The Power of Words that Affirm 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts of Service Dr. Glenn Robertson 5. Physical Touch Luke 19:1-10 Today we want to focus on the power of words that affirm. Review Let’s consider a story in Jesus’ life. It is a story we often associate with children. We tell the story to children and even sing a cute Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love song about it. Yet, there is a short encounter between Jesus and a that Lasts man which led to a radical change in the man’s life. From what we learn in the story, it was only a few words which created this radical Two Key Concepts: shift. Emotional Love Tank It is the story about Zacchaeus. People respond to others out of an “emotional love tank.” Luke 19:1 – 10 NIV Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. Falling in Love vs Real Love 2 A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. 3 He wanted to see who Jesus was, but The euphoria of “falling in love” must be replaced with real love being a short man he could not, because of the crowd. that requires actions. 4 So he ran ahead and climbed a sycamore-fig tree to see him, since 5 Thesis: Every person has a primary love language by which they Jesus was coming that way. When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I understand love. If you are to help keep your partner’s love tank must stay at your house today." full, you must learn to communicate in your partner’s primary love 6 7 language. So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, "He has gone to be the guest of a 'sinner.' " 8 But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, "Look, The 5 Love Languages Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the Chapman identifies 5 love languages common to people: amount." 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 9 Jesus said to him, "Today salvation has come to this house, Zacchaeus was curious about Jesus. Jesus’ reputation preceded him 10 because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man in a good way. Zacchaeus, just the opposite. The only people who came to seek and to save what was lost." (Lk. 19:1-10 NIVO) would want to eat at Zacchaeus house were other rip-off tax collectors or scoundrels. Zacchaeus knew he would not be able to You will notice if you study Jesus long that he seldom says anything see this teacher-prophet, man of God, Jesus who was passing critical of people. He seldom points out people’s faults (Matt. 23 is through town. So he climbed a tree so he could see Jesus, not so we an exception). Instead, Jesus looks for the potential of redemption could sing a cute children’s song. So imagine, Jesus looks up and see in people. In this cute story of Zacchaeus (try not to sing the song), this wealthy cog hanging on a log dressed in the latest London Fog. Jesus changes a bad man by kind words, “I must stay at your house today.” He said positive words to a man who was ripping people off. When Jesus sees Zacchaeus looking like a parrot in a tree, He Jesus Jesus’ words and kind actions changed this man. stops. He tells Zacchaeus to come down immediately. He has to stay at his house today. In many marriages the tool that is draining most emotional tanks is the stiletto tongue that keeps jabbing with words of criticism. The first note we see in Zacchaeus’ life-change is his joy that Jesus However, for those who are willing to show love with affirming was coming to his home. He welcomes Zacchaeus. At the same words, they can help change their marriage. time, the others about are murmuring (complaining, gossiping, condemning), he has gone to eat at the house of a sinner! Jesus was passing through Jericho. He had not planned to stop. When he saw Zacchaeus, he told him that he had to stay at his That is all we know of anything Jesus said or did toward Zacchaeus. house. Why? Why did Jesus suddenly have to stay, when he was just What we find next is that Zacchaeus stands up and repents. He passing through? What was it about Zacchaeus that lead Jesus to offers to give half of his possessions to the poor, and offers to repay alter his plans? anyone he has cheated, 4 times what he took. Zacchaeus was a wee little man. He was also a scoundrel. He made Then we hear the next words from Jesus: “Today salvation has come himself wealthy by cheating people. He was a shrimp of a man. He to this house, for this man too, is a son of Abraham.” That is, wasn’t very tall, but he made up the difference by his cunning ways. Zacchaeus has had a change of heart so that he has become like He was a Jew who robbed his fellow Jews. The Roman government Abraham who refused to keep for himself that which belonged to loved him. As long as he got his quotas, he could do whatever he others (Gen. 14:22-24). wanted. Zacchaeus was known in Jericho as a sinner, an unrighteous Can it really be that easy, that words of affirmation can radically man. He wore the best clothes, lived in a fancy house, but it was all change people? Not everyone will change just because you change due to his scandalous life. your language, but some will. In marriage, if two people have been committed to love each other, yet they have fallen on hard ground Ephesians 4:29 NASB of disunity, change can come. If at least one person is willing to Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only change the language, change the tone, God may have a chance to such a word as is good for edification according to the need of change a heart, even a hardened heart. the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. The word “unwholesome” is σαπρὸς , It basically means rotten, like rotten fruit, figurative for hurtful, of the rotten condition of the heart. 1. The Bible has long spoken about the tongue and its power to Here what is spoken against is not cuss words, but rather hurtful influence life for good or harm. words proceeding out of the mouth. Notice the opposite is given: that Proverbs 15:4 NIVO which builds up, or edifies. Our words tear down, or they build up. They do harm or give grace. The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Hebrew Lit. A healing tongue is a tree of life, but a crooked tongue The primary love language – words of affirmation – the breaks the spirit. lack of words of affirmation bleeds the tank dry. That is true for husband and wife. It is also true for parent and child. For those whose primary love language is hearing love expressed by affirming words, the lack of such words bleeds the emotional love tank. In such a marriage, the couples will find themselves in a defensive posture, creating more space, or hurling back the flaming Proverbs 18:21 NKJV darts in all out war. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. Avoidance – one partner will create more space. When the words are often sharp and critical, one of the partners will avoid the other Here this carefully. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. by being busy at work, engaging at social media, anything to Those who love it will eat its fruit. They will either eat the fruit of distance themselves from the painful darts. death and destruction in the relationship; or they will eat the fruit of goodness and life in the wholeness of the relationship. War – sometimes war ensues as hurtful words get slung back and forth. Not only are the lovers engulfed in flames, the children suffer the collateral damage. Yet these are the same couple who one day fell madly in love with nagging. If you give a compliment, it must be a genuine affirmation each other. They pledged their love to each other in a wonderful, of your mate for who they are what they do. warm wedding. When they came down off of the love cloud, they settled down to doing life as they were before they got married, When you think about words of affirmation, remember: which is what most couples do, and they had these learned The tone of our words are as important as the content of behaviors which they have not changed. our words. The good news is that you can change, and with God’s help, you can Love is kind. 1 Cor. 13:4. It is not rude. 13:5. change your marriage. God can teach you how to become a better lover. God can teach you how to love because God is the great Tone: how we say what we say is as important as the words we lover.