murmurs VOL I, 2013 murmurs the bilingual journal of art and healing Editorial Committee Marlon Danilewitz Jonathan Blankenstein Editor-in-Chief Editor-in-Chief Michael Ke Wang Senior Technology Officer Anne McHale Creative Director Dr. Pippa Hall Staff Advisor Dr. Leonard Bloon Staff Advisor All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances. Medicine is the ultimate theatre – physicians juggle playing the role of protagonist, villain and audience member. The stories that we have the privilege of being a part of or bearing witness to are sacred and rich. Each moment of clinical practice has the potential of being understood as an “Odyssey,” and is only contingent upon our acknowledgement of our own roles as actors. We are humbled by the stories and art that we have received and are excited to share them with a wider audi- ence. We are grateful for all of the support and excitement with which people have greeted this initiative and are hopeful that our project will one day grow to be louder than a murmur. When reading this magazine, perhaps your first literary magazine for some, please turn your attention to each piece as if it were a new patient under your care – you meet this being with fresh eyes, curiosity, openness and empathy. And if you do you will walk away altogether different. – The Editors Be more than a reader — share your creations with us www.murmursmag.com Cover Art by Bhavika Patel Back Cover Photography by Jessie Kang 2 Atkins, Louie (University of Ottawa) Luckett-Gatopoulos, Sarah (Queen’s University) Passion of the Betrayer 24 Suturing 11 Barrick, Kendra (University of Ottawa) Lyle, Patricia (Northern Ontario School of Medicine) A Colourful Future 17 Watchful Ears Are Listening 21 Blankenstein, Jonathan (University of Ottawa) Maman, Aime Never-Ending White Lights 38 Que Faire? 19 Claman, Paul (University of Ottawa) Maser, Brandon (Queen’s University) Grow Old Along With Me 7 An Old Rusty Cart 5 Danilewitz, Marlon (University of Ottawa) Mayer, Dana (University of Ottawa) Murmurs 19 Jusqu’à l’os 39 Redemption 19 McHale, Anne (University of Ottawa) Dattani, Neil (University of Toronto) Tradition 18 Deaf Ears in Medicine 23 Murji, Latif (University of Toronto) Doraty, Meghan (University of Calgary) Placebo 14 Lay to Rest 8 Ogunyemi, Boluwaji (Memorial University of Newfoundland) Fraser, Sarah (Dalhousie University) It Takes A Community to Raise a Child 15 Casey’s Slope 4 Parmar, Radhmila (University of Calgary) Melodious 38 Red 14 Teenage Apathy vs Cervical Adenopathy 15 Pasqua, Melissa (University of Ottawa) Gao, Sophie Weiwei (McGill University) Colours of the ER 21 Albert Einstein 3 Patel, Bhavika (University of Ottawa) Gill, Rubeeta (University of Toronto) Jusqu’à l’os 39 Untitled 26 Tobianah, Vicky (George Brown College) Ginsberg, Darrell (Queen’s University) Crumble, Break, Fall 20 Bailey 6 Red Dress/Red Tape 31 Zefkic, Katrina (University of Ottawa) The What and Where of Medicine 13 Gjerde, Harald (University of Manitoba) Image: Image: A Moment 6 Hecht, Tikva Albert Einstein It Happens 33 Keow, Jonathan (University of Ottawa) A Rusty Pump 14 , Sophie Gao Katuwapitiya, Shawn (University of Western Ontario) Otitis Media 23 Li, Katherine (University of Ottawa) Flutter Beat 5 3 Casey’s Slope Sarah Fraser • Medicine, Dalhousie University Stage I i’ll drive myself insane through self-mutilation; desecration of my own brain name: Casey Jones age: 61 Stage IV witty, independent good-spirited and fun his head loses weight inspired with visions of pending retirement as alpha helices turn to pleated beta sheets 35 years of good will at the steel mill coming to a close and as they build and opening - precious time with pills endeavor to conceal what is real – precious grandkids, children dense, plaque deposits Marjorie, his wife deterioration of cognition absent of impairment something is choking the living daylights out of him a nice and simple life he wonders would ignorance be bliss? Stage II forgetting to fret would be a kiss on my face where is that feckng...wotch, anywy? set for enjoying the golden years for Casey, everything is in place his reason wilts and exudes on him a guilt except his watch – which lately has been hiding its face that he will be a burden where did it go? on society the good one - you know? his family tree Marjorie friends assure him that memory declines with time don’t worry; everything is fine as scientists search for a cure although impractical a magic little vial forgetfulness with ageing is quite natural from in vitro to clinical trials it looks like this may take a while Stage III a visit to the doctor Stage V at Marjorie’s request a need for assistance with the mundane was a battle periodic feelings that he’s verging on insane but only partially against his will his mind a myriad of dysfunctional molecules Doctor, wear ess that...what’s it called? other than the odd botched word everything is fine the missing watch becomes a wrong name – don’t you concur? becomes an unfamiliar face count backwards, you ask? Casey, she’s your daughter an easy task - 75, 74, 71... her name is Grace no – 72, 73... that’s not right… the MRI says his brain will die his facial muscles tight it’s shrinking in size and in prolonged contraction Moderately severe cognitive decline burn with lactic acid I’d say my brain works 25% of the time as the doctor leaves the room Casey waits for a reaction aggregated amyloids gain armloads of power in numbers daggers to neurons back in with a firm breath acetylcholine – minimal. memory and cognition – low. Alzheimer’s disease? progressive degeneration? that’s an oxymoronic sort of way to say but there still exists a familiar glow relationships hold strong and grow 4 Stage VI with pajamas over clothes An Old Rusty Cart and shoes on wrong feet Casey wandered down the street — Brandon Maser Marjorie had no clue what she would do is he safe? Is he alive? Tell me more about this emptiness That permeates your crevasses, five miles away Echoes thoughts of loneliness. found hours later by police in the park, at night The whispers that doubt, insecurities that sprout feeding ducks on the lake Where nothing else grows. with a smile on his face. same person, different life Scared to show different day? Same wife. Those silent tears that nourish fears, needing care for 24 hours (more or less) Souvenirs of a man apart. powerlessness How long ago did they start? absence, apathy, happiness, cureless, careless, carless, sick Have they filled you up, your half-empty cup, making love has taken on new meaning – Flooding your fenestrated heart? caring for incontinence and spoon-feeding Every day is a fight who is bathing me? Against dark dreams of flight, she looks familiar - could she be my wife? Against autonomic pleas i don’t know, but she is very nice. For any escape that might appease Stage VII Your daily plight, age: 75 And offer rest, make life easier to digest. not entirely alive monosyllabic, senseless It’s these thoughts that arrest but not useless words Your heart, imprison your mind, i kreng kawfe mer jow As it begs for mercy, or something of the kind, Pleads non-maleficence, leaves his mouth Fights to end the reticence. enters down a knowing earpath communication in emotions of the On a scale of life to death, face You’re somewhere in the middle. smiling deep eyes, worried lips recognition of expression With every labored breath, as a thrilling level of cognition You wither just a little. meaning in moments Your behavior, robotic, in death, Your will, osteoporotic, brittle. an avalanche of memories of love, flesh, colour, sin Fading and weak, and old rusty cart collide, collapse and conquer him Traversing a mountain peak, rise over run Your cold dusty heart to the end of Casey’s slope Limps through another week. Image: Flutter Beat, Katherine Li 5 Bailey Darrell Ginsberg • Medicine, Queen’s University My attending asked me to get a DNR from my patient, Bailey. 'I can’t get him to understand that it’s his time to return to the sand!' I blindly reported. 'Find a way by the end of the day', she resolutely retorted. 'But I do not know where he is from, I do not know his mother tongue. I cannot tell if he is deaf or dumb, he has no hands, he has no thumbs.” 'You are not asking him to speak or sign, you’re explaining to him that it's his time'. ‘I can’t find his family and he’s covered in dirt, his face tells me more than his body is hurt. He’s a mongrel and a brute that won’t get that fate is absolute.’ ‘He will be your easiest patient; be straight, sit adjacent, look in his eyes and don’t be complacent.’ ‘But death is too complex for a dog to understand!!!' 'You’re wrong; death is too simple for man to comprehend. Bailey’s always known his creation will culminate; it’s us who think our time won’t abate.’ I sat beside Bailey and rubbed his back. ‘Your time as a best friend to men is now at an end. You’ve buried your last bone and licked your last face. It has been decided and there can be no debate. I’m sorry to tell you this but I have to be straight. I know this is so hard to hear but you have to be tough….this is so terrible, it’s going to be…..’ Bailey cut me off, pulled himself up by his scruff and replied simply….’ruff.’ “A Moment” — Harald Gjerde 6 Paul Claman, MD FRCSC • Professor of Obstetrics & Gynecology University of Ottawa 7 Lay to Rest Meghan Doraty • Medicine, University of Calgary I hid from my attending in the hospital chapel, down on the floor behind a pew.