Student Tickets $79 (+BF) WIN YOURSELF SOME TICKETS! TWO AWESOME CHANCES TO GET YOURSELF TO THE GIG THETHE QUESTQUEST FORFOR. THETHE ULTIMATEULTIMATE AEROGUITARSMITHAEROGUITARSMITH Thursday 18th April 12pm at Market Day RECREATERECREATE ANAN AEROSMITHAEROSMITH ANTHEMANTHEM and win your at tickets to the concert check out OUSA Facebook for details on how to win. STUDENT TICKETS $79(+BF) LIMITED NUMBERS AVAILABLE AT THIS PRICE, BOOK NOW AT FORSYTH BARR 2 | STADIUM, fb.com/critictearohi REGENT THEATRE OR THE EDGAR CENTER WITH STUDENT ID. EDITOR Callum Fredric [email protected] Issue 07 | April 15, 2013 | critic.co.nz DEPUTY EDITOR Zane Pocock [email protected] TECHNICAL EDITOR Sam Clark DESIGNER Dan Blackball 16 FEATURE WRITERS Loulou Callister-Baker, Maddy Phillipps NEWS FEATURES NEWS TEAM Zane Pocock, Claudia Herron, 06 | Anonymous Jerk Knocks 16 | Evidence of a Mid-Life Crisis Bella Macdonald Over Cones Loulou Callister-Baker discovers boxes in the attic containing evidence of a SECTION EDITORS 07 | Lord Monckton man’s mid-life crisis, complete with nude Sam McChesney, Basti Menkes, sketches and low-quality weed. Baz Macdonald, Josef Alton, 08 | Racist Danish Runs Gus Gawn, Tristan Keillor Rampant 20 | Three Fables of Dunedin’s Forgotten Flatters 09 | Driver admits liability in Shamelessly stealing Loulou’s idea, CONTRIBUTORS cycle death Callum Fredric tells three untold stories Thomas Stevenson, Josie Cochrane, from Dunedin’s past based on books and Sarah Bayly, Thomas Raethel, documents found at a friend’s flat. Sara Lamb-Miller, Jamie Breen, Catherine Poon, Nick Jolly, 26 | The Little Foetus in the Lucy Hunter, Gerard Barbalich, Pink Knitted Cap Campbell Ecklein, Jess Cole, A poem by Maddy Phillipps in memory Phoebe Harrop, Elsie Stone, of the little foetus in the pink knitted cap. Elsie Jacobson, M & G, Glitter Grrl, Based on a true story. Jessica Bromell, Dr. Nick, Charlotte Doyle, Ella Booray, Lyle Skipsey, Jack Montgomerie REGULAR STUFF Critic would like to thank the archival 06-15 News staff at the University of Otago 16-27 Features Hocken Library for their assistance with the cover of this issue. 28-33 Columns HOCKEN COLLECTIONS, UARE TAOKA O HĀKENA, UNIVERSITY OF OTAGO 34-39 Culture 06 40-41 Letters AD SALES 42 Comics PLANET MEDIA DUNEDIN LTD Tama Walker, Tim Couch, Gus Gawn, Josh Hannigan Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should planetmedia.co.nz first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be [email protected] addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin | (03) 479 5335 | [email protected] | critic.co.nz critic.co.nz | 3 Enjoy your night... ... without regret KNOW YOUR LIMIT, THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU DRINK If you would like to talk to someone about your drinking please call or email 03 479 8463 Practice Nurse Chris Griffiths in confidence at Student Health Services [email protected] EDITORIAL The Magical Neverland of Dunedin unedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears D in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm and mystique. I still remember driving into Dunedin for the first time – as my car reached the top of the hill overlooking the city from the north, I immediately fell in love with the place. Even the warm summer breeze is quintessentially, distinctively Dunedin. You know what I’m talking about. Most people finish their degrees after four or five years in Dunedin and move to Wellington, Auckland, Australia, or London. It sounds very glam at the time, and people often claim to be sooo over Dunedin after the end of fourth year. But almost invariably, they end up missing the place hugely by March or April of their first year in the real world. No one is immune. You too will miss Dunedin when you leave. All your friends live within walking distance. You can do 10-hour weeks for most of the year while getting paid. All your friends are students and thus are nearly always free to hang out. When you’re working full-time, don’t kid yourself that you’ll live the high life four times a week with the old gang, like Dunedin but with cooler bars. Your friends will be working long hours, having children, and living in remote suburbs on the outskirts of town. You will see them approximately ¼ as often. These are the glory days. Make the most of your time in Neverland, and don’t waste your last couple of years in Dunedin feeling too old for the place. Because of its magical, timeless nature, Dunedin is perfectly suited for fables of years gone by. People like Julian Stoner (see page 22) would struggle to last three days in the real world without resorting to charity, yet he lasted three full years in Dunedin. Even baby boomers can enjoy their midlife crises without ever truly comprehending the stereotypes they have become (see page 16). But as in Michael Jackson’s Neverland and classic fables like Hansel and Gretel, the under-tens often face trials and tribu- lations in Dunedin – Maddy Phillipps dedicates a poem to the short life of the Little Foetus in the Pink Knitted Cap on page 24. This week, a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed bunch of aspiring news writers take the first step toward making the most of their time in Neverland. Nine have written news articles. Only four will survive the brutal cull over the next few weeks. The Great Intern Massacre of 2013 will go down in Dunedin history as yet another real-life fable. Good luck to you all. -Callum Fredric critic.co.nz | 5 NEWS The queue at 10am on Tuesday. heart-wrenching for students who missed out very upset, as the party was “the only reason Hyde Street on the limited ticket supply. [she] had come to Dunedin.” Students who couldn’t get their hands on one of Critic also spoke to a fourth-year student who Sold Out the 3500 tickets reportedly threatened to sneak missed out on a ticket. “Struth mate, it’s an ab- in through neighbouring properties. However, solute abomination and I’m absolutely ropeable. BY Bella Macdonald the money raised by ticket sales is designed I’m aborting the party altogether,” he vented. to cover costs for extra security personnel to ickets to the infamous Hyde Street keg remove anyone without an official wristband Conversely, some of those who opposed the party sold out by midday when they went from the street. ticketing system were not willing to miss out T on sale at OUSA on both Monday 8 and on the epic day, and planned on creating their Tuesday 9 April. Despite many students taking to Facebook own street parties. to complain about OUSA endorsing the new Although the 500 tickets available on Monday ticketing system, Hernandez believed most Hyde Street residents were allocated 11 tickets per were sold from 9am instead of 11am as publicised, students were generally supportive. “There’s person to give to their friends. This proved to be OUSA President Francisco Hernandez reported the odd Facebook troll, but meh, we’re just trying a lucrative business for those who charged their that “every man and his dog had lined up – there to help the tenants run a sweet and safe party.” friends $10 for the $2 ticket, making a healthy was a dog at the front door when we arrived profit to fund their day of festivities. at 9am.” Critic wonders, however, where the While OUSA was forced to cull numbers in order women and cats were. for the event to go ahead, the segregation of Critic goes to print on Thursday nights, and as certain groups has caused huge offence to those such will be providing extensive coverage of Tuesday morning saw approximately 250 stu- left out of the now-exclusive event. First-year the event in next week’s issue. In the mean- dents queued up before sales started. Not only students could only attend if they had been time, Critic TV’s exclusive footage will air on was the pouring rain a damper on the day, but invited by a resident or lived in a neighbouring Wednesday at 1pm in the Main Common Room exclusion from the social event of the year was street. One first-year student told Critic she was of Union Hall. Anonymous Jerk Knocks Over Cones BY CALLUM FREDRIC n unknown vandal systematically knocked down two lines of road cones two main drinking nights of the week. Alcohol the cones had not yet been returned to their A set up to protect the path on the Museum may have been a contributing factor to the of- original upright positions, potentially causing Lawn while it was being repaved. fence, as it is known to reduce inhibitions, confusion among pedestrians wishing to use The crime was committed on Thursday particularly in young people. the path. Fortunately, the cones do not appear night, which is regarded by many as one of the As Critic went to print on Thursday night, to have sustained lasting damage. 6 | fb.com/critictearohi NEWS emissions in 2009.