Cold Open: Gary Ridgway. The Green River Killer. A real piece of shit. A misogynist misfit who preyed on the weakest members of society - young, female street prostitutes and runaways. Women already marginalized to the lowest rung of society - mere sexual objects to be used as the men who bought their bodies saw fit. And no one used them more than Gary. He took everything from them. He took their futures. He took any hopes and dreams that a short lifetime of desperate choices hadn’t already removed. That youthful light in one’s eyes that most of us are fortunate enough to have at least experienced for awhile when we were in our teens or twenties - that feeling that anything was possible, or that, if things weren’t where you wanted them to be right now, there was still time to change course - he took that. He ended the hope that there was still time to get things right. Gary took what little was left of their light and he snuffed it out. He actually watched it go out. And then, after taking the last bit of these women’s lives, he refused to even allow them dignity in death. He returned to body dump sites and desecrated their bodies time and time again. He let their families wonder what had happened to their daughters year after year. He let them fear the worst. And what had happened to them WAS the worst. Gary Leon Ridgway would be convicted of murdering forty-nine women in Western Washington State. He confessed to killing forty-eight in 2003 to avoid the death penalty. He was given forty-eight life sentences plus another 480 years - ten years for tampering with evidence in each of the forty-eight murders. And then, in 2011, a forty-ninth body was found and he was given another life sentence. He’d claim over 20 additional murders on top of the ones he was convicted of. Feels like any sentence that involves allowing you to still live when you’ve been convicted of killing forty-nine human beings seems a little soft. But it was the only way to get closure on so many homicide cold cases. So now, sadly, this complete fucking dirtbag is still alive. Currently incarcerated at the age of sixty-nine at Washington State Penitentiary in Walla Walla. Where you know damn well he’s made several 69 jokes in the past month. Why did he do it? How did he do it? How did he get away with it for so long? He killed without being caught for over 15 years. We look into all of that any more as we Suck on one of the worst human beings the Pacific Northwest has ever produced, today, on Timesuck! PAUSE TIMESUCK INTRO A. Happy Monday Timesuckers! I’m the Master Sucker, the Suck Master, He Who Sucketh the Most - I’m Dan Cummins and I may actually be a whackadoodle. And you - YOU are definitely listening to Timesuck right now. Welcome to, or welcome BACK to, the Cult of the Curious - and Hail Nimrod! And Hail Lucifina fellow wanderer! Long episode but don’t fade at the end today - maybe the most interesting Timesucker Updates we’ve ever had. Lot of weird shit been happening when people listen to the recent exorcism two parter. B. New album is out! Thanks for keeping my new standup comedy album, Maybe I’m the Problem, on the number one spot on iTunes this past week! This is that Pandora exclusive album that is now out on all the major online digital album retailers. I hope you download it, love it, and rate it to help others do the same. Maybe I’m the Problem out now! Maybe I really am the problem. Nah. I don’t think so. C. My West Coast Buds pre-roll: Timesuck is brought to again by the My West Coast Buds podcast! Yes! Yes! Yes! Hosted by comic, kush king, and TIMESUCKER Joe Dimeo, My West Coast Buds is an inside baseball look at Cannabis, coffee, comedy, and spirits - some of Joe’s very favoritest things - and so much more. It’s a fun conversation where you learn about all kinds of stuff. On today’s My West Coast Buds episode - Bar Room Blunders! The guys do a live podcast from the undertow comedy festival and speak with comedians Shane Mauss, Jake Silberman, Caitlyn Warehouser , and AJ Foster about their craziest alcohol related experiences! 4 comics telling 4 really funny stories, in a room full of fantastic beer drinking costal folk. Timesuck fans Ben and Joe really appreciate your support - they been receiving a lot of love from Timesuckers and they don’t take it for granted. And if you’re are enjoying the show to please write a quick review on the iTunes store. So listen and subscribe to the My West Coast Buds podcast on iTunes, Soundcloud and all sorts of other podcast players - including, of course, www.mywestcoastbuds.com - link in today’s episode description. You can also find them in the sponsor section of the app. Just push their button! D. Second Pre-Roll: Hunch.ly! Timesuck is also brought to you by Jupiter’s Twist! - a really fun new board game where you and a friend stick needles in your nipples, start twisting, and see who can make it the most times around the areola before passing out from excruciating pain. One twist? Amateur hour! Two twists? Now we’re talking! AND… we’re screaming. Three twists is when the fun And the tearing begin! Four twists - you’re winning Jupiter’s Twist while also losing your Goddamn mind! Five twists - get the Guinness people on the phone - you’re about to either set a new world record or bleed out. So head to Jupiter’s Twist dot what the fuck am i talking about!?! No - that is of course not a sponsor. But we do have another kick- ass real one. Hunchly - ANOTHER awesome company ALSO ran by Timesuckers. I LOVE it!! You Timesuckers know that I have to do a shit pile of research for every episode. Google searches, endless Wikipedia pages, news articles and forums in the dark, seedy underbelly of the Internet. I’ve got 100 tabs open and half the time and I don’t know how I ended up down so many of the rabbit holes I find myself in. Damn you Lucifina! Well, let me tell you about a tool that helps put an end to this madness. It’s called Hunchly. Hunchly kicks ass, you just turn it on when you’re using Google Chrome and it captures and keeps track of every page that you visit so that you never forget where you’ve been. The best part is that Hunchly does this automatically so you never have to stop your research to worry about taking screenshots or copying and pasting URLs. You can tag pages to keep them organized, take notes on interesting pages, and clip photographs all from the intuitive Hunchly dashboard. Hunchly can even track phone numbers, email addresses, names or whatever other piece of information is relevant for your investigation and notify you when those pieces of information are found on the page you are on. And so much more. Hunchly is used by podcasters, police officers, private investigators, journalists, cybersecurity researchers and financial investigators all over the world. And to get 15% off on your Hunchly purchase, head to hunch.ly and use coupon code: timesuck. That’s H-U-N-C-H DOT L-Y, OR, just go to the Timesuck app or web page, head to the sponsor page, and click their logo! We love hunch.ly and we know you will too! E. Spokane Live Podcast: Big thanks to all the Timesuck Faithful who made it to the Spokane Live Green River Suck last night at the Spokane Comedy Club. Had a nice full-size crowd of dedicated Suck Heads. Bunch of Timesuckers wearing their swag and bringing their positive energy. I’ll release the taping for the Space Lizards via Patreon here soon. We emptied the keg of Timesuck IPA that was brought to the club for the event and I gotta say - great beer! Young Buck Brewing knocked it out of the park. For Spokane area Suckers, the beer will be available for an unknown amount of time at the Steel Barrel Tap Room on Madison Ave downtown and also at Backyard Brewing on Argonne in the Valley and also, this Thursday and Friday, May 10th and 11th, the Big Dipper bar and rock club downtown is carrying it. F. Tour Dates! I’ll be at the Sacramento Punchline this weekend, May 10th - 12th, and based on emails - lot of cool-ass Timesuckers will be joining me. Hope you’re one of ‘em! May 31st - June 3rd I’ll be at the Tempe Improv and hoping it’s not over 100 degrees when I land in Phoenix like it was last time. Great club and it’s gonna be a blast. June 8th and 9th I’ll be at the Drafthouse in Washington DC - tickets are ON SALE! http://drafthousecomedy.com/event.cfm?id=507358& June 15-16th I’ll be at the Funny Bone in Des Moines, Iowa - two nights only! Tickets on sale there as well. July 15th doing another live Timesuck podcast in Orlando at the Orlando Improv. http://www.theimprovorlando.com/ComedyClub/ 866e4def-e0ba-4722-b140-f1b2b8ab8940/Calendar/orlando More tour dates at www.dancummins.tv.