TRACKING THE INVISIBLE: QUEER APPROACHES TO PARENTHOOD AND FAMILY IN TURKEY by Sema Merve İş Submitted to the Graduate School of Arts and Social Sciences in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts Sabancı University Spring 2012-2013 TRACKING THE INVISIBLE: QUEER APPROACHES TO PARENTHOOD AND FAMILY IN TURKEY Approved by: Ayşe Gül Altınay................................ (Thesis Supervisor) Hülya Adak ................................ Begüm Başdaş ................................ Date of Approval: 06.09.2013 © Sema Merve İş 2013 All Rights Reserved ! ABSTRACT TRACKING THE INVISIBLE: QUEER APPROACHES TO PARENTHOOD AND FAMILY IN TURKEY Sema Merve İş Cultural Studies, MA Thesis, 2013 Supervisor: Associate Professor Ayşe Gül Altınay Keywords: LGBT, Queer, Gender, Family, Parenthood, Ethnography This thesis focuses on the experiences of parents and the dreams and plans of parents-to-be that are abjected by the heteronormative family system. Based on semi-structured, in-depth interviews and participant-observation with lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer parents, the research explores the strategies developed by these parents for raising their children in the context of the heteronormative family system. How do these parents constitute a challenge for the “ideal nuclear family” form that is constitutive of nation-state practices? How do they experience or approach the school, which is heavily shaped by heteronormativity, as part of their parenting process? What are the different ways in which they define and experience themselves as “parents”? Asking such questions, this thesis critically analyzes the different articulations of queer parenthood and their challenge to compulsory heterosexuality, conjugality, and compulsory parental identification. The ethnography not only traces parents’ relations with their children and their children’s school, but also their self-identification as a parent in the dichotomous gender system. In this sense, this research provides a thorough questioning of parental identifications within the heterosexual matrix and explores the possibilities of “non-compliant” parenting. The thesis aims to contribute to the existing literature on family and motherhood in Turkey by exploring the intersections between gender, sexual orientation and parenthood. i" " ÖZET GÖRÜNMEYENIN İZİNİ SÜRMEK: TÜRKİYE’DE EBEVEYNLİK VE AİLEYE QUEER YAKLAŞIMLAR Sema Merve İş Kültürel Çalışmalar, Yüksek Lisans Tezi, 2013 Tez Danışmanı: Associate Professor Ayşe Gül Altınay Anahtar Sözcükler: LGBT,Queer, Toplumsal Cinsiyet, Aile, Ebeveynlik, Etnografi " Bu tez, heteronormatif aile sistemi tarafından dışlanmış ebeveynlerin deneyimlerine ve ebeveyn adaylarının hayallerine ve planlarına odaklanmaktadır. Çalışma, yarı-yapılandırılmış, derinlemesine mülakat ve katılımcı gözlemci tekniğine dayanarak lezbiyen, biseksüel, trans ve queer ebeveynlerin heteronormatif aile sistemi bağlamında çocuklarını yetiştirmek için nasıl stratejiler geliştirdiğini incelemektedir. Bu ebeveynler ulus-devlet pratiklerinin temel yapısı olan “ideal çekirdek aile” formuna nasıl bir karşı çıkışı temsil etmektedirler? Ebeveynlik süreçlerinin bir parçası olan heteronormativite tarafından şekillenen okulu veli olarak nasıl deneyimlemektedirler? Kendilerini “ebeveyn” olarak nasıl farklı şekillerde tanımlıyorlar ve bu ebeveyn kimliğini nasıl deneyimliyorlar? Bu sorular çerçevesinde bu tez, queer ebeveynliğin farklı ifadelendirmelerini ve zorunlu heteroseksüelliğe, evlilik bağına ve zorunlu ebeveynlik kimliğine karşı çıkış noktalarını analiz eder. Bu etnografik çalışma ebeveynlerin çocuklarıyla ilişkilerini ve çocuklarının okuluyla ilişkilenmelerini incelemenin yanı sıra ikili cinsiyet sistemi evreninde bir ebeveyn olarak kendilerini nasıl tanımladıklarının izini sürer. Bu bağlamda, araştırma heterosüksel matris içerisindeki ebeveyn kimliklerini sorgular ve “uygunsuz” ebeveynlik deneyimlerini inceler. Bu tez, Türkiye’de varolan aile ve annelik literatürüne toplumsal cinsiyet, cinsel yönelim ve ebeveynliğin kesişimini analiz ederek katkı sunmayı hedeflemektedir. ii" " To Derya, Çiçek, Ceren, Zeynep, Eda, Özge, Elif, Memo, Zin, Derin, Leyla, Esra, Defne, Dilan and Tuana iii" " ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I first would like to express my deepest gratitude to my thesis advisor Ayşe Gül Altınay. She was always supportive about my thesis from the very first day I have opened up what was on my mind. Her academic and intellectual guidance, incessant enthusiasm for my thesis, her encouragement and patience at every stage of this work have given me the strength to continue. I am also thankful to Begüm Başdaş and Hülya Adak for both their initial advice about the thesis proposal and their insightful comments on the final product which will also contribute to my future work. This thesis would not have been written without the help and support of my dearest friends Sema, Şebnem, Nihal, and Duygu who have always been there for me. I also owe Bade a depth of gratitude with regards to her great emergency help. I am deeply grateful to my sister and my mother because without their unconditional love and support, and their trust in this life, I wouldn’t be able to learn what the love, compassion and cooperation was. Lastly, I am so blessed to be with Ezel, Turşu, Cici and Sarışın. Their love and companionship has always made me realize the flowers during this journey. " iv" " TABLE OF CONTENTS CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTION: “HELLO MY DEAR!” …………………………..………1 1.1. Research Participants: Love Derya, Çiçek, Ceren, Zeynep, Eda, Özge, Elif, Memo, Zin, Derin, Leyla, Esra, Defne, Dilan, Tuana…………………........................................................4 1.1.1. Data and Method………………………....................................................................4 1.1.2. The Field: Meeting with the Parents and Parents-to-be…………………………….6 1.2. After the Field Research…………………………….............................................................30 1.2.1. The Issue of Access…………….............................................................................30 1.2.2. Renegotiating Research Questions……………………………………..………....31 1.2.3. Disputing Compulsory Parental Identification………………………..…………..33 1.3. Situating the Literature………………………………………………………….…………..35 1.3.1. Turkey……………………………………………………………….…………….37 1.4. Outline of the thesis………………………………………………………….……………...40 CHAPTER II. “NO MORE SAFE HAVEN”: THE CONSTRUCTION OF NUCLEAR FAMILY WITH “AT LEAST THREE CHILDREN”.............................................................42 Introduction…………………………………………....................................................................43 2.1. The research participants’ families……………….................................................................44 2.2. The construction of nuclear family in Turkey………………................................................49 2.2.1. Early years of the Turkish Republic………………................................................52 2.2.2. The rise of the feminist movement………………..................................................55 2.2.3. The 1990s and 2000s of feminist movement………………...................................58 2.2.4. LGBT movement……………….............................................................................60 2.3. The reconstruction of the Turkish family structure under the AKP………………………...67 2.3.1. The dichotomy of women and men……………….................................................69 2.3.2. At least three children………………......................................................................70 2.3.3. Preventing divorce………………...........................................................................72 2.3.4. Heterosexuality………………................................................................................74 2.3.4.1. Revisiting heterosexuality through the crisis of Yunus’s family………..76 Conclusion……………….............................................................................................................80 CHAPTER III. A REEXAMINATION OF PARENTHOOD THROUGH QUEER PRACTICES…………………………………………………………………………….……...82 Introduction………………..........................................................................................................82 3.1. “Your mother was not an angel, sweetheart!”……………….............................................83 3.1.1. From compulsory identities to parental identification………………..................84 3.1.2. From taking motherhood for granted to exploring the intersections of Queer theory and kinship theory………………………………………………………………………………..86 3.1.2.1. What is queer?………………...................................................................87 3.1.2.2. What happens when queer meets kinship?……………….......................89 3.2. Parental identifications also matter………………................................................................94 3.2.1. Parental identifications of parents-to-be………………..........................................96 v" " 3.2.1.1. Mother………………...............................................................................96 3.2.1.2. Identification depends on the child’s preference………………..............99 3.2.1.3. Leyla: Because of the ambiguity of having two mothers………...……101 3.2.1.4. From Dilan to Father……………….......................................................103 3.2.2. Parental identifications of the parents………………............................................106 3.2.2.1. Derya or Deroş………………................................................................107 3.2.2.2. Bızz……………….................................................................................108