<p> Checking In: What Bystanders Can Do to Prevent Relationship Abuse Talking Directly Tips Before the Conversation  Has this happened before? o Have specific examples ready During the Conversation  How did that [behavior] make you feel? o Be thoughtful about the location of the o Use “I” statements and feeling statements  Have you kept up with your friends or lost conversation touch with them since you started dating o Use specific examples [partner’s name]? o Be aware of your friend’s physical state o Ground your remarks in concern for your  ______o Plan how you are going to check in with friend, rather than accusation and blame ______your friend by being prepared to ask some of their partner Checking In questions  ______o Validate your friend’s rights in the ______o Leave your phone and other distractions relationship elsewhere or turned off After the Conversation: Follow Up o Actively listen to your friend o Sign up at safe.unc.edu to get H.A.V.E.N. trained</p><p> Don’t judge, don’t blame, and don’t talk o Connect your friend to resources, but badly about the abuser remember to work with your friend, not for them  Don’t make it about you o Assess the situation for escalating violence  Don’t use “why” questions or abuse  Don’t use ultimatums o If necessary, create a safety plan with your friend</p><p> Do you feel safe with [partner’s name]? o Keep the lines of communication open</p><p> Do you feel like you can be yourself with o Remember self-care! [partner’s name]?</p><p> Does this relationship make you happy?</p><p>Taken from Checking In: What Bystanders Can Do to Prevent Relationship Abuse, a One Act Carolina Program Checking In: What Bystanders Can Do to Prevent Relationship Abuse Talking Directly Tips</p><p>Taken from Checking In: What Bystanders Can Do to Prevent Relationship Abuse, a One Act Carolina Program</p>