<p> Monty Python´s The argument Receptionist: Good evening, can I help you? Client: I’d like to have an argument, please. Receptionist: Certainly Sir, have you been here before? Client: No, this is my first time. Receptionist: I see. Do you want the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course? Client: Well, how much is it? Receptionist: Well, it’s 2 pounds for a five-minute argument, but only ten pounds for a course of ten.</p><p>Client: Well, I think it’s probably best if I start with the one and see how it goes from there. Receptionist: Fine. I’ll see who’s free at the moment... Mr Snodgrass is free, but he’s a little conciliatory...yes, try Mr Winkbottom – Room 4</p><p>Client: Thank you. (Goes next door) Hello Toby: I beg your pardon, who do you think you are, waltzing in here. You moronic stupid pathetic bafoon!!</p><p>Client: Pardon? Toby: Cretin! Client: What? Toby: Oh, did you want insults and verbal abuse? Client: No, an argument. Toby: Oh right, that’s next door. (Client leaves) Toby: Imbecile! (He carries on reading his newspaper) Client: Is this the right room for an argument? Winkbottom: I’ve told you once. Client: No you haven’t. Winkbottom: Yes I have. Client: When? Winkbottom: Just now. Client: No you didn’t. Winkbottom: Yes, I did! Client: Didn’t. Winkbottom: Did. Client: Didn’t. Winkbottom: I’m telling you I did! Client: You did not! Winkbottom: I’m sorry, is this the five minute argument, or the full half-hour?</p><p> efltheatreclub.co.uk © Monty Python 1 Client: Oh... just the a five-minute one. Winkbottom: Fine (makes a note of it, the Client sits down) thank you. Anyway, I did. Client: You most certainly did not. Winkbottom: Now, let’s get one thing quite clear, I most definitely told you! Client: You did not Winkbottom: Yes, I did Client: Didn’t Winkbottom: Yes, I did Client: Didn’t Winkbottom: Yes, I did! Client: Look, this isn’t an argument. Winkbottom: Yes it is. Client: No it isn’t, it’s just contradiction. Winkbottom: No it isn’t Client: Yes it is. Winkbottom: It is not. Client: It is. You just contradicted me. Winkbottom: No I didn’t Client: Ooh, you did! Winkbottom: No, no, no, no. Client: You did, just then. Winkbottom: No, nonsense! Client: Oh look, this is futile. Winkbottom: No it isn’t. Client: I came here for a good argument. Winkbottom: No you didn’t, you came here for an argument. Client: Well, an argument’s not the same as contradiction. Winkbottom: It can be. Client: No it can’t. An argument is a connected series of statements to establish a definite proposition.</p><p>Winkbottom: No it isn’t. Client: Yes it is. It isn’t just contradiction. Winkbottom: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position. Client: But it isn’t just saying “No it isn’t”. Winkbottom: Yes it is. Client: No it isn’t argument is an intellectual process.. contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.</p><p> efltheatreclub.co.uk © Monty Python 2 Winkbottom: No it isn’t Client: Yes it is Winkbottom: Not at all Client: Now look! Winkbottom: (Pressing the bell on his desk) That’s it. Good morning. Client: But I was just getting started. Winkbottom: Sorry the five minutes is up. Client: That was never five minutes just now! Winkbottom: I’m afraid it was. Client: No it wasn’t. Winkbottom: I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to argue any more. Client: What? Winkbottom: If you want me to go on arguing you’ll have to pay for another five minutes. Client: But that was never five minutes just now... oh come on! (Mr Winkbottom looks around as if there was no one there) Client: This is ridiculous! Winkbottom: I’m very sorry, but I already told you I’m not allowed to argue unless you’ve paid. Client: Oh all right. (Pays) There you are. Winkbottom: Thank you. Client: Well? Winkbottom: Well what? Client: That was never five minutes just now. Winkbottom: I told you I’m not allowed to argue unless you’ve paid. Client: I’ve just paid! Winkbottom: No you didn’t. Client: I did! I did! I did! Winkbottom: No you didn’t. Client: Look I don’t want to argue about that. Winkbottom: Well I’m very sorry but you didn’t pay. Client: Aha! Well if I didn’t pay, why are you arguing with me...got you! Winkbottom: No you haven’t. Client: Yes I have...if you’re arguing I must have paid. Winkbottom: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time. Client: I’ve had enough of this. Winkbottom: No you haven’t. Client: Oh shut up. I’m off. (Client leaves) Winkbottom: Hmme...another satisfied customer. </p><p> efltheatreclub.co.uk © Monty Python 3</p>