God’s love in the form of mented. Love your neighbor, regardless have always been intrigued by the idea that Torah, community, history and the won­ of whom they love in turn. And through love could be mandated. I thought true ders of nature. These commandments these loving actions, you love God. love was voluntary, from the heart. Rashi, constitute the most simple and the most Rabbi Fred Scherlinder Dobb the 12th-century commentator, seems to complicated challenge of living a holy life. Adat Shalom have understood my problem. He distin­ Love is the “measure” for my Jewish prac­ Reconstructionist Congregation guished between acting out of fear and tice. Every mitzvah I keep, every prayer I Bethesda, MD o r acting out of love. Fear may induce basic say, is done and said with the intention of < S obedience, but it won’t build loyalty. Love, Reform Q adding more love to this world, opening 5 z on the other hand, will be met with love my heart, connecting myself to the divine The Jewish expression of love is a trian­ CO and a readiness to give back even more in essence that is hidden in all things. Psalm gle: love of self, love of another and love z o return. 34 asks, “Who is the one with a passion of God. Leviticus 19:18 teaches us, “Love Q 1 CO For Rashi, “love your God” meant for life, loving every day and seeing the your neighbor as yourself.” To love anoth­ “performing commandments out of love.” good?” Jewish wisdom ignites my passion er, one has to first feel and express love for 24 SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2010 oneself. We all know that this is not always God created the world because love needs ful force that is “stronger than death.” That easy to achieve, but it is vital. Finally, a another to love. Three times a day, tradi­ being said, love, especially of the romantic loving relationship is seen as Jewish when tional Jews say in the Ashrei prayer: “God variety, is not without its limitations and the partners acknowledge, value and name is good to all [in the world because] God’s pitfalls. Western culture, in particular, has that relationship as holy. Two people in mother love extends to all God’s crea­ a tendency to exaggerate the significance love see the divine. Think of Jean Valjean tures” (Psalms 145:9). So consuming is of romantic love, portraying it as the be all in Les Miserables singing, “To love another God’s love that Hashem brings a flood to and end all of happiness. I believe that the person is to see the face of God.” Ulti­ wash out evil and start again. But Hashem skyrocketing divorce rates are a sign not of mately, our understanding of God informs also promises never to do that again and more failing marriages but of the preva­ how we love ourselves and another. We instead enters into a covenant to accept lence of unrealistic expectations about must uphold the Jewish value of b’tzelem humans as they are. With all of their flaws, love that can only lead to disillusionment elohirn, that we are created in the image of God partners with humans to build a per­ and frustration. This is why my favorite God. In so doing, we continuously strive fect world (tikkun olam). We are called to Biblical verse about marriage is in Eccle­ to see that holy essence in ourselves and in return God’s love. Says the Torah: “You siastes: “Enjoy life with the woman whom others. With holiness as that measure for shall love the Lord your God with all your you love all the days of your futile life....” how we treat, care for and love each other, heart, with all your soul and with all your In other words, enjoy love for what it is we can build truly loving relationships. might.” All commandments and rituals are worth, but do not expect it to provide you Rabbi Laura Novak Winer meant to express our love for Hashem. In with more satisfaction or fulfillment than Union for Reform Judaism the Jewish ideal, every person finds the it can. Otherwise, you will inevitably find Livermore, CA unique one destined for him/her to love yourself disappointed. totally (body, emotion, mind) to become Rabbi Joseph Maroof Conservative Magen David Sephardic Congregation The Bible suggests that loving relation­ Rockville, MD ships can be either sexual or platonic. The Song o f Songs vividly describes sexual love. Chabad It is unique in the Bible because its purpose Love is the gravity that pulls the universe is to describe the power of love between together. Hatred is the anti-matter that men and women. Talmudic rabbis under­ rips it apart. Love between a man and stood the Song of Songs to be an allegory: woman is life’s loftiest goal. But it must It used a man and a woman to explain the be accompanied by lust. The tenth com­ love between God and the Jewish people mandment orders a man not to covet his and suggests the high regard Judaism has neighbor’s wife, which, by clear implica­ for male-female love and sexuality. The tion, means he should be coveting his own. Bible also offers two images of platonic Erotic love is most fully expressed in the love: one between Ruth and Naomi and Song of Songs. Interestingly, the man and one between Jonathan and David. The cir­ woman are never named. We do not know cumstances around both are complicated, if they are even married.