Garden Grove Unified School District

Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesTo: All 7-12 ELA, ELD, and Special Ed. TeachersFrom: Deirdre Coffey & Michelle Wikle, ELA TOSAsRe: New 7-12 Writing Anchor Papers (Round II)Date: June 1, 2009During the 2007-2008 school year, our district Writing Consult met to update and revise our 7-12 writing process and develop new rubrics. As new rubrics are implemented, anchor papers serve important instructional and professional development purposes. They allow us to calibrate and align our scoring across classrooms and schools. Additionally, they provide students with models of writing, for each genre and grade-level, that meet standards and against which they can compare their own work and plan specific improvements. Using our new writing rubric, your Writing Consult has thus far spent two days during the 08-09 school year calibrating scoring and selecting anchor papers. Each ELA department has been an integral part of this process by assisting in identifying representative papers from each school, which were then sent on to the consult for use in calibration of scoring and selection of anchors. The attached anchor papers represent score points for each grade level (grades 9, 11 and 12 have score points 1-3 only) and the following genres: . Grade 7: Fictional Narrative . Grade 8: Personal Narrative . Grade 9: Autobiographical Narrative . Grade 10: Biographical Narrative . Grade 11: Response to Literature . Grade 12: Reflective NarrativeNote that the 7-8 anchors are designed to illustrate a student’s independent level of writing, and thus, reflect cold or in-class prompts rather than process writing (gauging instructional level of writing with support); the 9-12 anchors are the product of process writing. The attached anchor papers are a supplement to the score point “3” anchors provided in September. The writing consult will continue the process of calibrating scoring, pulling and publishing anchor papers of all score points, 1-4, for further genres across grade-levels. Thank you in advance for your participation in this important work, both at the school and district level.  cc: 7-12 Administrators K-12 Cabinet 7-12 Office 1 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 7Genre: Fictional Narrative Prompt: Imagine that the world’s technologies suddenly stopped working (for example, the internet, computers, and other electronic devices). Write a fictional narrative about a situation that could happen if this occurred.This paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following:Strategies: Although this essay displays somewhat of a story line, the sequence of events is limited and left underdeveloped; a lack of transition usage restricts this essay from “approaching standards.”Conventions: The short story is very weak in subject/verb agreement, varied sentence types, and the use of complete sentences. Spelling and punctuation does not yet meet an “approaching standards” score.Applications: Although characters are introduced and details are attempted, the complexity with regard to description is not established. Even though a basic story line is attempted, it is minimal, the narrative portion is undeveloped, and a resolution is not reached.2 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7th grade Fictional Narrative AnchorNo Title Given by AuthorOne time in November-6-09 Joe was in school he was in the computer he stared to see that the computer didn’t work. They look at there telephono they dind’t work. They was no tv, cars and any technologies. Joe didn’t know what to do he was only 11 year old. All studet went home now body know what hoppen. later Joe was whaching the sky he run to hes house it was 8:00. It was dark inside he run in side the house becouse ther’e was something caming down the sky. Now body shows what was that.They were traing to make cars and computers they were making techologie. they said it going to work all the people helped one week later it was back to no techologie it didn’t work. 4 weeks later they came 4 astronotsFrom the sky they said that the alions People From out of Erth. they said that they almost gat kill by the alions and the don’t know how they gat to the Irth.They think all is going to be obey in zolo. The aliens are traing to take are techologie. 3 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 7Genre: Fictional NarrativePrompt: Imagine that the world’s technologies suddenly stopped working (for example, the internet, computers, and other electronic devices). Write a fictional narrative about a situation that could happen if this occurred.This paper scores a “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:Strategies: This short story follows a sequence of events in a logical order, but has limited transitions to help guide the reader through the events of the story.Conventions: This paper shows some evidence in style, but more varied sentence types are needed to enhance the personal style of the writer. Correct usage of capital letters and punctuation is present.Applications: This short story attempts complex character development. Some use of dialogue and narrative action is used to characterize the main character. More sensory details and imagery are needed to create a definite setting and to appeal to the reader’s senses. The body of the story lacks complications and conflicts necessary to lead up to a suspenseful climax. 4 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7th grade Fictional Narrative AnchorSummerspringsIt was a casual, sunny day in Summersprings, where everything goes wrong. The wind was horrible those days. Alex, colored skinned, and very tall lived with her only son, Micheal. Michael was a young, tall, native boy. They both knew what would happen in town since they lived for years. It starts as a beautiful day and ends as a disaster.Michael was reading a very old, rusty book on the bed. He used a simple candle to read the dictionary for HW and a little from the moonlight. Alex and Michael used candles everywhere around the house since there was no lights. It was a disaster because no internet, electricity, or even radio to hear the news.“Michael it’s dinner time!” exclaimed Alex, running and shouting over the roar of the wind.“I’ll be there in a minute!” answered Michael with a smile across his face, though he wanted to still read. Down the stairs he went as fast as he could to return to the book. “It’s so dark, isn’t son?” interrogated Alex.5 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services“Yes mom, but isn’t there a… “Michael didn’t finish talking. She felt questioned, walking around. She knew what he meant.After dinner they decide to tell the neighbors if there is any help. While walking, Alex crashed into a wall, bleeding and was taken to the hospital. The neighbors gathered around to get electricity fast before something else happens.“I found one!” a neighbor shouted right in Michaels ear while heading towards the crowd. They found electricity! They all tried together and it went back on! Michael was taken to man at the hospital. After all Summersprings is known to be terrible, but the people in it are not.6 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 7Genre: Fictional NarrativePrompt: Imagine that the world’s technologies suddenly stopped working (for example, the internet, computers, and other electronic devices). Write a fictional narrative about a situation that could happen if this occurred.This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: The essay relates the story’s sequence of events in a logical order. Multiple paragraphs with effective transitions guide the reader through the events in the story.Conventions: Although some errors are present, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions.Applications: The essay includes all of the elements of plot structure. The body of the story creates complications and conflicts that rise to a suspenseful climax. Dialogue, narrative action, and sensory details are present.7 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7th grade Fictional Narrative AnchorWhat HappenedIt was a normal day for young twelve-year-old, Jack. It was Saturday Night, no school, kids playing, and people going out watching late night movies. Jack was playing on his computer, typing, and staring at the glowing screen. As he was controlling his character in the online-world, his computer suddenly turned off. He grabbed his cell phone to call his parents but it wasn’t on. Jack tried turning it on, over and over again.“That’s weird,” Jack said putting on hand on his head. “It’s like all the power went off but why won’t my phone work.”Jack looked outside the window. He felt like his dark brown hair had turned gray. He felt as if his skin turned pale. He wasn’t just addicted to the computer, but he was also addicted to technology. Jack frowned and saw all 8 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services the neighbors coming out, rioting. Jack decided to go out. He put on his shoes, slapped his jacket on, and ran outside.“Hey! What happened to the phone-line? I was chatting with my grandparents from Japan!” Jessica screamed with rage.Jessica was Jack’s classmate, neighbor, and best friend. Her parents died when she was three in a plane crash and she lives with her older sister.“It seems like all the technology devices died,” said a man from the neighborhood.Two figures come out and were panting as they grabbed Jack’s shoulder. “Hey! Who are you? Don’t touch me!” Jack said curiously.“Jack, it’s us.” said the larger figure.“Dad? Mom?” Jack said“Yes, dear,” said Jack’s mom.“wait, what happened to the car?” Jack asked.“It would start up. No noise. No movement. Just plain nothing,” said Jack’s dad.Jack and his parents all went back into the house. Jack went into his room and tucked himself into bed.“It’s only one night. It’s not like it’s going to stay like this forever.” Jack thought.9 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesHis eyes started growing tired and his mouth made a large yawn. His eyes started closing as if it was a long blink. It was already enough, he was asleep.The next day, Sunday morning, Jack was still asleep. He was usually woken up by an alarm clock. Jessica sneaked into his room and poked him. She screamed, “wake up! Jack or I’ll dump pudding in your pants!”Jack’s eyes suddenly opened and he automatically got up. Jack looked down on his clothes and saw Jessica, a girl, in his room. He turned red and pushed Jessica out of the room. He put on a T-shirt, baggy jeans, and some socks.“Okay, now you can come,” Jack said.Jessica pushed through the door.“Hey I heard there’s this new online game!” Jessica said smiling“Sure, let me turn on my computer.” Jack said.Jack tried turning on his computer. It didn’t make a sound. Jack and Jessica stared cluelessly at the computer.“It seems like, technology suddenly stopped everywhere,” Jessica brought up.“It’s possible,” Jack replied.Jack had an idea. If he unplugged everything and plugged it in again. It would for sure force everything to work. He, Jessica, his Mom, and Dad splitted up and unplugged everything.10 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services“One!” said Jack.“Two!” said Jessica“Three!” exclaimed all of them.They plugged in the things and suddenly everything started working. Who knew one house can change so much?Jack still a computer-freak managed to take time away from technology. Jessica ended up moving to Japan with her grandparents. The two still keep in touch. Jack’s parents car was missing but they ended up getting a cool new car. Life for Jack may have changed but everyone is happy.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor Paper11 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesGrade-level: 7Genre: Fictional NarrativePrompt: Imagine that the world’s technologies suddenly stopped working (for example, the internet, computers, and other electronic devices). Write a fictional narrative about a situation that could happen if this occurred.This paper scores a “4” (excels at standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: The essay relates the story’s sequence of events in a logical order. Multiple paragraphs with effective transitions guide the reader through the events in the story. Conventions: Varied sentence types are used throughout. Style and voice are clearly present. Grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions, despite incidental errors.Applications: Narrative action, dialogue, and sensory details contribute to a realistic story. The essay shows rather than tells the characters’ feelings. Complications contribute to an effective climax and believable resolution. The writer thoroughly addresses all elements of a narrative plot line.7th grade Fictional Narrative Anchor12 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesUnitedThe residents of Beaumont seemed to be completely frozen, longing for the contraption to work.The town of Beaumont was peaceful, yet isolated. In an average home lived an average boy named Tyson Smith who lived with his father.“Son, come and look!” said Mr. Smith, waving him over. On the news, reporter James Jameson told the world of the crisis. Throughout Asia and Russia, power shortages occurred leaving citizens pondering what has provoked this disastrous event. One by one, the crisis spread.“Oh my gosh,” Tyson gasped, his jaw spread longer than a giraffe’s neck. His dark brown eyes grew wide.“I think you shouldn’t go to school today,” said Mr. Smith frowning. “It could dan-…” He was cut off by an explosion. Running outside, he saw the poles holding the electric wires topple into the middle of the street.“What happened?” Mr. Brown, their neighbor exclaimed.“My god,” Tyson suddenly realized, “It’s the black-out!” Sprinting across the street, with his powerful legs, Tyson found he was correct. Ever house in Beaumont had lost its power. The crowds gathered in front of the Smiths’ white two-story house.“What do we do?” said the Bernardoes with questionable faces.“How will we live?” added the Wadkins, biting their nails with worry.13 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesTyson, being a genius, rushed into his house and brought out his crank T.V., one that he must’ve taken from his collection of antiquities. He yanked the black rusted antennae and cranked the knob. Amazingly, the T.V. flickered on.“Wow kid!” remarked Dane Wadkins. “You’re brilliant, we can build a man-powered contraption, of sorts, and power the whole town!”“Uh….yeah,” replied Tyson, feeling quite proud.The whole town began work immediately on the man-powered hamster wheel, according to Tyson’s blueprints, that would save their technology-bound lives. When construction finished a month later, some residents were crying tears of joy. As the residents looked upward at the towering mountain of steel glistening in the sun, they waited anxiously to see if this eleven year old boy would be the answer to their prayers. Taken a deep, shaky breath, Tyson slowly stepped into the wheel, fearing it might not work. They started walking, no response. Then, he started running, no response. Finally, he sprinted until all you could see of the wheel was a blur. When all seemed lost, the funnel that dispensed the smoke flared and the machine chugged to life and the houses’ lights flickered on. Cheering and applause ensued.“Tyson! Tyson! Tyson!” The people of Beaumont chanted.The next day, Tyson announced,14 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services“Using our new machine, we must send word across the world, humans rule!”After the day’s celebrations, Mr. Smith approached his son, saying “It seems one person can make a difference.”“Yes dad, yes.” His son responded.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 8Genre: Personal NarrativePrompt: When we are faced with difficult situations, we sometimes discover inner strengths we did not know we had which help us overcome the challenge. Think about a time when you faced a challenge in your life. Write a personal narrative about that time, including specific details that explain what the event was, how you dealt with the situation, how you were able to overcome the challenge, and what the outcome was. Be sure that your readers understand the inner strength you discovered about yourself as a result of overcoming this difficult situation.This paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following:Strategies: The narrative has no introduction, no conclusion, and lacks paragraph structure and organization.Conventions: The narrative is written in past tense and exhibits a simplistic style. The spelling, punctuation, and capitalization do not reflect mastery of English language conventions. Applications: Dialogue is attempted in the essay. However, there is no clear story because the essay does not have a beginning, middle or end. The essay does not reveal the significance of the incident, and the personal challenge is unclear.15 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services8th grade Personal Narrative AnchorNo Title Given by AuthorWhen I was faced with a really bad situation I was shocked because I did not know that it was goanna be this fast. Well to start I had been raised with my two parents and my dad’s dad wich is my grandpa he was my best grandpa because he was my only grandpa, I had my moms dad had previously past away when she was only eight years old so I only had one grandpa wich was my dad’s dad so having him for many years here at the U.S was cool because we use to go eat have fun and go out with my famaly so if came to a point that he had to go back to his home town El Salvador so I was with him for like 10 or 9 years and he left. I was okay with that but while he was overthere he started getting sick, I didn’t really care much because I just thought that it was just going to have a sore throught or he had the cold or something but, It got to a point where it got siries and one day I 16 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services was at church and my mom had told me that she was going to pick me up at 6:00 So i was at Church and When it was over I had called my mom saying that it was 6:00 and if she could pick me up and shes like “oh i’ll get there in5 or 3 min” and im like oh ok I had told my brother and causen that she was on her way. Therefor couple minutes had past min, hrs and she wasent coming so I told my brother and causen- you know what lets just go home either.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 8Genre: Personal NarrativePrompt: When we are faced with difficult situations, we sometimes discover inner strengths we did not know we had which help us overcome the challenge. Think about a time when you faced a challenge in your life. Write a personal narrative about that time, including specific details that explain what the event was, how you dealt with the situation, how you were able to overcome the challenge, and what the outcome was. Be sure that your readers understand the inner strength you discovered about yourself as a result of overcoming this difficult situation.This paper scores a “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:17 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesStrategies: The essay’s introduction has appropriate background information but lacks a clear thesis. While the essay makes good use of supporting details, the hook is missing and the conclusion is weak.Conventions: Multiple and significant spelling errors are present. Short, choppy sentences lead to an ineffective style.Applications: The significance of the incident is not revealed. The essay is weak on narrative descriptions.8th grade Personal Narrative AnchorMy First BikeMy hardest challenge was when I had to fix my bike with no directions. I had no idea what I was doing. So I asked my dad for help. My dad didn’t know what he was doing eighther. We started putting pieces together like if it was a puzzle. My dad asked where the direction was and I said “I have no clue.”As we spent hours putting the pieces together we got one piece together. What to do we asked ourselfs we sorted out the pieces of medal. This is very diffucult because we didn’t even know half of these scraps of 18 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services medal were sorting out. Hours passed and we only got 5 pieces now. We baked up how to build a bike on the internet. A lot websites popped up. We when on all different kinds of web site but, still.Finally we found one that will help. It said a lot of tools and srews we didn’t have. We never give up. We kept on looking and we figured out that this website is for mountain bikes. The bike I had was a BMX or a freestyle bike. We went on google and type how to build a BMX bike.The directions were there so we printed them out. We got the 5 pieces in the wrong place so it took some time off because it was hard to take off. I started putting these parts together “A piece of cake” my dad said.My signifagance was to never give up keep on tryin and you will get it. Now I know where to go when I get a new bike with no directions. I never got to ride my bike that day because it was to late. That was my challenge and I know what to do now.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 8Genre: Personal NarrativePrompt: When we are faced with difficult situations, we sometimes discover inner strengths we did not know we had which help us overcome the challenge. Think about a time when you faced a challenge in your life. Write a personal narrative about that time, including specific details that explain what the event was, how you dealt with the situation, how you were able to overcome the challenge, and what the outcome was. Be sure that your 19 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services readers understand the inner strength you discovered about yourself as a result of overcoming this difficult situation.This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: The essay has an engaging opener with a strong hook, appropriate background information, and a clear and coherent thesis. Anecdotes, descriptions and facts are added to support the main idea. The conclusion is adequate. . Conventions: Use of grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions. Generally speaking, tenses are consistent and correct. Applications: Essay uses strong details, and includes thoughts and feelings. The significance of the situation is revealed. 8th grade Personal Narrative AnchorIt’s Mile Time“On your mark, get set, go!” were the words of my teacher. I always dreaded running the mile because it was always a challenge for me. As 20 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services always, it made me tired and lazy. As I was running across the soft green grass, my eyes started to get groggy. I slowed down and after awhile, I gave up. There was no point in trying because it was just too hard. At the end of the mile, my time was 11 minutes and 53 seconds. Not so good, considering that I used to be able to run it in 10 minutes and less. Inside, I knew I could do better.In the glistening sunny afternoon I decided that I should try harder and change my attitude towards running. Perserverance helped me get my act together. It was a done deal. The next afternoon I was ready to take over this thing. Just as my teacher motioned for us to start, I sprinted as fast as I could out running most of the kids. I ran and had the determination. The breeze of the wind felt good too. I As I crossed that finish line, most of my peers sensed my improvement and congratulated me. My mile time was 9 minutes and 15 seconds. I had improved by 2 minutes. I felt superior! I had achieved my goal.Nowadays, to me running the mile is a piece of cake. My time has improved over a course of just a few weeks. I have changed from a lazy runner to now an exited sprinter. I’ve realized that running helps me become physically healthy and active. Lately everytime I run, I have a good feeling inside me knowing that I’ve been doing well. I love how I get that breeze, which flows through my body helps me stay calm and connected. Inside me, I discovered that I had great strength and the knowledge and power to want 21 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services to work harder. I have reached my goal of improvement. That itself is what I’m proud of.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 8Genre: Personal NarrativePrompt: When we are faced with difficult situations, we sometimes discover inner strengths we did not know we had which help us overcome the challenge. Think about a time when you faced a challenge in your life. Write a personal narrative about that time, including specific details that explain what the event was, how you dealt with the situation, how you were able to overcome the challenge, and what the outcome was. Be sure that your readers understand the inner strength you discovered about yourself as a result of overcoming this difficult situation.This paper scores a “4” (excels at standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: The essay has an engaging opener and a strong thesis. Appropriate background information is provided. Effective transitions between sentences and paragraphs unify important ideas. Specific examples, descriptions and details support the main idea. Conventions: The writer presents a lively and effective personal style. Complex dialogue and sentences are written correctly. Grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions.Applications: The essay narrates a clear, coherent incident and has a sophisticated way of revealing the incident throughout the story. Dialogue helps advance the story, and the writer uses strong, vivid language.22 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services8th grade Personal Narrative AnchorMy First Recital“Two more times,” said my mom, impatiently, “make it perfect!” It was the day of my first piano recital, and I was practicing my song. Somehow, it felt like the keys were extra slippery. I kept on messing up. The song was “Mary had a little lamb”, which was usually very easy for me, but today, it felt like I was trying to play something like Beethoven’s third! I had practiced long and hard for this day, but now I wan’t sure I could actually overcome my nerves.“Okay,” said Hisake, my piano teacher, “that’s enough but remember to put more dynamics!” I went upstairs after she left.“Two more hours before the recital.” I thought sullenly.Two hours passed by very quickly. Before I knew it, I was at Hamni’s Piano Palace, and trembling in my seat. Suddenly, my piano teacher snatched my music sheets out of my hands. I looked up, startled.“Kathy, you know you’re not allowed to bring these,” said Hisako, gently, “besides, you already memorized your song!” She waddled off in her high heels, and I stared at the clock. “Why was it moving so fast?” I thought 23 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services to myself. “It was like moving in fast forward!” There were only 12 people left untill it was my turn.“And now, will be playing Mary had a little Lamb, by anonymous,” called the announcer. It was my turn already?! How was that possible? I was shaking, terrified it had come so quickly. I started to get up, but Christine, the announcer said, “wait, nevermind. There was a mistake in the program.” I was so relieved. I sat back down and tried to relax. I kept picturing different images of me, onstage me, tripping, forgetting my song, mess up on my song. Somehow, embarrass myself, all of those scenes were possible. All of my family would witness me fall! I gave my best effort to not think about that instead, I decided to try and relax my fingers. That would make me play better.“hi” whispered the girl next to me “What’s your name?”“Kathy” I told her “What’s yours?” I took this chance to study her. She had short jet black hair, and blue glasses. The girl had a huge smile on her face, and was very tan. She looked like she was around my age, which was eight.“my names Quinn,” stated the girl, confidently. She didn’t seem nervous at all about the recital. In fact, she held her round head, very high, as if she was impatient, and wanted to get on stage and play her song already.“Maybe,” I thought.” If I talk to her, her confidence will rub off on me! And if it doesn’t at least I have something to take my mind off of 24 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services picturing myself making mistakes. While I was talking to Quinn, I discovered that she was an advanced player who had participated in several recitals.“Don’t you get nervous?!”“Nope. The trick is to pretend the room is empty.”“Will it make me play better?” I asked, really eager to hear her answer.“Of course it will! Try it!” she exclaimed, confidently, as if it was fool proof. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to answer her.When I heard my name called, I started to get nervous again. I had the worst feeling in my stomach, like there were bees flying around and bouncing off each other like crazy. I stood up, shaking, and walked to the stairs, slowly.“Good luck!” called Hisako, flashing a Colgate smile that I couldn’t return. I slowly started up the stairs very grateful that nothing happened so far. Suddenly, I stumbled on the second stair.“Oh great!” I thought, madly I took the rest of the stairs faster and stood on stage. I walked over to the piano, and played my song.“No one but me is here,” I thought, more calmly than I expected. I played my song better than I did at home.25 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services“Dynamics,” I reminded myself, “roll my arms!” Finally, I was done with my song my parents and cousins clapped very loudly. I was ecstatic! Except for that little stumble. I smiled widely as I went back to my seat.“Good job!” said Quinn, before she hurried on to the stage. I sat through the rest of the recital calmly and patiently. I was done! Before the recital ended, I was rewarded with a 3rd place medal my parents looked very proud.After the recital, I realized that though I was very nervous, I was able to stay calm during the actual moment. Now I know that recitals aren’t actually that scary. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even enjoy my next one!7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor Paper Grade-level: 9Genre: Autobiographical NarrativePrompt: We all have defining moments in our life—experiences that have shaped who we are. Write about a childhood experience that stirs up vivid memories or feelings, and explain why this experience is so significant in your life.26 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesThis paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following: Strategies: The narrative lacks an engaging opening and has insufficient background information. The controlling impression is unclear. Topic sentences are not evident and voice and tone are not developed. Conventions: The essay demonstrates poor use of punctuation, syntax, and grammatical structures.Application: The essay does show a sequence of events but lacks sensory details. The significance of the experience is not revealed.9th grade Autobiographical Narrative AnchorMy DadMy dad is the most hard worker person I ever known, once my dad asked me if I wanted to go to work with and I told him yes but he needed to buy me something to eat and he said yes then went to eat something and then27 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services we went to find the address of the house we needed to find but the address we needed to find was difficult because the streets were wired but the car we were in had navigation system then we found the address we needed to find.Then went we got of the car we got the stuff out of the car and my dad was joking around that we came far and that we were not going to sell nothing, then we knock the door and then the people came out then they offered some lemon water then I sat down in the chair and I was looking around and the house looked pretty fancy then my dad starting talking about the company.And the people liked what they were hearing then my that told me to help him to measure the windows then the people liked some windows that cost a lot but they wanted that the house looked good my dad give them a discount and they liked the price and then they said that they were going to change all the windows from their house. And then at the end they bought the windows and then my dad got happy went we left because he hadean sell nothing since two days and he really needed the money to pay the bill then went we came home my mom made some delicious enchiladas that I really enjoyed them eating and I always going to remember because I was so hungry and because we really needed the money to pay bills. 7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor Paper 28 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesGrade-level: 9Genre: Autobiographical NarrativePrompt: We all have defining moments in our life—experiences that have shaped who we are. Write about a childhood experience that stirs up vivid memories or feelings, and explain why this experience is so significant in your life.This paper scores “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:Strategies: The essay has an engaging opening sentence, however the controlling impression is vague. Effective and fluid transitions are needed between sentences and paragraphs to unify important ideas.Conventions: The essay has varied sentence structure and attempts the use of complex sentences. Verb tense is inconsistent. Applications: The essay does show a sequence of events, and vivid sensory details highlight the experience and add to the writer’s voice and style. However, the significance of the experience is not fully explained.9th grade Autobiographical Narrative AnchorHalloween Haunt 29 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesOn a cold October night, I walked shivering from head to toe. We headed over to the line in which hundreds of people stood. My stomach dropped as if I was on a rollercoaster. I was with my two friends, Katherine and Ashley and we thought it would be fun to go to Halloween Haunt at Knott’s. This was an event that only comes around once a year. At the time, Katherine was 11, Ashley was 12, and I was 13. Since I was the oldest, I was supposed to be the bravest but unfortunately, I was petrified. As we anxiously waited to get into the park, Katherine got me to calm down and my adrenaline started to pump. My anxiety began to rise as the line started to move. As we got to the front of the line and my heart started to pound against my chest as the fear returned. We took our first steps into the park and I was already latched onto Katherine’s side seeing the sight of many gruesome creatures. “Aaaaaahhhh!” as the grim Reaper chased after me. All you can hear are screams of terror and laughter. Katherine and Ashley were howling with laughter as I was being harassed by one of the monsters which happened to be a terrifying gorilla with blood dripping from its mouth. I thought if I don’t act terrified then they wont come after me and they would go away. The next monster that came up to us was this sort of punk guy with shredded clothes and scratches on his face. He was a bit scary but I sucked it up and just stared into the black pupils of his eyes. I could feel the squeezing on my arm as 30 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesAshley got scared. We finally decided to escape from the front and head over to Ghost Town. As we headed over to Ghost Town, I couldn’t see a thing. All I saw was the mist coming from the fog machines. I followed the sound of the faint screams and laughter in the distance. By that I could tell if something was going to pop out at us. Luckily, as we headed over the Asylum there weren’t many monster popping out. We walked up to the line and we saw that you had to survive a mazes before entering in to the Asylum. The Asylum was said to be the scariest maze at Halloween Haunt. The first maze was called Fairyland. It was full of colors and fairies. You may not think this maze is scary because its full of colors and fairies, but in reality it was horrifying. Ashley actually even started to cry. As we entered there was a guy fairy right by the doorway and he was dressed in purple, he decided to follow us through the entire maze. Half way through, a girl fairy dressed in pink popped out at us and we all screamed. I yelled, “Ashleyyy!” and the fairy that had been fallowing us whispered under his deep voice, “Ashley.” That’s when she screamed and started crying. Once we got away from all the fairies we got Ashley convincing her that the fairies were just normal people dressed up. My stomach had dropped for the third time, and I was very hesitant to go in. As we got to the front, I worked up the courage to walk in. Right when you walk in, you are surrounded by walls with writing written in blood. As you walk through you go from room to room with different forms 31 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services of torture in each one. The scariest room was the shock treatment room, it had a patient hooked up to an electrical chair sending volt after volt through his body frying him to a crisp. I will never forget this maze because it was by far the scariest.After we were done with the Asylum we quickly headed over to the log ride which had been transformed into the Pyromaniaxe. As we waited in the 1 hour line, we had gotten a funnel cake and water to eat and drink during the wait. We were so excited the line flew by and we were quickly at the entrance. We hopped into the log and Katherine sat in front, I sat in the middle, and Ashley sat in the back. During the ride, it was pitch black, meaning we had no way of knowing what was in store for us. All of a sudden a monster dressed in black leaped out at us, but I couldn’t tell what he looked like. The ride was followed by a lot of twists and turns that lead us down the drop. As we were half way down the drop, we all screamed and then it was over.We got off the ride excited, sad and dripping with water. We were excited because we had a blast on the ride and our adventure at Knott’s, we were sad because the park was going to close which meant the fun was going to end, and we were wet because of the ride. The water and the air made our teeth chatter as if it was snowing outside. We headed to the exit following a large crowd of people. My first time going to Halloween Haunt was a night I’ll never forget.32 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor Paper Grade-level: 9 Genre: Autobiographical NarrativePrompt: We all have defining moments in our life—experiences that have shaped who we are. Write about a childhood experience that stirs up vivid memories or feelings, and explain why this experience is so significant in your life.This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths: Strategies: The essay has an engaging introduction. It is well organized with fluid transitions and the use of vivid and varied supporting details to 33 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services strengthen the overall composition. The conclusion summarizes key points and gives final insight to the significance of the experience. Conventions: Sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions. Applications: The essay narrates a clear, coherent sequence of events. The use of vivid details contributes to the controlling impression throughout the paper.9th grade Autobiographical Narrative AnchorWhat Happened At Knott’sI could hardly see the top of the metal beast. It ascended over 100 feet into the air, dominating the landscape with its size and speed. As I heard the faint screams getting louder and louder, I knew I had to approach it. I handed Dave my Dippin’ Dots and got in line for one of the scariest things I can remember doing when I was twelve. 34 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesIt was a hot summer day at Knott’s Berry Farm. I was there for my friend Michael’s birthday, and some of his other friends were there too. I had only been to Knott’s a couple of times before, because neither me nor my little brother liked roller coasters. Some of Michael’s friends wanted to go on a thing called “The Silver Bullet”, so I went with them. When we got to the top of the slope, I realize how high up it was, but it was too late o go back. The seats seemed to fly around the park like a stray bird, gliding this way and that. Once it ended, I realized that I had actually gone on a loop-de- loop ride for the first time, and it wasn’t so bad. Knowing that I had finally overcome this fear felt a strange rush that propelled me from ride to ride, trying new things. Finally, I saw them. Three massive towers that carried people into the sky and then dropped them back down, causing much screaming. I stood in line, sat down, and strapped myself in. The thing began to rise, fast at first, and then slower, increasing my thoughts about whether this was a good choice of ride. Finally, it reached the top. I looked down and time itself seemed to stop. I could see the entire park from that very spot. It was a lot higher than it looked, I thought. But I was interrupted by a strange hissing noise that sounded like a strong wind. “Whoosh…” I sat there wondering what was going to happen and why it was taking so long to-“FWOOSH!” went the screaming banshee that was the air rushing past my face as we plunged straight down. My head was stuck against the 35 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services seat, and insides seemed to rise up a couple feet. When we finally got back toEarth, it bounced up and down a couple of times before they let us out. The entire experience, from going up to falling down with extreme speed, lasted only about thirty seconds , but it felt like an hour. I don’t know why, but I soon felt like going on it again. Now that I have finally beaten my horror that is the Supreme Scream,I am more open to new experiences and more roller coasters. Every time I go to Knott’s Berry Farm, I now ride the Supreme Scream at least twice and the Silver Bullet as many times as the long lines will allow. I find that new experiences are not only fun, but they also help you learn new things. 7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor Paper 36 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesGrade-level: 10 Genre: Biographical Narrative Prompt: Think about a person you know who is important to you—a family member, a friend, a mentor. Write a biographical narrative that shows why this person is meaningful to you. Include personal anecdotes and concrete sensory details to create a controlling impression, from which your readers can infer the significance of this special individual.This paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following: Strategies: The essay lacks an engaging or attention-grabbing opener but does attempt to provide appropriate background information. Word choice and structure is simplistic. Effective transitions are needed to unify ideas. Conventions: Sentence fragments, run-ons and inconsistent verb tenses are used throughout the essay. Application: Character traits are evident but not developed. Vivid sensory details are needed to develop a controlling impression. Sequence of events are narrated but not fully tied to the significance. A hint of the significance is present, but more elaboration is needed.37 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services10th grade Biographical Narrative AnchorFinal My aunt is the greatest person to me because of how she id supportive, motivated, and so helpful. She was going to be a person that I will always trust on and be respectful to her no matter what. The person to other would think she looks mean but in the inside, she is so cool. My first story is I will remember each time she would tell me when I grow up I will have to be a successful girl. The day smell of food cooking in her house me watching her talk while I’ll sit at the sofa at her house. Enjoying what a niece and Tia will always do on a hot normal Sunday afternoon. So as supportive and caring my aunt is she will always be their for you in anyway you need help or support as I will so the same thing for her. Next, will be when she down that horrible day her brother had passed away, but no matter what she was a strong and self-confident person to want to go with my family and convince my dad to do my fifteen. Even though I also new it was going to be harsh and difficult day for them to try to keep up.It will remember like a big day hot and have to be motivated with the tables and chairs. I will remember the decoration waiting for my chambelanes and my damas. Being so stress out of so many problems of what we still need what to do. Also, going back and forth and for her being sad at the same time. 38 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesIn conclusion, I am so proud of my aunt for doing so many things. The things that are so difficult she accepts to try to work it out that no matter what he will able to do it. This is why I choose her as a great person to have in my life. 7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 10 Genre: Biographical NarrativePrompt: Think about a person you know who is important to you—a family member, a friend, a mentor. Write a biographical narrative that shows why this person is meaningful to you. Include personal anecdotes and concrete sensory details to create a controlling impression, from which your readers can infer the significance of this special individual.This paper scores a “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:Strategies: This narrative attempts an attention grabbing opening, and some background evidence is present, but lacks a clear, coherent thesis. Conventions: The narrative contains frequent spelling and punctuation errors and repeated use of the same words and phrases. Verb tenses are inconsistent.Applications: The essay adds elements of character traits and adequately describes a sequence of events, but lacks the concrete sensory details needed to create a controlling impression. The events and anecdotes shared do not connect to the significance of the individual.39 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services10th grade Biographical Narrative AnchorRay Lopez “BALL IT UP” is a quote my brother has always told me. It means to get ready or to always be ready for any challenge that is put in front of me. Ray Lopez is my oldest brother he is 5’10 athletic, twenty five years old and hates to lose. Recently he just got a job upgrade from Sunwest bank to wells Fargo. He’s smart and is a good advise giver. He likes to dress nice and go out with friends and family. On his spare time he likes to workout and play basketball with family and friends. During my brothers childhood he liked to play he was little he liked to play with superhero action figures. His favorites were Transformers, He-Man, and the Ninja Turtles. At the same time he liked that he also was into singing Mexican music because of my parents. So one day my parents decided to record it for memories and till this day they have cassettes of him 40 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services singing. At the same time at age six or seven my dad started showing him how to play basketball fundamental way. “BALL IT UP” is the words he always tells me before a game or just now when ever I see him. After I was born we moved to Garden Grove from la. He went to the same Junior High and High School as me. Once he finished his two years at Junior High he moved to High School. His freshman year he tried out for the basketball team, and made it to varsity his first year. He told me “to try my hardest and just to go hard and do what I do best play basketball”. That was the thing that motivate me the most and my freshman year I did it and I ended up in the same spot he was his freshman year. That wasn’t the only thing that he accomplish his freshman year he also stared to driving legally. The significant of “BALL IT UP” is “to always be ready, to ball up anyone who tries to be hard and think they can beat you”. It was his senior year and he was with his girlfriend and the dumb***of my brother was not smart and got her pregnant. A year passed and my niece was born. My parents were very disappointed in him but in the end they helped him out. To this day they have raised her great. She has everything she wants and now in 2008 she is eight years old. So far this year has been good for him. Six months ago his wife and him decided to buy a new home for themselves and there daughter. They felt like they disserved it and they worked hard for it. They bought a 41 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services condominium complex. It’s very nice and im always there because it feels like a second home for me. Another reason that its been going good for him is because last month he was offered a job upgrade from Wells Fargo Bank that pays eighty thousand a year. My brother is important to me because he is my brother and also because he has always been there for me. He has also has given me good advise when I been in bad situations. He also never lets me get down on myself when I don’t play well or when I do something wrong. What he does is talks to me and helps me resolve my problems. That’s why he s a very important person in my life. 7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 10 Genre: Biographical Narrative Prompt: Think about a person you know who is important to you—a family member, a friend, a mentor. Write a biographical narrative that shows why this person is meaningful to you. Include personal anecdotes and concrete 42 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services sensory details to create a controlling impression, from which your readers can infer the significance of this special individual.This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths: Strategies: The narrative establishes and maintains a controlling impression and provides appropriate background information. Strong use of topic sentences and appropriate transitions create a fluid essay.Conventions: Use of grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions.Applications: The author communicates the significance of the individual through character traits, actions, and dialogue. A controlling impression is maintained throughout. 10th grade Biographical Narrative AnchorNo Title Given by AuthorHector Bustamante, my father, is the most caring, hardworking man you will ever meet. Both his father and step-father walked out. He grew up 43 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services with little love and he did not want his brothers and sisters to grow up the same way. His biggest mistake was dropping out of school to maintain his family. Today, he encourages my sisters and me to stay in school to progress in life. Growing up he was abandoned by his father as well as his step-father leading him to take on a big role for his family. Since he was a young boy his mother worked long hard hours during the night. She was usually out during the day leaving my father, the oldest of six children, as well as her other children unattended for. Seeing how lost and miss guided his brothers and sisters were, he decided to take charge. He became like a father to his brothers and sisters by setting all the rules with strictness on them. My father made sure they attended school and stayed out of trouble. He then began to work because the money at his house was running low. Realizing how much money he was bringing home, he decided to drop out of school to maintain his family. Since then, he has been working hard to bring home money at the same time as keeping a strong united family. Today he admits dropping out of school was the biggest mistake of his life. After dinner, he explains to me time and time again why school is important. We have spent countless dinners around the table with the topic of education for our conversation. He tells me stories of all he has had to do because he lacks a degree of some sort in every field. He really wants his three daughters to progress in life through education. He believes and 44 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services motivates us to have a positive look on school. He repeats multiple times. “You don’t want to end up like me, do?” or “You do not wish to be like me doing labor work. Get a job through education where you run the business.” He supports educational programs to show us he really does care and wants us to try hard; therefore, he is my motivation for continuing my education to major in law. Hector Bustamante really is the most caring, hardworking, and motivating ma you will ever meet. Thanks to him I am motivated to have a positive outlook on education while simultaneously I work hard to maintain a strong GPA, so I can ultimately follow my father’s advice in pursuing my dreams of law school and beyond.45 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 10 Genre: Biographical Narrative Prompt: Think about a person you know who is important to you—a family member, a friend, a mentor. Write a biographical narrative that shows why this person is meaningful to you. Include personal anecdotes and concrete sensory details to create a controlling impression, from which your readers can infer the significance of this special individual.This paper scores a “4” (excels at standards) based on the following strengths: Strategies: The narrative has an engaging opening, a coherent thesis, and provides well-developed background information which leads to a well- supported controlling impression. The writer includes fluid transitions, relevant examples, and shows a sophisticated voice and tone. The conclusion correlates to the controlling impression.Conventions: The narrative demonstrates a skillful command of the English language, including complex and varied sentence structure and correct use of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling. Applications: Sequence of events are masterfully communicated to the audience by utilizing specific sensory details. Character traits are thoroughly revealed through actions, thoughts, and dialogue. 46 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services10th grade Biographical Narrative AnchorThe Way Ants Are I kneeled carefully on the blades of grass, my eyes fixed curiously on the fire ant working on their ant hill below. The miniature critters worked at the speed of light; they continuously carried out every individual grain of earth, accumulating a hill of soil on the outside mouth of the hole. As my mind wandered off about hard-working and fascinating they were, the sound of water forcing its way out and on to the leaves of the tree caught my attention. It had been my grandfather. He had a daily routine of watering the backyard plants every morning. He starts from the fair side of the yard, the flowers, then moves on to the lemon and orange trees, and then finishes with the sour granny-smith apple tree. “Vickie,” he warned. I hustled out of the way as he hosed done the last tree. From an observable distance, I squinted through the sun directly at my grandfather. He was an average sized elderly man comfortable between a blank t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Deep wrinkles and age spots covered the hands he used to handle the hose. Grey hair forced 47 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services itself between the thin openings of the dyed strands hovering above. The threads of hair brushed against my grandfather’s gentle eyes as breezes blew by. Beneath his soft eyes laid ages of accumulated wisdom of an elderly man. Compared to him, I was nothing but a young and ignorant child. But it is his wisdom, I would one day learn from and absorb in. One day, he would teach me the ways of an ant and possible nourish my curiosity. Once my grandfather switched off he hose, we both re-entered the house. I sat lazily on the couch this time, day dreaming away while he went into the kitchen, disturbing some pots and pans. Every week day my parents drop me off at my grandparents and trail off to work until the late afternoon. And without siblings, my grandfather was all that I had. My grandpa walked out from the kitchen with a superb question on his mind. “What would you like to eat?” he questioned. I replied blankly with, “some rice, please.” After a series of booms and clashes my grandfather came out with a finished product: scrumptious meaty chunks covered on steamy white rice. I dug right into it. The rice was undeniably delicious, no doubt about that. But the vision of playing with my new toys and tuning into my favorite television show was a temptation. I stared at my food, unable to wipe out the dish. In quite a calm state, my grandfather looked me straight in the eye. His eyes were soft and deeply brown, it had something to reveal right under it. “Vickie,” he stared. “I remember the times of the Vietnam War, when our whole family was stuck in Vietnam. Bombs blasted up overhead occasionally landing onto 48 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services unfortunate neighbors. We scrambled into a corner of the room, squeezing each other in our arms, praying to survive through and grasping onto the scraps of food in our dirty hands.” My ears were filled with awe; it was overwhelming to hear all at once. He told me stories of people in poverty, how he had experienced it himself. He told me stories directly from our home county; it had turned me upside-down then. I figured just how fortunate I was to live the United States, and be surrounded by love and safety. In comparison to his stories, I had nothing to complain about. Somehow he transformed the ordinary bowl of rice into a plate of precious gold and gems. After he finished delivering his teachings I gobbled up the rice like a hungry turkey. I didn’t know, until then, the right way to be, but he taught me it through stories. It was the way he taught me that I loved; he didn’t simply inform me of my wrongdoings. Instead, he laid out a plan to let me acknowledge it all by myself. Now that I look upon it, I smile with thankfulness and glee at what became of me. If there were anything nonliving that he loved more than the humans on this earth, it would be the art of photography. My grandfather’s favorite hobby was taking pictures. He took photos of anything possible; flowers, people, nature. He took the photos with passion, aiming from one angel to another. Part of the reason he took care of this flowers, I believe, was to take photos of them. I sometimes took part in helping him tend and care for 49 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services plants. And I sometimes was commanded to pose next to his flowers for a shot. Included with his love for photography was a love for traveling. Photography brought him everywhere; the Grand Canyon, waterfall,” caverns, beaches, flower fields, and where ever pictures were made possible. He’d often sit down and go through his pictures, his memories, one by one. “The other day, I came to a waterfall,” my grandfather spoke. I nodded my head effortlessly, focusing on the upcoming words. He continued, “The fall was huge! You can hear the roaring and thundering of the water right by your side. The air was crisp and fresh. And the flowers and plants made everything an exceptional site.” Grandpa pulled out his photos and I’d cuddle up close to see. He’d tell me stories of his adventures and claim how far he climbed, how much he walked, or what troubles he faced. I had learned so much about the outside world through him and I loved cherished every bit of it. He was my gateway, my portal to the world beyond the old couch I dreamt on. I loved the way he preserved all of his memories; it was the way to work against time. Time ticks by the second and never reverses. Therefore, when we have cherished memory we want to keep, like the blooming of a flower or the birth of child, the only physical way of keeping it is through photos. My grandfather’s photos manipulated time, it captured the moment by a split second, freezing that second still and forever.The sun shined brightly against my cheek and I squinted my eyes in the sun, waiting to be released from my classroom on a hardworking day. 50 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesOnce the bell rang, I hurried ahead of my friends out the school gate. My grandfather stood just yards away, patiently standing under the autumn- turning tree. I smiled brightly in joy again, just to see my grandpa. He helped me with my backpack and immediately asked me about my day. “How was your day at school?” he questioned, “It was fun! We got to go to the library today. And I checked out 2 books.” I replied. I hurriedly unzipped my backpack to show him my books. We both then went along to the car for another drive home. I had learned to love reading mostly from my grandfather. At beginnings, I questioned why anyone would see pleasure in hugging a book in silence for hours on end. But as grandpa told me the value of the book, demonstrating it, I understood. Grandfather taught me most things in life from his knowledge but I sometimes wondered who had taught him. He came directly from Vietnam, escaping to the United States through the Vietnam War times. The only thing he had in hand were a family, bits of money, and whole lot of Vietnamese. With my aunts, uncle, and parents all struggling to find jobs, no one really had the time to help my grandpa through his days. But, he learned to do everything on his own. He slowly worked to get a driver’s license, improve on his English, and find a place I the fast-moving society. Though, he found it all. Just watching his daily life taught me so much about confidence and the thirst to keep learning. In truth, I had never learned to appreciate what my grandfather had implemented in me until he passed away. It was not because I didn’t 51 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services understand how fortunate I was to have him as a grandfather, but it was because I didn’t want to force myself to realize it. I was greedy for more of his stories, for more of his love and loved to fill that I’m in abundance. My grandfather had taught me all that he could about life, not only through his words, but also his actions. He taught me about the world beyond the little city I lived in. He brought me with him to his travels through his stories. He showed me that I can do anything if I tried; I could stop the roll of time. I appreciate so much now, how much he had implanted in me. He taught me my right from wrong. And through viewing his actions and confidence in life, I learned the way ants are. Just like my grandfather, ants are those hardy little creatures; tough and knowledgeable. 52 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 11Genre: Response to LiteraturePrompt: Compare and contrast Patrick Henry’s “Speech to the Virginia Convention” with Jonathan Edwards’ sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” Consider how they are alike and different in their elements of oration such as their appeals to reason and emotion, their use of metaphors, and their use of rhetorical questions.This paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following:Strategies: This response to literature attempts a thesis, but lacks appropriate background information. The body paragraphs are limited in scope and focus, and there is no conclusion.Conventions: The essay relies on repeated simplistic sentence structure. Grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect limited control of English language conventions.Applications: The essay does not reflect a grasp of the literary work. The writer does not analyze stylistic devices. It relies on summary rather than analysis. (This paper is a mere summary).53 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services11th grade Response to Literature AnchorEdward and HenryThe difference between sinners in the hands of an angry god by jonathan edwards and speech to the virginia convention by patrickhenry is a lot. Sinners in the hands of an angry god is more of a religious speech. Speech to the virginia convention is more like a persuasive speech with a lot of emtion appeal. sinners in the hands of an angry god is a speech about god holding us up from going to hell. Its mostly about god and doing the right and wrong. speech to the virginia convention is more of a persuasive speech. They’re persuasive speech gets readers thinking. They persway from the good and bad. But writter write in different point of view i think the speech to the virginia convention is a better believable speech.54 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 11Genre: Response to LiteraturePrompt: Compare and contrast Patrick Henry’s “Speech to the Virginia Convention” with Jonathan Edwards’ sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” Consider how they are alike and different in their elements of oration such as their appeals to reason and emotion, their use of metaphors, and their use of rhetorical questions.This paper scores a “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:Strategies: The essay opens with a thesis and gives some background information. There are limited examples offered in simplistic sentences. The conclusion offers the writer’s evaluation.Conventions: The essay contains some lapses in grammatical and spelling conventions although most sentences are correct and complete.Applications: The essay reflects a basic understanding of the text. The writer attempts to analyze the stylistic devices that contribute to the meaning of the text (no nuanced thoughts). 55 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services11th grade Response to Literature AnchorElements of OrationJonathan Edwards wrote the speech “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” In this speech Edwards wants the Congregation to Convert their hearts to God. They were told if they did not Convert their heart to the Lord then they will go to hell. Edwards has a very skillful way to try to get the people to do what he says and makes them scared.Patrick Henry wrote “Speech to the Virginia Convention.” Henry wanted to get the Convention to decide to go to war. Henry tells them that if they do not then they will become Slaves and lose liberty.Edwards and Henry both are persuasive writers. Edwards has a different way to persuade people. He is more emotional. Edwards also uses imagery for example in the speech “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God,” 56 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services he uses “The bow of God’s wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the strains, and Justice bends the arrow at your heart.” If they don’t listen, they will die and go to hell.Henry is also a persuasive write. In his speech he gives reasons by using an argument to support the war that he talks about in his speech. Henry also uses emotions to help win the support of the people in the Convention.In conclusion, when reading both Edwards and Henry’s speech they made me get images running through my head. Both speeches also made me think about how tuff it used to be back in the day.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 11Genre: Response to Literature Prompt: Compare and contrast Patrick Henry’s “Speech to the Virginia Convention” with Jonathan Edwards’ sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” Consider how they are alike and different in their elements of oration such as their appeals to reason and emotion, their use of metaphors and their use of rhetorical questions.This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: The essay has an adequate introduction. Body paragraphs contain topic sentences that are supported with evidence from the text. The conclusion summarizes key points. The writer’s style is appropriate for the audience.57 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesConventions: Use of grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect mastery of English language conventions.Applications: The essay demonstrates an understanding of the literary works and incorporates relevant details from the text. The writer attempts to make insightful observations about the chosen details.11th grade Response to Literature AnchorThe Strength of WordsJonathan Edwards in his speech, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God” wants his listeners to have their heart with God. Patrick Henry in his “Speech to the Virginia Convention” wants the Colonists to go to war.. Both of these pieces of literature appeal to reason and emotion.Edwards’ use of imagery appeals to Emotion. He wants his listeners to feel that “…wickedness makes you as it were heavy as lead, and to tend downward with great weight and pressure toward hell…,” Edwards wants his listeners to feel they are not good enough to go in heaven yet. Edwards wants58 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services his listeners to feel they are against God’s will and should be ashamed and fearful that God wants to send them to hell when he says, “The bow of God’s wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the string, and justice bends the bow at your heart…”. He puts the people down by saying “…You have offended (God) infinitely more than any stubborn rebel has offended his prince.” Through his imagery Edwards scares his audience into giving their hearts to God.In his “Speech to the Virginia Convention”, Henry uses rhetorical questions to convince the colonists to go to war with Great Britain. One example of rhetorical question he uses to make the colonists see they are denying the truth is when he asks, “…are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation?” He also claims that their peaceful means of opposing the British are futile and weak and he asks, “… and what have we to oppose them? Shall we try argument?” He convinces Colonists that they have done all they can to avoid a war but none are successful and ultimately convinces them to go to war with Great Britain through his rhetorical questions.Both men, in their speeches, want to convince their audience that their view is correct and they should convert their ideas to their own. Jonathan Edwards uses powerful imagery to horrify his audience into changing for better and be on God’s good side. Patrick Henry uses rhetorical 59 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services questions to convince the colonists to go to war with Great Britain because there is nothing left for them to do. Edwards uses emotion to convince his audience that God is angry and they must convert their hearts to be saved from God’s wrath. Henry’s use of rhetorical questions appeals to the colonists’ reason. He wants then to think about why war is the only way to separate from Great Britain and the King, to become their own country.Because of Edward’s images of hell in the sermon, many people were afraid of being on God’s bad side and converted their hearts to God. Henry’s speech was so powerful and convincing because of his logical reasoning that the colonists went to war with Great Britain for Independence. The colonists won independence on July 4, 1776. Jonathan Edwards’ use of imagery and Patrick Henry’s use of rhetorical questions: both appealing to reason and emotion, were both very effective speeches.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 12Genre: Reflective Narrative60 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesPrompt: Your personal statement is your chance to tell us who you are and what is important to you. Think of it as your opportunity to introduce yourself to the people reading your application. Be open, be honest, be real.Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? Use specific, concrete examples to support the points you want to make. This paper scores a “1” (does not meet standards) based on the following:Strategies: This reflective narrative lacks all elements of an appropriate introduction, including an engaging opening, appropriate background, and a coherent controlling impression.Although the narrative includes basic topic sentences, it does not support the controlling impression. There is no fluidity between paragraphs and it lacks continuity of ideas. The conclusion repeats the introduction, but it does not include a thought-provoking insight. The style does not meet standards because of its lack of vivid word choice, varied sentence structure, and appropriate voice and tone for the audience.Conventions: Use of grammar, sentence structure, and use of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling do not meet standards. Applications: The writer does not adequately develop the controlling impression. 12th grade Reflective Narrative AnchorNo Title Given by Author61 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesI have a couple of accompleshments that I am proud of. I live to do things I would be proud that I did. I am never ashamed of anything i do and don’t regret doing anything I can remember doing. I have an ability, accompleshment and quality about myself that im proud of.The ability I am most proud of is my ability to learn and remember something new. I have always been able to learn something real fast from physical activities to technical activities like using a program on a computer or learning something in auto shop. I get complements from teachers and trainers that they do not have to teach me very long or repeat what they say to me because I understand what they want and I get it done fast and efficiently. The quality that I have that im proud of is that I am funny and can get along with almost anyone. I make friends very easily and love to be with other people who like to heve fun. I like to talk to people because it comes easy for me. For example if some one does not want to go ask a question or something like that ill go ask for them because I am not afraid to ask something. I also like to listen to peoples problems or stories. People often open up to me because I do not tell people and I also help them fix their problems. People complement me and say I should train to be a psychiatrist because I am a good listener and can fix peoples problems.In conclusion I am very proud of myself and my qualities that make me, me. I have a lot of other qualities that I am also proud of and I am a good62 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services person and student who is a quick learner, fun loving, out going person who is also very responsible and always try to make the best choices.7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 12Genre: Reflective NarrativePrompt: See next page for full prompt entitled “This I Believe”This paper scores a “2” (approaching standards) based on the following:Strategies: This reflective narrative has an introduction, but it is not necessarily engaging. The background information leading up to the thesis could be stronger. Transitions are present between paragraphs, although the conclusion revisits the some key points and lacks thought-provoking insight.Conventions: Use of grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling reflect an understanding of English language conventions. Applications: The writer begins to explore the significance of the personal experience through narration, but has difficulty relating individual incidents to more general and abstract ideas. The writer does not incorporate dialogue or interior monologue.63 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services12th Grade Prompt: “This I Believe” The Original Invitation from “This I Believe” in the 1950sThis invites you to make a very great contribution: nothing less than a statement of your personal beliefs, of the values which rule your thought and action. Your essay should be about three minutes in length when read aloud, written in a style as you yourself speak, and total no more than 500 words.We know this is a tough job. What we want is so intimate that no one can write it for you. You must write it yourself, in the language most natural to you. We ask you to write in your own words and then record in your own voice. You may even find that it takes a request like this for you to reveal some of your own beliefs to yourself. If you set them down they may become of untold meaning to others.We would like you to tell not only what you believe, but how you reached your beliefs, and if they have grown, what made them grow. This necessarily must be highly personal. That is what we anticipate and want.It may help you in formulating your credo if we tell you also what we do not want. We do not want a sermon, religious or lay; we do not want editorializing or sectarianism or “finger-pointing.” We do not even want your views on the American way of life, or democracy or free enterprise. These are important but for another occasion. We want to know what you live by. And we want it terms of “I,” not the editorial “We.”Although this program is designed to express beliefs, it is not a religious program and is not concerned with any religious form whatever. Most of our guests express belief in a Supreme Being and set forth the importance to them of that belief. However, that is your decision, since it is your belief which we solicit.But we do ask you to confine yourself to affirmatives: This means refraining from saying what you do not believe. Your beliefs may well have grown in clarity to you by a process of elimination and rejection, but for our part, we must avoid negative statements lest we become a medium for criticism of beliefs, which is the very opposite of our purpose.64 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesWe are sure the statement we ask from you can have wide and lasting influence. Never has the need for personal philosophies of this kind been so urgent. Your belief, simply and sincerely spoken, is sure to stimulate and help those who hear it. We are confident it will enrich them. May we have your contribution?Adapted from the invitation sent to essayist featured in the original This I believe series. Excerpted from This I Believe 2, copyright 1954 by Simon and Schuster.12th grade Reflective Narrative AnchorA LIFE TAKENDo you every wonder why certain people get a shot at life? Well I do. Life is something special. In today’s society everyday is a struggle in life and its more terrifying by each day. Nobody’s life is perfect, you would be grateful you have a shot at life, because not too many do. Take advantage and live life to the fullest with no regrets.Growing up, my parents recited to me some great and horrible news.But the one that did stuck to me and forever will, is that I had a brother who died when he was born. this is called a still-born. Hearing those devastating words when I was a kid, i dropped to my knees and shed tears. My parents also told me that I was lucky to be here. What parents told me that because of what happened to my brother, they said they didn’t want to have another child. It took my parents 5 years after their marriage to have a baby, which was my brother. After the death of my brother they desitated to have another baby. But they did, me. When I was born they said I was a blessing from god. They both didn’t want to go through the tragedy twice in a lifetime.65 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesAs the years pass on, I wonder what it would be like if my brother was alive. Would I not be here today or would we be the best of brothers? That is something no one can answer. I don’t really know much about my brother, but I’m sure he would have been there for me through the bad and good times. I cry when I go visit his grave site, but it only makes me work hard and dedicate everything to him because I know he would have been proud of me and what I’ve grown up into be in my life. The only memory I have of him is his name is my middle name and my middle name is Leonard.I am honored to carry his name in mine. For the rest of my life, I know I won’t have my brother, but having his name is just one step closer to meeting and seeing Leonard.In the end of all this writing, I think everybody should have a shot at life. Do the best you can do with your life and live your life with no regrets.66 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services7-12 Student Writing Sample Anchor PaperGrade-level: 12Genre: Reflective NarrativePrompt: See prompt entitled “This I Believe”This paper scores a “3” (meets standards) based on the following strengths:Strategies: This reflective narrative has an engaging opening with appropriate background and narrative elements and a coherent controlling impression that reveals the author’s epiphany about the importance of becoming involved in the world, rather than standing on the sidelines.The topic sentences support the main idea with effective transitions and supporting details. The conclusion adequately reaffirms the controlling impression with a final insight. The style meets standards, including vivid word choice, varied sentence structure, and appropriate voice and tone for audience.Conventions: Use of grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling all meet standards.67 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesApplications: The writer adequately develops the controlling impression by using anecdotes about his father’s heroic actions in order to explore the significance of the experience through use of narration, description, and dialogue. The narrative adequately draws comparisons between the incidents involving his father to illustrate the writer’s beliefs about life, namely, that one should become involved and not stand idly by when someone needs help.12th grade Reflective Narrative AnchorStanding UpMy father once said, “you know society has failed when few to none step in to correct a wrong.” I inherited my belief from my father, a wise and straightforward man. My belief is that society needs to mediate when observing depraved acts.My belief was deeply engraved into my soul when my father took action to enforce his belief. Two years ago, my father, my brother and I were browsing The Block at Orange for a Mother’s Day present for my mother. As we strolled down a pathway of The Block, we heard yelling. A man swiftly walked passed us and three men followed, pursuing the lone man. 68 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional ServicesThe three men pushed the man to the ground; the three men appeared as if they belonged to a gang.My father immediately spoke out, “Hey, what are you doing? Stop that!” My father, old and weak, yet extremely brave, quickly intervened to halt the beating. Surprisingly, the three men backed down and hastily escaped. It was astounding to see how many people were around, not helping, just observing this heinous crime unfold. It was as if everyone was entranced by the situation and just wanted to see a good beat down, three men on one.I was not entirely sure how to approach the situation myself; although my father was aware and determined to put an end to the fighting. My brother and I stood near as we watched my father’s heroic act, ready if at all needed. After the men were gone, my father helped the man to his feet. The man was mumbling and saying things about calling his friends. It became obvious the lone man was part of a gang himself. We quickly made sure the man was all right and left the scene ourselves.We had taken the same path as the three men who had left because our car was parked in that direction. Just as we were about out of the block, we came upon a group of people surrounding a teenager, age 13. The teen had been punched in the jaw by one of the three men while they were leaving. The teen was on the ground, making a horrific noise that scared me more than anything ever has. On the ground around the teen’s face, a pool of 69 Garden Grove Unified School District Office of Secondary Education Department of 7-12 Instructional Services blood grew larger. My father, in haste, made his way toward the teen to make sure he was all right. Once my father was sure the teen would receive help, he instructed that we all leave.This dreadful event had led me to my belief about society’s defects. I cannot understand how people can just stand by and watch as a fellow member of the community has horrendous act befall them. If the twenty to thirty people standing around would just step in, maybe we, as a civilization, would be much more functional. I hope that one day, we will all be able to stand up and announce to the world when we know something is wrong. In my life, my belief is my foundation; it is how I dictate my actions. With it, I may one day save another as my father has done on many occasions.70

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