By the WAY, THAT's ME, 6'1 , 46-INCH CHEST

1 00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:45,117 By THE WAY, THAT'S ME, 6'1", 46-INCH CHEST,2 00:01:45,117 --> 00:01:47,119 16-INCH BICEPS, 28-INCH WAIST.3 00:01:47,119 --> 00:01:49,121 A VERITABLE GOD...4 00:01:49,121 --> 00:01:49,621 I WISH.5 00:01:51,624 --> 00:01:53,626 OKAY, THAT'S ME.6 00:01:53,626 --> 00:01:56,630 MICHAEL NOVOTNY, THE SEMI-CUTE "BOY NEXT DOOR" TYPE.7 00:01:56,630 --> 00:02:01,636 29, 5'10", 140. 9-12 CUT; ALL RIGHT, SO I EXAGGERATE,8 00:02:01,636 --> 00:02:04,139 BUT LIKE, WHO'S TOLD THE TRUTH SINCE THEY INVENTED CYBERSEX?10 00:02:06,641 --> 00:02:10,146 WHEN DID '70s NIGHT BECOME '80s NIGHT?11 00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:12,148 I REMEMBER THIS SONG FROM HIGH SCHOOL.12 00:02:12,148 --> 00:02:13,650 TALK ABOUT FEELING ANCIENT.13 00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:16,153 SPEAK FOR YOURSELF, HONEY, I WAS A MERE CHILD.14 00:02:16,653 --> 00:02:19,657 THOSE ARE MY TWO BUDDIES, TED AND EMMETT.15 00:02:19,657 --> 00:02:23,661 GIVE ME THOSE DIVAS OF DISCO ANY DAY. GLORIA GAYNOR. 16 00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:24,663 DONNA SUMMER.17 00:02:24,663 --> 00:02:26,165 AND MISS ALISHA BRIDGES.18 00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:28,167 OH!22 00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:36,177 O-OH... MY GOD.23 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:37,678 HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING MORE BEAUTIFUL?24 00:02:38,179 --> 00:02:40,181 VENICE, AT SUNSET.25 00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:42,184 FINE, YOU GO DOWN THE GRAND CANAL,26 00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,685 I'LL GO DOWN ON HIM.27 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,687 O-OH-H-H!28 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,690 EMMETT CAN BE A LITTLE CAMPY.29 00:02:48,191 --> 00:02:50,193 OKAY, A LOT CAMPY. BUT YOU GOT TO ADMIT,30 00:02:50,193 --> 00:02:53,197 IT TAKES REAL GUTS TO BE A QUEEN IN A WORLD FULL OF COMMONERS.31 00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:55,199 THE PROBLEM WITH PERFECTION32 00:02:55,199 --> 00:02:56,700 IS ITS INABILITY TO RECOGNIZE 33 00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,703 ANYTHING LESS PERFECT THAN ITSELF.34 00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:00,205 IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HIT ON HIM35 00:03:00,705 --> 00:03:01,706 AND HE TURNED YOU DOWN.36 00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:04,710 YEAH.37 00:03:04,710 --> 00:03:08,214 TED'S THIS REALLY SMART GUY AND HE'S GOT A REALLY BIG HEART.38 00:03:08,214 --> 00:03:11,218 ONLY, NOBODY HERE IS INTERESTED IN THE SIZE OF THAT ORGAN.39 00:03:11,218 --> 00:03:12,719 WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME40 00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:14,722 STARING AT A BUNCH OF OVER-PUMPED PRINCESSES41 00:03:14,722 --> 00:03:17,225 WITH iqs SMALLER THAN THEIR WAIST...42 00:03:17,225 --> 00:03:19,227 JESUS, LOOK AT HIM.43 00:03:19,227 --> 00:03:21,230 LIKE I SAID, IT'S ALL ABOUT SEX.44 00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:23,232 EXCEPT WHEN YOU'RE HAVING IT.45 00:03:23,232 --> 00:03:25,734 AND THEN IT'S ALL ABOUT, "WILL HE STAY?" "WILL HE GO?"46 00:03:25,734 --> 00:03:27,737 "HOW AM I DOING?" "WHAT AM I DOING?" 47 00:03:28,738 --> 00:03:30,240 UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE...48 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,241 BRIAN KINNEY.49 00:03:33,244 --> 00:03:35,746 AND THEN IT'S, "WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK?50 00:03:35,746 --> 00:03:38,250 YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE ME."52 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,764 I'LL GET BRIAN.55 00:04:18,297 --> 00:04:20,299 HEY, TODD, HOW'S IT GOING? FINE.57 00:04:25,305 --> 00:04:26,806 WE NEED TO GO.58 00:04:26,806 --> 00:04:28,809 WE WANT TO EAT.59 00:04:28,809 --> 00:04:30,311 I'M JUST GOING TO GIVE HIM MY NUMBER.60 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,812 WHAT'D YOU DO, WRITE IT ON YOUR DICK?61 00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:34,816 HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?62 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:39,822 10 MINUTES, TOPS.65 00:04:51,836 --> 00:04:53,338 HMM, BRUNO.66 00:04:53,338 --> 00:04:55,841 LO-OVE YOUR OUTFIT. 67 00:04:55,841 --> 00:04:57,843 NOT EVERYONE CAN WEAR TANGERINE.68 00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:01,848 HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO WAIT? I'VE GOT TO WORK IN THE MORNING.69 00:05:01,848 --> 00:05:03,350 WHO DOESN'T? HE SAID HE'D BE RIGHT OUT.70 00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:04,851 YEAH, WE'VE ALL HEARD THAT BEFORE.71 00:05:04,851 --> 00:05:06,353 THIS IS SOME GREAT SYSTEM HE'S GOT.72 00:05:06,853 --> 00:05:08,856 HE GETS TO PARTY ALL NIGHT AND YOU DRIVE HIM HOME.73 00:05:09,357 --> 00:05:11,359 IT'S NO BIG DEAL, OKAY?74 00:05:11,359 --> 00:05:13,362 HMM. DON'T LOOK NOW BUT, UH,75 00:05:13,362 --> 00:05:14,863 SOMEBODY'S WATCHING.76 00:05:18,368 --> 00:05:20,870 OH, HIM. HE HAS BEEN CRUISING ME ALL NIGHT.77 00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:22,872 HMM, PLAYING HARD TO GET.78 00:05:22,872 --> 00:05:23,873 I LOVE THAT IN A MAN.79 00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:26,877 NOT PLAYING, JUST NOT INTERESTED.80 00:05:27,878 --> 00:05:28,879 CHECK OUT THAT BUBBLE BUTT. 81 00:05:28,879 --> 00:05:30,382 AND THAT BASKET.82 00:05:30,882 --> 00:05:32,384 ENOUGH IN THERE FOR THE BIG, BAD WOLF.83 00:05:32,384 --> 00:05:34,886 WOULD YOU QUIT STARING?84 00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,889 THERE'S MORE TO A GUY THAN HIS COCK SIZE.85 00:05:36,889 --> 00:05:38,391 HMM.86 00:05:38,891 --> 00:05:40,894 LOOK AT THAT!87 00:05:40,894 --> 00:05:43,897 OR HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED ASS.88 00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:45,899 WHICH IS WHY YOU READ ALL THOSE COMIC BOOKS89 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,403 WITH THOSE SUPER-HEROES IN THEIR LITTLE TIGHTS...90 00:05:48,903 --> 00:05:49,904 FOR THE PLOT.91 00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:51,906 I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT INTERESTED.92 00:05:51,906 --> 00:05:52,908 MAYBE JUST FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD BE.93 00:05:53,409 --> 00:05:54,410 SHOW A CERTAIN SOMEONE94 00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:56,412 HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SCORE. 101 00:06:33,956 --> 00:06:35,458 'SCUSE ME.102 00:06:35,458 --> 00:06:37,461 UH, COULD YOU TELL ME, LIKE,103 00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:38,962 WHERE'S A GOOD PLACE TO GO?104 00:06:39,463 --> 00:06:41,965 DEPENDS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.105 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,969 YOU WANT TWINKIES, GO TO BOYTOY.106 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,971 YOU WANT LEATHER, GO TO THE MEATHOOK.107 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,474 IF YOU WANT SNOTTY, CONCEITED ASSHOLES108 00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,977 WHO THINK THEY'RE BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE, TRY PISTOL.109 00:06:51,977 --> 00:06:53,979 IT'S KIND OF LATE TO BE OUT, THOUGH, ISN'T IT?110 00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,483 ESPECIALLY ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.111 00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,984 WHY DON'T YOU COME HOME WITH ME, HMM?112 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,987 NO THANKS. HUH!113 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,989 GO ON HOME TO YOUR MOMMY.114 00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,992 GO ON. 116 00:07:16,506 --> 00:07:18,509 THAT WAS QUICK.117 00:07:18,509 --> 00:07:21,011 WELL, WHEN YOU'VE HAD AS MUCH PRACTICE AS HE'S HAD...118 00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:23,515 I GOT BORED.119 00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:26,518 I KNOW. GETTING YOUR DICK SUCKED CAN BE SO TEDIOUS.120 00:07:26,518 --> 00:07:28,020 WELL, HE LOOKED PRETTY HOT TO ME.121 00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,522 ANYBODY WOULD LOOK HOT TO YOU.123 00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:49,545 AND THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED.124 00:07:49,545 --> 00:07:51,548 WHEN HE CAME ALONG.126 00:07:57,555 --> 00:08:00,057 HOW'S IT GOING?127 00:08:00,057 --> 00:08:01,058 HAD A BUSY NIGHT?128 00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:05,063 JUST, UH, CHECKING OUT THE BARS, YOU KNOW?129 00:08:05,063 --> 00:08:08,067 BOYTOY, MEATHOOK.130 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,069 THE MEATHOOK. REALLY?131 00:08:10,069 --> 00:08:12,572 SO YOU'RE INTO LEATHER? 132 00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:14,575 SURE.133 00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:18,580 WHERE YOU HEADED?134 00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:21,583 NO PLACE SPECIAL.135 00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:23,084 I CAN CHANGE THAT.136 00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:25,588 HEY!137 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,089 HEY! WHAT ABOUT US?138 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:28,591 YOU CAN RIDE WITH TED.139 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,594 THANKS A LOT. ASSHOLE!140 00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:37,101 WELL, IF IT ISN'T MISS RIDING HOOD AND HER BIG BASKET.141 00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:39,604 FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO STALK, I'M NOT INTERESTED.142 00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:43,609 GO HOME.143 00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,118 COMING IN?144 00:08:52,118 --> 00:08:56,123 HUH? OH, YEAH.145 00:08:56,624 --> 00:08:58,627 SHUT THE DOOR. 146 00:09:22,655 --> 00:09:25,658 THIS IS A... REALLY NICE PLACE.147 00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:38,674 I LIKE YOUR KITCHEN.148 00:09:38,674 --> 00:09:41,176 DO YOU LIKE SPECIAL K?149 00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:44,681 IT'S OKAY. I LIKE CHEERIOS BETTER.150 00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:49,687 I DON'T MEAN THE KIND YOU EAT WITH BANANAS.151 00:09:49,687 --> 00:09:52,189 MY DISCO-PHARMACOLOGIST COOKS THIS UP FOR ME.152 00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:56,695 I'M REALLY ALLERGIC TO A LOT OF DRUGS.153 00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,196 THE DOCTOR GAVE ME PENICILLIN ONCE,154 00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,698 NEARLY KILLED ME.155 00:09:59,698 --> 00:10:01,200 AND...156 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,702 TYLENOL. TYLENOL?157 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:06,206 NO ONE'S ALLERGIC TO TYLENOL. TYLENOL'S WHAT THEY GIVE YOU158 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,208 WHEN YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO EVERYTHING ELSE.159 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,210 OH. 160 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,214 WELL, UH, CODEINE. CODEINE'S THE WORST.161 00:10:13,715 --> 00:10:14,716 LIKE, I GET DIARRHEA162 00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:17,219 AND START VOMITING UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE SAME TIME.163 00:10:17,219 --> 00:10:20,222 WELL, WE'LL MAKE SURE AND KEEP THAT ONE ON THE TOP SHELF.164 00:10:20,222 --> 00:10:22,224 OUT OF REACH.165 00:10:28,733 --> 00:10:30,234 SO, ARE YOU COMING OR GOING?167 00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:34,239 OR COMING AND THEN GOING?168 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,242 OR COMING AND STAYING?192 00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:55,835 THANK YOU FOR THE LIFT.193 00:11:56,335 --> 00:11:57,837 SEE YA. BYE.194 00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:08,850 OH MY GOD, LOOK.195 00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:10,853 HE MUST HAVE FOLLOWED US.196 00:12:10,853 --> 00:12:12,855 CHRIST, THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED.197 00:12:12,855 --> 00:12:15,358 HONEY, IT'S WHAT WE ALL NEED. 198 00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:18,361 HEY! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT LAID?199 00:12:18,361 --> 00:12:19,362 MY POINT EXACTLY.200 00:12:19,863 --> 00:12:21,866 IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER, THEN IT'S TIME.201 00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,868 NOW, WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?202 00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:25,870 GO, UH, GO INVITE THE GENTLEMAN IN203 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,873 WHILE I MAKE SURE NONE OF MY FINE WASHABLES204 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:30,375 ARE HANGING IN THE TUB.207 00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,907 DON'T COME YET.208 00:12:56,907 --> 00:12:59,911 HAH, I'LL TRY.210 00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:03,915 STOP.212 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:11,424 SO, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?213 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,425 DO?214 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,428 I DON'T KNOW.215 00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:18,432 WATCH TV, PLAY TOMB RAIDER. 216 00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:20,935 I MEAN IN BED.217 00:13:20,935 --> 00:13:22,437 OH.218 00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:25,941 THIS IS FINE.219 00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:30,947 ARE YOU A TOP OR A BOTTOM?220 00:13:33,449 --> 00:13:36,954 TOP... AND BOTTOM.221 00:13:36,954 --> 00:13:38,956 OH, YOU'RE VERSATILE, THEN.222 00:13:38,956 --> 00:13:40,458 AND AMBIDEXTROUS...223 00:13:40,458 --> 00:13:42,460 WHICH WAS REALLY CONFUSING AT FIRST224 00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:44,964 'CAUSE I COULD NEVER FIGURE OUT WHICH HAND TO THROW WITH.225 00:13:46,465 --> 00:13:47,967 DO YOU LIKE TO RIM?226 00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:50,971 SURE. I LOVE IT.227 00:13:50,971 --> 00:13:52,973 GREAT.228 00:13:53,974 --> 00:13:56,477 GO TO IT.229 00:13:57,478 --> 00:13:58,980 WELL? 230 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,984 UM, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN?232 00:14:06,488 --> 00:14:07,991 YEAH?233 00:14:07,991 --> 00:14:10,493 WHAT?235 00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:12,495 WHEN?236 00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:14,999 ARE YOU KIDDING ME?237 00:14:14,999 --> 00:14:18,002 NO, OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT KIDDING ME. WHEN DID IT HAPPEN?238 00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:20,505 WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?239 00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:23,008 WELL, OF COURSE I WAS OUT.240 00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:25,511 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.241 00:14:25,511 --> 00:14:27,013 SHIT!242 00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:29,015 JESUS CHRIST! I TOLD YOU NOT TO.243 00:14:29,515 --> 00:14:31,018 I TRIED. I'M SORRY.244 00:14:31,018 --> 00:14:32,519 ALL OVER MY NEW DUVET. I TRIED.245 00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:35,022 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 246 00:14:35,022 --> 00:14:37,025 IT'LL WASH OUT, WON'T IT?247 00:14:37,025 --> 00:14:39,027 I MEAN, YOU SHOULD SEE MY SHEETS AT HOME.248 00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:41,530 JUST SOME KID. WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?249 00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:44,033 JUSTIN. JUSTIN.250 00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:46,535 I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.251 00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:55,046 OOH, DON'T MIND ME.252 00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:56,547 JUST, UH, CAN'T SLEEP253 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,550 WITHOUT MY MILK AND OREOS.254 00:14:58,550 --> 00:15:00,552 THAT'S MY FRIEND EMMETT. HE'S STAYING WITH ME TEMPORARILY255 00:15:00,552 --> 00:15:02,554 SINCE THE HOOKER WHO LIVED DOWN THE HALL FROM HIM256 00:15:02,554 --> 00:15:05,558 BURNED HIS APARTMENT BUILDING DOWN TWO YEARS AGO.257 00:15:06,059 --> 00:15:08,561 TWO YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO BE TEMPORARY.258 00:15:08,561 --> 00:15:11,065 AND YET IT HASN'T INTERFERED WITH MY LOVE LIFE.259 00:15:11,065 --> 00:15:14,068 WHICH, I SUPPOSE, SAYS A LOT ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE. 260 00:15:14,068 --> 00:15:17,572 DO YOU MIND IF WE SKIP THE BACK STORY AND CUT TO THE CHASE?261 00:15:17,572 --> 00:15:19,074 IT'S ALMOST 2:00 IN THE MORNING.262 00:15:24,580 --> 00:15:26,082 YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS.263 00:15:27,084 --> 00:15:28,585 OH YEAH?264 00:15:31,088 --> 00:15:33,091 SO DO YOU, IT'S REALLY...265 00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:41,100 FIRM.266 00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,601 IT'S CALLED "THE BUTT".267 00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:44,104 I GOT IT IN A CATALOGUE.269 00:15:50,111 --> 00:15:51,612 PARTS DEPARTMENT.270 00:15:51,612 --> 00:15:53,614 MELANIE CALLED. IT'S HAPPENED.271 00:15:53,614 --> 00:15:55,117 WHAT? OH MY GOD! WHEN?272 00:15:55,117 --> 00:15:57,119 I don't know, I had my damn cell phone off.273 00:15:57,119 --> 00:15:58,620 I'M PICKING YOU UP IN TWO MINUTES.274 00:15:59,121 --> 00:16:02,625 NOW? I... KIND OF GOT MY HANDS FULL. 275 00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:05,628 "THE BULGE".276 00:16:05,628 --> 00:16:07,631 YOU ORDER BOTH, YOU GET A DISCOUNT.277 00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:09,133 WHO'S THAT?278 00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,134 UH, NO ONE.279 00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,637 MIKEY, YOU'VE GOT SOMEONE THERE WITH YOU.280 00:16:12,637 --> 00:16:14,639 I can't believe it.281 00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:15,640 YOU SHOULD ONLY BE HERE.282 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,143 Forget about it, don't let me bother you.283 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145 FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM.284 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,646 NO, WAIT. PICK ME UP. I-I'M READY.285 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,647 NOW.286 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,152 WE GOING TO DO THIS OR NOT?287 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:27,654 I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY.288 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,157 UM, A FRIEND OF MINE NEEDS ME. 289 00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:30,658 IT'S AN EMERGENCY.290 00:16:31,159 --> 00:16:33,161 SHIT. AFTER ALL THAT? I KNOW.291 00:16:33,161 --> 00:16:34,163 I PROMISE WE'LL RESCHEDULE.292 00:16:34,163 --> 00:16:35,664 NO "IFS", "ANDS" OR...293 00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:41,671 WHAT'S GOING ON? EVERYTHING.294 00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:43,673 COME ON, GET UP. YOU GOTTA GO.295 00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:45,176 WHERE? HOME.296 00:16:45,676 --> 00:16:47,178 I CAN'T GO HOME NOW. MY...297 00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:48,179 MY PARENTS THINK I'M STAYING AT A FRIEND'S.298 00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,680 YOU LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS?299 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,183 WELL, I'M STILL IN SCHOOL.300 00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,185 I MEAN, COLLEGE.301 00:16:53,685 --> 00:16:55,687 WHAT YEAR ARE YOU IN? JUNIOR.302 00:16:55,687 --> 00:16:58,691 SOPHOMORE. BETWEEN MY JUNIOR AND SOPHOMORE YEAR. 303 00:16:58,691 --> 00:16:59,692 HOW OLD ARE YOU?304 00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,194 21.305 00:17:03,197 --> 00:17:04,698 WHAT YEAR WERE YOU BORN?306 00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:07,201 1979.307 00:17:07,201 --> 00:17:09,204 BULLSHIT. YOU HAD TO THINK BEFORE YOU ANSWERED THAT.308 00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,705 HOW OLD ARE YOU REALLY?309 00:17:11,706 --> 00:17:14,710 20.310 00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:18,714 19.311 00:17:20,217 --> 00:17:21,218 18.312 00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:24,221 WELL WHAT IS THIS, A MISSILE LAUNCH?313 00:17:24,221 --> 00:17:24,722 17.315 00:17:26,224 --> 00:17:29,227 WHAT IS WITH KIDS TODAY?316 00:17:29,227 --> 00:17:31,730 WE JUST WANT TO GET LAID LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.317 00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:34,233 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN WITH ANYONE BEFORE? 318 00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:36,236 SURE.319 00:17:36,236 --> 00:17:38,738 WELL, NOT EXACTLY.320 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,742 THIS IS SORT OF MY FIRST.321 00:17:43,244 --> 00:17:45,246 I FIGURED.322 00:17:45,246 --> 00:17:46,747 KIND OF YOUNG, AREN'T YOU?323 00:17:48,750 --> 00:17:51,253 WELL, I WAS 14 MY FIRST TIME.324 00:17:51,253 --> 00:17:52,254 THAT'S REALLY YOUNG.325 00:17:52,254 --> 00:17:53,256 WITH MY GYM TEACHER.326 00:17:53,256 --> 00:17:55,758 I BET HE WAS SOME OLD PERV.327 00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:58,762 THAT OLD PERV WAS PROBABLY THE SAME AGE THAT I AM NOW.328 00:18:00,764 --> 00:18:02,266 IT WAS AFTER SCHOOL IN THE LOCKER ROOMS.329 00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,270 HE WAS TAKING A SHOWER.330 00:18:05,270 --> 00:18:06,771 I WENT BACK FOR SOMETHING.331 00:18:07,272 --> 00:18:09,274 A BOOK, MY JOCKSTRAP, 332 00:18:09,775 --> 00:18:10,776 I DON'T REMEMBER.333 00:18:12,778 --> 00:18:15,782 ANYWAY, THERE HE WAS ALL NAKED SOAPING HIMSELF.334 00:18:15,782 --> 00:18:17,784 HE SAW ME THERE,335 00:18:17,784 --> 00:18:19,786 A BIG BONER UNDER MY CHINOS.336 00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,792 SHIT. I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE SHOWERS337 00:18:24,792 --> 00:18:26,294 WITH ALL MY CLOTHES ON.338 00:18:26,294 --> 00:18:27,296 NO.339 00:18:27,296 --> 00:18:28,797 GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES340 00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,299 AND SUCKED HIM OFF RIGHT THERE.341 00:18:30,299 --> 00:18:31,800 HE LET YOU?342 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,303 LET ME?343 00:18:34,804 --> 00:18:35,805 HE LOVED IT.344 00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:38,809 I BET YOU WERE SCARED.345 00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:42,313 WELL, I GUESS WE'RE ALL A LITTLE SCARED OUR FIRST TIME. 346 00:18:47,819 --> 00:18:50,323 BUT I DON'T REMEMBER ANY MORE.349 00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:06,342 YOU BROUGHT HIM?350 00:19:06,842 --> 00:19:08,344 HE'S GOT NOWHERE TO GO.351 00:19:08,344 --> 00:19:09,845 GET IN.352 00:19:10,846 --> 00:19:12,349 JEEZ!354 00:19:37,378 --> 00:19:39,380 OH, MY GOD.355 00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:40,882 SAY HELLO TO YOUR SON.357 00:19:43,885 --> 00:19:45,888 WELL, GO ON.358 00:19:53,397 --> 00:19:54,898 WHEN DID IT START?359 00:19:54,898 --> 00:19:56,901 AROUND 7:00.360 00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,404 SIX HOURS LATER, THERE HE WAS.361 00:19:59,404 --> 00:20:01,406 OH, I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN HERE.362 00:20:01,406 --> 00:20:03,409 HOW OFTEN DO I GET TO SEE SNATCH?363 00:20:05,411 --> 00:20:06,912 LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU. 364 00:20:07,914 --> 00:20:10,417 I GUESS HE MUST BE MINE THEN.365 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,919 WANT TO HOLD HIM?366 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,424 OKAY, CAREFUL. DON'T DROP HIM.367 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,428 THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS PLANNING ON DOING.369 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,432 WE'VE BEEN THINKING OF NAMES.370 00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:25,935 MEL WANTS TO CALL HIM ABRAHAM AFTER HER GRANDFATHER,371 00:20:25,935 --> 00:20:28,438 BUT I LIKE GUS.372 00:20:31,442 --> 00:20:32,943 WHAT DO YOU THINK?373 00:20:35,446 --> 00:20:39,451 YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE A DAY AT SCHOOL BEING NAMED ABRAHAM.374 00:20:39,451 --> 00:20:40,952 BUT I GUESS GUS IS OKAY.375 00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:43,956 HAH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?376 00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:44,957 HIS NAME'S J...377 00:20:46,459 --> 00:20:48,462 JUSTIN.378 00:20:48,462 --> 00:20:50,464 YOU WERE ON THE PHONE WHEN HE SHOT HIS LOAD ALL OVER ME. 380 00:20:53,968 --> 00:20:54,469 OH, BRIAN!381 00:20:54,969 --> 00:20:56,471 HE CAN'T HELP IT.382 00:20:56,471 --> 00:20:58,474 HE'S ONLY 17.383 00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:01,477 SO, YOU AND LINDSAY EACH HAD AN INFANT TONIGHT.384 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,980 YEAH, BUT MINE DOESN'T SUCK ON MY TITS.385 00:21:03,980 --> 00:21:06,483 NOT UNLESS I WANT HIM TO.386 00:21:07,484 --> 00:21:10,488 "GUS". IT'S A GOOD BUTCH NAME.387 00:21:10,988 --> 00:21:12,490 COME ON, GUS,388 00:21:12,490 --> 00:21:14,992 GIVE YOUR DADDY A SMILE.391 00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:30,511 IT'S DISGUSTING, ALL THOSE LESBIANS392 00:21:30,511 --> 00:21:33,014 FAWNING OVER HIM AND MAKING GOO-GOO TALK.393 00:21:33,014 --> 00:21:35,517 THAT'S WHAT WOMEN DO OVER BABIES.394 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:40,523 WHO'S TALKING ABOUT THE BABY? I MEAN JUSTIN.395 00:21:45,028 --> 00:21:47,531 IT'S KIND OF WEIRD, YOU HAVING A KID. 396 00:21:49,033 --> 00:21:51,536 STILL, IT'S EXCITING, ISN'T IT?397 00:21:51,536 --> 00:21:55,541 WHAT? HAVING SOME WRINKLED LITTLE TIME-CLOCK TICKING AWAY?398 00:21:55,541 --> 00:21:58,043 REMINDING YOU THAT YOU'RE GETTING OLDER BY THE MINUTE.399 00:21:58,043 --> 00:22:00,045 BY THE SECOND?400 00:22:00,045 --> 00:22:03,049 KEEP THINKING LIKE THAT YOU'RE GOING TO END UP PREMATURELY GRE-EY.401 00:22:03,049 --> 00:22:05,552 OH, I THINK I SEE ONE.402 00:22:05,552 --> 00:22:07,555 OW!403 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,562 WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY TRY AND STOP ME?404 00:22:13,562 --> 00:22:15,564 HELLO? SOMEBODY DID.405 00:22:15,564 --> 00:22:17,567 BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN. YOU HAD TO LET LINDSAY406 00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:19,569 FILL YOUR HEAD WITH ALL HER BULLSHIT FLATTERY.407 00:22:19,569 --> 00:22:22,071 "OH, BRIAN, YOU'RE SO GOOD LOOKING.408 00:22:22,071 --> 00:22:25,576 OH, OH, BRIAN, Y-Y-YOU'RE SO SMART.409 00:22:25,576 --> 00:22:27,077 OH, OH, YOU'VE GOT SUCH GREAT GENES, BRIAN, 410 00:22:27,077 --> 00:22:28,078 AND I DON'T MEAN YOUR 501s."411 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,587 AND NOW YOU'RE STUCK WITH A KID.412 00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,088 FOR LIFE.413 00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:44,097 WELL THERE IS ALWAYS ONE SOLUTION.414 00:22:51,106 --> 00:22:53,108 I COULD END IT ALL RIGHT NOW.415 00:22:53,108 --> 00:22:55,611 OH, THAT'D BE DRAMATIC.416 00:22:55,611 --> 00:22:59,115 JUST LIKE "ER", BIRTH AND DEATH IN THE SAME EPISODE.417 00:22:59,115 --> 00:23:01,618 NOW GET DOWN!418 00:23:01,618 --> 00:23:03,120 WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO COME GET ME...419 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,122 I'M SERIOUS. STOP CLOWNING.420 00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:06,123 OR I'LL JUMP!429 00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:32,655 COME ON, MIKEY, LET'S FLY.430 00:23:32,655 --> 00:23:34,657 LIKE IN ALL THOSE COMIC BOOKS.431 00:23:39,162 --> 00:23:41,164 I'M SUPERMAN. 432 00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:44,168 I'LL SHOW YOU THE WORLD.433 00:23:44,669 --> 00:23:47,171 WHY AM I ALWAYS LOIS LANE?439 00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,197 CONGRATULATIONS...440 00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:13,202 DAD.446 00:24:30,723 --> 00:24:32,726 SORRY.447 00:24:34,728 --> 00:24:36,229 HONESTLY.448 00:24:36,229 --> 00:24:37,731 FUCKED HIM.449 00:24:37,731 --> 00:24:39,233 YOU DID NOT, YOU LOOKED AT HIM.450 00:24:39,233 --> 00:24:40,234 THAT MAY APPEAR TO BE WHAT HAPPENED,451 00:24:40,234 --> 00:24:41,736 BUT WE DID IT ALL.452 00:24:41,736 --> 00:24:43,739 OH YEAH, AND HOW WAS HE?453 00:24:43,739 --> 00:24:45,240 FABULOUS.454 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,742 WANT ONE? NO.455 00:24:46,742 --> 00:24:48,243 MORE FOR ME. 456 00:24:50,246 --> 00:24:52,248 LISTEN, YOU'RE GOING TO GO SAY GOODNIGHT TO LINDSAY,457 00:24:52,248 --> 00:24:54,751 YOU'RE GOING TO GO HOME, GO TO BED458 00:24:54,751 --> 00:24:59,256 AND GET UP AND GO TO WORK FOR THE NEXT 20 YEARS TO SUPPORT YOUR KID.459 00:24:59,256 --> 00:25:00,759 YOU SEE THIS LINE, HOW DEEP IT IS?460 00:25:00,759 --> 00:25:02,761 THAT MEANS YOU'RE VERY CREATIVE.461 00:25:02,761 --> 00:25:05,263 THAT'S TRUE. I WANT TO BE A CARTOONIST OR A COMPUTER ANIMATOR.462 00:25:05,263 --> 00:25:08,267 IT'S FAR TOO LESBIANIC OUT HERE FOR A YOUNG BOY.463 00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:09,769 OUT.464 00:25:09,769 --> 00:25:11,772 I'LL MEET YOU OUT FRONT.465 00:25:15,776 --> 00:25:17,779 I'M SORRY, SIR, YOU'LL HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW.466 00:25:17,779 --> 00:25:19,280 THE MOTHER NEEDS HER REST.467 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:20,281 AND SO DOES THE FATHER.468 00:25:20,281 --> 00:25:22,283 IT'S OKAY, NURSE.469 00:25:25,788 --> 00:25:28,290 SWEET DREAMS, SONNY BOY. 470 00:25:28,290 --> 00:25:30,794 FIRST NIGHT ON EARTH.471 00:25:32,295 --> 00:25:33,797 HON, COULD YOU GET ME SOME ICE472 00:25:33,797 --> 00:25:35,299 AND MAYBE SOMETHING FIZZY?473 00:25:35,299 --> 00:25:37,301 HOW ABOUT SOME GINGER ALE?474 00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:44,810 UH, ANYTHING FOR YOU?475 00:25:44,810 --> 00:25:47,313 UH, IF YOU SEE ANY AMYL NITRATE LAYING AROUND.476 00:25:55,322 --> 00:25:56,825 ALONE AT LAST.477 00:25:56,825 --> 00:25:58,326 CAREFUL.478 00:26:00,328 --> 00:26:03,332 WELL, HERE WE ARE.479 00:26:04,834 --> 00:26:07,336 MA AND PA.481 00:26:08,839 --> 00:26:10,340 HEY.482 00:26:13,343 --> 00:26:15,847 DON'T MIND ME,483 00:26:16,347 --> 00:26:19,351 JUST FEELING A LITTLE... VULNERABLE.485 00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:28,361 I PROMISE NOT TO TELL. 486 00:26:28,361 --> 00:26:30,363 WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?487 00:26:30,363 --> 00:26:31,866 YOU AND ME.488 00:26:31,866 --> 00:26:34,368 PARENTS.489 00:26:35,369 --> 00:26:37,873 IT'S PRETTY SCARY, BOYS AND GIRLS.490 00:26:39,374 --> 00:26:41,376 THINK IT'S TOO LATE TO RETURN IT?491 00:26:41,376 --> 00:26:43,379 WE COULD TRY.492 00:26:44,380 --> 00:26:47,384 OHH.493 00:26:47,384 --> 00:26:50,387 I GUESS THIS MEANS WE'RE FINALLY GROWN-UPS.494 00:26:50,387 --> 00:26:51,889 "DON'T SAY THAT, WENDY,495 00:26:51,889 --> 00:26:52,890 WE'LL NEVER GROW UP."496 00:26:53,391 --> 00:26:55,393 DON'T BE SCARED.497 00:26:55,393 --> 00:26:57,896 HELL, IF OUR PARENTS COULD FUCK UP, SO CAN WE.499 00:27:02,902 --> 00:27:04,404 I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY.500 00:27:04,404 --> 00:27:06,406 ABOUT MONEY, I MEAN. 501 00:27:06,406 --> 00:27:07,407 IF YOU NEED ANYTHING...502 00:27:07,407 --> 00:27:10,411 NO, WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.503 00:27:10,411 --> 00:27:11,913 BUT THANKS.504 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,421 I WOULD'VE FUCKED YOU, YOU KNOW?505 00:27:19,421 --> 00:27:21,424 OH!506 00:27:21,424 --> 00:27:23,927 IF I WASN'T AFRAID YOUR LOVER'D BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME.507 00:27:23,927 --> 00:27:24,928 STOP.508 00:27:25,428 --> 00:27:26,429 I MEAN IT.509 00:27:26,429 --> 00:27:28,432 SHE COULD TAKE OUT OSCAR DE LA RENTA.510 00:27:28,432 --> 00:27:31,435 YOU MEAN LA HOYA.511 00:27:31,435 --> 00:27:32,437 WHATEVER.512 00:27:33,939 --> 00:27:36,441 WELL, YOU HAD PLENTY OF CHANCES.513 00:27:37,442 --> 00:27:39,946 AND I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF A FEW, IF I RECALL.514 00:27:39,946 --> 00:27:41,948 IT WASN'T HALF BAD. 515 00:27:42,949 --> 00:27:45,452 NOW YOU TELL ME?516 00:27:45,452 --> 00:27:47,955 YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE BEEN STRAIGHT THIS WHOLE TIME?517 00:27:48,956 --> 00:27:50,959 I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.518 00:27:50,959 --> 00:27:54,462 WELL THEN I GUESS IT'S JUST AS WELL.519 00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:04,474 ICE?520 00:28:06,978 --> 00:28:08,980 TICK-TICK-TICK.521 00:28:08,980 --> 00:28:10,982 TICK.522 00:28:11,482 --> 00:28:12,985 TICK. TICK.523 00:28:12,985 --> 00:28:14,987 TICK.524 00:28:14,987 --> 00:28:15,988 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?525 00:28:18,491 --> 00:28:19,993 I'M JUST REPEATING THE FIRST WORDS526 00:28:19,993 --> 00:28:20,994 MY SONNY BOY SAID TO ME.527 00:28:21,494 --> 00:28:23,497 IT WASN'T "DA-DA".528 00:28:23,497 --> 00:28:25,499 IT WAS TICK-TICK-TICK-TICK. 529 00:28:27,001 --> 00:28:29,004 SMART LITTLE FUCKER.530 00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:33,008 HE CAN TELL TIME ALREADY.531 00:28:33,008 --> 00:28:34,510 BRIAN, WHAT DID YOU TAKE?533 00:28:42,019 --> 00:28:45,022 I'M JUST TEACHING MY KID THE ALPHABET.535 00:28:47,025 --> 00:28:49,027 I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU.536 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:53,532 I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU ALL NIGHT.539 00:29:07,548 --> 00:29:08,550 SHIT!540 00:29:08,550 --> 00:29:11,053 SORRY, I DIDN'T WANT TO HIT THAT DOGGIE.541 00:29:11,053 --> 00:29:12,554 FUCK THE DOGGIE.542 00:29:12,554 --> 00:29:14,057 OKAY, BOY WONDER.543 00:29:14,557 --> 00:29:16,059 I'M TAKING YOU HOME. WHERE DO I TURN?544 00:29:16,059 --> 00:29:17,060 HE'S GOING WITH ME.545 00:29:17,060 --> 00:29:18,561 OH NO, HE'S NOT.546 00:29:18,561 --> 00:29:20,564 POP QUIZ. NO TALKING. 547 00:29:20,564 --> 00:29:23,067 HERE'S A QUESTION. MULTIPLE CHOICE.548 00:29:23,067 --> 00:29:24,068 DO YOU WANT TO COME HOME WITH ME?549 00:29:24,568 --> 00:29:26,071 A, YES,550 00:29:26,071 --> 00:29:28,073 B, YES,551 00:29:28,073 --> 00:29:30,576 OR C, YES.552 00:29:30,576 --> 00:29:33,079 TICK, TICK, TICK. TIME'S UP. PENCILS DOWN.553 00:29:33,079 --> 00:29:34,580 WHAT DO YOU SAY?554 00:29:35,081 --> 00:29:36,583 NONE OF THE ABOVE.555 00:29:36,583 --> 00:29:37,584 HE'S GOING HOME.556 00:29:37,584 --> 00:29:39,586 I'M GOING WITH HIM.557 00:29:41,588 --> 00:29:44,092 GOOD BOY.558 00:29:44,092 --> 00:29:46,594 YOU GET AN "A" PLUS.561 00:30:06,618 --> 00:30:09,121 NOW YOU KNOW WHAT RIMMING IS.562 00:30:12,125 --> 00:30:14,127 HE CALLS ME, PRACTICALLY BEGS ME TO GO WITH HIM, 563 00:30:14,627 --> 00:30:16,130 KNOWING FULL WELL I'M WITH SOMEONE564 00:30:16,130 --> 00:30:18,132 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.565 00:30:18,132 --> 00:30:21,135 SEVEN MONTHS, TWO WEEKS AND THREE DAYS.566 00:30:21,135 --> 00:30:22,637 THANK YOU.567 00:30:22,637 --> 00:30:24,639 AND EVEN THOUGH THE GUY WASN'T ALL HE WAS CRACKED UP TO BE...568 00:30:24,639 --> 00:30:26,641 WE'LL LET THAT REMARK PASS.569 00:30:26,641 --> 00:30:28,644 AT LEAST HE WANTEDME.570 00:30:28,644 --> 00:30:31,147 ME.571 00:30:33,150 --> 00:30:35,152 GOD, I AM SO HORNY.572 00:30:36,153 --> 00:30:38,156 POOR BABY.573 00:30:38,156 --> 00:30:39,657 WELL I HAVE JUST THE THING.574 00:30:39,657 --> 00:30:41,659 A NEW PORN VIDEO.575 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,664 IT ALL TAKES PLACE IN A PRISONER-OF-WAR CAMP.576 00:30:45,664 --> 00:30:49,168 "HOT, HORNY MEN STARVED FOR ACTION". 577 00:30:49,168 --> 00:30:50,670 I CAN RELATE TO THAT.578 00:30:50,670 --> 00:30:53,673 GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR PRIVATES STAND UP AND SALUTE.579 00:30:53,673 --> 00:30:54,674 "SCHINDLER'S FIST"?580 00:30:55,176 --> 00:30:56,677 AH-H-H.581 00:30:56,677 --> 00:30:59,680 HERE, I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.582 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,684 I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEEP, MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP.583 00:31:02,684 --> 00:31:04,686 GOOD NIGHT.584 00:31:09,692 --> 00:31:12,696 OKAY, PRIVATE, DROP TROU AND BEND OVER.585 00:31:12,696 --> 00:31:14,198 FOR MY PHYSICAL, SIR?586 00:31:14,198 --> 00:31:16,200 NO, TARGET PRACTICE.587 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:17,201 YES, SIR.588 00:31:17,201 --> 00:31:18,203 589 00:31:18,703 --> 00:31:20,705 PUT YOUR LEGS UP590 00:31:20,705 --> 00:31:22,707 ON MY SHOULDERS.592 00:31:23,709 --> 00:31:25,711 THAT'S IT.593 00:31:27,213 --> 00:31:28,714 OH, WAIT.594 00:31:28,714 --> 00:31:30,717 IN SCHOOL WE HAD THIS LECTURE...595 00:31:30,717 --> 00:31:32,719 ABOUT SAFE SEX.596 00:31:34,221 --> 00:31:37,225 AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEMONSTRATION.597 00:31:42,731 --> 00:31:44,733 PUT IT ON ME.598 00:31:45,234 --> 00:31:47,237 GO ON.599 00:31:47,237 --> 00:31:48,738 SLIP IT ON MY DICK.600 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,753 AH! IT'S COLD.601 00:32:01,753 --> 00:32:04,257 IT'LL HEAT UP.602 00:32:05,258 --> 00:32:06,759 JUST...603 00:32:07,260 --> 00:32:08,762 GO SLOW, OKAY?605 00:32:18,273 --> 00:32:21,277 AH! AH!607 00:32:21,777 --> 00:32:23,279 IT HURTS.608 00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:24,780 DOES IT ALWAYS HURT?609 00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:27,784 A LITTLE BIT.610 00:32:28,285 --> 00:32:29,786 BUT THAT'S A PART OF IT.612 00:32:33,791 --> 00:32:35,293 NOW RELAX.613 00:32:38,297 --> 00:32:40,799 I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS.614 00:32:42,802 --> 00:32:45,305 SO THAT NO MATTER WHO YOU'RE EVER WITH...615 00:32:48,809 --> 00:32:50,811 I'LL ALWAYS BE THERE.620 00:34:11,906 --> 00:34:15,411 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?621 00:34:15,911 --> 00:34:17,413 Y-YOU SAID I COULD STAY.622 00:34:19,916 --> 00:34:20,917 RIGHT.623 00:34:21,418 --> 00:34:22,919 YOUR PARENTS.624 00:34:22,919 --> 00:34:25,423 THEY THINK YOU'RE AT A FRIEND'S.625 00:34:32,431 --> 00:34:34,934 JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?627 00:34:38,438 --> 00:34:40,441 DON'T TELL ME.628 00:34:40,441 --> 00:34:41,942 I WAS DOING HANDSTANDS.629 00:34:41,942 --> 00:34:43,444 AND JUGGLING.630 00:34:43,944 --> 00:34:45,446 YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD.631 00:34:45,947 --> 00:34:47,449 SHIT.632 00:34:47,449 --> 00:34:49,451 WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS?633 00:34:50,952 --> 00:34:52,455 I'LL TELL YOU WHY.634 00:34:52,455 --> 00:34:55,458 IT WAS THAT FUCKING PIG ANITA.635 00:34:55,458 --> 00:34:57,461 SHE TOLD ME THAT WAS "E". THAT WASN'T "E",636 00:34:57,961 --> 00:35:01,465 THAT WAS SOME SHIT THEY COOKED UP IN A BATHTUB IN TIJUANA.637 00:35:01,465 --> 00:35:02,967 THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE DRUGS638 00:35:02,967 --> 00:35:04,469 THAT AREN'T PRESCRIBED BY A PHYSICIAN,639 00:35:04,969 --> 00:35:06,471 OR RECOMMENDED BY A RELIABLE PHARMACIST.641 00:35:11,477 --> 00:35:12,478 WHAT ARE YOU?642 00:35:12,978 --> 00:35:13,980 A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT?643 00:35:16,983 --> 00:35:18,985 GET DRESSED, I'LL DRIVE YOU HOME.644 00:35:18,985 --> 00:35:20,988 YOU CAN'T.645 00:35:22,490 --> 00:35:24,992 MICHAEL HAS THE CAR. WHY HAS HE GOT IT?646 00:35:24,992 --> 00:35:26,495 YOU WERE TOO HIGH... I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.647 00:35:26,995 --> 00:35:28,997 I WAS THERE.648 00:35:28,997 --> 00:35:31,000 I REMEMBER EVERYTHING...649 00:35:32,502 --> 00:35:33,503 PERFECTLY.650 00:35:36,005 --> 00:35:37,508 WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?651 00:35:37,508 --> 00:35:39,009 JUSTIN.652 00:35:41,011 --> 00:35:44,015 YEAH, RIGHT.654 00:35:46,518 --> 00:35:47,519 CAN I TAKE A SHOWER?655 00:35:47,519 --> 00:35:49,021 YEAH, BUT HURRY UP.656 00:35:49,021 --> 00:35:52,024 IT'S THROUGH THERE...657 00:35:53,025 --> 00:35:55,028 I THINK.659 00:36:06,542 --> 00:36:09,044 Where the hell are you? Your cell's turned off.660 00:36:09,044 --> 00:36:10,547 If you're there, pick up.661 00:36:10,547 --> 00:36:12,549 Brian? Listen, Lindsay's water broke.662 00:36:12,549 --> 00:36:14,551 She's having contractions. We're at the hospital.663 00:36:18,055 --> 00:36:21,058 FUCK! I HAVE A BABY.665 00:36:22,561 --> 00:36:25,063 OW! OW!666 00:36:25,063 --> 00:36:27,065 TWO BABIES.669 00:36:39,581 --> 00:36:41,082 HOLY SHIT!671 00:36:43,585 --> 00:36:45,087 YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THERE!672 00:36:45,087 --> 00:36:46,088 FAGGOT!673 00:36:46,088 --> 00:36:47,089 QUEER!674 00:36:47,089 --> 00:36:48,591 FAGGOT!675 00:36:48,591 --> 00:36:50,093 WHO'RE YOU CALLING A FAGGOT?676 00:36:50,093 --> 00:36:51,595 WE'VE SEEN YOU. QUEER!677 00:37:09,616 --> 00:37:11,117 MORNING.678 00:37:11,618 --> 00:37:13,621 OH, MY LORD.679 00:37:13,621 --> 00:37:14,622 MOTHERFUCKERS!680 00:37:14,622 --> 00:37:16,624 I'M CALLING THE COPS.681 00:37:16,624 --> 00:37:18,627 BRIAN IS GOING TO HAVE A FIT,682 00:37:18,627 --> 00:37:21,129 YOU KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT HIS JEEP.683 00:37:21,129 --> 00:37:22,631 WELL IF HE CARES SO MUCH ABOUT IT684 00:37:22,631 --> 00:37:24,634 THEN HE SHOULDN'T HAVE LENT IT TO ME.685 00:37:24,634 --> 00:37:27,136 HE KNOWS WHAT A TERRIBLE NEIGHBOURHOOD THIS IS.686 00:37:27,637 --> 00:37:29,640 WELL, I, UH, I WAS GOING TO ASK FOR A LIFT TO WORK.687 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,142 BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I'LL WALK.688 00:37:32,142 --> 00:37:33,644 HAVE A NICE DAY.689 00:37:35,146 --> 00:37:37,148 SHIT!691 00:38:01,677 --> 00:38:04,180 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I HAD A KID?692 00:38:04,180 --> 00:38:06,683 YOU SAID YOU REMEMBERED EVERYTHING.693 00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:09,687 IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.694 00:38:09,687 --> 00:38:11,188 WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN?695 00:38:11,188 --> 00:38:13,190 GUS.696 00:38:13,190 --> 00:38:14,693 I'M THE ONE WHO DECIDED.697 00:38:17,696 --> 00:38:19,197 DID YOU ACTUALLY FUCK HER?698 00:38:19,197 --> 00:38:21,200 WHO? LINDSAY.699 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,702 YOU'RE AWFULLY RUDE.700 00:38:22,702 --> 00:38:24,704 WELL, DID YOU?701 00:38:25,204 --> 00:38:26,707 I JERKED OFF IN A CUP,702 00:38:26,707 --> 00:38:28,709 AND THEY SQUIRTED IT UP HER.703 00:38:28,709 --> 00:38:29,710 GROSS.704 00:38:29,710 --> 00:38:31,713 SHE MUST HAVE REALLY WANTED A KID.705 00:38:31,713 --> 00:38:34,215 MOST WOMEN DO.706 00:38:34,215 --> 00:38:36,217 EVEN LESBIANS?707 00:38:36,217 --> 00:38:39,221 LESBIANS ARE WOMEN...708 00:38:39,221 --> 00:38:41,724 SORT OF.709 00:38:41,724 --> 00:38:45,228 MY MOM SAYS SOMETIMES SHE WISHED SHE NEVER HAD ME.710 00:38:45,228 --> 00:38:49,734 THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE'S STUCK WITH THIS ANNOYING BRAT FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.711 00:38:53,237 --> 00:38:55,741 SO, YOU GONNA RAISE HIM?712 00:38:56,241 --> 00:38:57,743 ME?713 00:38:58,243 --> 00:39:00,246 NO WAY.714 00:39:00,246 --> 00:39:01,748 THE MUNCHERS ARE.715 00:39:02,248 --> 00:39:03,750 BUT I'LL BE AROUND716 00:39:03,750 --> 00:39:05,753 TO PROVIDE THE MASCULINE INFLUENCE717 00:39:05,753 --> 00:39:09,256 SO IMPORTANT IN A YOUNG BOY'S LIFE.718 00:39:09,256 --> 00:39:10,759 I'LL BET MELANIE COULD DO IT BETTER THAN YOU.719 00:39:10,759 --> 00:39:14,262 DON'T GET SMART, OR I'LL HAVE TO SPANK YOU. 720 00:39:14,262 --> 00:39:15,263 REALLY?721 00:39:28,780 --> 00:39:30,281 YOU UP FOR ONE MORE?722 00:39:42,796 --> 00:39:44,799 BRIAN!724 00:39:57,814 --> 00:40:01,318 CHRIST. DIDN'T YOU GET ENOUGH LAST NIGHT?725 00:40:03,821 --> 00:40:07,325 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ENOUGH.726 00:40:08,326 --> 00:40:10,328 BESIDES...727 00:40:10,328 --> 00:40:14,333 I COULDN'T SEND HIM OFF WITHOUT A NOURISHING HIGH-PROTEIN BREAKFAST.728 00:40:14,333 --> 00:40:17,336 IT'S GRRR-REAT!729 00:40:21,341 --> 00:40:24,345 WILL YOU COME ON? I'M NOT GONNA BE LATE BECAUSE OF YOU.730 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,362 I SAID HURRY UP!731 00:40:44,869 --> 00:40:48,874 YEAH. SHE SAID, "DON'T BE LATE."732 00:40:51,376 --> 00:40:55,381 OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, MIKEY. JUST BEAUTIFUL.733 00:40:55,882 --> 00:40:59,386 IT'S NOT MY FAULT. I TOLD YOU ABOUT THOSE TWO PSYCHOPATHS DOWN THE STREET.734 00:40:59,386 --> 00:41:00,888 WHAT, A COUPLE OF 12-YEAR-OLDS? 735 00:41:00,888 --> 00:41:03,391 THEY START EARLY THESE DAYS.736 00:41:03,391 --> 00:41:05,894 WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? NOTHING.737 00:41:06,394 --> 00:41:08,396 YOU.738 00:41:08,396 --> 00:41:10,900 YOU SOUND LIKE MY PARENTS FIGHTING.739 00:41:13,402 --> 00:41:16,406 IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY. IT'S A COMPANY CAR.740 00:41:18,909 --> 00:41:21,913 WELL, COME ON. WE HAVE TO TAKE THE CHILD TO SCHOOL.741 00:41:21,913 --> 00:41:22,914 IN THIS?742 00:41:24,415 --> 00:41:25,416 YOU CARE?743 00:41:27,419 --> 00:41:29,421 FUCK NO.746 00:41:54,451 --> 00:41:56,453 HERE WE ARE, SONNY BOY.747 00:41:56,453 --> 00:41:58,455 BE SURE TO COME HOME RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.748 00:41:58,455 --> 00:41:59,457 NO LINGERING ON THE PLAYGROUND749 00:41:59,958 --> 00:42:02,460 OR IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH THE GYM TEACHER.750 00:42:02,460 --> 00:42:03,962 OH, YOU DID NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THAT. 751 00:42:05,464 --> 00:42:07,967 IT'S THE MOST FAMOUS SHOWER SCENE SINCE "PSYCHO."752 00:42:07,967 --> 00:42:12,472 HEY, JUSTIN! WANNA SUCK ME OFF?753 00:42:12,472 --> 00:42:15,475 NO, BUT I'LL KICK YOUR TIGHT LITTLE VIRGIN ASS SO HARD,754 00:42:15,475 --> 00:42:16,978 YOU WON'T SIT DOWN FOR A WEEK.756 00:42:21,482 --> 00:42:22,484 CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE?757 00:42:24,987 --> 00:42:26,488 WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?758 00:42:26,488 --> 00:42:27,991 YOU CAN SEE ME RIGHT NOW.759 00:42:27,991 --> 00:42:29,993 I MEAN LATER-- TONIGHT.760 00:42:29,993 --> 00:42:32,997 WHO KNOWS WHERE I'LL BE LATER TONIGHT.761 00:42:33,998 --> 00:42:36,500 WE BETTER GO.762 00:42:37,001 --> 00:42:39,004 PLEASE?763 00:42:40,505 --> 00:42:42,007 I'LL SEE YOU IN YOUR DREAMS.765 00:43:04,033 --> 00:43:07,037 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOUR MOM CALLED.766 00:43:07,037 --> 00:43:09,039 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER. 767 00:43:09,039 --> 00:43:11,041 I SAID YOU WERE STILL ASLEEP.768 00:43:11,041 --> 00:43:13,544 I JUST SAW THE FACE OF GOD.769 00:43:13,544 --> 00:43:14,545 HUH?770 00:43:15,046 --> 00:43:17,548 HIS NAME IS BRIAN KINNEY.771 00:43:19,551 --> 00:43:21,553 THANK GOD HE'S FINALLY GONE.772 00:43:21,553 --> 00:43:23,055 HE ALMOST WORE ME OUT.773 00:43:23,055 --> 00:43:25,558 SOMEBODY WORE YOU OUT?774 00:43:26,059 --> 00:43:28,061 I SAID "ALMOST."775 00:43:29,563 --> 00:43:31,565 I'LL DROP YOU BY THE STORE.776 00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,067 THE HELL YOU WILL.777 00:43:33,567 --> 00:43:36,071 YOU BETTER GET THIS THING REPAINTED BEFORE YOU GO INTO THE OFFICE.778 00:43:36,071 --> 00:43:37,572 I'M NOT HAVING IT REPAINTED.779 00:43:37,572 --> 00:43:39,074 WHAT?780 00:43:39,074 --> 00:43:41,577 I LIKE IT THIS WAY. ARE YOU CRAZY? 782 00:43:45,581 --> 00:43:47,084 NO. THEY ARE.783 00:43:47,584 --> 00:43:49,586 WELL, I SAY FUCK 'EM.784 00:43:49,586 --> 00:43:52,090 THEY CAN WRITE IT IN NEON ACROSS THE SKY.785 00:43:53,591 --> 00:43:56,094 FAGGOT!791 00:44:26,630 --> 00:44:28,632 BRIAN KINNEY, A FATHER?792 00:44:28,632 --> 00:44:30,634 It's true. I was there.793 00:44:30,634 --> 00:44:32,137 I saw it happen with my own eyes.794 00:44:32,637 --> 00:44:34,639 TALK ABOUT CONCEIVING THE INCONCEIVABLE.795 00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:36,641 OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?796 00:44:36,641 --> 00:44:38,144 Would you give The guy a break?797 00:44:38,644 --> 00:44:40,646 Couldn't be any worse Than my Daddy was.798 00:44:40,646 --> 00:44:42,649 Or mine, not that I can reme5r him .799 00:44:42,649 --> 00:44:45,152 SO WHAT'S NEXT? PTA PARENT?800 00:44:45,152 --> 00:44:48,156 LITTLE LEAGUE COACH? SCOUTMASTER? 801 00:44:48,156 --> 00:44:49,657 THEY DON'T ALLOW QUEERS IN THE SCOUTS.802 00:44:49,657 --> 00:44:51,659 THEY'RE AFRAID WE'LL INDUCT NEW RECRUITS.803 00:44:51,659 --> 00:44:55,164 I ONLY GO OUT WITH MEN WHO'VE ALREADY ENLISTED.804 00:44:55,164 --> 00:44:57,666 SO, UH, WHO'S HE LOOK LIKE?805 00:44:57,666 --> 00:45:00,670 WELL, HE'S GOT BRIAN'S EYES AND MOUTH AND...806 00:45:00,670 --> 00:45:02,672 LINDSAY'S NOSE.807 00:45:02,672 --> 00:45:05,176 WELL, IF HE'S GOT MELANIE'S DICK, WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.809 00:45:07,178 --> 00:45:08,679 YOU SHOULD SEE THE PICTURES I TOOK.810 00:45:08,679 --> 00:45:10,181 HE'S SO ADORABLE.811 00:45:10,181 --> 00:45:12,184 IN ONE OF THEM HE'S ACTUALLY PLAYING WITH HIMSELF.812 00:45:12,184 --> 00:45:15,687 WHO, BRIAN? NO, THE BABY.813 00:45:15,687 --> 00:45:17,690 CAN YOU IMAGINE, HE'S ONLY BEEN IN THE WORLD ABOUT AN HOUR814 00:45:17,690 --> 00:45:19,692 AND ALREADY HE'S PULLING HIS PUD?815 00:45:19,692 --> 00:45:21,694 EXCUSE ME. YEAH. 816 00:45:21,694 --> 00:45:24,198 CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE MEN'S JOCKEY SHORTS ARE?817 00:45:24,198 --> 00:45:25,199 AISLE FOUR.818 00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,704 THANKS. SURE.819 00:45:29,704 --> 00:45:31,706 Well, that proves The theory.820 00:45:32,207 --> 00:45:34,710 WE'VE ALL GOT DICK ON THE BRAIN FROM WOMB TO TOMB.821 00:45:34,710 --> 00:45:36,712 Speak for yourself.822 00:45:36,712 --> 00:45:37,713 I AM.823 00:45:37,713 --> 00:45:39,216 YEAH, GO FOR IT.824 00:45:39,216 --> 00:45:41,218 ARE YOU WATCHING THAT FILTHY WEB SITE AGAIN?825 00:45:41,218 --> 00:45:44,221 YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GUY. HE MUST BE AT LEAST 10 INCHES.826 00:45:44,221 --> 00:45:46,224 TED? TED.827 00:45:46,224 --> 00:45:48,726 UH, CAN I PUT YOU ON HOLD ONE MOMENT PLEASE?828 00:45:48,726 --> 00:45:49,727 YES, MR. WERTSHAFTER?829 00:45:50,229 --> 00:45:51,730 HAVE YOU FINISHED GOING OVER THE GROPNIK RETURNS? 830 00:45:52,231 --> 00:45:53,232 OH, YES, SIR.831 00:45:53,232 --> 00:45:55,735 I JUST PRINTED THEM OUT.832 00:45:55,735 --> 00:45:57,737 THERE YOU ARE. FEDERAL AND STATE.833 00:45:57,737 --> 00:46:00,740 THANKS. YOU'RE WELCOME...834 00:46:00,740 --> 00:46:02,243 MR. WERTSHAFTER.835 00:46:08,750 --> 00:46:09,751 SORRY. THE BOSS.836 00:46:09,751 --> 00:46:11,253 SHIT! YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL.837 00:46:11,753 --> 00:46:14,757 THE LAST THING YOU NEED IS FOR HIM TO CATCH YOU ON CUMQUICK.COM.838 00:46:14,757 --> 00:46:17,260 OH PLEASE, THAT GUY'S SO BLIND, HE'S YET TO FIGURE OUT839 00:46:17,260 --> 00:46:18,762 HIS WIFE'S BEEN BOINKING HIS BUSINESS PARTNER840 00:46:18,762 --> 00:46:20,264 FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS.841 00:46:20,264 --> 00:46:21,765 HOW HE'S GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT ME?842 00:46:21,765 --> 00:46:22,766 I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.843 00:46:23,267 --> 00:46:24,269 LATER. LATER. 844 00:46:26,271 --> 00:46:29,274 REMEMBER THAT STORY WE ALL READ IN HIGH SCHOOL,845 00:46:29,274 --> 00:46:31,777 YOU KNOW THE ONE ABOUT THE PRISONERS CHAINED IN THE CAVE?846 00:46:31,777 --> 00:46:33,779 PLATO OR WHOEVER.847 00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,283 ALL THEY COULD SEE WERE SHADOWS ON A WALL,848 00:46:36,283 --> 00:46:39,286 SO AFTER A WHILE, THEY STARTED THINKING THAT WAS REALITY.849 00:46:39,286 --> 00:46:41,789 WELL, IN A WAY, THAT'S WHAT TED'S LIKE.850 00:46:41,789 --> 00:46:44,792 IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE HE'S HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE HE DIDN'T DOWNLOAD,851 00:46:44,792 --> 00:46:46,295 HE'S FORGOTTEN THAT ALL THOSE PERFECT BODIES852 00:46:46,295 --> 00:46:48,797 AND PERFECT FACES AREN'T REAL.853 00:46:48,797 --> 00:46:50,799 THAT NO ONE'S REALLY THERE. THAT THEY'RE ONLY...854 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,304 SHADOWS.855 00:46:54,304 --> 00:46:57,307 THEN AGAIN, WHOEVER GOT ANAL WARTS IN A CHATROOM?856 00:47:05,317 --> 00:47:06,318 MICHAEL.860 00:47:23,338 --> 00:47:25,841 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OUR BEER AND THEIR BEER 861 00:47:25,841 --> 00:47:28,344 IS THAT OUR BEER SAYS, "SEX"...862 00:47:29,345 --> 00:47:31,848 NOT CLYDESDALES.863 00:47:34,851 --> 00:47:36,353 IF YOU WANT TO BE COOL,864 00:47:36,353 --> 00:47:37,855 IF YOU WANT TO BE POPULAR,865 00:47:37,855 --> 00:47:41,359 IF YOU WANT TO GET... LAID...866 00:47:42,861 --> 00:47:45,364 THIS IS WHAT YOU DRINK.867 00:47:45,364 --> 00:47:47,866 WHAT ABOUT THE MODEL?868 00:47:47,866 --> 00:47:50,870 ARE YOU SURE HE ISN'T TOO, UM...869 00:47:52,872 --> 00:47:54,375 GAY?870 00:47:55,876 --> 00:47:57,378 LADIES?871 00:47:57,378 --> 00:47:58,879 I WOULDN'T CARE IF HE WAS.872 00:47:58,879 --> 00:48:00,882 I'D GO TO BED WITH HIM ANYWAY.874 00:48:02,884 --> 00:48:04,386 WHAT DO YOU THINK?875 00:48:05,388 --> 00:48:07,890 I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 880 00:48:51,442 --> 00:48:53,944 MOVE. MOVE. YOU GUYS SHOW SOME HUSTLE OUT THERE.881 00:48:53,944 --> 00:48:54,945 LET'S GO.882 00:48:56,948 --> 00:48:58,450 GUESS WHAT I WAS DOING LAST NIGHT.883 00:48:58,950 --> 00:48:59,951 SLEEPING, SAME AS ME?884 00:49:00,452 --> 00:49:03,456 HAVING SEX, ALL NIGHT,885 00:49:03,456 --> 00:49:05,958 WITH THAT GUY I MET, BRIAN KINNEY.886 00:49:05,958 --> 00:49:07,961 WE DID IT TILL 6:00 IN THE MORNING.887 00:49:10,464 --> 00:49:13,468 WELL? AREN'T YOU SHOCKED?888 00:49:14,969 --> 00:49:14,969 NOT REALLY.889 00:49:16,971 --> 00:49:18,974 OH.890 00:49:20,476 --> 00:49:23,479 WELL, I KINDA FIGURED THAT YOU'RE...891 00:49:24,981 --> 00:49:26,483 YOU KNOW.892 00:49:26,483 --> 00:49:27,984 EVEN THOUGH YOU NEVER TOLD ME.893 00:49:28,485 --> 00:49:30,988 I'M TELLING YOU NOW. 895 00:49:33,991 --> 00:49:36,495 WANT SOME OF MY VEGGIE WRAP?896 00:49:38,497 --> 00:49:41,000 SO WHAT WAS IT LIKE?897 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,003 WELL, I STARTED OUT AS A TIGHT END,898 00:49:44,504 --> 00:49:46,507 BUT WOUND UP A WIDE RECEIVER. 899 00:49:46,507 --> 00:49:48,008 BALL. BALL.900 00:49:48,008 --> 00:49:50,511 COME ON, WHERE'S YOUR ARM?901 00:49:50,511 --> 00:49:52,012 THANKS.902 00:49:53,515 --> 00:49:55,517 THANK YOU. GOOD TO MEET YOU.903 00:49:55,517 --> 00:49:57,018 THANK YOU. NEXT TIME.904 00:49:57,018 --> 00:49:58,521 THANKS.905 00:50:02,024 --> 00:50:04,528 UH, 906 00:50:05,028 --> 00:50:06,029 UH-HUH.907 00:50:06,029 --> 00:50:07,531 WITH TWO CHILDREN.908 00:50:07,531 --> 00:50:09,033 AH, A FAMILY MAN. 909 00:50:09,033 --> 00:50:11,536 HUH! EXCUSE ME.910 00:50:11,536 --> 00:50:14,038 COULD YOU, UH, TELL ME WHERE THE MEN'S ROOM IS?911 00:50:14,038 --> 00:50:16,041 YEAH, IT'S JUST DOWN THE HALL AND TO THE LEFT.912 00:50:16,041 --> 00:50:18,043 THANKS.913 00:50:20,547 --> 00:50:24,551 THAT'S A LONG TRIP. HUH!914 00:50:24,551 --> 00:50:26,554 HE MIGHT GET LOST.915 00:50:26,554 --> 00:50:28,556 I'M SURE YOU'LL SHOW HIM THE WAY.916 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:33,061 THERE I WAS ON MY BACK.917 00:50:33,061 --> 00:50:35,564 AND THERE HE WAS ON TOP OF ME, SLIPPING IT IN.918 00:50:36,064 --> 00:50:39,068 THAT MUST HAVE HURT. DIDN'T IT HURT?919 00:50:39,569 --> 00:50:41,070 YEAH, AT FIRST IT FELT LIKE SOMEONE920 00:50:41,070 --> 00:50:43,073 WAS SHOVING A BROOM UP THERE.921 00:50:43,073 --> 00:50:46,577 BUT, I TOLD HIM TO GO SLOWER, AND HE DID.922 00:50:46,577 --> 00:50:48,580 THEN I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT WHEN I LOOKED AT HIS FACE. 923 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,584 HIS EYES WERE CLOSED.924 00:50:52,584 --> 00:50:54,086 HIS MOUTH WAS OPEN925 00:50:54,086 --> 00:50:55,588 IN A SORT OF SMILE,926 00:50:55,588 --> 00:50:58,591 LIKE HE WAS IN ANOTHER PLACE.927 00:50:58,591 --> 00:51:01,595 A BEAUTIFUL PLACE.928 00:51:01,595 --> 00:51:03,096 THAT PLACE WAS ME.929 00:51:04,598 --> 00:51:06,601 AND HIS BODY. GOD!930 00:51:06,601 --> 00:51:09,604 LIKE HIS BODY WAS SO AMAZING.931 00:51:09,604 --> 00:51:11,106 I COULD SEE EVERY MUSCLE.932 00:51:13,108 --> 00:51:15,611 HE SAID HE WANTED TO STAY INSIDE ME FOREVER,933 00:51:15,611 --> 00:51:17,614 AND I WANTED HIM TO.934 00:51:19,616 --> 00:51:21,618 I STILL FEEL HIM,935 00:51:22,119 --> 00:51:24,121 LIKE, HE'S STILL THERE.936 00:51:25,623 --> 00:51:30,128 CHRIST, DAPHNE, EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT HAVING SEX. 937 00:51:32,130 --> 00:51:33,633 BUT I REALLY DID IT.939 00:51:46,147 --> 00:51:48,149 I HAD TO PISS DURING THAT WHOLE PITCH.940 00:51:48,149 --> 00:51:50,151 DIDN'T THINK I COULD HOLD IT.941 00:51:54,156 --> 00:51:56,159 YOUR PRESENTATION WAS VERY IMPRESSIVE.942 00:51:56,159 --> 00:51:58,161 THINK SO?943 00:52:04,669 --> 00:52:06,671 YEAH, IT WAS VERY IMPRESSIVE.944 00:52:08,173 --> 00:52:10,175 WELL, I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT,945 00:52:10,175 --> 00:52:12,678 BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR.946 00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:16,182 TO PLEASE THE CLIENT.947 00:52:16,182 --> 00:52:19,186 SO, LIKE, WHAT IS HE NOW?948 00:52:19,186 --> 00:52:20,688 YOUR BOYFRIEND?949 00:52:20,688 --> 00:52:22,690 WE JUST MET.950 00:52:23,691 --> 00:52:26,695 WELL... DO YOU LOVE HIM?951 00:52:27,195 --> 00:52:28,697 I DON'T KNOW. 952 00:52:30,700 --> 00:52:33,202 YEAH, I LOVE HIM.953 00:52:33,202 --> 00:52:35,204 DOES HE LOVE YOU?954 00:52:35,204 --> 00:52:37,708 HE SAID HE DID. WHEN?955 00:52:37,708 --> 00:52:40,210 WELL, WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO SHOOT.956 00:52:40,210 --> 00:52:42,714 HE WAS MOVING REALLY FAST, AND HE LET OUT THIS GROAN957 00:52:42,714 --> 00:52:44,716 LIKE NOTHING I'D EVER HEARD BEFORE.958 00:52:44,716 --> 00:52:45,717 AND THAT'S WHEN HE SAID IT,959 00:52:46,217 --> 00:52:47,720 RIGHT WHEN HE CAME.960 00:52:47,720 --> 00:52:50,723 HE SAID, "I LOVE YOU."961 00:52:50,723 --> 00:52:53,226 THEN HE LEANED IN AND KISSED ME.963 00:52:59,233 --> 00:53:01,736 WELL, I GUESS WE BETTER BE GETTING BACK.964 00:53:01,736 --> 00:53:03,237 YEAH, I GUESS SO.965 00:53:05,240 --> 00:53:06,742 IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE.966 00:53:08,243 --> 00:53:10,246 IT CAN BE EVEN MORE OF ONE. 967 00:53:11,748 --> 00:53:13,249 EXCUSE ME?969 00:53:23,762 --> 00:53:25,764 YOU KNOW, I'M NEVER WRONG.970 00:53:25,764 --> 00:53:29,268 HUH? OH NOTHING, BUDDY.971 00:53:29,268 --> 00:53:30,770 I-I DON'T KISS.972 00:53:31,772 --> 00:53:33,774 YEAH, RIGHT.974 00:53:50,794 --> 00:53:51,795 MR. NOVOTNY?975 00:53:51,795 --> 00:53:53,296 MIKE. MIKE.976 00:53:53,797 --> 00:53:55,299 I WAS WONDERING IF...977 00:53:55,299 --> 00:53:57,301 WELL, YOU KNOW THOSE BOXES YOU WANTED ME TO MOVE. MM-HMM.978 00:53:57,301 --> 00:53:59,805 I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO SEEM LIKE I'M SHIRKING OR ANYTHING,979 00:53:59,805 --> 00:54:01,306 BUT THEY'RE KIND OF HEAVY.980 00:54:01,306 --> 00:54:03,809 DO YOU THINK ONE OF THE GUYS COULD MAYBE GIVE ME A HAND?981 00:54:03,809 --> 00:54:06,312 YEAH, NO PROBLEM. I CAN GET SOMEBODY TO HELP YOU.982 00:54:06,312 --> 00:54:08,314 OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. OKAY. 983 00:54:08,314 --> 00:54:09,315 I'LL BE OVER ON AISLE 14.984 00:54:09,816 --> 00:54:11,819 OKAY. OKAY.985 00:54:11,819 --> 00:54:12,820 YES, YOUR MAJESTY.986 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,823 SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL HER PRINCESS DI IS DEAD,987 00:54:15,823 --> 00:54:18,326 AND THEY'RE NOT LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT.988 00:54:18,326 --> 00:54:19,828 THE BOXES ARE HEAVY.989 00:54:19,828 --> 00:54:21,830 AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ASKING FOR HELP.990 00:54:21,830 --> 00:54:23,833 I... I THINK SHE'S KIND OF SWEET ACTUALLY.991 00:54:23,833 --> 00:54:25,835 YOU THINK SHE'S SWEET?992 00:54:25,835 --> 00:54:28,338 WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HER, BUT, YEAH.993 00:54:28,338 --> 00:54:30,340 WHAT ABOUT CUTE?994 00:54:31,842 --> 00:54:33,845 YEAH, SHE'S CUTE.995 00:54:33,845 --> 00:54:35,847 WELL, SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE TOO.996 00:54:36,347 --> 00:54:38,850 SHE... DOES? 997 00:54:38,850 --> 00:54:40,352 SHE LIKES YOU A LOT.998 00:54:40,352 --> 00:54:42,354 BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU LIKED HER,999 00:54:42,354 --> 00:54:44,356 SO I SAID I'D FIND OUT.1000 00:54:44,356 --> 00:54:46,359 SO YOU DON'T REALLY THINK SHE'S STUCK-UP.1001 00:54:46,359 --> 00:54:48,361 OH, SHE'S ADOLL.1002 00:54:48,361 --> 00:54:52,366 YOU KNOW, I NEVER HEARD YOU SAY YOU LIKED A GIRL BEFORE.1003 00:54:52,366 --> 00:54:54,368 WELL, I... IN FACT...1004 00:54:54,368 --> 00:54:57,873 I'VE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY ANYTHING ABOUT GIRLS.1005 00:54:57,873 --> 00:55:00,876 YOU... LIKE GIRLS, DON'T YOU?1006 00:55:00,876 --> 00:55:04,881 SURE. UH... SO? THEN YOU'LL COME WITH US1007 00:55:04,881 --> 00:55:06,883 AFTER WORK TONIGHT. WE'RE TAKING HER OUT FOR A DRINK.1008 00:55:06,883 --> 00:55:08,385 I DON'T THINK I CAN. I... AH!1009 00:55:08,385 --> 00:55:12,891 NO EXCUSES. SHOELESS JOE'S, 7:30.1010 00:55:12,891 --> 00:55:15,393 AND... DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR HAIR. 1011 00:55:16,394 --> 00:55:18,396 IT WAS A TRAP.1012 00:55:18,396 --> 00:55:20,900 HEY, SEE THAT NUMBER IN THE RED SHORTS?1013 00:55:22,401 --> 00:55:23,903 I COULD WORK OUT FOR 100 YEARS1014 00:55:24,404 --> 00:55:25,906 AND NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT.1015 00:55:25,906 --> 00:55:27,407 PRETENDING SHE DIDN'T LIKE HER,1016 00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:29,409 JUST TO SEE WHAT I'D SAY.1017 00:55:29,409 --> 00:55:32,413 SHAWN PETERS. I WENT HOME WITH HIM THE OTHER NIGHT, THINKING HE WAS THIS BRUTAL TOP.1018 00:55:32,413 --> 00:55:33,414 AND?1019 00:55:33,414 --> 00:55:34,415 AND I FELL FOR IT!1020 00:55:34,916 --> 00:55:37,920 TURNS OUT HE'S A BIG NELLY BOTTOM.1021 00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:39,922 I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.1022 00:55:39,922 --> 00:55:41,925 AW, IT'S SO DISCOURAGING.1023 00:55:41,925 --> 00:55:43,426 ARE THERE NO REAL MEN LEFT?1024 00:55:43,426 --> 00:55:44,928 AND NOW THEY'RE EXPECTING ME TO MEET THEM. 1025 00:55:44,928 --> 00:55:45,929 IN STEROID CITY?1026 00:55:45,929 --> 00:55:47,431 NO, IN THIS STRAIGHT BAR.1027 00:55:47,932 --> 00:55:49,934 IS THERE ANYONE HERE LISTENING?1028 00:55:49,934 --> 00:55:51,936 THERE'S THIS NEW GIRL AT WORK WHO'S INTERESTED IN YOU.1029 00:55:51,936 --> 00:55:53,939 FAT MARLEY TRICKED YOU INTO MEETING HER AND SOME OF THE OTHERS1030 00:55:54,439 --> 00:55:55,941 FOR A DRINK AFTER WORK, AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO1031 00:55:56,441 --> 00:55:57,442 OR THEY MIGHT SUSPECT.1032 00:55:57,442 --> 00:55:58,444 CHECK OUT MR. PEC-DECK.1033 00:55:58,945 --> 00:55:59,946 SO WHAT...1034 00:55:59,946 --> 00:56:00,947 IF THEY DO?1035 00:56:00,947 --> 00:56:02,448 THEY COULD FIRE HIM.1036 00:56:02,448 --> 00:56:04,952 OR I COULD END UP AN ASSISTANT MANAGER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.1037 00:56:05,452 --> 00:56:08,455 AND THE SOLUTION IS TO PRETEND YOU LIKE PUSSY?1038 00:56:08,956 --> 00:56:11,459 AH, LOOK, HE'S NOT LIKE YOU, OKAY? 1039 00:56:11,459 --> 00:56:13,461 WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?1040 00:56:13,461 --> 00:56:15,965 MEANING HE'S NOT AN OBVIOUSLY GAY MAN.1041 00:56:15,965 --> 00:56:18,467 ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING OBVIOUS?1042 00:56:18,467 --> 00:56:20,971 IF THE FUCK-ME PUMP FITS...1043 00:56:23,473 --> 00:56:26,978 WELL, I COULD BE A... A R-REAL MAN, IF I WANTED TO.1044 00:56:26,978 --> 00:56:29,480 YOU KNOW, JUST LOWER MY VOICE,1045 00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:31,984 STOP... GESTURING WITH MY HANDS,1046 00:56:32,484 --> 00:56:35,487 MAKE SURE MY FACE IS EXPRESSIONLESS.1047 00:56:35,487 --> 00:56:36,989 NEVER, NEVER USE WORDS LIKE...1048 00:56:36,989 --> 00:56:39,492 LIKE FABULOUS OR DIVINE,1049 00:56:39,492 --> 00:56:44,999 TALK ABOUT, I DON'T KNOW, NAILING BITCHES AND rbis.1050 00:56:44,999 --> 00:56:46,500 BUT I'D RATHER MY FLAME BURN BRIGHT,1051 00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:49,004 THAN BE SOME PUNY, LITTLE PILOT LIGHT.1052 00:56:49,504 --> 00:56:51,506 AND A FABULOUS FLAME IT IS. 1053 00:56:52,007 --> 00:56:53,508 THANK YOU. YEAH.1054 00:56:53,508 --> 00:56:56,012 BUT MICHAEL IS OUT THERE IN THE STRAIGHT WORLD.1055 00:56:56,012 --> 00:56:58,014 AND BELIEVE ME, IT ISN'T EASY.1056 00:56:59,015 --> 00:57:01,018 YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.1058 00:57:02,519 --> 00:57:04,521 I BETTER GO CHANGE.1059 00:57:04,521 --> 00:57:05,523 FOR YOUR BIG DATE?1060 00:57:07,525 --> 00:57:09,527 OOH, HERE'S A SPORTS MAG.1061 00:57:09,527 --> 00:57:11,029 BETTER BONE UP.1062 00:57:11,029 --> 00:57:15,034 JUST IN CASE THE CONVERSATION VEERS AWAY FROM LIZA'S WEIGHT PROBLEM.1063 00:57:21,041 --> 00:57:22,543 JUSTIN, DID YOU HEAR ME? I SAID YOU'RE NOT GOING.1064 00:57:22,543 --> 00:57:24,045 I'M GOING.1065 00:57:24,545 --> 00:57:27,048 YOU WERE JUST THERE LAST NIGHT. SO WHAT?1066 00:57:27,048 --> 00:57:30,552 SO, I WAS PLANNING TO TAKE YOU AND YOUR SISTER1067 00:57:30,552 --> 00:57:32,054 OUT FOR PIZZA. 1068 00:57:32,054 --> 00:57:33,555 YOU...1069 00:57:35,058 --> 00:57:36,559 YOU KNOW, I EXPECT YOU TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS.1070 00:57:36,559 --> 00:57:38,561 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU HAVE TO SPEND1071 00:57:38,561 --> 00:57:40,564 ALL YOUR TIME WITH DAPHNE.1072 00:57:40,564 --> 00:57:44,568 OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES YOUR FATHER AND I BOUGHT FOR YOU,1073 00:57:44,568 --> 00:57:46,571 YOU HAVE TO PICK SOMETHING THAT NO LONGER FITS.1074 00:57:46,571 --> 00:57:48,073 THAT IS TOO TIGHT.1075 00:57:49,574 --> 00:57:51,077 THAT'S WHY.1076 00:57:52,078 --> 00:57:53,079 JUSTIN?1077 00:57:55,081 --> 00:57:57,584 DON'T I GET A KISS GOODBYE?1078 00:58:05,093 --> 00:58:08,097 I EXPECT YOU TO CALL.1079 00:58:25,117 --> 00:58:28,120 WE NEED A SECRET CODE WORD LIKE "SHAZAM",1080 00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:29,621 SO THAT IF I GET IN A TIGHT SPOT,1081 00:58:29,621 --> 00:58:31,624 YOU CAN COME IN AND RESCUE ME. 1082 00:58:31,624 --> 00:58:35,128 A TIGHT SPOT. HOW ABOUT "BUTTPLUG"?1083 00:58:35,128 --> 00:58:38,632 "BUTTPLUG" MIGHT BE A LITTLE HARD TO WORK INTO A CONVERSATION.1084 00:58:39,133 --> 00:58:42,137 BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, PRETENDING YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.1085 00:58:42,137 --> 00:58:43,638 I COULDN'T HELP IT.1086 00:58:43,638 --> 00:58:45,140 OH, YOU COULD HAVE TOLD HER THE TRUTH,1087 00:58:45,140 --> 00:58:47,143 INSTEAD OF ACTING LIKE A SCARED, LITTLE FAGGOT.1088 00:58:47,643 --> 00:58:50,146 YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID, "I TAKE IT UP THE ASS, SWEETHEART.1089 00:58:50,646 --> 00:58:52,148 DEAL WITH IT." RIGHT. RIGHT.1090 00:58:52,649 --> 00:58:54,651 BY THE WAY, I NOTICED YOU GOT THE JEEP REPAINTED.1092 00:59:03,661 --> 00:59:06,165 OH MY GOD, THIS PLACE IS LIKE, BREEDER CENTRAL.1093 00:59:08,167 --> 00:59:10,170 BUTTPLUG, BUTTPLUG, BUTTPLUG, BUTT...1094 00:59:13,673 --> 00:59:14,674 SEE YOU, MIKEY.1096 00:59:20,181 --> 00:59:21,683 I WANT TO WATCH THE END OF THE GAME.1102 00:59:40,705 --> 00:59:43,709 MICHAEL. MICHAEL! 1103 00:59:43,709 --> 00:59:45,711 WHERE YOU BEEN? WE THOUGHT YOU GOT LOST.1104 00:59:45,711 --> 00:59:47,713 SOME, UH, LASTMINUTE BUSINESS.1105 00:59:47,713 --> 00:59:49,216 SLIDE IT ON IN.1106 00:59:49,216 --> 00:59:51,718 HARV, MOVE YOUR HAIRY ASS.1108 00:59:55,223 --> 00:59:56,224 THANKS.1109 00:59:59,727 --> 01:00:00,729 WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?1110 01:00:00,729 --> 01:00:03,232 UH... SAME AS EVERYBODY ELSE.1111 01:00:03,232 --> 01:00:04,733 GOOD CHOICE.1112 01:00:04,733 --> 01:00:06,236 UH, BRING OVER ANOTHER PITCHER.1113 01:00:07,737 --> 01:00:08,238 HI.1114 01:00:08,738 --> 01:00:11,242 HI. GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.1115 01:00:11,242 --> 01:00:12,743 I TOLD YOU HE'D BE HERE,1116 01:00:12,743 --> 01:00:14,745 DIDN'T I? NOT TO WORRY?1117 01:00:14,745 --> 01:00:16,247 I WASN'T WORRIED. 1118 01:00:16,247 --> 01:00:18,250 NOW JUST MAKE SURE HE'S NOT SEEING ANYONE,1119 01:00:18,250 --> 01:00:20,252 BEFORE YOU GET ALL LOVEY-DOVEY.1120 01:00:20,252 --> 01:00:22,254 MARLEY, WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LEAVE 'EM ALONE?1121 01:00:22,755 --> 01:00:23,256 WHAT?1122 01:00:24,757 --> 01:00:26,259 YOU'RE NOT SEEING ANYONE, ARE YOU?1123 01:00:26,759 --> 01:00:27,260 ME?1124 01:00:29,263 --> 01:00:32,266 NO. WELL THAT'S GOOD.1125 01:00:32,266 --> 01:00:35,270 I MEAN... I UNDERSTAND.1126 01:00:35,270 --> 01:00:37,272 YOU DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE1127 01:00:37,272 --> 01:00:39,274 IF THEY'RE INVOLVED ALREADY.1128 01:00:41,277 --> 01:00:43,779 SO ARE YOU? SEEING ANYONE?1129 01:00:43,779 --> 01:00:47,784 NO. WE JUST BROKE UP. OH. SORRY.1130 01:00:47,784 --> 01:00:50,287 OH, DON'T BE. HE WAS A REAL DOOFUS.1131 01:00:50,788 --> 01:00:53,291 ONLY I DIDN'T KNOW IT AT THE TIME. 1132 01:00:53,291 --> 01:00:55,793 THERE'S SO MUCH YOU DON'T KNOW AT THE TIME.1133 01:00:55,793 --> 01:00:57,796 ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH?1134 01:00:57,796 --> 01:00:59,298 LIKE, CAN YOU BELIEVE, HE...1135 01:00:59,298 --> 01:01:01,800 HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FIX A SINK?1136 01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,803 REALLY!1137 01:01:03,803 --> 01:01:06,806 HE CALLED ME AT WORK SAYING, "WHAT SHOULD I DO?"1138 01:01:06,806 --> 01:01:08,309 I SAID, "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO.1139 01:01:08,309 --> 01:01:10,311 BUY SOME CEMENT. GET A CORK.1140 01:01:10,311 --> 01:01:12,813 USED CHEWING GUM. BUT PLUG IT UP!"1142 01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:18,320 BUT PLUG IT...1143 01:01:20,823 --> 01:01:22,825 BUTTPLUG... 1144 01:01:26,330 --> 01:01:27,831 A MILLION DOLLARS?1145 01:01:27,831 --> 01:01:28,832 THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA.1146 01:01:29,333 --> 01:01:30,335 A MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS? 1147 01:01:30,835 --> 01:01:32,337 BRIAN, PLEASE. YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY.1148 01:01:32,837 --> 01:01:36,842 WELL, THE ANSWER'S NO. DEFINITELY NOT.1149 01:01:36,842 --> 01:01:38,344 HUH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM.1150 01:01:38,844 --> 01:01:40,846 I MEAN, LINDSAY TOLD ME YOU OFFERED TO HELP SUPPORT HIM.1151 01:01:40,846 --> 01:01:42,349 IT WAS VERY GENEROUS.1152 01:01:42,849 --> 01:01:45,352 WELL THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY.1153 01:01:45,352 --> 01:01:47,855 IT'S SIMPLY IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU.1154 01:01:47,855 --> 01:01:50,358 LIKE I'M DECAPITATED AT A RAILROAD CROSSING?1155 01:01:50,358 --> 01:01:52,861 OR BURNED BEYOND RECOGNITION IN SOME GAS EXPLOSION?1156 01:01:53,362 --> 01:01:55,864 YOU KNOW, I CAN JUST IMAGINE THE GRIZZLY DEATHS1157 01:01:55,864 --> 01:01:56,865 YOU'VE CONJURED UP FOR ME.1158 01:01:56,865 --> 01:01:58,868 LIKE IN CASE YOU GET SICK.1159 01:02:02,372 --> 01:02:04,875 AH. EVEN BETTER.1160 01:02:04,875 --> 01:02:06,377 CONSIDERING YOUR LIFE. 1161 01:02:06,377 --> 01:02:07,878 I MEAN, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TESTED?1162 01:02:07,878 --> 01:02:10,882 SIX MONTHS AGO. I WAS NEGATIVE.1163 01:02:10,882 --> 01:02:11,883 THAT'S 26 WEEKS1164 01:02:12,384 --> 01:02:14,886 AND 182 ONE-NIGHT STANDS.1165 01:02:14,886 --> 01:02:17,890 YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED PEOPLE WHO COULD MULTIPLY IN THEIR HEADS.1166 01:02:17,890 --> 01:02:20,393 AND I'M ALWAYS CAREFUL.1167 01:02:20,393 --> 01:02:23,397 LOOK, THIS ISN'T FOR US. IT'S FOR OUR SON.1168 01:02:23,397 --> 01:02:24,898 WE NEED TO MAKE SURE HE'LL BE PROVIDED FOR.1169 01:02:24,898 --> 01:02:26,901 AND ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DIE.1170 01:02:26,901 --> 01:02:29,904 HOPEFULLY NOT BEFORE YOU SIGN THESE PAPERS.1172 01:02:34,410 --> 01:02:35,911 WE WON'T BE LAUGHING COME SUPERBOWL TIME,1173 01:02:35,911 --> 01:02:37,413 WHEN WE'RE UP AGAINST THE TITANS.1174 01:02:37,413 --> 01:02:38,415 WE DON'T STAND A CHANCE.1175 01:02:38,915 --> 01:02:39,916 DON'T SAY THAT. 1176 01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:41,418 YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE, RIGHT, MIKE?1177 01:02:41,418 --> 01:02:42,919 LIKE CHER!1178 01:02:45,923 --> 01:02:47,925 YOUWATCHFOOTBALL?1179 01:02:49,428 --> 01:02:50,929 CONSTANTLY.1180 01:02:51,430 --> 01:02:52,931 SO, UH...1181 01:02:53,432 --> 01:02:54,934 WHAT DO YOU THINK?1182 01:02:57,437 --> 01:02:58,438 WHAT DO I THINK?1183 01:03:01,942 --> 01:03:02,943 I THINK...1184 01:03:04,445 --> 01:03:06,948 DUE TO FREE AGENCY, WE'VE LOST SOME OF OUR BEST PLAYERS.1185 01:03:07,449 --> 01:03:09,451 STILL, OUR DEFENCE IS STRONG, BUT WE NEED A NEW SCHEME1186 01:03:09,451 --> 01:03:11,454 FROM OUR DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR TO MOVE THE BALL.1187 01:03:15,458 --> 01:03:17,961 THAT'S JUST WHAT I SAY.1188 01:03:17,961 --> 01:03:18,962 HA, HA, HA, HA, HA.1190 01:03:26,971 --> 01:03:28,474 HELLO, SPORTS FANS. 1191 01:03:28,974 --> 01:03:30,476 I'M COMING TO GET YOU.1192 01:03:30,476 --> 01:03:32,478 IT'S OKAY. I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME.1193 01:03:32,978 --> 01:03:33,980 SHE'S REALLY, REALLY NICE.1194 01:03:34,481 --> 01:03:36,483 SHE'S REALLY NICE?1195 01:03:36,483 --> 01:03:38,485 DO YOU THINK SHE AND HER FRIENDS WOULD BE REALLY NICE1196 01:03:38,485 --> 01:03:40,488 IF THEY KNEW THE LITTLE CHARADE YOU WERE PLAYING?1197 01:03:40,988 --> 01:03:43,491 THEY'D PROBABLY TIE YOU TO A FENCE AND BASH YOUR BRAINS IN.1198 01:03:43,991 --> 01:03:45,994 THEY'RE NOT LIKE THAT.1199 01:03:45,994 --> 01:03:47,496 NOT LIKE THAT, HUH?1200 01:03:47,496 --> 01:03:48,997 Listen to me, Mikey.1201 01:03:48,997 --> 01:03:51,501 Are you listening? YEAH, I'M LISTENING.1202 01:03:51,501 --> 01:03:55,004 THERE'S ONLY TWO KINDS OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD;1203 01:03:55,004 --> 01:03:57,508 THE ONES THAT HATE YOU TO YOUR FACE,1204 01:03:57,508 --> 01:04:00,010 AND THE ONES THAT HATE YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK. 1205 01:04:00,010 --> 01:04:02,514 Now get the fuck out of there...1206 01:04:02,514 --> 01:04:04,516 BECAUSE I NEED YOU.1214 01:04:24,038 --> 01:04:25,040 OH YEAH!1216 01:04:32,048 --> 01:04:33,550 HI.1217 01:04:33,550 --> 01:04:35,051 OH SHIT, JUST WHAT I NEED.1218 01:04:35,051 --> 01:04:37,054 WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.1219 01:04:37,054 --> 01:04:39,056 JUSTIN. HIS NAME'S JUSTIN.1220 01:04:39,056 --> 01:04:40,558 IF I CAN REMEMBER IT AND I DIDN'T EVEN FUCK HIM,1221 01:04:41,058 --> 01:04:42,060 WHY CAN'T YOU?1222 01:04:42,561 --> 01:04:43,562 BECAUSE I DID.1223 01:04:49,068 --> 01:04:51,571 SO, DAWSON, HOW ARE THINGS DOWN AT THE CREEK?1225 01:04:53,073 --> 01:04:55,576 THANK YOU, PITTSBURGH.1226 01:04:56,076 --> 01:04:57,077 I LOVE YOU.1227 01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,084 YOU KNOW, FOR A SKINNY WHITE BOY, 1228 01:05:03,084 --> 01:05:05,087 I MAKE ONE FUCKING FABULOUS BLACK WOMAN!1230 01:05:07,089 --> 01:05:09,593 HOW ABOUT ANOTHER ROUND ON ME?1231 01:05:09,593 --> 01:05:11,595 I GOT A BETTER IDEA. LET'S MOVE ON.1232 01:05:11,595 --> 01:05:13,096 WHAT'S WRONG WITH HERE?1233 01:05:13,597 --> 01:05:14,598 I'VE HAD EVERYONE HERE.1234 01:05:14,598 --> 01:05:16,100 YEAH, MY PROBLEM PRECISELY.1235 01:05:16,601 --> 01:05:17,602 YOU HAVEN'T HAD ME.1236 01:05:17,602 --> 01:05:19,103 OH YEAH?1237 01:05:21,106 --> 01:05:23,108 WHAT? Y-YOU NEVER TOLD US.1238 01:05:23,108 --> 01:05:24,610 THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL.1239 01:05:26,613 --> 01:05:28,114 WE WERE UP IN HIS ROOM.1240 01:05:28,114 --> 01:05:31,618 WE WERE 14, 15 TOPS.1241 01:05:31,618 --> 01:05:33,120 WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING, WHATEVER,1242 01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:35,122 ONLY WE'RE NOT. WE'RE LOOKING 1243 01:05:35,623 --> 01:05:37,625 AT THIS TRASHY PHOTO MAG HIS MOM SWIPED FROM THE BEAUTY PARLOUR.1244 01:05:37,625 --> 01:05:39,628 ANYWAY...1245 01:05:39,628 --> 01:05:42,631 THERE'S THIS SHOT OF PATRICK SWAYZE FROM "DIRTY DANCING"...1246 01:05:43,633 --> 01:05:45,134 WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON.1247 01:05:45,134 --> 01:05:46,636 AH-H-H. AH-HA-HA!1248 01:05:46,636 --> 01:05:48,638 SO I'VE GOT THIS HARD-ON JUST FROM LOOKING AT IT,1249 01:05:48,638 --> 01:05:50,140 AND I GLANCE OVER AT MIKEY, AND GUESS WHAT?1250 01:05:52,142 --> 01:05:54,144 HE'S GOT ONE TOO.1251 01:05:54,144 --> 01:05:56,147 OKAY, YOU CAN STOP NOW.1252 01:05:56,147 --> 01:05:58,149 TWIN STIFFIES.1253 01:05:58,149 --> 01:05:59,651 I REACH OVER,1254 01:05:59,651 --> 01:06:01,153 START RUBBING IT.1255 01:06:01,153 --> 01:06:03,656 HE'S PRACTICALLY SWOONING.1256 01:06:04,657 --> 01:06:07,661 I POP IT OUT, START STROKING IT, 1257 01:06:07,661 --> 01:06:10,163 NICE AND SLOW.1258 01:06:10,664 --> 01:06:13,668 AND WE'RE BOTH THIS CLOSE.1259 01:06:13,668 --> 01:06:16,170 THEN...1260 01:06:16,671 --> 01:06:18,674 HIS MOM WALKS IN WITHOUT KNOCKING.1262 01:06:19,675 --> 01:06:21,176 THEY ALWAYS DO.1263 01:06:21,677 --> 01:06:22,678 DID SHE SEE YOU?1264 01:06:23,179 --> 01:06:24,180 I DON'T SEE HOW SHE COULD HAVE MISSED IT.1265 01:06:24,681 --> 01:06:27,183 ONLY WE DIDN'T COME, SO IT DOESN'T COUNT.1266 01:06:28,184 --> 01:06:30,688 OH, "DIRTY DANCING".1267 01:06:30,688 --> 01:06:32,690 THAT'S A REALLY OLD MOVIE.1268 01:06:32,690 --> 01:06:35,694 WHAT? I SAID THAT'S A REALLY OLD MOVIE.1269 01:06:35,694 --> 01:06:36,695 IT'S NOT THAT OLD.1270 01:06:37,195 --> 01:06:38,697 HOW OLD ARE YOU?1271 01:06:38,697 --> 01:06:40,199 UH-OH. 1272 01:06:41,701 --> 01:06:43,202 HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?1273 01:06:46,206 --> 01:06:46,707 33?1275 01:06:47,708 --> 01:06:50,210 FUCK YOU!1276 01:06:50,210 --> 01:06:52,213 HE'S 29. AND FUCK YOU TOO.1277 01:06:52,213 --> 01:06:54,215 WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM FOR? FAIR'S FAIR.1278 01:06:54,215 --> 01:06:56,217 WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IN A FEW MONTHS,1279 01:06:56,217 --> 01:06:57,720 YOU'LL BE 30.1280 01:06:57,720 --> 01:06:59,221 MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.1281 01:06:59,221 --> 01:07:00,723 HMM, WELL...1282 01:07:01,724 --> 01:07:03,226 YOU OUGHT TO KNOW.1283 01:07:03,226 --> 01:07:05,228 YOU ALREADY ARE.1284 01:07:05,228 --> 01:07:07,230 OH, HO, HO, HO.1285 01:07:08,733 --> 01:07:10,735 OH NO YOU DON'T.1286 01:07:10,735 --> 01:07:14,239 COME BACK HERE. YOU'RE NOT STICKING US WITH THAT KID. 1287 01:07:14,239 --> 01:07:16,742 HE'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. NOW GET BACK IN THERE.1288 01:07:16,742 --> 01:07:18,243 YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING A LITTLE SICK1289 01:07:18,243 --> 01:07:20,747 OF PEOPLE TELLING ME WHAT'S MY RESPONSIBILITY.1290 01:07:21,247 --> 01:07:22,749 IF LINDSAY AND MELANIE WANT TO GO OFF AND HAVE A KID,1291 01:07:22,749 --> 01:07:24,250 THAT'S THEIR RESPONSIBILITY.1292 01:07:24,250 --> 01:07:26,253 IF WHAT'S-HIS-NAME-JUSTIN--- 1293 01:07:26,754 --> 01:07:28,255 WANTS TO GO OUT AND PICK UP GUYS WHILE HE'S STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL,1294 01:07:28,255 --> 01:07:29,256 THAT'S HIS RESPONSIBILITY.1295 01:07:29,757 --> 01:07:32,260 MY RESPONSIBILITY IS TO MYSELF.1296 01:07:32,260 --> 01:07:33,762 I DON'T OWE ANYBODY A GODDAMN THING.1297 01:07:33,762 --> 01:07:35,764 CALM DOWN!1298 01:07:39,268 --> 01:07:40,770 I GOTTA GO.1299 01:07:46,777 --> 01:07:48,279 ANYONE UP FOR BABYLON?1300 01:07:48,279 --> 01:07:50,281 I WAS THINKING BOYTOY. 1301 01:07:50,281 --> 01:07:52,785 YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T BEEN SNUBBED BY A TWINKIE IN WEEKS.1302 01:07:53,285 --> 01:07:55,788 WHAT ABOUT HIM?1303 01:07:55,788 --> 01:07:56,789 WHAT ABOUT HIM?1304 01:07:56,789 --> 01:07:59,292 WELL, WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE.1305 01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:00,794 IT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM.1306 01:08:00,794 --> 01:08:01,795 HE'S MINE?1307 01:08:02,295 --> 01:08:03,797 NO, BRIAN'S YOUR PROBLEM.1308 01:08:04,298 --> 01:08:05,800 LET HIM CLEAN UP HIS OWN MESS FOR A CHANGE.1309 01:08:06,300 --> 01:08:07,802 DON'T WASTE YOUR FRIDAY NIGHT BABYSITTING.1311 01:08:26,825 --> 01:08:28,827 I COME ALL THE WAY HERE JUST TO SEE HIM.1312 01:08:28,827 --> 01:08:31,329 HE DOESN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.1313 01:08:31,329 --> 01:08:33,833 YEAH WELL, THE THING YOU GOT TO KNOW ABOUT BRIAN IS...1314 01:08:35,334 --> 01:08:37,336 HE'S NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.1315 01:08:37,336 --> 01:08:40,340 BRIAN DOESN'T DO BOYFRIENDS. 1316 01:08:40,340 --> 01:08:42,843 YEAH WELL, YOU WEREN'T THERE WHEN WE WERE DOING IT.1317 01:08:43,845 --> 01:08:45,847 YOU DON'T KNOW THE THINGS WE DID...1318 01:08:45,847 --> 01:08:47,849 HOW HE KISSED ME.1319 01:08:49,351 --> 01:08:51,854 YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.1320 01:08:51,854 --> 01:08:53,355 I KNOW THIS.1321 01:08:53,355 --> 01:08:55,358 BRIAN IS A SELFISH PRICK1322 01:08:55,358 --> 01:08:57,360 WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT HIMSELF.1323 01:08:57,360 --> 01:08:59,863 IF I WERE YOU, I'D JUST FORGET ABOUT HIM.1324 01:09:02,366 --> 01:09:04,869 HI'YA, BOYS. GETTIN' ANY TONIGHT?1326 01:09:06,872 --> 01:09:07,873 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU AROUND HERE BEFORE.1327 01:09:07,873 --> 01:09:10,375 HE'S NEW. AND CUTE.1328 01:09:10,375 --> 01:09:11,878 EVERY GUY IN THE PLACE HAS HIS EYE ON YOU TONIGHT, SWEETHEART.1329 01:09:12,378 --> 01:09:13,880 CAN WE ORDER?1330 01:09:13,880 --> 01:09:17,384 SHOOT. BET IT'LL BE THE FIRST TIME TONIGHT, AM I RIGHT? 1331 01:09:17,384 --> 01:09:18,886 1332 01:09:18,886 --> 01:09:21,388 HA-HA. I'LL HAVE THE CHICKENFRIED STEAK. NO REMARKS.1333 01:09:21,889 --> 01:09:22,891 AND, UH,1334 01:09:22,891 --> 01:09:24,392 HE'LL HAVE A BACON CHEESEBURGER.1335 01:09:24,893 --> 01:09:25,393 PLEASE.1336 01:09:25,894 --> 01:09:26,895 PLEASE.1337 01:09:26,895 --> 01:09:29,398 YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR STRENGTH UP, SUNSHINE.1338 01:09:29,398 --> 01:09:31,400 YOU CAN'T CRUISE ALL NIGHT ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.1340 01:09:33,903 --> 01:09:35,906 WHAT A FREAK!1341 01:09:37,407 --> 01:09:39,409 YEAH, SHE TAKES SOME GETTING USED TO,1342 01:09:39,409 --> 01:09:42,413 BUT ONCE YOU DO, CAN'T HELP BUT LOVE HER.1343 01:09:42,413 --> 01:09:44,415 ONE CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK WITH NO REMARKS,1344 01:09:44,415 --> 01:09:45,918 COMING UP IN A FLASH.1345 01:09:45,918 --> 01:09:47,920 THANKS, MOM.1346 01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:49,421 YOU'RE WELCOME, BABY.1348 01:10:02,437 --> 01:10:04,940 YOU'RE, LIKE, SO LUCKY.1349 01:10:04,940 --> 01:10:07,944 I AM? YOUR MOM'S COOL ABOUT YOU BEING GAY.1350 01:10:07,944 --> 01:10:10,446 IF MINE FOUND OUT, SHE'D KILL ME.1351 01:10:10,446 --> 01:10:11,948 AT LEAST IT GIVES HER A SENSE OF PURPOSE.1352 01:10:11,948 --> 01:10:13,449 I MEAN, WITHOUT ME SHE'D BE PLAYING BINGO1353 01:10:13,449 --> 01:10:14,952 INSTEAD OF ORGANIZING PRIDE MARCHES AND...1354 01:10:15,452 --> 01:10:16,954 HANDING OUT CONDOMS.1355 01:10:16,954 --> 01:10:17,955 DO YOU NEED A RIDE?1356 01:10:17,955 --> 01:10:19,958 UH, I BORROWED A FRIEND'S CAR.1357 01:10:19,958 --> 01:10:21,960 OH, YOU DON'T HAVE A LITTLE BEEMER OF YOUR OWN?1358 01:10:21,960 --> 01:10:24,462 I'M WORKING ON IT.1359 01:10:24,462 --> 01:10:25,965 JUST REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT BRIAN.1360 01:10:25,965 --> 01:10:27,967 IF HE'S SUCH A SELFISH PRICK,1361 01:10:27,967 --> 01:10:29,468 HOW COME YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING HIM AROUND?1362 01:10:29,468 --> 01:10:31,471 I'M NOT ALWAYS FOLLOWING HIM AROUND.1363 01:10:31,471 --> 01:10:33,473 WE'RE BEST FRIENDS.1364 01:10:33,974 --> 01:10:34,975 WE ACCEPT EACH OTHER FOR WHO WE ARE,1365 01:10:35,475 --> 01:10:37,478 NO JUDGEMENTS, NO OBLIGATIONS,1366 01:10:37,478 --> 01:10:39,981 NO QUESTIONS ASKED.1367 01:10:39,981 --> 01:10:42,484 YOU'RE JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO FINISH JERKING YOU OFF.1368 01:10:43,485 --> 01:10:44,987 WHAT? YOU NEVER GOT OFF.1369 01:10:45,487 --> 01:10:47,490 THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STILL HANGING AROUND AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.1370 01:10:47,490 --> 01:10:49,993 GO ON, CHICKEN. BACK TO YOUR COOP.1371 01:10:51,995 --> 01:10:54,999 AND DON'T GO LOOKING FOR HIM. IT'LL JUST MAKE THINGS WORSE.1372 01:10:57,501 --> 01:10:59,504 READY, SWEETIE?1373 01:11:03,508 --> 01:11:05,011 DID HE TAKE OFF?1374 01:11:07,513 --> 01:11:09,015 JUST AS WELL.1375 01:11:09,015 --> 01:11:11,518 HE WAS A LITTLE TOO YOUNG FOR YOU.1376 01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:15,022 HMM.1377 01:11:19,027 --> 01:11:21,029 SHOULD I INVITE MY COUSIN RITA?1378 01:11:21,029 --> 01:11:23,032 WHICH ONE'S SHE? YOU KNOW.1379 01:11:23,032 --> 01:11:24,533 THE ONE WITH THE, UH, OVERBITE1380 01:11:25,034 --> 01:11:26,035 WHO NEVER APPROVED OF US?1381 01:11:26,035 --> 01:11:28,538 OH, HER. MIGHT AS WELL.1382 01:11:28,538 --> 01:11:30,040 SHE PROBABLY WON'T COME ANYWAY.1383 01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:33,044 OH... THAT'S MY GOOD BOY.1384 01:11:33,044 --> 01:11:34,545 YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.1385 01:11:34,545 --> 01:11:37,048 I USED TO SEE THESE WOMEN FEEDING THEIR KIDS, AND I'D THINK,1386 01:11:37,048 --> 01:11:38,050 "UGH, WHAT A TURN-OFF."1387 01:11:38,050 --> 01:11:40,052 BUT WATCHING YOU...1388 01:11:41,553 --> 01:11:43,055 IT'S BEAUTIFUL.1389 01:11:43,055 --> 01:11:46,559 YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CONNECTED YOU FEEL.1390 01:11:59,074 --> 01:12:01,077 GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.1391 01:12:03,579 --> 01:12:05,581 NEXT TIME, WE'LL FEED HIM TOGETHER.1392 01:12:05,581 --> 01:12:07,584 YOU CAN GIVE HIM MY BREAST.1393 01:12:10,087 --> 01:12:12,090 IT'S SO FULL.1395 01:12:39,121 --> 01:12:42,125 I GUESS THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO FOR NOW.1396 01:12:45,128 --> 01:12:47,631 OH, 34 GUESTS. THAT'S A LOT.1397 01:12:47,631 --> 01:12:48,632 NOT EVERYONE WILL SHOW.1398 01:12:49,133 --> 01:12:51,636 WELL, LET'S HOPE ONE IN PARTICULAR DOESN'T.1399 01:12:59,645 --> 01:13:01,647 I HOPE WE WEREN'T TOO HARD ON HIM.1400 01:13:01,647 --> 01:13:03,650 WHO? BRIAN?1401 01:13:03,650 --> 01:13:05,652 ALL THAT TALK ABOUT THE INSURANCE.1402 01:13:06,153 --> 01:13:07,654 IT ALMOST SOUNDED LIKE WE WERE HOPING SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN TO HIM.1403 01:13:08,156 --> 01:13:10,158 WE'RE JUST BEING PRACTICAL.1404 01:13:10,158 --> 01:13:12,160 I MEAN, HE'S THE FATHER, ISN'T HE?1405 01:13:12,160 --> 01:13:14,663 IT ONLY MAKES SENSE THAT HIS SON SHOULD BE HIS BENEFICIARY.1407 01:13:22,672 --> 01:13:24,674 I'M JUST SAYING MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE WAITED1408 01:13:24,674 --> 01:13:27,178 UNTIL HE WAS OVER THE INITIAL SHOCK.1409 01:13:27,178 --> 01:13:28,679 HUH!1410 01:13:28,679 --> 01:13:30,682 WHAT SHOCK? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GAVE BIRTH.1411 01:13:30,682 --> 01:13:32,684 ALL HE DID WAS SHOW UP WITH HIS LATEST TRICK.1412 01:13:32,684 --> 01:13:34,686 AT LEAST HE SHOWED UP.1413 01:13:34,686 --> 01:13:36,689 CHRIST, IT NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE ME.1414 01:13:36,689 --> 01:13:38,691 WHAT? THE WAY YOU PUT UP WITH HIS SHIT.1415 01:13:38,691 --> 01:13:39,692 SHHH.1416 01:13:39,692 --> 01:13:41,194 I DON'T PUT UP WITH IT. LIKE HELL.1417 01:13:41,194 --> 01:13:43,697 I UNDERSTAND IT... HIM.1418 01:13:43,697 --> 01:13:46,700 WHAT? THAT HE'S A BIGGER INFANT THAN HIS SON?1419 01:13:46,700 --> 01:13:48,703 THAT HE DOES EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS.1420 01:13:48,703 --> 01:13:50,705 NO EXCUSES, NO APOLOGIES.1421 01:13:50,705 --> 01:13:52,207 I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED HIM FOR THAT.1422 01:13:52,207 --> 01:13:53,709 WELL, THEN YOU CAN PUT UP WITH IT.1423 01:13:53,709 --> 01:13:55,711 I DON'T HAVE TO.1424 01:13:55,711 --> 01:13:57,213 COME ON, LET'S GO BACK TO SLEEP...1425 01:13:57,213 --> 01:13:58,715 FOR AN HOUR.1426 01:14:08,726 --> 01:14:10,229 YES.1427 01:14:10,229 --> 01:14:12,231 SO, YOU GOING OUT CRUISING1428 01:14:12,231 --> 01:14:14,233 AFTER YOU DROP ME OFF?1429 01:14:14,233 --> 01:14:17,737 NO. I'VE BEEN INVITED TO AN ALL-NIGHT ORGY.1430 01:14:17,737 --> 01:14:21,242 WHOO! SOUNDS HOT. HMM.1431 01:14:21,242 --> 01:14:24,245 IF YOU MUST KNOW, I AM GOING BACK TO MY GAY APARTMENT,1432 01:14:24,245 --> 01:14:25,746 TAKING OFF MY GAY CLOTHES,1433 01:14:26,247 --> 01:14:27,749 AND GETTING INTO MY GAY BED.1434 01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:30,752 YOU'RE IN A MOOD.1435 01:14:30,752 --> 01:14:31,753 IT'S GODDAMN BRIAN.1436 01:14:34,257 --> 01:14:36,759 WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME?1437 01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:39,263 NEVER MIND.1438 01:14:39,263 --> 01:14:42,766 I WISH YOU WOULDN'T LET HIM GET TO YOU.1439 01:14:45,270 --> 01:14:46,771 BUT HE ALWAYS DOES.1440 01:14:48,773 --> 01:14:51,777 THAT'S WHY I KEEP HOPING THAT YOU'LL MEET SOMEBODY.1441 01:15:01,789 --> 01:15:03,791 WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS ON?1442 01:15:03,791 --> 01:15:07,296 SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG WITH VIC.1443 01:15:07,296 --> 01:15:09,298 VIC!1444 01:15:09,298 --> 01:15:10,799 BABY?1445 01:15:12,302 --> 01:15:13,803 IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?1446 01:15:14,804 --> 01:15:17,307 JUST COULDN'T SLEEP.1447 01:15:17,307 --> 01:15:18,309 HEY, MIKEY. UNCLE VIC.1448 01:15:18,309 --> 01:15:19,810 ARE YOU IN PAIN?1449 01:15:20,811 --> 01:15:22,313 YEAH. WHERE? TELL ME.1450 01:15:22,313 --> 01:15:24,316 MY WALLET.1451 01:15:28,320 --> 01:15:29,822 HOLY SHIT!1452 01:15:29,822 --> 01:15:30,823 WHAT IS IT?1453 01:15:31,324 --> 01:15:32,825 IT'S THE MASTERCARD BILL FROM OUR...1454 01:15:32,825 --> 01:15:33,826 OUR TRIP TO ITALY.1455 01:15:33,826 --> 01:15:35,829 FIRST-CLASS AIRLINE TICKETS,1456 01:15:36,330 --> 01:15:38,832 THE EXCELSIOR IN ROME,1457 01:15:38,832 --> 01:15:41,836 THE DIAMOND AND CORAL EARRINGS I BOUGHT YOU IN CAPRI.1458 01:15:41,836 --> 01:15:43,838 THEY'RE ALL HERE.1459 01:15:43,838 --> 01:15:45,841 THE PROBLEM IS, SO AM I.1460 01:15:45,841 --> 01:15:48,844 DON'T SAY THAT.1461 01:15:48,844 --> 01:15:50,846 IT'S A MIRACLE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE.1462 01:15:50,846 --> 01:15:52,849 IT'S A MIRACLE HOW I'M GONNA PAY FOR ALL OF THIS.1463 01:15:54,351 --> 01:15:55,352 HUSTLE?1464 01:16:41,907 --> 01:16:45,411 I THINK WE JAM LIKE JELL1477 01:17:11,942 --> 01:17:14,945 PATRICK SWAYZE IS SO HOT!1480 01:17:30,964 --> 01:17:32,967 I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT.1483 01:17:37,472 --> 01:17:40,476 PATRICK SWAYZE IS SO HOT.1484 01:17:44,481 --> 01:17:47,484 I'VE SEEN "DIRTY DANCING", LIKE, FIVE TIMES.1485 01:17:47,984 --> 01:17:49,487 WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO FUCK HIM.1486 01:17:49,487 --> 01:17:51,989 DON'T SAY THAT, BRIAN.1487 01:17:51,989 --> 01:17:53,991 YOU'RE SO PATHETIC.1488 01:17:55,494 --> 01:17:56,995 FIRST I'D UNZIP HIS FLY.1489 01:17:58,497 --> 01:18:01,000 THEN I'D PULL OUT HIS KINGSIZED BONER.1490 01:18:02,502 --> 01:18:05,004 PLAY WITH IT, REAL SLOW.1491 01:18:06,005 --> 01:18:08,008 OH, YEAH?1492 01:18:08,008 --> 01:18:09,510 HEY, MIKEY...1493 01:18:11,011 --> 01:18:13,014 YOU HAVE A WOODIE.1494 01:18:13,014 --> 01:18:14,015 I DO NOT.1495 01:18:14,015 --> 01:18:16,017 YOU DO TOO.1496 01:18:17,018 --> 01:18:20,022 WE'LL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.1501 01:18:33,538 --> 01:18:34,540 HI, BABE.1502 01:18:34,540 --> 01:18:37,042 MA! CAN'T YOU KNOCK?1503 01:18:37,042 --> 01:18:39,044 I FORGOT TO TELL YOU WE'RE HAVING A YARD SALE,1504 01:18:39,044 --> 01:18:41,047 SO IF YOU WANT TO THROW ANYTHING OUT...1505 01:18:41,047 --> 01:18:44,050 OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU STILL HAVE A CRUSH ONHIM.1506 01:19:02,572 --> 01:19:04,575 I'D FUCK YOU.1508 01:19:11,082 --> 01:19:13,585 TOP FLOOR. COME ON UP.1509 01:19:17,089 --> 01:19:18,591 CHRIST! I'M SORRY.1510 01:19:19,091 --> 01:19:21,094 I-I DON'T WANT TO... YOU CAN'T JUST DROP BY UNANNOUNCED.1511 01:19:21,094 --> 01:19:22,596 I JUST WANT TO TALK.1512 01:19:22,596 --> 01:19:24,097 THERE'S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.1513 01:19:24,097 --> 01:19:25,600 PLEASE? I WON'T STAY LONG. I...1514 01:19:26,100 --> 01:19:28,603 I'LL JUST... CAN I? NO.1515 01:19:30,104 --> 01:19:32,107 OH, SHIT.1516 01:19:38,114 --> 01:19:40,116 THE DOOR WAS ABOUT TO SHUT SO I...1517 01:19:40,116 --> 01:19:41,618 SLIPPED IN.1518 01:19:48,627 --> 01:19:51,630 PENTHOUSE. NOT BAD.1519 01:19:51,630 --> 01:19:54,133 WHO'S THIS? NO ONE.1520 01:19:54,133 --> 01:19:55,134 I HAVE TO SEE YOU.1521 01:19:55,635 --> 01:19:56,636 I'M BUSY.1522 01:19:56,636 --> 01:19:59,139 I DON'T MIND A THREESOME,1523 01:19:59,139 --> 01:20:00,641 ALTHOUGH HE'S KIND OF YOUNG.1524 01:20:00,641 --> 01:20:01,642 HE'S ALSO KIND OF LEAVING.1525 01:20:01,642 --> 01:20:04,646 WHO'S HE? FORGIVE ME FOR NOT INTRODUCING YOU.1526 01:20:04,646 --> 01:20:07,148 JUSTIN, THIS IS MR. GOODFUK.1527 01:20:07,649 --> 01:20:09,651 MR. GOODFUK, MAY I PRESENT JUSTIN.1528 01:20:09,651 --> 01:20:11,153 NAME IS GEORGE.1529 01:20:11,153 --> 01:20:14,657 SORRY. GEORGE GOODFUK.1530 01:20:14,657 --> 01:20:16,660 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.1531 01:20:16,660 --> 01:20:18,161 WELL, I WAS HOPING TO GET TO.1532 01:20:18,662 --> 01:20:21,666 NOW WHY DON'T YOU JUST SCAMPER ON HOME?1533 01:20:24,669 --> 01:20:26,170 HE'S MY STALKER.1534 01:20:26,170 --> 01:20:28,674 THAT WASN'T VERY KIND,1535 01:20:28,674 --> 01:20:31,176 SENDING HIM OFF, A KID THAT AGE,1536 01:20:31,176 --> 01:20:34,180 BY HIMSELF AT THIS TIME OF NIGHT.1537 01:20:34,180 --> 01:20:35,682 WHO ARE YOU? FATHER GOODFUK?1538 01:20:39,687 --> 01:20:41,188 OH, ALL RIGHT.1539 01:20:42,690 --> 01:20:44,192 MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.1540 01:20:46,194 --> 01:20:49,197 AND DON'T... STEAL ANYTHING.1541 01:20:51,701 --> 01:20:53,703 HEY. HEY!1542 01:20:54,203 --> 01:20:56,707 I JUST LEFT A COMPLETE STRANGER ALONE IN MY APARTMENT1543 01:20:56,707 --> 01:20:58,208 TO COME AND TALK TO YOU,1544 01:20:58,208 --> 01:21:00,210 SO DON'T RUN AWAY FROM ME.1545 01:21:02,714 --> 01:21:04,215 WE NEED TO GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT.1546 01:21:04,215 --> 01:21:06,217 YOU DON'T DO BOYFRIENDS.1547 01:21:06,217 --> 01:21:09,221 OH. MIKEY'S BEEN TALKING TO YOU.1548 01:21:09,722 --> 01:21:11,223 YOU'LL FUCK ANYONE.1549 01:21:11,223 --> 01:21:13,727 HE'S UGLY. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.1550 01:21:13,727 --> 01:21:16,229 AND I... I REALLY THOUG... JUSTIN.1551 01:21:18,733 --> 01:21:20,234 I'VE HAD YOU.1552 01:21:22,236 --> 01:21:23,739 WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT...1553 01:21:23,739 --> 01:21:24,740 IT WAS FOR FUN.1554 01:21:25,240 --> 01:21:28,744 YOU WANTED ME AND I WANTED YOU.1555 01:21:28,744 --> 01:21:30,246 THAT'S ALL IT WAS.1556 01:21:30,246 --> 01:21:32,749 A FUCK?1557 01:21:33,750 --> 01:21:35,753 WELL WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS?1558 01:21:39,256 --> 01:21:43,261 LOOK, I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE.1559 01:21:43,261 --> 01:21:45,764 I BELIEVE IN FUCKING.1560 01:21:46,265 --> 01:21:48,267 IT'S HONEST. IT'S EFFICIENT.1561 01:21:48,267 --> 01:21:50,770 YOU GET IN AND OUT WITH A MAXIMUM OF PLEASURE1562 01:21:50,770 --> 01:21:53,774 AND A MINIMUM OF BULLSHIT.1563 01:21:53,774 --> 01:21:55,776 LOVE IS SOME- THING THAT STRAIGHT PEOPLE1564 01:21:55,776 --> 01:21:58,279 TELL THEMSELVES THEY'RE IN SO THEY CAN GET LAID,1565 01:21:58,279 --> 01:22:00,281 AND THEN THEY END UP HURTING EACH OTHER,1566 01:22:00,281 --> 01:22:03,285 BECAUSE IT WAS ALL BASED ON LIES TO BEGIN WITH.1568 01:22:05,287 --> 01:22:06,288 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT,1569 01:22:06,789 --> 01:22:09,793 THEN GO AND FIND YOURSELF A PRETTY, LITTLE GIRL...1570 01:22:11,294 --> 01:22:13,797 AND GET MARRIED.1571 01:22:13,797 --> 01:22:15,800 THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT.1572 01:22:16,801 --> 01:22:18,302 I WANT YOU.1573 01:22:18,803 --> 01:22:21,306 YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. I'M TOO O...1574 01:22:24,309 --> 01:22:25,812 YOU'RE TOO YOUNG FOR ME.1575 01:22:25,812 --> 01:22:27,313 YOU'RE 17. I'M 28.1576 01:22:27,814 --> 01:22:29,315 29.1577 01:22:30,817 --> 01:22:33,320 ALL RIGHT. 29.1578 01:22:34,321 --> 01:22:36,825 ALL THE MORE REASON.1579 01:22:39,327 --> 01:22:40,829 NOW GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.0 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net

By the WAY, THAT's ME, 6'1 , 46-INCH CHEST

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