THREE DOUBLE STANDARDS THAT HURT Guys AND GIRLS By Krystal Barragan, 17, Staff Writer Guys that have multiple sexual partners get praised, while girls get slut-shamed for having sexual feelings, having sex or just because people think they’ve had sex. Double standards are not fair. They can cause us to lie and feel pressured to be or do something that’s not right for us. They can also be harmful to both guys and girls. I learned this the hard way when a vicious rumor spread about me at school. Double standard: A rule or principle that My freshman year in high school, I quickly latched onto the upperclassmen. I was friends with all of the juniors and seniors. is unfairly applied in different ways to I thought things were going smoothly, until one day I heard a different people or groups. rumor about me! My friend pulled me aside in the cafeteria and whispered what she had heard about me. As she told me, my jaw dropped, and I started to cry tears of anger! Some random Why is it so wrong for guys to be emotional guy made up a story that I “hooked up” with one of his friends. once in a while and cry, but if a girl cries it’s What does that even mean? Everybody who heard this rumor automatically branded me a slut. I was disgusted and hurt perfectly normal—expected even? Why is because it was a false rumor, but that didn’t stop others from slut- it that guys are often praised for having all shaming and judging me. the sex they want, but when a girl has sex, Who knew that being a girl in high school would be so hard? While I was called names, the guy was praised. While I was being she’s called a slut? pointed at and whispered about, he got high fives and pats on the back. He was treated like he scored the winning basket. I, on These are double standards—when two the other hand, was treated like I missed the easy shot that would have won the championship. Then, I realized something. Maybe groups of people, in this case guys and this guy didn’t mean to hurt me. Maybe he was trying to make his girls, are judged differently for the exact friend look better by saying he had “hooked up” with me or maybe same behavior. Why does this happen? Who his friend made up the rumor to make himself feel better. I understand how this double standard hurt me, but how does even made up these standards in the first it hurt guys? What if you’re a guy who doesn’t want to have sex place? I never knew what double standards yet? These guys may feel pressured to have sex—or at least say they’ve had sex. If a guy doesn’t actually have sex, he could lie were until I went to high school. and make up a sex life just for his reputation, which is exactly what happened when rumors started to spread about me. I don’t know who started the rumor, but someone lied to make a guy’s reputation better, not taking my feelings into consideration. And there are guys who may not be lying about the sex they have. But why have sex just because you feel pressured to brag and impress your friends? And what about girls who’ve had sex? Girls who attempt to have a sex life may get slut-shamed and bullied. But again, why treat girls any differently than guys? In some cases, girls may not even be sexually active, and rumors swirl around about them. This can cause them to be slut-shamed also, just like it did to me. This then causes girls to be ashamed of themselves. 16 sexetc.org THREE DOUBLE STANDARDS BOYS WILL BE BO THAT HURT Guys AND GIRLS YS Guys shouldn’t cry or show their true This double standard means girls are encouraged and rewarded for paying a lot of attention to their looks, while guys might get teased emotions, while girls can cry and express or even bullied for the same behavior. Some guys may like to take their emotions. time making sure they look good, and that should be OK. And some girls may not want to worry so much about what they look like and When I asked most of my guy friends if they cry, they responded prefer to be judged for what they know or can do. with a flat out, “No.” They wasted no time thinking about the These double standards are based on gender roles, what we’ve question that I had just asked. I wanted to dig deeper, but no decided is acceptable or unacceptable for guys and girls. It’s OK matter what I asked, they continued to respond with, “No, I don’t for guys to have sex, but not OK for girls. It’s OK for girls to cry, cry.” Guys who claim that they don’t get a little emotional are but not OK for guys to cry. Girls should spend a lot of time on their sometimes simply following the rules that society has laid out for appearance, but guys shouldn’t. We use these rules to judge guys them—their gender role. We all know traditional male gender roles and girls and to control how people behave. And it’s just not fair that say a guy should be a big man who is the provider, rock of that rules are applied differently for guys and girls. Why do we need the family and strong both mentally and physically—and of course, rules like this in the first place? he never, ever cries. We all feel pressure at some point to follow these rules. And we Guys are human beings and should be able to show some may feel pressured to do things that we wouldn’t normally do to vulnerable emotion, whether it’s from a sad movie, a family be accepted by our peers. We can all get caught up in judging member’s death or a joyful moment. We are all human, and we someone for not following the rules or feel pressured to be what all have emotions and hearts. Even the Grinch had a heart. It is other people think we should be, but wouldn’t it be more interesting OK for guys to show some emotions other than anger. I imagine to go through high school having fun and being ourselves? Think it would feel nice for guys not to have to put on a tough-guy front twice the next time you hear someone being slut-shamed or you when he’s feeling emotional. laugh at that guy who got emotional or poke fun at that girl for The double standard that says tears are OK for girls but not for how she dresses. We’re the people who can change these double guys means guys aren’t supposed to express all of the normal standards and make our schools and communities places where it’s emotions, while girls are too often assumed to be overly emotional. safe for guys and girls to be exactly who they are. Women and girls do not just sit home and cry 24 hours a day. We have a range of feelings, just like guys. Double standards like this one mean that people—especially guys—feel pressure to follow the standard that says guys don’t cry. Girls are encouraged and pressured to worry about what they look like, but guys can be teased for worrying too much about what they look like. We live in visual world where everyone is judged by what they look like, but no one is judged as harshly for what they look like as girls and women. Girls are often judged based on appearance, and some girls are pretty harsh on themselves and go crazy over how they look—what brands they are wearing and what size they are. I’m a girl who spends hours getting ready, but what if I didn’t want to fuss over what I looked like? Some people might give me a hard time for that. In contrast a guy could roll out of bed, get dressed and have “bed head” without anyone thinking any less of him. I know more recently there is sometimes pressure on guys to look a certain way, but when there is pressure on guys to look a certain way, there’s a lot less on them than girls. A guy who spends a lot of time on his looks runs the risk of being teased for worrying too much about what he looks like. Why Wonder? 17.