THE GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES "Inexplicably The Finest Publication Known To Man." VOL. 1, NO. 1 - DECEMBER 2007 LED ZEPPELIN ECLIPSE THEMSELVES Led Zeppelin becoming more popular by the second. It is official...Led Zeppelin are now bigger than Led what happens. i can always bow out, followed by my Zeppelin. In a completely unexpected development, the children and grandchildren and eventually my great acclaimed 70's rockers have finally been eclipsed in great grandchildren bowing out as well. But first, I've got popularity by themselves. With the recent reunion to book my grandson's first tour with Allison Krauss' concert December 10th at the O2 Venue in London, as granddaughter. Then we'll see about the Infinite Tour well as the various reissues and unending stream of concept." "It's fascinating, really,' mused bassist John news items, Led Zeppelin have now actually become Paul Jones. 'I was playing a game of snookers a few days more popular than themselves, who were already huge. ago when my manager rang and told me that I was now It is highly anticipated that, following the enormously more popular than myself. It hasn't changed me, really, I successful reunion event in London, the band will still pop round to the music store to buy mandolin embark on a one hundred year, 1000 date tour, with Led strings on me own." Zeppelin also serving as warmup act. "It is planned,' Jason Bonham, son of original drummer John revealed one insider, 'for the band's children and Bonham, is floored by the development. "One fucking gig eventually grandchildren to eventually take over the and I'm now the biggest drummer in rock history. roles of each member of the band. In this way, the Amazing. If it weren't for the hundred year tour I'm not venture can continue throughout the ages in a legitimate allowed to talk about, I'd probably retire." manner.' "It will be a new sort of monarchy,' added guitarist Jimmy Page. 'We hope to provide truly excellent Promoter Harvey Goldsmith is reportedly already shows for future generations by actually knighting our booking venues which have yet to even be built. "The plan own offspring into the band, so that our legacy might is simple,' reveals NME janitorial assistant Sid continue in a viable format for hundreds, perhaps Farnsward. 'The band are going to simply start booking thousands of years. There's no reason for us to squander dates over a hundred year course, including gigantic the type of momentum we've seen of late." stadiums holding up to 100,000 people, in cities especially constructed to host the stadiums. There's even Vocalist Robert Plant has his doubts. "It's in me past, talk of a year long residency while taking over the entire really, and I don't know I'm completely confident in this continent of Africa about the year 2050, but nothing has new game plan. But since we've now become bigger than been signed yet, so we'll see." ourselves, I figure why not try it for 50 years and see THE GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES "Inexplicably The Finest Publication Known To Man." VOL. 1, NO. 1 - DECEMBER 2007 LED ZEPPELIN ABSOLUTELY CHUFFED According to sources close to the band, the liners to lay on people as they walk in and hand us individual members of Led Zeppelin are extremely their tickets." "It's sweet, really, that the Fabs delighted by their newfound dominance of the 21st would do something so nice for us,' said Jonesy, century. "Pagey's beside himself,' exclaimed an 'considering we dethroned them and all. It's all unnamed stagehand. 'You have to keep in mind really lovely." Robert Plant has declined to express that no one, not even management, expected the his astonishment, but a press conference has been band to completely rule the Earth. Now that they scheduled for April 2009, at which he is expected are the biggest act in show business again, they're to announce that he is pleased. thinking of hiring the Rolling Stones to follow them around, tidying things up and fluffing pillows and the like. They're in negotiations with The Who for Pete Townshend to compose a special theme song so that in each town they play, The Who will appear for one song only, performing the Zep theme song, and then the band will come on. It should be fantastic!" Former Beatles Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr have confirmed through Apple Records that they are indeed reuniting to scan tickets at the main gate. "It'll be swell to be a part of such a nice moment in rock history,' said Sir Paul, 'and I'm looking forward to chattin' up the fans on their way Guitarist Jimmy Page performing ultrafantastic riffery before 20,000 lucky cellphone holders. in. Me and Ritchey are working on some good one concert, and it was decided that we of the band's distributor, Warner/ THE PLANET should rename the planet in honor Elektra/Asylum. We are not taking of the band. Our legal attorneys any questions at this time." FORMERLY have assured us that this step is KNOWN AS EARTH completely binding and legal, and that after January 1, 2010, any John Fitzwater, Director of letters addressed to Planet Earth Publicity at the space firm NASA in instead of Led Zeppelin will be Houston, Texas, announced on returned to the original sender. We YouTube this past Thursday that are not making it official until 2010 the planet Earth has been officially to allow for changes within all our renamed Led Zeppelin, effective internal mapping systems, as well January 1, 2010. "I am pleased to as textbooks and atlases in each report that the rumors are true, country on the planet. The Atlantic this spaceship Earth will soon be Ocean will also as of January 1, named after the greatest rock and 2010, be renamed the Atlantic Led Zeppelin attempted several times to roll band of all time, Led Zeppelin. Records Ocean, in honor of the provide suitable footage for NASA was contacted by the band's band's longtime label Atlantic struggling YouTube upstart company. management shortly after the Records. The known Universe as enormously successful O2 reunion well will be renamed WEA, in honor THE GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES "Inexplicably The Finest Publication Known To Man." VOL. 1, NO. 1 - DECEMBER 2007 BOB DYLAN SIGNS GOD SUCCUMBS TO ENVY ENDORSEMENT DEAL God, the sinless and perfect entity, and beloved figurehead to billions, known for His complex and WITH LED ZEPPELIN mysterious creations, today announced on His My Space site that He has, against all odds, as well as His own rules, experienced Envy. "They who are The Zep, those four who I created in My own image, have they not outdone Me? Twenty million of you, My precious children, ye have tried and mostly failed to attend their highly anticipated and enormously successful reunion concert in the former province of Rome. Do ye now love Led Zeppelin more than He who created The Zep? I am perplexed, and new emotions move Me to reconsider rules which were established long before the creation of Time or 5.1 surround sound. And so I confess to ye, My children, that I have experienced Envy. I wish I were not One but Four, they which rule the Earth, excuse Me, planet Zeppelin or whatever NASARETH hath decided uponeth. I wish I were as big and loud and Just on the heels of his new multimedia popular as Led Zeppelin. There, I have said it. But be marketing campaign with Cadillac, warned, just because I have confessed such emotions, legendary performer Bob Dylan has remember that I am a wrathful and jealous God. Do not announced that he is now Led Zeppelin's taunt Me with your O2 wristbands and ticket stubs, for bitch. "Victoria's Secret was a blast to I might smite thee. And by the way, I alone know the work with, they let me wear a tophat, correct pronunciation of the four symbols which have which I'm really good at. And Cadillac perplexed your race since 1971 A.D., so keep that in have been fantastic, man, really beautiful. mind. They got some nice offices up there with some nice secretaries that know what one more cup of coffee is all about. But Zeppelin...that's big time. I've never heard their music, but my agency assured me this was the right step for me to take at this time." Asked if he was really Zeppelin's bitch, the prolific folksinger and voice of the 60's replied, 'If that's what they want, man, I'm into it. Just call me the ZepBitch. Yeah, I'm down with that." Dylan fans worldwide are planning to protest the singer's decision by boycotting his upcoming anthology No Really, The Very Very Golden Best Of Bob Dylan Volume 4: The Remixes. "Fuck 'em,' said Dylan, 'a deal's a deal and a bitch is a bitch. ZepBitch, yeah. Has a ring to it." God, the almighty Creator of all known dimensions and realities, missed this dramatic moment at the O2. THE GOOD TIMES BAD TIMES "Inexplicably The Finest Publication Known To Man." VOL. 1, NO. 1 - DECEMBER 2007 LED ZEPPELIN TO RE-RECORD STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN Led Zeppelin, in a shocking announcement, have revealed all well and good...but what you must understand is that we that they have secretly been rehearsing a new version of were making a STATEMENT.