Autobiography of a Revolutionary Roberto Kolechofsky Jews for Animal Rights y membership in the Animal Rights Movement was unpredictable. I did not join the movement. I was cata­ Editors' Note: M pulted into it. I did not go looking for it. I did not know it existed. I turned a page An incorrect identification in a book, I turned a corner in the universe and was confronted with a terrible evil. But now I of affiliation for Roberta know, and my life has changed. An immense Kalechofsky was made in the detour in myself, foremost as a writer, has developed. I ache for myoid themes, the Summer 1989 issue. See page material ofJewish-Christian relations I explored in Bodmin, or the first five centuries of 210 of this issue. Christianity I had come to know so well I could itemize the goods lying on the wharves of Ostia where slaves and animals for the gladiatorial ©Roberta Kalechofsky, 1989 AUTOBIOGRAPHY Fall 1989 233 Between the species Autobiography ofa Revoluti07Ulry combats disembarked from foreign shores, to die place of "knOWledge'; I was raised to believe that for the entertainment of an over-ripe civilization. I God knew everything I did, and everything I did worry about whether I will ever again have time to mattered. That impression of a direct line write about these themes and ages, the centuries between me and God faded as I matured, but which formed my first notions of barbarity, of cru­ enough remained so that when it was evident elties in well-worn traditions. Ah! the blessings of that my husband and I were going to marry an historical framework, even for barbarism. (there was no formal declaration of this, just a The 20th century is hard on writers. It has sliding towards inevitability), I told him that if he depleted our stock of language about evil. Ernest was going to marry me, he should be prepared to Hemingway turned his back on language after the know that I had a destiny to fulfIll. He asked me first World War; George Steiner wrote his elegy on if I knew what it was. When I told him I didn't, language after the Holocaust. Time and again, I he shrugged his shoulders and decided to take think how useful "anti-Christ" (as the antithesis to his chances anyway. He did not know what I was good) was to Christian medieval writers. I need a talking about. Neither did I. word to describe "Unnecessary Fuss" as the The years that were responsible for this polarization of whatever I might mean by God. peculiar slant were spent in a partly rural neigh­ Blasphemy, like evil, is in the dustbin. borhood of Brooklyn, popUlated by Christians When the cultural force of a word dies, a and Jews from Eastern Europe, Polish Catholics dictionary definition might be useful, except that and Russian Orthodox Slavs with Mongolian my Oxford Universal Dictionary defines "evil" as "A. faces. Summer nights, in the democracy of heat, adj. the antithesis of Good. Now little used, everyone sat outside on folding chairs and gos­ except in literary English." Is it then a term used siped. Summer nights, too, we were periodically only be archaic writers? Is so, what word shall invaded by a menace, the equivalents of Skin­ 20th century writers use to denote the heads, who would set bonfires on nearby empty dismantling of the universe as known by atavistic lots and perform rituals I was forbidden to watch. believers in a creative force once called God, Milk and fruit and vegetables were delivered by called Ya-wha, called shaping Genius, Source of horse-drawn carts. (True mechanization did not breath and soul-stuff, called life-force, called begin until after the second World War.) Some teleology, called Providential, called covenantal, people kept goats or a few chickens in their backc called the Promise-Never-to-Destroy-Again, called yards. When the animals were killed, I did not see the-Voice-in-the-Whirlwind, in-the-thunder, from­ it. I did not go to the slaughterhouses which were the-mountain, called Father-of-Mercies, called 1­ small, local places at the time. When my grand­ Who-will-be-with-you-always. Yes? mother brought home a dead chicken and placed I grew up in a patchwork of traditions and it on her lap to pluck its feathers, I did not relate beliefs, lucky to survive the crush of contradic­ it to living ones. The act of violent death was tions in my family and in my culture. Animals secret to me, the dead and the living separate had little to do with the first thirty-five years of creatures, until one night I bit into the forbidden my life, so that it is a marvel that they now have apple and went where I was told not to go. I stole everything to do with the Jewish upbringing I out of the circle of night gossipers to watch this had the first ten years of my life. My parents were other human race from another world at their separated when I was a year old, my mother an bonfire rituals, racing dogs and daring one aspiring modern Jew, my father the only son of another to leap over the flames they had made. Orthodox Jews who regarded modernity as one The night crackled with a contagious violence. more phase to be tolerated and ignored in the The dogs on their leashes went wild with frenzy history of the Jewish people. Real history was the when a kitten was caught, was bound by her paws line of development from God to Adam and Eve to a spit, and placed over a bonfire to burn. to the generations of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, I have a memory of not feeling anything, to Moses, to me. The rest were passing fancies. I except that I should report "this thing" at once never heard of Darwin until I got to college. In - I was definitely not grown-up enough to deal Between the Species 234 Fall 1989 Autobiography ofa Revolutionary with it. I have a memory of myself running back, things, the response of adolescent body to sultry confidently, to the circle of grown-ups sitting in night. It was a nature devoid of animals, except the shadow of the trees, to deliver my report, for an occasional muzzled bulldog terrier with a curious primness about how I went about (favorite breed at the time). Cows ina country the business of reporting evil. Directly - as I had field terrified me. I couldn't tell them from the been told to do. Opening my mouth. Saying: bull, and the bull had a bad reputation. Animals "Dear Editor, I wish to report an evil in my neigh­ belonged in cages or in books or on a leash. I did borhood. Surely, you will print my letter, and not know they existed in any other way. Tarzan inform the world." There was a pause in the and Cheetah were a myth. Sundays were spent gossip, nothing more. Only the breezes stirred. desultorily in parks and zoos with my father, The sounds that remained of the incident were whose visiting rights entitled him to that, and me the mewing of the kitten and the frenzied to throwing peanuts at the elephants and barking of a dog. I did not know then that I was watching the monkeys masturbate. witnessing a common ritual in brutality, unpre­ This prolonged ignorance about animal life tentious in its mechanism, no supporting vested began to disappear when my husband taught me interests, no class conflicts, no ideology, no reli­ how not to fear dogs. Being a jogger and a biker, gious motivations; most likely rooted in the need I was made miserable by dogs who ran after me. to master death by becoming a technician of the My husband taught me how to talk to them. process, practiced by those to whom death is an Instructed that almost anydog I would meet on a obsession; and that the reactions of those to city street would most likely be domesticated, I whom I delivered my report were equally com­ learned how to say sternly, "Go home" - the monplace, the hiatus in conscience through only two words I knew in their language, but they which history flows. worked. To me, they worked like a miracle. Dogs A dozen years went by before I thought about wagged their tails and trotted away. (This tech­ that incident again. I had become a writer, self­ nique does not work with rapists.) Dogs, I consciously, with the objective of being pub­ learned, were sociable creatures. They under­ lished, being read, becoming famous, writing stood language in a context. My next step was to prose that would do what I wanted it to do ­ pat the dogs I spoke to. Friendliness became an change the world. I did not want my writing to open sesame to the animal world. The dogs reflect it, to "hold the mirror up to nature." I along my jogging route became part of my land­ wanted to re-write history, smash the mirror and scape of nature, the gardens and early morning put it back together again in language that would sunlight I loved to see. compel change. I could not recover from Eden. I A friend once asked me where I got my love of was hopelessly naive. nature. I told him from the Bible, but after I left The first story of mine to be published dealt my grandparents to live with my mother, around with this early incident.