Nova Southeastern University NSUWorks Department of Family Therapy Dissertations CAHSS Theses, Dissertations, and Applied and Applied Clinical Projects Clinical Projects 2017 Love as Dialogue: Finding Human Connection In Conversation Iliamaris Rivera-Walter [email protected] Follow this and additional works at: https://nsuworks.nova.edu/shss_dft_etd Part of the Arts and Humanities Commons Share Feedback About This Item NSUWorks Citation Iliamaris Rivera-Walter. 2017. Love as Dialogue: Finding Human Connection In Conversation. Doctoral dissertation. Nova Southeastern University. Retrieved from NSUWorks, College of Arts, Humanities and Social Sciences – Department of Family Therapy. (29) https://nsuworks.nova.edu/shss_dft_etd/29. This Dissertation is brought to you by the CAHSS Theses, Dissertations, and Applied Clinical Projects at NSUWorks. It has been accepted for inclusion in Department of Family Therapy Dissertations and Applied Clinical Projects by an authorized administrator of NSUWorks. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Love as Dialogue: Finding Human Connection In Conversation by Iliámaris Rivera-Walter A Dissertation Presented to the College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences of Nova Southeastern University In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy Nova Southeastern University 2017 Copyright by Iliámaris Rivera-Walter July 2017 Acknowledgments Thank you, Dad, for teaching me how to dialogue with God, with you, and with myself. Mom, for showing me unconditional love. Jim, for encouraging me to take the more difficult path, and for being the best listener and dialogue partner. Aurélia, for reminding me, daily, why this matters. Dr. Marquez, for your unwavering support and thought-provoking questions. Dr. Flemons, for teaching me how to live with and honor an idea. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS Pages Acknowledgments .............................................................................................................. iv Abstract ............................................................................................................................ xiii CHAPTER I: HISTORY AND PLAN ............................................................................ 1 The History of an Idea ........................................................................................... 1 The Influence of Marriage and Family Therapy ......................................... 2 Bowen Family Systems Theory ...................................................... 2 An Unexpected Dialogue ................................................................ 2 Some Background ............................................................... 3 Looking Back ..................................................................... 5 Reflections on Dialogue ............................................................................. 6 Confirmations of an Idea ............................................................................ 7 Family Therapy Training ............................................................... 7 Public Conversations Project .......................................................... 7 Ender’s Game .................................................................................. 8 The Influence of Faith ................................................................................ 9 The Fruit of an Experience: A Vision .................................................................. 10 The Upcoming Journey ............................................................................ 11 My Hypothesis ............................................................................. 11 My Hopes ..................................................................................... 11 v CHAPTER II: DIALOGICAL BEING ....................................................................... 13 Two Views of Dialogue ........................................................................................ 13 Dialectics: Conflict, Response, and Resolution ........................................ 14 Dialogism: Process, Struggle, and Lived Knowing .................................. 14 Dialogism as Primary ............................................................................................ 14 Foundations of Dialogism .................................................................................... 15 Mikhail Bakhtin ........................................................................................ 15 Existence, the Self, Utterance, and Reply ..................................... 16 Meeting and Language ...................................................... 16 Addressivity and Answerability ............................ 18 Polyphony ............................................................. 18 Martin Buber ......................................................................................................... 19 Dyad as Metaphor ..................................................................................... 19 Genuine Encounter ....................................................................... 20 The Self ............................................................................ 21 Language and Confirmation ......................................................... 22 Recognizing What is Present ........................................................ 23 A Summary of Dialogism ......................................................................... 23 CHAPTER III: LOVE IN DIALOGUE: CHOICE AND EXPERIENCE ................ 24 Love as Awakening .............................................................................................. 24 Love with Dialogue ............................................................................................... 25 Love as Consensual Living ....................................................................... 25 Love as Evolutionary .................................................................... 26 vi Love and Language ........................................................... 26 Love as Wisdom ....................................................................................... 27 Love as a Way of Being ................................................................ 28 Love as Freedom ........................................................................... 29 Love as Faith ................................................................................. 30 Love as Cosmic Force .................................................................. 31 Love in Dialogue .................................................................................................. 32 CHAPTER IV: DIALOGICAL ENCOUNTER AS AN EXPERIENCE OF LOVE 34 Dialogue as Conversation ..................................................................................... 34 Loved Ones, Enemies, and Monsters: Dialogue as Risk, Engagement, and Surprise ..................................................................................................... 35 The Story of Ender: Aliens as Enemies ........................................ 35 Dialoguing with Our Enemies .......................................... 37 Understanding as an Individual Path .................... 37 Challenges of Dialogue ......................................... 37 Results of Dialogue ............................................... 37 Lessons .................................................................. 37 Changing Postures: An Intergenerational Dialogue ..................... 39 Dialoguing with Our Parents ............................................ 41 Challenges of Dialogue ........................................ 42 Tips for Dialogue .................................................. 42 Topics ........................................................ 43 Results of Dialogue .............................................. 43 vii Lessons ................................................................. 44 The Twitter Troll Comes Clean ................................................................ 44 Dialoguing with Our Trolls ........................................................... 46 Challenges of Dialogue ..................................................... 46 Experience of Dialogue ..................................................... 47 Understanding and Emotions ................................ 47 Results of Dialogue ........................................................... 48 Lessons .......................................................................................... 48 From Murder to Meeting: The Bogeyman is Human ............................... 49 Dialoguing with Our Monsters .................................................... 51 Understanding as Motive .................................................. 51 Challenges of Dialogue ..................................................... 52 Results of Dialogue ........................................................... 52 Lessons .............................................................................. 53 The Open Dialogue Therapeutic Approach: Love as Embodiment .......... 53 Dialogue in the Open Dialogue Approach ................................... 54 Experience of Dialogue ..................................................... 54 Results of Dialogue ........................................................... 55 Lessons .............................................................................. 55 Dialogue as Experience ........................................................................................