<p> January 17th, 2006</p><p>Scheinkman, M. (2005). Beyond the trauma of betrayal: Reconsidering affairs in couples therapy. Family Process, 44, 227-244.</p><p> What may propel individuals to affairs in the first place? - They have a “problem”? - Fears, disappointments, anger, emptiness? - Yearning for something missing? Freedom? Emotional connection? Novelty? - Something that happened in the past? Family? - Beliefs about the opposite gender? - Beliefs of entitlement - Deception and betrayal are rarely primary motivations</p><p> Options for the therapist? - Pressure the individual to reveal the affair - Withdraw from treatment - “Open secrets” policy</p><p> What’s good for some couples may not be good for others - The truth can have destructive consequences that are impossible to look past - For others it may be essential to rebuilding trust</p><p> Benefits of affairs? - Increased self-esteem - More sexual confidence - Knowledge/insight - Greater autonomy</p><p> Has American society privileged companionate coupledom? - Couples should share intimacy, mutuality, equality and provide sexual fulfillment – couples must meet every need - Couple who do not comply are sent to therapy - When all needs are not met, we may become irrationally upset - We place restrictions on our partners to reduce anxiety - May lead to greater desires for autonomy -> affairs?</p><p> Other cultures separate the domestic and the erotic; we do not - Other cultures permit extramarital sex (for men, or both men and women) - In America, the predictability and permanence we seek can become stultifying - Double standards in affairs (seem to cross cultures) - In America, infidelity is condemned, but we tolerate divorce. Why? - “Red” states have more divorces, watch Desperate Housewives more, and have swinging clubs. Infidelity in America continues to rise.  Therapy - Honesty as a matter of relevance; to protect partner? - Should therapists make a person tell their partner? - Individual and joint sessions; try to work on needs not being met in order to strengthen the relationship - May discuss bringing up suspicions - Must rekindle an atmosphere of love and desire </p>