Other Books by and about Karel „apek from Catbird Press Toward the Radical Center: A Karel „apek Reader edited by Peter Kussi, foreword by Arthur Miller War with the Newts translated by Ewald Osers Cross Roads translated by Norma Comrada Three Novels translated by M. & R. Weatherall Tales from Two Pockets translated by Norma Comrada Talks with T. G. Masaryk translated by Michael Henry Heim Karel „apek – Life and Work by Ivan Klíma translated by Norma Comrada APOCRYPHAL TALES With A Selection of Fables and Would-Be Tales by Karel „apek Translated from the Czech and With an Introduction by Norma Comrada CATBIRD PRESS A Garrigue Book Translation and Introduction © 1997 Norma Comrada CATBIRD PRESS 16 Windsor Road, North Haven, CT 06473 203-230-2391; [email protected] www.catbirdpress.com Our books are distributed by Independent Publishers Group Sony ISBN 978-1-936053-09-8 Kindle ISBN 978-1-936053-10-1 Adobe ISBN 978-1-936053-11-X Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data „apek, Karel, 1890-1938 [Kniha apokryf ç. English] Apocryphal tales / by Karel „apek ; translated from the Czech and with an introduction by Norma Comrada "A Garrigue book." ISBN 0-945774-34-6 (trade pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Short stories, Czech--Translations into English. I. Comrada, Norma. II. Title PG5038.C3K613 1997 891.8'6352--dc21 96-54505 CIP CONTENTS Introduction 7 The Moving Business 11 Apocryphal Tales The Punishment of Prometheus 15 Times Aren’t What They Used To Be 20 Just Like Old Times 26 Thersites 29 Agathon, or Concerning Wisdom 35 Alexander the Great 39 The Death of Archimedes 44 The Roman Legions 47 The Ten Righteous 52 Pseudo-Lot, or Concerning Patriotism 57 Holy Night 62 Martha and Mary 65 Lazarus 71 The Five Loaves 75 Benchanan 79 The Crucifixion 83 Pilate’s Evening 86 Pilate’s Creed 89 The Emperor Diocletian 93 Attila 98 Iconoclasm 104 Brother Francis 112 Ophir 116 Goneril, Daughter of Lear 123 Hamlet, Prince of Denmark 127 Don Juan’s Confession 136 Romeo and Juliet 143 Master Hynek Ráb of Kufštejn 149 Napoleon 154 Fables 158 Would-Be Tales The Libertine 160 The Lawsuit 163 The First Guest 166 Tonda 168 The Man Who Knew How To Fly 171 The Anonymous Letter 179 Ten Centavos 184 Original Publication Order of Apocryphal Tales 190 Introduction During his relatively short lifetime (1890-1938), the Czech writer Karel „apek became internationally known for his plays, novels, and stories, most notably for his 1920 drama R.U.R.: Rossum’s Universal Robots, which introduced the word “robot” to the world. His astonishing output also included essays, literary criticism, children’s books, books on pets and gardening and travel and getting out a daily newspaper, and numerous other works on a wide range of topics, in a variety of styles. Many of these first appeared in Lidové noviny, the principal newspaper for which „apek wrote, and were published afterwards in book form. This is true of the Apocryphal Tales as well, except that, in this case, the book did not appear until 1945, seven years after „apek had died. The primary reason for the delay was the Nazi occupation of Czechoslovakia shortly after „apek’s death, and the immediate ban on all his work. It also appears that „apek had not thought of his Apocryphal Tales as a discrete collection until late in life: they had been written intermittently over an eighteen-year period, in no particular order, and many were responses to internal and external political issues of the moment. When World War II ended, „apek’s editor and bibliographer Miroslav Halík, explaining that he had found the Apocryphal Tales in a separate envelope among „apek’s posthumous papers, selected and arranged twenty-nine of them in the order of when the tales occur rather than when they were written. Despite official disapproval of „apek under the country’s subsequent communist regime, the Tales were republished whenever circumstances permitted and continue to be printed today. The Apocryphal Tales can be read in several ways: as parable, as allegory, and as „apek’s imaginative, innovative use of these lite- rary devices to raise ethical questions and to address social and 7 political concerns. There is more than a hint of „apek as “myth- tamer,” reworking the past for precise purposes: broadly, to enlarge our understanding of our own and others’ perceptions and inter- pretations of the world around us; more narrowly, to help forge the young First Republic of Czechoslovakia into a sustainable, partici- patory democratic society. At the same time, in a good many of the Tales „apek is playing with our “of course” assumptions about familiar historical personalities and events, and turning them upside down. When read in the order in which they were written (see the list at the back of the book), the Apocryphal Tales also become a window through which to view „apek’s personal and literary development over the years. Taken in any order, the Tales remain characteristically „apek: probing the nature of truth, justice, and human experience, all the while providing a good read. This new translation of the Apocryphal Tales differs from the previous version (Apocryphal Stories, translated by Dora Round (London: Allen & Unwin; New York: Macmillan, 1949) in its use of updated language, in its corrections of errors, and in its entire approach to the Tales and to „apek’s narrative voice. Also, I have added to the collection other stories which appeared first in „apek’s newspaper and have never before appeared in English translation. These are the “Fables” and the “Would-Be Tales.” Fables. This sampling of „apek’s original use of the aphorism represents no more than a small portion of the whole. „apek occa- sionally devoted his weekly newspaper column to these terse satirical observations, sometimes on life and times in general, sometimes as commentary on some specific issue or event. The single criterion for inclusion here is direct affinity with the Apocryphal Tales. Would-Be Tales. The stories rounding out this book are taken from yet another category of „apek’s literary journalism. In Czech they share the same volume as the Fables, being too few in number to 8 constitute an entity of their own. Unconnected thematically to the Apocryphal Tales, these short narratives nonetheless exhibit certain threads woven throughout all of „apek’s writing: his deep concern for human life, his humanistic outlook, and his fascination with human psychology, motivation, and reaction. „apek scholar B. R. Bradbrook, who helped with the stories’ selection, also came up with the perfect translation, used herein, for podpovídky, the word „apek invented for these short narratives. Like the Apocryphal Tales, some of the Would-Be Tales are in response to personal and political events of the time. “The Anony- mous Letter,” for instance, was written in the turbulent and despairing days following the Munich Agreement, when „apek him- self was receiving hate mail blaming him for the turmoil into which the nation had been plunged. A final note: The Would-Be Tale “The Moving Business” was chosen to open this edition because of its reference to several his- torical eras featured in individual Apocryphal Tales, and also for its affirmation of the unchanging human, social, and political realities found in any age. The title in translation scores a rare point of advantage for English: the Czech word used for “moving” refers solely to packing up and moving out; for us, the word has another, entirely different connotation as well — a “moving business” it is, in both senses. 9 Acknowledgments Outsiders who attempt to translate another culture’s literature for consumption back home are well advised to check their efforts out — Czech them out, in this instance — with an insider. This outsider gratefully acknowledges the invaluable counsel of insider Peter Kussi, equally and cheerfully at home in both Czech and English. Thanks as well to publisher, editor, and „apek fan Rob Wechsler for his usual good advice and encouragement. Zdenka Pospíšilová Tripp graciously clarified some of the more enigmatic idioms in some of the Would-Be Tales. Remaining incongruities of whatever kind are the translator’s own. The Moving Business (A Would-Be Tale) — — true, I still don’t know, technically, how to make a go of it, but technical solutions can always be found when a good idea promises a decent profit. And my idea, friend, will make a fabu- lous amount of money — just as soon as somebody can help me figure out some of the practical details to get it up and running. Like I say, friend, it’s flawless; work out a few of the kinks, and it’ll almost run itself. Let’s see if I can give you a practical example — Look: maybe you don’t like the street you’re living on; maybe it stinks to high heaven from a chocolate factory, or there’s so much racket you can’t sleep at night, or some vulgar, disgusting element’s taken over, I don’t know. Anyway, one day you tell yourself that this street’s no longer for you. Now what, in a situation like this, do you do? You pick out a place to live on some other street, you phone for a moving van, and you move to your new apartment, right? Simple as pie. Fundamentally, my friend, every good idea is amazingly simple. Now let’s say you tell yourself that this century’s not for you. There are people who prefer peace and quiet; there are people who get sick to their stomachs when they read in the paper about what’s going on these days, that there is or will be war, that people are being executed somewhere or other, or that somewhere else a few hundred or a few thousand people are killing each other off.