Please HONOR the copyright of these documents by not retransmitting or making any additional copies in any form (Except for private personal use). We appreciate your respectful cooperation. ___________________________ Theological Research Exchange Network (TREN) P.O. Box 30183 Portland, Oregon 97294 USA Website: www.tren.com E-mail: [email protected] Phone# 1-800-334-8736 ___________________________ ATTENTION CATALOGING LIBRARIANS TREN ID# Online Computer Library Center (OCLC) MARC Record # Digital Object Identification DOI # Dissertation Approval Sheet This dissertation entitled ENRICHING PASTORAL COUPLES’ MARRIAGES IN THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH IN AUSTRALIA Written by TRAFFORD ARTHUR FISCHER and submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Ministry has been accepted by the Faculty of Fuller Theological Seminary upon the recommendation of the undersigned reader: _____________________________________ Bryan Craig _____________________________________ Kurt Fredrickson Date Received: September 2, 2014 ENRICHING PASTORAL COUPLES’ MARRIAGES IN THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH IN AUSTRALIA A MINISTRY FOCUS PROJECT SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF THE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY FULLER THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE DOCTOR OF MINISTRY BY TRAFFORD ARTHUR FISCHER AUGUST 2014 ABSTRACT Strengthening Pastoral Marriages in the Seventh-day Adventist Church in Australia Trafford A Fischer Doctor of Ministry School of Theology, Fuller Theological Seminary 2014 The goal of this study was to outline how pastoral couples in the Seventh-day Adventist Church in Australia might strengthen their marriages. This is deemed to be an imperative considering the pain and loss of a broken marriage, and in particular a pastor’s marriage. It is argued that this endeavour will find a greater chance of success when the pastoral couple’s commitment to marital enrichment is supported by the Seventh-day Adventist Church administration and the church members. Through an examination of the Scriptures, this study identifies intimacy in a marital union to be God-designed and blessed by Jesus Christ. Married couples who identify as Christian will recognise that their marriages are to be a statement about the love of God for his Church. This love is to be a self-sacrificing love just as Jesus gave himself in love to his Church. Pastoral couples who set out to enrich and empower their marriages and commit to bringing them towards the love of Jesus will find greater empowerment to minister to their churches. Research in the social sciences reveals that genuine marital love will find its richest meaning through emotional intimacy. The study outlines how pastoral couples might find opportunities within the church setting to experience emotional intimacy, and how these opportunities can be made richer through supportive ministry from their administrators and members. The study also provides strategies for initiating this three- part ministry into the Seventh-day Adventist Churches in Australia. The study concludes that while not all churches might choose to take up this initiative, nor might all pastoral couples choose to make a commitment to strengthen their marriages, or all church administrators commit to supporting their pastoral staff in their marital journey, the project is worthy of investigation and inclusion in the SDA Church ministry program. Content Reader: Bryan Craig, DMin Words: 296 To Caryl, who knows so well the journey to marital intimacy TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION: THE MINISTRY CHALLENGE 1 PART ONE: THE MINISTRY CONTEXT Chapter 1. COMMUNITY AND CHURCH CONTEXT 10 PART TWO: THEOLOGICAL REFLECTIONS Chapter 2. LITERATURE REVIEW 52 Chapter 3. THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE AND RELATIONAL INTIMACY 86 PART THREE: PRACTISE Chapter 4. GOALS AND PLANS 118 Chapter 5. IMPLEMENTATION PROCESS AND EVALUATION 136 SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION 152 APPENDICES 162 BIBLIOGRAPHY 175 iv INTRODUCTION Over the last four decades research into the lives of clergy in Australia has revealed that a high percentage of pastors are experiencing burnout, stress, a lack of job satisfaction, and many are walking away from their churches and careers. These pastoral life-issues are not exclusive to any one denomination. Studies across various faith groups continue to point to high levels of personal pain in the lives of their church pastors. These issues that confront pastors mean there will be stress in minister’s personal relationships. Burnout and physical stress do not travel alone, and pastors who face work- stress are at high risk for emotional and relational stress in their marriages. Stress in marriage can in turn lead to further stress at work. Pastors caught in this cycle of pain will often lose their effectiveness as church leaders and limit their potential ministry to their congregations. Pastors in the Seventh-day Adventist Church are not exempt from both ministry stress and loss of relational connectedness.1 Research on SDA pastors in Australia is minimal to non-existent in regards to marital breakdown but anecdotal reports strongly suggest there is common ground with other faith groups when it comes to loss of intimacy and marital stress among pastors. Ministry in the SDA Church does not provide an automatic barrier to marital pain or separation and divorce. The consistent findings regarding pastoral burnout, loss of ministry focus and broken marriages point to an urgent need for a specialised ministry to pastors and their 1 Wherever the abbreviation SDA or Adventist occurs, the reader should understand it to refer to Seventh-day Adventist. 1 spouses. Every pastoral couple needs to be informed, resourced, and encouraged in their joint journey towards marital intimacy. Pastors of experience, regardless of how many years of marriage, need support in their marital relationships. Pastors also need to be kept aware of new and ongoing research that might assist them in building long-term marital intimacy with their spouses. As a pastor who has been in full-time ministry since the beginning of 1976, I have seen many pastors lose their desire to sustain their ministry and several who have been unable to remain committed to their first marriage partner. In 2012 four pastors in the Sydney area separated from their spouses, and other pastors in different states of Australia have also divorced. No pastor or pastoral family should have to face the pain and loss that is associated with marital breakdown. While marital stress and loss of intimacy has a significant negative effect on the pastoral couple and their family, it also impacts on the members of the church. Members of all ages who have been influenced for good by their pastor will inevitably experience disillusionment and a deep sense of loss over their pastor’s marital breakdown. A church leader’s separation or divorce is very rarely a private matter. Statistics relating to marriage breakdown might specify a particular number of marital failures, but they do not include those marital relationships that are less than ideal. The divorce statistics indicate only those marriages that do not survive, but there are marriages that are just limping along; there are clergy couples who might be secretly desire an end to their marriage but lack the courage or resources to make the break; there are pastors who regard their marriages as tenuous and fragile but work hard to present an image of success and happiness; there are marriages that are suffering but no one knows. 2 While employed as a pastor in the Adventist Church for almost thirty-seven years, I have not experienced any strong desires to walk away from my marriage. However, the challenge of sustaining intimacy has been difficult and at times tenuous. The demands and expectations of ministry pulled me away from my home and marriage. My wife has informed me that in my early years in youth ministry in Sydney I was away from home for seventeen consecutive evenings in a row. The need to be considered by my employers as successful and to be regarded as a hard-working pastor drove me to excessive and inordinate hours of ministry and placed my marriage and family at risk. Marital intimacy was second to work intimacy. Success in ministry outweighed success in marriage. My discussions with fellow-pastors indicate that I am not alone. So many pastors are driven to succeed at any cost. They consider their ministry to their church, or churches, as having precedence over any other aspect of life that demands their time or energy. They buy into the belief that their spouse will always be there and all they need to do to be successful in ministry is to concentrate on their work and their partner will faithfully follow along. While this view may not be verbalised -- it may even be denied -- experience suggests otherwise. However, pastors who live with marital stress and relational loneliness will experience a deep sense of depersonalization, distance and disconnection in their relations with others. They may especially be vulnerable to the appeals of the emotionally needy and find common ground in their shared journey of loneliness. Inappropriate relationships often emerge when pastors are experiencing marital stress and emotional burnout. Marital unfaithfulness may not be too far away. 3 The thesis of this project is that pastoral couples will find relational renewal and deeper levels of marital satisfaction and intimacy as they discover and practise strategies found in Scripture and in the research in the social sciences, and as they find sensitive support for their marriages from their church administrators and their church members. The Church cannot build successful marriages: only the couple can do that. But the journey to marital satisfaction and longevity can be enhanced and enriched if the church members and administration are able to provide appropriate, sensitive support. No amount of information on marriage, quality resources, attendance at marriage enrichment events, or support from church leaders and members will ensure or guarantee the success of a pastor’s primary relationship, but they may play a major role in assisting them reach that goal.