<p> ZCSD NEWSLETTER — March, 2003 2047 Felspar Street  San Diego, California 92109-3551  858-273-3444</p><p>We have a choice: do we face the disaster directly and make it our practice or do we run once again, learning nothing and compounding our difficulties? If we want a life that’s peaceful and productive, what do we need? We need the ability (which we learn slowly and unwillingly) to be the experience of our life as it is.</p><p>Charlotte Joko Beck</p><p>PRACTICE PERIOD: The Practice Period will begin on Saturday, March 1 and end with an all day sitting on Sunday, March 30. Each Sunday there will be a sitting from 9-11 with daisan for Practice Period participants. On the weekend of March 15 and 16 there will be a two day sitting. Please see the February Newsletter for further details and guidelines. There is no written application to be a Practice Period participant; all that is required is the commitment to follow the Practice Period guidelines.</p><p>MAY SESSHIN: The mail-in date for the May 23-26 sesshin with Ezra and Elizabeth is March 23.</p><p>WEDNESDAY EVENING PRACTICE GROUP: Panels of students (and occasional teacher panel) continue to relate practice to articles from ZENQUIRY: A PRACTICE MANUAL. Current sections involve experiential applied awareness. </p><p>SCHEDULE Dawn Sitting Weekdays, Mon. – Fri. 6-7 am</p><p>Tues. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 8:00 pm</p><p>Wed. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 7:40 pm Practice seminar follows (until about 8:20 pm)</p><p>Thurs. Evening Two Sittings, 6:30 – 8:00 pm</p><p>Sat. Morning 8:30 am Work practice 8:45 am Introductory workshop for newcomers Follow-up instruction for those who have attended introduction 9:00 am-Noon Three sittings; Dharma talk</p><p>In consideration of our neighbors, please park at least two blocks away from the Zen Center, and please avoid parking in areas that are designated for patrons of our business neighbors.</p><p>(Continued) GAPS AND GRAFTS IN PRACTICE</p><p>For the March Practice Period, one of the main theme is gaps – areas we tend to overlook in practice, intentionally or unintentionally. Some of the main gaps are actually grafts - things we add to practice. The main barnacle that we all add to the ship of practice is our ego-identity, the false i.d. we’ve taken for our true self. We’ve filtered everything through it for most of our life, so inevitably we’ll try to graft it onto practice. And as a result, we’ll overlook certain things and overemphasize others. Ultimately, we concoct a combo- plate we call ‘my practice’, which looks suspiciously like – me. We should write a book – “My Practice, My Self.” Grafts aren’t ‘bad’ in the sense of ‘graft and corruption’. However, they do corrupt our practice by making it counterproductive: rather than helping us see through the ego, as practice intends, the grafts solidify it. Our self-centered suffering increases. We question whether practice ‘works’. Ironically, what we are practicing is working fine – ego-reinforcement in the name of practice. Since we’re often unaware of our particular ego-identity grafts, let’s get specific. Try filling in these blanks: When it comes to practice, I’m the kind of person who______; The truth for me about practice is______; Practice has to meet my needs, especially______; It’s just not ‘me’ to get into: thought labeling (too mental); morning sitting (not a morning person); mindful movement (didn’t sign up for an exercise class); reading (not my thing); tools for clarifying ego-structure (too psychological); eyegazing (too invasive). It doesn’t matter whether we like or dislike these things; the notion that practice should conform to our egocentric predilections is a graft. It’s beside the point. The point is, what helps us wake up? Our main self-centered grafts may even seem sacred, or not subject to the scrutiny of practice. They may include what we regard as the most special thing about ourself – which often produces the most mayhem. It’s not hard to see this in other folks, but when it’s our schtick, we probably don’t see it at all. A quick way to uncover some of our specific identity grafts is to make a checklist of things we hold most dear - our image, moods, attitudes, predilections, and anything on which we pride our -self. A surprisingly popular graft is ‘zen masochism’: the belief that our own suffering is noble, more ‘real’, than the suffering of others. And another common one in spiritual circles is true believer-ism: magical thinking, in which we attribute special powers to the teacher or tradition. Close on the heels of identity grafts are strategy grafts. See if any of these are familiar: fight, flight, freeze, fidget, fret, or faster (speeding up when slowing down makes sense). ‘Faster’ was my main strategy for years: “If I don’t hurry up and get to the top of the game (academic, spiritual, musical), they’ll realize that I don’t even know how to play the game.” I even tried sitting fast – an intensely concentrated buzz interspersed with lots of thoughts about speedy enlightenment. Here are some strategies that often show up in sitting:(1) zen medication: trying to get into a state reminiscent of a flat eeg; (2) rumination meditation: thinking about experiencing, or thinking our feelings; (3) weapons of mass destruction: fantasizing our revenge for real or imagined grievances; (4) regime change: thinking about who should be eliminated, either on the world scene, or in our daily drama; (5) noble prize: replaying conversations or events in a self-aggrandizing way. </p><p>Once we recognize (or suspect) that there are ego-grafts aboard, what’s the most skillful practice approach? Tools that highlight our particular ego-structure, objectively and clearly, can be helpful. And, since grafts are rooted in our thought patterns, thought labeling is extremely important. Any emotion-backed thought we take for The Truth is a graft. Sometimes a particularly thorny graft emerges, and we find that we’re just plain unwilling or unready to practice with it. That, too, is part of increasing awareness – at least we know what’s on our plate. And then, there’s what’s most basic to practice: being meticulous about returning to the experiential realm - sensing and feeling into bodily sensations and sensory phenomena. (This insures that, rather than continuing on their autonomous way, our ego-grafts are dismantled within the physical context of the present moment). It takes awhile to realize the extent to which our particular grafts have spawned false hope (“If at first you don’t succeed, try try (the same old graft) again”). Then, when they fail to bring true ease of being, the false hope often flips over into ‘false hopelessness’ – discouragement, despair, depression, downer. Burnout. Until we see what’s required, and are convinced of the necessity of identifying and practicing with our grafts, discouragement is guaranteed. That should be a popular zen movie – Discouragement Guaranteed. As the light of awareness shines increasingly into the murky corners of our grafts, we begin to see the extent to which they have blinded us to reality. It’s as if we’ve turned Meister Eckhart’s quote upside down: rather than “The eye with which I see God is the eye with which God sees me”, we’ve reversed it: “The graft-clouded eyes through which I see the world mistake the unclarity that’s mirrored back for reality.” That’s delusion in a nutshell. Or, as someone put it, “A thief looks at a crowd and only sees wallets.” The good news is that our genuine aspiration to live wholeheartedly awake can’t be destroyed, even if it has some difficulty shining through the filters of our grafts. But as we continue to penetrate into their mirage, we come to see them for what they really are. Simultaneously, we start to see what life really is. As the Morning Verse puts it: Vast is the path of Liberation, a formless field of benefaction. Living the universal teaching, compassion and wisdom awaken. And that’s our vow.</p><p>Elizabeth Hamilton, ZENQUIRY: A PRACTICE MANUAL APPLICATION FOR SESSHIN ZEN CENTER of SAN DIEGO • 2047 Felspar St. • San Diego, CA 92109 • 858-273-3444</p><p>Please print clearly to avoid delay in processing your application, and please fill out this form completely. Name ______Age ______Gender _____ Address ______City ______State ____ Zip ______Home phone ______Work phone ______Emergency contact (name) ______(phone) ______(must be blood relative or spouse) e-mail______(ZCSD has no e-mail address, but volunteers may contact you by e-mail). Circle the sesshin for which you are applying: Please note: Applications cannot be considered unless a check for sesshin fees is included Date Member Non-member Mail-in Date April 14-19 150.00 175.00 Feb.14 May 23-26 (Elizabeth and Ezra) 90.00 105.00 March 23 June 23-28 150.00 175.00 April 23 Aug. 18-23 150.00 175.00 June 18 Oct. 10-13 90.00 105.00 Aug. 10 Nov. 7-10 (Elizabeth and Ezra) 90.00 105.00 Sept. 7 Dec. 26-31 150.00 175.00 Sept. 26</p><p>Have you ever attended sesshins with Joko or Elizabeth/Ezra? ___Yes ___ No This will be my ___1st ___ 2nd ___ 3rd ___ + sesshin at ZCSD Date/location/teacher of your most recent sesshin ______</p><p>Mail in form no earlier than the mail-in date above, marked: Attention Sesshin Coordinator. The postmark will be entered as the application date. Please wait to make air reservations until your application has been confirmed. We will notify you as soon as decisions have been made. If you haven’t heard from us exactly one month before the sesshin begins, please call the Center. Arrive by 6:30 pm the first night.** Last day will end about 3:00 pm. A light snack will be available the first evening. **Newcomers please arrive early for orientation. Orientation begins at 4:30 pm</p><p>Work Skills (circle): cooking, shopping prior to sesshin, electrical, carpentry, painting, computer, gardening, flower arranging, jobs prior to sesshin, other: ______Physical conditions limiting participation:______</p><p>I agree to maintain a daily sitting practice from the time of this application through the sesshin. I will participate in the entire schedule, including interviews, sittings, meals, work, and any assigned tasks. I will be on time for all activities. I understand that my physical, mental, and emotional well-being are my own responsibility. Zen practice is not a substitute for therapy. I am capable of undertaking the rigors of a sesshin at this time. I am seeking medical or therapeutic treatment for any condition(s) I have, and have revealed all pertinent information on this form. I will sign a waiver releasing ZCSD from accident and injury liability.</p><p>______Signature Legibly printed name</p><p>ALL BLANKS ON APPLICATION FILLED IN? ___ Yes ___ No Printable E-MAIL v 01/03</p>