MindGames 6Inside Film, Music & What’s on artsFriday June 25 2010 &ents ‘If I get chapped lips I immediately think it’s fatal’ Woody Allen on his night <COTMTHESfears about dying, career regrets and plans for Sarah Palin. EXESInterview by > Tim Teeman thetimes| FridayJune252010 thetimes| FridayJune252010 4 arts&ents film film arts&ents 5 COVER IMAGE: COLORSTORM MEDIA/EYEVINE; BELOW:DAVID JOHNSON/CORBIS Uber-liberalfilm-makergetsitonwith becomeadirector.Intheatre,thewriteris andBicycleThievesandthesewillbethe smokin’right-winger?“She’sacolourful king.Filmdoesn’tworkthatway.” greatest filmsevermadeandeveryyoung spicein thegeneralrecipeof democracy,” Eversincethenhehaswritten andmade film-makerwillcopymystyle’.Ihavea WoodyAllen Allensays,smiling.“She’sasexywoman. hisownfilms.“It’sagreatliving,”he says. peaceful,resignedfeelingaboutit.Ididn’t Yes. MeandSarah—wecoulddo a Sarah Palin is a “Inmyneighbourhood,halfthekids loseanyonemoney,Ididn’t go toHolly- romance.” turnedout to becabdrivers,gangsters and woodandmake junk.Ididn’ttrytocurry Afterhiscurrentfilm, MidnightinParis, colourful spice low-lifes,theotherhalflawyers,account- favourwiththeaudience orcritics. Itried whichheisfilmingthis summer,he may in the recipe of antsanddoctors. Iwasn’ta goodstudent tomakegoodwork.Unfortunatelymybest ‘At a certain age makea politicalfilm,“lessrelevantto the andIgotinto showbusiness becauseof isn’tFellini’sbest.” problems weface, notset withinthis democracy. luck.IfIhadn’thadthat,ormytalent,I Wouldhe evergiveup? “No,it’sa good administration,butadjacentto it”.He Me and Sarah wouldhavebeeninthelowerhalf.Iwould distractionforme.IfIgaveup,I’dbesitting thinksBarackObamais“doing agreatjob” havehadamenialjob,likemyfather.” athomethinkingaboutmymortality.” and“ashe gains sometractionandsome — we could do Thatsaid,ifhecoulddoit allover,he Asforregrets,hewondersifhe didn’ttry you conclude savvy—andstopsbeingsucha naïvelittle a romance wouldhavewantedtobeacriminal lawyer, hardenoughonsomeprojects,orthat sweetheart—he’llgetmorethings journalist orwriter.“Iwould havebeen maybe heshouldhavestayedat college, accomplished”. betteroffbeinganovelist thanadirector. gotabettereducationanddoneadifferent Hewould loveto appearon screen At least attheendoftwo yearsifyoudon’t job,or“atleastbecomeadeeperartist”.He again, hesays forcefully.It couldevenbein likeyourbookyoucan throw itout, worriesthathestayed intheodd that greatness afilmhe hadn’twritten,“butnoone’sever whereasI’ve gotto putthefilm,andit relationshipfortoolong(he won’t say offeredmeanything.Inthesameway couldbetheworst filmintheworld,out whichones,butMiaFarrowpresumably) peoplefoundpartsforWalterMatthau there.” anddidn’tpursueothersthat mighthave whenhe gotolderbecausehewasfunny, Ishehappywithhisfilms? “No,”he says madehim happy. you’dthinkthey wouldfindsomethingfor firmly.“I’vesquanderedan opportunity WhataboutSoon-Yiandallthat is not in you’ me.” thatpeoplewouldkill for.Ihavehad happenedwhentheygottogetherwhen Ageingseems to obsesshim,Isay. completeartisticfreedom.Otherdirectors shewas22andhe56?Farrowhad “Ageing,death:thesethingsintrudeupon don’t getthatin theirlifetime.But Ihavea discoverednudepicturesofherthatAllen “Godforbidthepeoplewhohavebad you.Whenyougetoutof bed youfind,‘Oh verypoorrecordgiventheopportunities hadtakenand,afteracourtcaseover The icon trashes luck,orevenneutralluck,becauseeven Godmybackhurts’ and‘OhGodI’vegota I’vehad.Out of40filmsIshouldhave30 custodyofthecouple’sthreechildren(one theluckiest,themostbeautifuland paininthebackof myneck’.Youstartto masterpieces,eightnoblefailuresandtwo biological,twoadopted),Allen’sconduct his talent, wonders brilliant,whathavethey got? Aminuscule, feelyourage: itfinds you.You’reawareof embarrassments, butit hasn’tworkedout wascalled“grosslyinappropriate”by the meaninglesslifespanin thegrandscheme deathyourwholelife,constantlysweeping thatway.Manyofthefilmsareenjoyable judge,whodeniedhimvisitingrightsto why he’s never cast ofthings.” itundertherugandeventuallyithappens bythemeanstandards ofmovies,butlook oneofhisadoptedchildren.Allenisathis Wow,sotheyearsoftherapywere —youjusthave tohope aspainlessly as atwhathasbeenaccomplishedbypeople mostsureandvehementoverthis.“Oh, I in films and assures helpful,then.“PeoplethinkI’vespentmy possible.Ioncesaid inamoviethatthe whohavedonebeautifulthings— havenoregretsaboutthat,”hesays lifeon thecouch becauseI’veplayedthat nicestthingyoucould wishforistosay Kurosawa,Bergman,Fellini, Buñuel, dismissively.“I fellinlovewithSoon-Yiand Tim Teeman that part sorelentlesslyinmynightclubact,on goodnighttoyourloved one,say‘We’llgo Truffaut—andthenlookatmyfilms.I itwasnoone’sbusinessbutmine.Thecourt TVandinthemovies. I’vehadtherapy,but tothemuseumtomorrow’,thennever havesquanderedmyopportunitiesandI caseneverbotheredmeforasecond,I he’s not a neurotic notan ungodly amount.Iexaggerateitfor wakeup again.” havenobodyto blamebutmyself.” workedthrough thatandmylawyersdealt laughs.Onecould evenpointtomeasa Whenhedies, Allensays“I’d like tobe Thisissaid equably,notself-pityingly,or withwhattheyhadtodealwith.”Hepauses decentadvertisementforit.I’vebeen cremated,andIwantnofuss.Iwouldnot invitingsoothingplatitudes. “Ican’tblame andlaughs.“Thatthatshouldhavebeen productiveall mylife,I’venevertaken likea memorialbywell-meaning friends, astudio’sinterference.Iused theactors, worstthethingthathappenedtome. .” sleepingpillsoranantidepressant.I’ve ortobemourned. I’dliketo beforgottenas scriptsandmusicIwanted.Icutthemthe Whataboutotherpeople’soutrage beenmarriednowfor13years. Ihavetwo quicklyaspossible.”Hesaysthis very wayIwanted. Stillthey weren’t great.” abouttherelationship?“Itdidn’tbother nicechildren andgoodrelationshipswith tightly.“Idon’t wanttobeaburden onmy Quitealotof peoplelikehismovies,I meintheslightest.Thefact thatthepublic practicallyall thepastwomenI’vebeen childrenormywifeoranyonewhotakes pointout.“There areafew betterthan wasup inarmsthatIwasinlovewith involvedwith.Ihavelong-term aninterestin suchanevent.” others,halfa dozen, butit’sa surprising Soon-Yiwaslessthanzerotome.Iwent friendships, businesspartners,I’vebeena Hewantshisashesscatteredover paucityof worthwhilecelluloid.”(Thesix withher,marriedher,Ihaveagreat I fairlysolidcitizen. I’mnotacrazy.” MadisonAvenue.OfNewYork,hiseternal heprizes: PurpleRoseofCairo,MatchPoint, marriagewithher,Ihavetwokids[Bechet nthechillyhushof agrand Hepausesin thisstout character muse,hesays: “Ilove itbecauseIwas BulletsOverBroadway,Zelig,Husbandsand andManzie,both adopted]. Idonotaccept buildingon NewYork’sUpperEastSide reference.“Well,I’mclaustrophobic;who broughtuphere.I’mattachedtoit.” WivesandVickyCristina Barcelona.)“You anyone’scredentialstohave anyopinion liesNarniaofasort:WoodyAllenHQ,a wants to bestuckina lift forthreehours? Hegrewupin Brooklyn;achildhood,he reachacertainageandyoucometo the aboutit. windowlessbunkerwhereforthepast30 ButIdon’t broodonexistential orpersonal says,thatwas“thatclichéof:‘You’repoor conclusionthat greatnessisnotinyou,” “Iworked steadilythroughit all,Imade yearsthedirectorhascast,editedand terrors.” butyoudon'tknowit’.Wedidn’t haveany Allensays.“Youaspiredto greatnesswhen movies,playedwithmyband,toured the test-screened hisfilms.Therearecabinets Insteadhestatesthem.AttheCannes moneybutIdidn’t missameal. Iwasa youwereyounger.buteither through lack world.But aspotonmyskin,an downoneside(containingthemusicon FilmFestivalinMay,presentinghislatest goodathlete.Myparentsweremarriedfor ofindustryorlackof disciplineorsimply unexplainablepainsomeplace—those 33rpmvinylheusesinhismovies).A film,You WillMeetaTallDark Stranger,he 60years,IlovedthembutIwasn’t closeto lackofgeniusyoudidn’tachievegreatness. kindsof thingscausemeanxiety.I projectionboothisconcealedatoneendof noted therewas“noadvantagetogetting mymother.Shewasatypical,complain- Theyearsgobyandyourealise:‘I’mthis instantlygoto adoctor.It’slikeAilments theroom,a largewhitescreenattheother. older” andthat hehadnoplanstocast ing,Jewishmotherandmyfatherwaslike mid-levelguy.’IdidthebestIcould.” Anonymous.PeoplethinkI’ma Allenenters,in whiteshirtandkhaki himselfinanyfuturefilmsbecausehe felt me,an easygoing,card-playingsportsguy Henotesmyslightlystricken hypochondriac,butI’mnot.I’man trousers.Helooksyoungerthanthe too old.“Youcan imaginehowfrustrating whotook meto baseballandfishing.” expression.“It’snothardtoaccept.Ididn’t alarmist.”But he’sneverhadaserious charactershe playedonscreenmorethan itiswhenIdothesemovieswithScarlett Growingup,hewantedtobein compromiseorsellout,butI’venever illness.“No.Andmymotherlivedto96, adecadeago,hishair tidy,partedand JohanssonandNaomiWattsandthe showbusiness andbecameagagwriterin achievedwhatIhopedto.” myfatherto nearly100,andifIget sandybrown.It’sonly whenhe says“Let youngerguysgetthem,andI’mjusttheold histeens.“Ibecameadirectorout of Buthisstandingissohigh. “Iseemyself chappedlips Iimmediatelythinkit’sfatal.” meputin myhearing aidsoIcanhearyou” guy,thedirector,”he said. necessity,"hesays.“Iwrotemyfirstscript from myownglassenclosure,”hesays. Heissmiling,butnotjoking. thatyouremember heis74. WhatisitwithAllenandage-gap (What’sNew Pussycat?)andthestudio “I’mnolongerthevictimof fantasiesof Allendoesn’t appearin hisnewfilm, movies,fromManhattan to Whatever badgeredme.AfterthatIfelt Ihadto ‘Some dayI’mgoing tomakeCitizenKane WhateverWorksopenstomorrow WhateverWorks(reviewed onpage 14). Works,andmorespecifically casting LarryDavidof Curb YourEnthusiasmplays youngermuses?“Theage gapthing Annie Hall, 1977 Broadway Danny Rose, 1984 “anemotionalextension”of Allen,the doesn’t interestme,”Allen