3 “He Has Tzitzis Hanging Out of His Ponytail” Orthodox Cultural Practices and How BTs Adapt Them Erev Shabbos (Sabbath Eve) One late Friday afternoon, I arrived at the Greenbaums’ home on Parker Street, near the middle of a block that had become very familiar to me. During my fieldwork, I spent several Shabboses and holidays with various families on this block, where twenty-five of the twenty- eight families are Orthodox Jews. Since traditionally observant Jews do not drive on Shabbos, they either live within walking distance of a synagogue or regularly spend Shabbos with people who do. This block was about a fifteen-minute walk from Shomrei Emunah, the largest shul in Milldale. Wearing a long skirt, long sleeves, high collar, and hat, I opened my bag and took out my thank-you gift, a bottle of kosher wine. Mrs. Greenbaum showed me to the basement, where I would be sleeping, and suggested that I dim the lights so that the room would be illuminated enough for walking around but still dark enough for me to sleep. The laws of Shabbos do not per- mit turning lights on or off. The six Greenbaum daughters who were still living at home— ranging in age from five to twenty—showered and dressed for Shab- bos, and Mrs. Greenbaum and I lit the candles. Mrs. Greenbaum changed into her tailored skirt suit and replaced her cloth head covering with a medium- length sheitel. We then took out some folding chairs and sat on the front lawn to wait for Rabbi Greenbaum to return from shul. “Good Shabbos,” we greeted other women walking by, some with baby strollers, as the sky began to darken. Push- ing strollers and carrying objects outside the home are normally prohibited on Shabbos, but, like other Orthodox communities, Milldale has an eruv, a demar- cation made of preexisting structures and wire that makes such activities hala- Copyright © 2012. Rutgers University Press. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted Copyright © under U.S. or applicable copyright law. chically acceptable by symbolically enclosing the neighborhood. EBSCO Publishing : eBook Collection (EBSCOhost) - printed on 5/28/2017 10:17 PM via EASTERN KENTUCKY UNIV 52 AN: 497536 ; Benor, Sarah.; Becoming Frum : How Newcomers Learn the Language and Culture of Orthodox Judaism Account: s8356098 “HE HAS TZITZIS HANGING OUT OF HIS PONYTAIL” 53 Two girls in skirts and ponytails, around seven years old, came over from three houses down the road, looking for their friend Chavi Greenbaum. While one girl went into the house to find Chavi, Mrs. Greenbaum asked the other how her mother was doing. She was on bed rest, due to give birth in three weeks, and members of the community were taking shifts watching her children and bringing meals. When Chavi and her friend came out, they saw another friend across the street, who, although also in second grade, was the niece of one of the other girls. Mrs. Greenbaum and I walked them across and chatted with two other neighborhood moms who were wearing long skirts and sheitels and trying to keep track of five young children. Rabbi Greenbaum, wearing a black suit, black hat, and full gray beard, returned from shul with two other guests, a middle- aged man in a black hat and a young man in a small knit kipah. “Good Shabbos,” they greeted me, with- out handshakes, as physical contact is forbidden between men and women, except between a husband and wife. We went inside the Greenbaum home and sat down at the long table, covered with a white tablecloth and plastic cover- ing and set with china and silverware from a few different sets. The pre-dinner rituals included the parents blessing each of their children by laying their hands on their heads and muttering Hebrew words, as well as Rabbi Green- baum singing the kiddush, the Shabbos blessing over wine in Hebrew, and all family members and guests sipping from tiny silver wine cups. One by one, each of us went to the kitchen sink for the ritual washing of hands, pouring water three times over each hand and saying a blessing. We then returned to the table, where Rabbi Greenbaum said a blessing over the two home- baked challahs, and the meal began. The first course was a loaf of sweet homemade gefilte fish. Then came the chicken soup. Then the main course: chicken and brisket with side dishes of spinach kugel (like quiche without the cheese and crust), potato kugel, mush- room farfel (egg noodle bits), boiled carrots, and a coleslaw-like salad. Rabbi Greenbaum and the two male guests sang a few Hebrew songs while the women cleared the dishes and brought out dessert. We ate little squares of chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream that was labeled “pareve,” meaning that it does not include dairy products. (The laws of kashrus dictate that meat and milk prod- ucts cannot be eaten at the same meal.) Reading along in little booklets, we all bentshed— said the Grace after Meals— men in a chant, women in a whisper. I thanked my hosts for dinner and walked half a mile to the Hollanders’ home to join their Shabbos celebration, still in progress. On the way there, I enjoyed looking at the other semi-detached houses on Parker and nearby streets. Many are identical in layout and offer a view of the living room and dining room through their large front windows. I could tell which of the homes belonged to Copyright © 2012. Rutgers University Press. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted Copyright © under U.S. or applicable copyright law. Orthodox families when I saw men in black suits, women in skirts, a large family EBSCO Publishing : eBook Collection (EBSCOhost) - printed on 5/28/2017 10:17 PM via EASTERN KENTUCKY UNIV AN: 497536 ; Benor, Sarah.; Becoming Frum : How Newcomers Learn the Language and Culture of Orthodox Judaism Account: s8356098 54 CHAPTER 3 table, a living room lined with bookshelves of seforim (Hebrew/Aramaic holy books), and several children. As I approached the Hollander home, I could hear singing through the open door. At least thirty people were sitting around or near the large table. The men and boys were singing Hebrew songs loudly, in beautiful harmonies, and banging on the table. The women were mouthing the words to the songs, clapping, or helping to serve little cakes and cholent. Cholent (a Yiddish word derived from French “hot” and pronounced “tshuh- lint”) is a Shabbos stew typi- cally made with meat, beans, barley, onions, potatoes, and carrots. As with all cooked food consumed on Shabbos, cholent is prepared before sundown on Fri- day, but because it is generally served with lunch, cholent continues to simmer until midday on Saturday. Every Friday night, the Hollanders have a post- dinner party they call “midnight cholent,” where they serve their uniquely spicy cho- lent along with a selection of beer and schnapps. Rabbi Hollander, a beloved teacher at Ner Tamid, often reminds students of his standing invitation to stop by Friday nights for cholent. After two or three songs, Rabbi Hollander announced that it was time for another dvar torah (literally “word of Torah”). He asked a young man in a black velvet kipah if he wanted to give one. The man agreed and discussed a moral lesson from that week’s parsha, the section of Torah chanted in shul on Shabbos morning, speaking in English but with many Hebrew and Yiddish words added. Next Rabbi Hollander selected a middle- aged man with a colorful knit kipah. This man talked about how observing Shabbos the past few months had been important to him. I joined a few of the women in the kitchen and heard a middle- aged woman asking Mrs. Hollander which hechshers (symbols on food labels indicating that a product is kosher) she accepts. A younger woman was telling fourteen-year- old Freidala Hollander about the man she recently met through a matchmaker. I thanked my hosts and walked back to the Greenbaums’. I knew I had to get up early to go to shul the next morning. This Friday evening was typical of my experiences in the Milldale commu- nity, and many of the events and images recounted here are typical of Orthodox Jews around the world. Of course, there is a great deal of variation within Ortho- doxy, given differences in the practices of Modern Orthodox and Black Hat Jews, Sephardi, Mizrachi, and Ashkenazi Jews, communities big and small and in vari- ous places, and other factors. This chapter focuses on the practices I observed in Milldale, a medium-sized Orthodox community near the Black Hat end of the continuum, made up mostly of American- born Ashkenazi Jews. As many scholars have described, becoming Orthodox entails taking on new beliefs and a complex system of laws that govern most aspects of life, such Copyright © 2012. Rutgers University Press. All rights reserved. May not be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except fair uses permitted Copyright © under U.S. or applicable copyright law. as which foods can be eaten together, when prayers are recited in the three daily EBSCO Publishing : eBook Collection (EBSCOhost) - printed on 5/28/2017 10:17 PM via EASTERN KENTUCKY UNIV AN: 497536 ; Benor, Sarah.; Becoming Frum : How Newcomers Learn the Language and Culture of Orthodox Judaism Account: s8356098 “HE HAS TZITZIS HANGING OUT OF HIS PONYTAIL” 55 services, which activities are prohibited on Shabbos and holidays, and when during a woman’s menstrual cycle husband and wife are permitted to have physical contact.1 But, as the description above highlights, being frum involves much more than faith and observance.