THE APPLE SPEAKS: RECLAIMING “SELF” WHILE BRIDGING WORLDS IN CONFESSIONAL MENNONITE POETRY A thesis presented to the faculty of the College of Arts and Sciences of Ohio University In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree Master of Arts Rebecca J. Rossiter August 2007 2 This thesis entitled THE APPLE SPEAKS: RECLAIMING “SELF” WHILE BRIDGING WORLDS IN CONFESSIONAL MENNONITE POETRY by REBECCA J. ROSSITER has been approved for the Department of English and the College of Arts and Sciences by _____________________________________________ Sharmila A. Voorakkara Assistant Professor of English ______________________________________________ Benjamin M. Ogles Dean, College of Arts and Sciences 3 Abstract ROSSITER, REBECCA J., M.A., August 2007, English THE APPLE SPEAKS: RECLAIMING “SELF” WHILE BRIDGING WORLDS IN CONFESSIONAL MENNONITE POETRY (62 pp.) Director of Thesis: Sharmila A. Voorakkara This thesis includes a critical introduction outlining the history of creative works from (female) Mennonite history. It also explores how silence can be both prohibitive and utilized for an individual writer’s voice. Twenty-nine original poems follow. Approved: _____________________________________________________________ Sharmila A. Voorakkara Assistant Professor of English 4 Acknowledgments The ever-ready eyes and energy of Sharmila Voorakkara nurtured this thesis. Other readers/mentors included Mark Halliday, Janis Butler Holm, Helen Horn, and fellow Ohio University student writers. Without the hearty encouragement gleaned from the 2006 “Beyond Borders: Mennonite/s Writing” conference at Bluffton University (where my work was presented to a mostly Anabaptist audience for the first time), this thesis would not so honestly reflect my present faith and person. 5 Table of Contents Abstract……..…………………………………………………………………………… 3 Acknowledgments……………………………………………………………………….. 4 Critical Introduction I. Breaking the Silence: Reclaiming “Self” in Writing…………………………. 7 II. Silence as Connection: Listening to “the World”………………………….. 17 Works Cited Page……………………………………………………………………… 22 Appendix 1: Poem by Julia Kasdorf…………………………………………………… 23 Appendix 2: Poem by Mary Oliver…………………………………………………….. 24 Creative Thesis: Poems Method…………………………………………………………………………………. 25 Poem Written Three Hours from Home……………………………………………….. 26 Talking Poetry with the Amish……………………………………………………….. 27 Mennonite Sermon #1: No Stoplight in This Tourist Town…………………………… 28 Mennonite Sermon #2: The World from Up Here…………………………………….. 29 Mennonite Sermon #3: And Yet, and Yet…………….……………………...………. 31 What We Read First…………………………………………………………………… 32 Listen Louder Than You Sing………………………………………………………….. 33 In New Ways………………………………………………………………………….. 34 It’s Like Trying to Remember High School Spanish, Loving You……………………. 36 Icing on the Pillowcase………………………………………………………………… 37 Harvest………………………………………………………………………………….. 38 6 The Pretense of Miniature Dachshunds…………………………………………..…… 40 Hemiola……………………………………………………………………………….. 41 The Apple Speaks……………………………………………………………………. 42 Will There Be Pianos in Africa?................................................................................... 44 Ascension……………………………………………………………………………. 45 What Should I Wear for the Journey?........................................................................... 47 My Mother as Minister (of Music)…………………………………………………… 48 Ava, German for “Bird”……………………………………………………………… 49 Uprising………………………………………………………………………………. 50 My Father Eats McDonald’s…………………………………..……………………… 51 Liberian Man, Survivor………………………………………………………………. 52 A Hundred Ways to Kill a Rooster…………………………………………………… 53 Humor at the Ends of the Earth………………………………………………………. 55 Girl on Somalia Drive………………………………………………………………… 57 Our Own Kind of Advent…………………………………………………………….. 58 After Watching My Father…………………………………………………………… 60 St. Francis Works at the Columbus Zoo………………………………………………. 61 7 Critical Introduction The Apple Speaks: Reclaiming “Self” While Bridging Worlds in Confessional Mennonite Poetry I. Breaking the Silence: Reclaiming the “Self” in Writing One of my favorite writing exercises begins with listening to distinct voices vying for attention in my head, the ones that may hinder or encourage a poem’s crafting. The child, the parent, the body, the forefather--we all have different creative “company,” and rarely do we invite them to speak individually. As a female Mennonite “confessional” poet, I could be called an oxymoron, and I often face an inner cacophony. Though Mennonite literature continues to blossom, women’s written contributions have a much shorter and less ingrained history than men’s. Emotional violence still controls the keeping--and breaking--of certain silences within my religious tradition. Thus, “Who sits at my inner table?” becomes a daily aesthetic labyrinth, one where certain voices are asked to leave or are finally invited to pull up a chair. Mennonites and Amish were nicknamed “the quiet in the land” upon immigrating to North America in the early 1800s. We kept to ourselves, partly to avoid additional persecution for the practices of adult baptism (and later for our nonviolent resistance). Our early refusals to vote, to say allegiance to the flag, or to “keep up with the Joneses” attested to our faith in simplicity and in the separation of earthly and heavenly kingdoms. Questioning social separation continues to play a key role in my written work, since breaking silences--often by asking questions or challenging a taboo--continues to be the foundation of my poetic voice. But is silence gleaned from a history of religious 8 persecution and strict gender roles unique? How does it simmer within its offspring? An old Amish proverb proclaims, “True humility is neither thinking too highly of one’s self nor thinking too little of one’s self, but rather not thinking of one’s self at all.” My work as a poet is to resurrect this “self,” to convince it of its strength instead of its threat. No longer just an offspring of “Eve, the temptress,” my physical body offers up the empowering apple of its witness. Those who are “tempted” will read my poetry and, I hope, relate to its themes of ever-evolving identity, faith, relationships, and the self’s role in social justice. For me, the term “confessional” in 2007 represents work willing to publicly record cultural and social taboos alongside deep emotional paradoxes. It is the self’s detailed journey documented on paper. While this type of poetry allows an individual self to surface in all of its challenging and shimmering glory, it requires a certain amount of physical and emotional distance from the familiar, (Cultural and religious expectations are stronger when surrounded by certain family, landmarks, or memories that can interfere with the writing process.) This is certainly true for American Mennonite writers who want to voice dissenting opinions or questions, since we hail from a group that continues to fear the dividing power of individuality. It is difficult to be an outspoken “peace church” in 2007, and Mennonites struggle with assimilating into a mainstream culture that discourages living simply and without violence. Because a text in many closed religious communities has immense influence, imaginative writing is naturally mistrusted. Quite simply, in the eyes of my community, fictional writing still has the ability to promote “nontruths,” even in poetry that might offer a personal viewpoint. Only one thing, ultimately, is Truth: the Bible. And since it is 9 written (mostly) by and about men, an unsubmitting woman offering up her interpretations of its many misogynistic rules, blessings, and warnings could be viewed as dangerously disrespectful. Even as a child, I assumed that God needs to be pleased more than praised, that He is a stern father wanting more from his children. But not everything about my Mennonite upbringing was stifling or closed-minded. My older sister and I were taught to live lightly on the earth and that violence is never a form of justice. At the same time, however, we learned by watching others that being a good Mennonite often means denying the self, especially in a culture where community equals identity. Furthermore, we were “special” as Americans, born to give more to a hurting world. Even today, I wrestle with underlying questions tied to my upbringing: Is Christ ultimately the suffering outcast who expects us to be the same? Must we constantly make sacrifices in order to be “good”? As a creative writer, I frequently break from the religious mantra that “the World” (the realm of fallen man) should be avoided; after all, my goal is to capture the detail around me. In the introduction to A Cappella: Mennonite Voices in Poetry, editor and poet Ann Hostetler describes this “tightrope-walking” test: One of the challenges that Mennonite poets offer to their community is how to be in the world. Traditionally Mennonites have considered themselves to be “in the world but not of it.” Poetry, on the other hand, is rooted in the senses. It tends to connect rather than separate. It privileges individual voice and vision in a context where mutual accountability and the discipline of the group have been primary. [Menno] poets [. .] challenge these separations as they celebrate body and voice, 10 provoking new ways of seeing the world. (xvi) I privilege connectedness by noticing similarities in unexpected places. This stems from an underlying struggle in my writing to tie myself to community mores even as I am straining to pull away from them. As the Canadian poet Di Brandt states