AN AWKWARD SITUATION C1 Tony followed Evvie up the stairs, the florets that patterned her leggings varied in size from delicate little flowers around her slender ankles to larger ones stretched out around her small but rounded bottom. Tony watched as the flowers moved, as if floating on water, her leggings were tight and of elasticised material, this had the effect of varying the size of the florets and causing the line of her pants to show through, he was aware of the reinforced gusset across the lower part of the garment. To be more exact he was aware of a horizontal line impressed into the soft material, his ignorance of the technical term didn’t detract from his enjoyment of watching the line of the seam ripple gently. ‘Where do you want to look?’ asked Evvie innocently. Tony hesitated; he would have liked to have said something entirely inappropriate but said instead ‘Only above where the kitchen is.’ ‘I think that’s around here’ said Evvie entering the main bedroom and briskly gathering up some articles of clothing that were lying at the foot of the bed, dropping them into a linen basket and pulling the sheet over the unmade bed in one movement. ‘Excuse the mess, I wasn’t expecting that you to needed to come upstairs’ she said. Tony Tanner would have preferred to have been somewhere else, it was Saturday morning and he had called to give an estimate for some alteration works that George and Evvie Chisholm had planned, to convert their kitchen and dining room into one area. To achieve the plan the wall dividing the two rooms would obviously require removal and he was checking if this was practical. George Chisholm had started the proceedings explaining their requirements but the telephone had rung soon after he had started and, as he had been closest to the instrument when it sprang into life, he had answered it. Upon hearing him say ‘Oh hello Bethy’ Evvie had taken over, explaining to Tony that the reason for George’s change in priorities was that Bethy was their daughter, phoning from abroad, therefore she would continue to describe their requirements. Tony took the chrome plated tape from the pocket of his jeans and measured from the external wall across to the partition with the dressing room. ‘Two point three’ he muttered then, with the same clenched fat fist that had struck the kitchen wall below, thumped the partition wall. ‘Studding’ he said. ‘Studding?’ 1 ‘Yes, timber framed, not load bearing’ asserted Tony. Evvie regarded Tony, his belly overhanging his once black jeans, red polo shirt pulled tightly around his stomach, like a big red football she thought, pockets bulging with various bits of equipment essential, she supposed, to giving an estimate. ‘Only a partition wall’ he explained ‘not carrying any weight from above’ looking up as he spoke. ‘Trussed roof’ he muttered inexplicably as he hitched up his trousers weighed heavy by the various bits and pieces he had rammed into his pockets. Evvie looked at Tony again and for some reason remembered a dried out wheat field, long ago, in another life. ‘Should be able to sort that.’ ‘Sort what?’ Evvie hadn’t really been listening. ‘Take down the kitchen wall’ Tony attested. ‘Oh. Good.’ As they walked back through the bedroom Tony was surprised to see a short shiny satin leopard skin print dressing gown hanging on the back of the door. Not George’s, he resisted saying. George had finished his phone conversation with Bethy when they arrived back downstairs and had spread out a piece of graph paper on the kitchen table showing a layout of the proposed new kitchen that he and Evvie had drawn up the previous evening. A discussion programme was on the radio, the volume was turned down. ‘Cup of tea Mr Tanner?’ asked Evvie. ‘Call me Tony please.’ ‘Tony’ repeated Evvie. ‘Thank you. That would be good’ ‘Sugar?’ ‘Two and a half please, I’m cutting down’ Bloody stupid, thought George, two and a half of a fairly undefined measure, how does he know the size of our teaspoons, does he want a big spoon or a little spoon? Looks as if he ought to lay off it all together with that fat stomach. ‘Come and sit down please Mr Tanner, Tony’ George said quickly correcting the formality of his address. 2 As George outlined their ideas Tony was aware of the florets on Evvie’s leggings moving about behind her husband’s shoulder, it made it difficult for him to concentrate. ‘…and move the dishwasher to here…..’ George droned on ‘….then we need some more space for the fridge….’ Evvie delivered the tea to the table and settled herself opposite Tony where he now became aware of her cleavage, slightly wrinkled and freckled brown where the fold darkened her skin. She leant forward; beige lace, white skin, more freckles, paler this time. ‘The sink must still be in front of the window’ Evvie insisted ‘I like to see out when I’m at the sink.’ ‘But I told you last night’ said George ‘that doesn’t work Evvie, there isn’t enough space to fit the extra cupboards you want if we do that.’ ‘We could move the window’ volunteered Tony. Evvie seized upon the opportunity that Tony had offered and the couple engaged in a lightly contested argument about the cost and disruption involved in such an operation. ‘It shouldn’t cost too much’ suggested Tony, helpfully, he hoped. Depends what you call too much, thought George, bloody builder, all he wants to do is spend our money. ‘How much isn’t too much?’ enquired George in what he thought was a friendly tone. ‘Well I’ll give you a separate quote if you like’ offered Tony ‘I’ll need to look outside and see how I can do it.’ Tony finished his tea,’ I’d better get on and take a few details’ He pushed his chair backwards, it made a loud graunching noise on the tiled floor. ‘You must fit some more of those felt pads to the chair legs George’ snapped Evvie. George thought that if Tony wasn’t so bloody fat and awkward he could have lifted the chair rather than slide it backwards; instead he said ‘Yes dear.’ Tony went outside and gathered his writing pad, a pen and some other equipment from his truck, he took some measurements and looked around the area, taking a few photos on his phone and made sucking noises as he wrote on his pad. Tony’s mobile phone made a noise resembling a foghorn ‘Ah, got to be going. I’ve got all the details I need’ he said. ‘Mr Chisholm, Mrs Chisholm’ he nodded at them. ‘ Evvie and George please’ simpered Evvie. 3 Tony climbed into his truck, a big black shiny thing. ‘I’ll give you a call Monday evening with some prices George’ and with that fired up the engine, wound up his electric window and dieseled his way out of their drive. George noticed, as the vehicle went out through the gates that the word Animal was stencilled across its tailgate. How strange, he thought, probably appropriate though. ‘He seems nice’ Evvie said, slightly dreamily. ‘He’s a bit fat’ commented George ‘I bet he doesn’t do much of the work himself.’ ‘Peaches said he made a lovely job of their conservatory. Gave them a potted palm to put in it too.’ ‘Yes, I can believe that’ muttered George. C2 Had he been there when the work was started George would have seen he had been correct in his prediction, Tony turned up with a couple of other men, one about forty years old, quiet, and a chirpy, younger man, probably in his early twenties, dark and swarthy, a bit like Tony. He introduced them to Evvie as Corky and Pete. Tony outlined the project to the two men, pinned a set of plans and a typewritten specification to a board that he then leant against one of the walls, then, leaving the two to get on with the work, accepted Evvie’s offer of a cup of tea in the study, which she and George had converted into a temporary kitchen for the duration of the works. ‘That thing alive?’ joked Tony looking at the flexible timber framework upon which George had fixed an old stainless steel sink top that had been lying around in the garage. It was rocking from side to side as Evvie arranged the two mugs and fiddled about with the milk and two and a half sugars. ‘Be back in a moment’ Tony disappeared back into the kitchen where Corky and Pete were busy removing the old kitchen units. Evvie heard the noise of an electric saw and Tony re-appeared with some triangular pieces cut from her old kitchen unit doors and a portable drill with what resembled a magazine of bullets draped out of one side, like a lop-sided Mexican moustache. In what seemed like a moment he’d screwed half a dozen of the triangles to the corners of the flexible framework that George had spent the last three days cutting and assembling. ‘That should be a bit better’ he said shaking the newly braced structure with a hand that resembled a plateful of fat sausages. Evvie beamed ‘Very impressive. Gusseted’ she said ‘Thank you Tony.’ ‘S’okay Mrs Chisholm, here to help’ he had a warm feeling creep over his more than adequate body. ‘Evvie please.’ 4 ‘Evvie’ Tony repeated obediently ‘is that short for something?’ ‘Evelyn’ Evvie explained ‘I hate the name.’ ‘I think Evelyns rather nice, I had an Aunty called that’ lied Tony ‘but I do prefer Evvie.