My Personal Success Coach A Guide to Personal Wellness William A. Howatt A WAY WITH WORDS EDITORIAL SERVICES Copyright © 1999 by A Way With Words Editorial Services. All rights reserved. No part of this book, except for those forms where permission to copy is indicated, may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transcribed in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the publisher. Copies of this and other publications can be ordered at the address below. ISBN-13: 978-1-894338-05-9 ISBN-10: 1-894338-05-7 Editing, typesetting, and layout design by Al Kingsbury, A Way With Words Editorial Services Illustrations by Don Crowell and Elena Saldan Cover photo of Bill Howatt courtesy SteveKaiserPhotography.ca A Way With Words Editorial Services 83 Apple Tree Lane Kentville NS B4N 5C1 As with all of my works, I dedicate this book to my precious family — my best coach, Sherrie, and my favorite team, Emily, Thomas, and Patrick. Acknowledgements I would like to acknowledge Claude-Mark Bishop, Miroslaw Jagielski, Sonya Lee Mahar, Shauna McGill, and Marilyn Shea Summer Rain for their support and help in creating this text. You have been great. I wish you the best in your future endeavors. Contents My Preface ............................................................ 9 Personal Introduction ..................................................... 11 Please Hear What I Am Not Saying ........................ 12 Success Chapter One ..................................................... 15 Assessment ................................................................ 17 Coach Figure 1-1 — Assessment for Change ......................... 20 Figure 1-2 — Stages of Change .................................. 21 What I Really Want .................................................. 22 Table 1-1 — Defining What I Want ........................... 23 An Introduction to Communication Modalities .......... 23 Figure 1-3 — Communication Filters ......................... 25 Visual ........................................................................ 25 Auditory .................................................................... 26 Kinesthetic ................................................................ 26 Table 1-2 — Primary Modality Chart ......................... 27 Meta Programs .......................................................... 28 Figure 1-4 — Introvert vs. Extrovert Scale ................... 28 Figure 1-5 — Sensor vs. Intuitor Scale ........................ 29 Figure 1-6 — Thinking vs. Feeling Scale .................... 29 Figure 1-7 — Judgers vs. Perceivers Scale .................. 30 Meta Filters ............................................................... 30 Figure 1-8 — Towards vs. Away From Scale .............. 30 Figure 1-9 — Reason Filter ........................................ 31 Figure 1-10 — Locus of Control ................................. 31 Contents Figure 1-11 — ILOC and ELOC Re-Evaluation ......... 32 Figure 1-12 — Convincer Scale .................................. 32 Figure 1-13 — Active vs. Proactive Scale ................... 33 Figure 1-14 — Affiliation Filter .................................. 33 Figure 1-15 — Work Preference Filter ........................ 33 Figure 1-16 — John’s Primary Interest Filter .............. 34 Figure 1-17 — Chunking Filter .................................. 34 Figure 1-18 — Relationship Filter .............................. 35 Values ....................................................................... 35 Table 1-3 — Values .................................................... 36 Goals ........................................................................ 37 5 Table 1-4 — Goal Setting ......................................... 39 My Summary ................................................................ 39 Exercises ................................................................. 41 Personal Measures ..................................................... 45 Coaching Measure ................................................... 46 Success Life Measure ........................................................... 52 Emotional Intelligence Measure ............................... 59 Coach Stress Measure ........................................................ 64 Drugs-Alcohol-Gambling Measure .......................... 70 Business Measure .................................................... 75 Work Style Measure ................................................ 82 Locus of Control Measure ....................................... 86 Time Measure ......................................................... 88 Negotiation Measure ............................................... 95 Time Life Balance System ....................................... 99 Values Measure ....................................................... 100 Brain Dominance Measure ...................................... 104 Action Measure ....................................................... 107 Chapter Two — Setting New Goals for the New You 111 Tips for Achieving Goals ......................................... 111 Creating a New Path by Creating a New WAVE ...... 112 How to Attain Goals ............................................... 114 Designing Your Outcome WAVES .......................... 115 Chapter Three — Why We Do What We Do .......... 133 Introduction to Glasser’s Choice Theory ................... 134 Total Behavior ......................................................... 136 Figure 3-1 — Glasser’s Total Behavior “Car” ........... 136 Organized Behavior ................................................. 138 Intelligence Does Not Always Equal Wellness ......... 138 Figure 3-2 — Glasser’s Total Behavior Car .............. 138 Figure 3-3 — Emotional Intelligence ........................ 141 Contents The Cost to Our Body ............................................. 143 Figure 3-4 — Glasser’s Total Behavior Car ............... 143 The Autonomic and Parasympathetic Systems ......... 144 Figure 3-5 — The Nervous System ........................... 144 Figure 3-7 — Neurotransmitters ............................... 145 Biochemical Review ................................................. 148 6 Figure 3-7 — Effects of Stress and Fear .................... 149 Conclusions ............................................................. 150 Chapter Four — Learning to Think Positively ......... 151 My Table 4-1 — John’s Thoughts .................................. 152 Table 4-2 — Personality Trait Self-Assessment ......... 153 Personal Table 4-3 — John’s Less Effective Beliefs ................. 154 Using Ellis’ Rational-Emotive Behavioral Therapy ... 157 Success Ellis’ A-B-C Theory ................................................. 158 Figure 4-1 — Ellis’ A-B-C Theory ............................ 158 A-B-C Applied to John ............................................ 159 Coach How to Detect Irrational Beliefs ............................... 160 Table 4-4 — Identifying Irrational Beliefs ................. 160 Effective New Life Philosophy ................................. 162 Learning How to Take Control of Thinking ............. 163 Exercise # 1: Down Arrow Technique ..................... 164 Exercise # 2: Triple Column Technique ................... 165 Exercise # 3: Burns’ Thoughts Record Chart ............. 166 Exercise # 4: Rational Thoughts Evaluation ............ 167 Exercise # 5: The Double Standard Method ............. 168 Exercise # 6: The Experimental Technique .............. 169 Exercise # 7: Thinking in Shades of Gray ................ 170 Exercise # 8: The Survey Method .......................... 170 Exercise # 9: Re-attribution ................................... 171 Exercise # 10: Cost-Benefit Analysis ...................... 171 Exercise # 11: Rational-Emotive Imagery .............. 172 Exercise # 12: Shame Attaching Exercises ............. 173 Exercise # 13: Changing Your Language ............... 174 Exercise # 14: REBT Self Help Form ..................... 175 Conclusion ............................................................ 176 Contents Chapter Five — Four Pillars for Preventing Stress ... 177 Figure 5-1 — Selye’s General Adaptation Syndrome 180 Signs and Symptoms of Stress .................................. 180 Table 5-1 — Signs and Symptoms of Stress .............. 181 Exploring Stress Levels and Risk of Job Burnout ...... 181 1. Stress Awareness ................................................. 181 2. Self-Test for Type A or Type B Personality ........... 182 Table 5-2 —– Self-Test for Type A or Type B ........... 182 Table 5-3 — What Gets Me Stressed ........................ 183 3. Stress Assessment ................................................ 184 Table 5-4 — Holmes and Rahe Stress Measure ......... 184 7 Table 5-5 — Glasser’s Needs Assessment ................. 185 My 4. Needs Assessment .............................................. 185 5. Personality Testing ............................................. 185 Personal 6. Stages of Burnout ............................................... 186 Figure 5-2 — The Burnout Continuum ................... 186 The Path to Self-Care ............................................. 187 Success Some Critical Factors ............................................. 188 Table 5-6 — Factors That Affect Aging .................. 188 Coach Pillar 1 — Diet ....................................................... 189 Table 5-7 — Diet Self-Evaluation ............................. 190 Tips for a Healthy