Page 1 of 8 Original Research Where sexuality and spirituality meet: An assessment of Christian teaching on sexuality and marriage in relation to the reality of 21st century moral norms Author: Christians and the church tend to shy away from talking about sex, premarital sex and sex Marilize E. Tukker1 outside of marriage. God and sex are rarely mentioned in the same sentence, and yet people still have a deep need for spirituality, to experience God in their lives and to seek guidance Affiliation: 1Faculty of Theology, on sexual matters. It becomes a dilemma when the question is posed: where do sexuality University of Pretoria, and spirituality meet? One way to answer this question is to attempt to find a link between South Africa spirituality and sexuality. In this way, spirituality could gain relevance, and expressing one’s sexuality could find a moral foundation. People are both spiritual and sexual creatures – with Note: Marilize E. Tukker is the need to express their spirituality and sexuality in a moral, but unashamedly natural way. participating as research This article attempts to find alternative solutions for our complex society – on the subject of fellow of Prof. Dr Dirk J. marriage and sexuality. The intention is not to dismiss the institution of marriage, but rather Human, Deputy Dean of to renegotiate the terms and structure of marriage in the 21st century. the Faculty of Theology of the University of Pretoria, Pretoria, South Africa. This article represents a reworked Introduction version of a thesis submitted A former preacher at die Gereformeerde Kerk van Suid Afrika (GKSA) – J.J. Viljoen – wrote in the in fulfilment of the degree MA (Biblical and Religious newspaper Beeld (2009:22) about his experiences as a preacher. He tells the story of a young couple Studies) at the University who wanted to join the church – but who were rejected because they were living together with of Pretoria, under the their children and were not married. The church committee stipulated that the couple should supervision of Prof. Dr P.A. live separately for a period of time, after which they should get married and baptise their two Geyser. children. This had to take place before they would be accepted as members of the church, and Correspondence to: only at that stage would they be able to take Holy Communion. The fact that the couple had been Marilize Tukker committed to each other for 10 years, had raised their children as believers, and had worked hard to preserve their family unit – was never considered. Needless to say, the family did not join the Email: church. Ironically, during his years of service in the church, Viljoen had to counsel numerous [email protected] couples whose ‘papers’ were in order, but whose marriages had fallen apart a long time ago. Their place in the church and their right to take Holy Communion were, however, guaranteed (Viljoen Postal address: Private Bag X20, Hatfield 2009:22). 0028, Pretoria, South Africa The traditional monogamous marriage is being questioned – not only because of different Dates: modern practices in sexual relationships, but also because of the inconsistencies and sometimes Received: 16 Oct. 2012 contradictions apparent in the Bible itself. It is impossible to give only one viewpoint on the topic Accepted: 29 June 2013 Published: 26 Sept. 2013 based on what the ‘Bible says’. Modern society questions the assertion that traditional marriage is the only moral and lawful option where a permanent love relationship between two people can How to cite this article: exist. In fact, the complexity of relationships in modern society is not being accommodated in the Tukker, M.E., 2013, ‘Where traditional marriage (Viviers 2006:90). sexuality and spirituality meet: An assessment of Christian teaching on The church is currently confronted with a divergence of opinion about sexual relationships and sexuality and marriage in marriage. The reality of our society raises the question of whether the traditional understanding relation to the reality of of marriage is still relevant – in terms of helping believers make meaningful and responsible 21st century moral norms’, choices. HTS Teologiese Studies/ Theological Studies 69(1), The topic of Christian sexual ethics raises various questions. When it comes to ethics, people Art. #1343, 8 pages. http:// dx.doi.org/10.4102/hts. often cite certain biblical texts literally, in order to justify their specific viewpoint. If we look v69i1.1343 closely, however, the Bible still provides guidelines for healthy relationships. Although it has been argued that the Bible does not give us all the answers for our ethical questions, there are still clues to be found with regard to how people can be both sexual creatures and Christians at the same time (Dreyer 2008:483–491). Read online: Scan this QR code with your This article discusses a variety of issues relating to the Christian church, marriage and sex – with smart phone or the aim of suggesting a moral foundation for sexuality, relationships and marriage. Particular mobile device to read online. Copyright: © 2013. The Authors. Licensee: AOSIS OpenJournals. This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution License. http://www.hts.org.za doi:10.4102/hts.v69i1.1343 Page 2 of 8 Original Research reference is made to the Old Testament book, Song of Songs, This could lead to many unanswered questions about as the nature and context of the love relationship presented sexuality and looking for answers in the wrong places. here offers important clues to answering the dilemmas facing Rather than to ignore it – would it not be better to educate modern Christian couples, when facing issues relating to young people about sex, advice, warn them about potential marriage, sex and morality in the context of the 21st century. dangers, and teach them values that are biblically grounded? I concur with McClintock (2001), when she says: Why do so many Christians We can teach our children about sexuality and biblical moral standard by emphasizing love, commitment, and consequence. associate sex with sin? We don’t need to shame them in order to teach them. We can The negative view on sexual intimacy started in the early teach them to value good communications in sex by the way we church, where it was taught that sex is meant for procreation ourselves communicate with them about sex. (p. 56–57) and not for enjoyment. In the two decades after Christ, the McClintock (2001) suggests that it is our silence on the subject church got so caught up with the depravity of women and of sexual shame that has contributed to the decline in church sexual desires, that sex and sin almost became synonyms. membership. It has in fact been noted that people drop out By the 7th century, Pope Gregorius declared that a couple of church for an average of 8 years between high school and was impure if they gained any pleasure from sex. The sin of young adulthood – around the same time when they reach pleasure had become twice as substantial as that associated the so-called ‘sexual peak’ years. It is during this dropout with the sex deed itself (Friesen 1990:175). phase that sexuality without spiritual values can be learned. This has various negative implications: Sex was always treated in the church as something that should not be talked about. Vardy (1997) summarises the Without spiritual grounding for sexual relationships, young moral norms on sexuality that have played a major role in the people are increasingly likely to engage in dangerous sexual practices. Sexuality and spirituality need to be taught in the church for several centuries. These are: sex before marriage same curriculum. One without the other leaves us unfulfilled. is wrong; homosexual behaviour is wicked; adultery is (McClintock 2001:12) against the law of God; masturbation is a grave sin; the main purpose of sex is procreation; sex is only acceptable within the confines of a marriage of one man and one woman; a Song of Songs woman has a duty to provide sexual access to a man if she is The Song of Songs and sexuality married to him; sex is to be treated with suspicion when it is ‘Your lips cover me with kisses; your love is better than a temptation; and, celibacy is a higher ideal than married life wine’, is the opening line of Song of Songs (1:2). It sounds (Vardy 1997:xi). Although most of these uncompromising exciting – but could this centuries-old song shed some light views have been overcome in the last few decades, the on relationships in the 21st century? There is in fact plenty church is still faced with new challenges in the present milieu to learn from this book of the Old Testament. Song of Songs – which require reflection on existing theologies. is considered to be the greatest love poem ever written (Du Associating sex with shame Toit 2007:121). Shame can be described as the feeling that creates the need The rabbis questioned the place of the Song of Songs in to cover up or hide. Healthy shame helps us to make good the Canon, because of the book’s erotic language and the judgement and to know when we contradict our own beliefs. difficulty associated with its interpretation. The positive Unhealthy shame would be to compare and force our beliefs resolution of that debate is reflected in the famous declaration on others. Churches, communities and cultures use shame by Rabbi Akiva, that: to protect the traditions of the culture and to keep religious The whole world is not worth the day on which the Song of laws sacred. Shame is directed at those who violate the rules.