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Fast Five one-minute movie reviews BY ROGER EBERT / April 28, 2011 still playing about us I don't think you can take The Adjustment Bureau About the site » two mid-size sedans, chain Arthur them to a bank vault and cast & credits Atlas Shrugged Site FAQs » haul it behind you on a The Bang Bang Club Dominic Vin Diesel high-speed chase through Battle: Los Angeles Contact us » the streets of Rio de Brian Paul Walker Cave of Forgotten Dreams Janeiro while being chased Hobbs Dwayne Johnson Cedar Rapids Email the Movie by the cops. I think the Mia Jordana Brewster Certifiably Jonathan Answer Man » traffic would be too bad. Roman Tyrese Gibson Certified Copy Cold Weather I also don't think you can The Conspirator Universal Pictures presents a film on sale now steal cars from a speeding Desert Flower directed by Justin Lin. Written by train by driving a truck Drive Angry 3D beside the tracks, cutting Chris Morgan. Running time: 130 The Eagle the side out of a freight car minutes. Rated PG-13 (for intense Even the Rain with an acetylene torch, sequences of violence and action, Fast Five flipping the cars onto the sexual content and language). Forget Me Not The Greatest Movie Ever Sold truck bed, tilting the bed, Hall Pass letting them roll to the Printer-friendly » E-mail this to a friend » Hanna ground and then driving Henry's Crime them away. I think there are Hidden Love Buy now » more practical ways to steal I Am cars. I Am Number Four I Will Follow I also think that while Houdini might have been able to make a bank In a Better World vault disappear from the stage of the New York Hippodrome (and Incendies escape from it in the process), bank vaults in general tend to be hard Insidious to mess with, as may occur to you during "Fast Five." Inspector Bellamy Ip Man 2 But you know what? It sort of doesn't matter. The movie is made of Jane Eyre Just Go With It sheer, preposterous and nonstop impossible action, muscular macho Buy now » Kaboom guys, hot chicks and platoons of bad guys who are eliminated by the Limitless dozens while the leading characters escape certain death so easily, The Lincoln Lawyer it gets to be a habit. Loveless Of Gods and Men This is the third of the "Fast and the Furious" series starring Vin Outside the Law Diesel, Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster, and here they're joined Paul by Dwayne Johnson, making it a sort of convention of reckless Poetry drivers. Apparently some of these characters have had, in the past, Potiche long conversations about their goals, dreams, abilities and values, Putty Hill Queen of the Sun Buy now » saving time at the present for terse verbal shorthand. When you hear as many as six words in a row, you suspect it's a tagline for a trailer Rango ("We need to assemble a team"). Red Riding Hood Scre4m Soul Surfer Justin Lin is emerging as a first-rate director in this second-rate Source Code genre, having shelved, temporarily I trust, the ambition suggested in Stake Land his remarkable "Better Luck Tomorrow" (2002). Unlike a certain Super other maker of Crash-Crash-Bang-Bangs, whose name I trust you to Take Me Home Tonight summon effortlessly, he devotes attention to a storyline that devises Trust ingenious new things to do instead of obsessively blowing up things. Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives Buy now » Unknown He storyboards his impossible actions sequences, instead of editing Vidal Sassoon: The Movie them with incomprehensible speed. And he hauls in fresh faces Waste Land (played by such as Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Matt Water for Elephants Schulze, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Elsa Pataky and Joaquim de Win Win Almeida) gives them a specialty and a chance to demonstrate it. You Your Highness couldn't say the supporting characters are developed beyond their more current releases » defining labels, but at least they're in the mix. Buy now » The villain (de Almeida), a Rio drug kingpin, makes the usual error of on dvd ordering his flunkies into hot pursuit and then following them into danger. There's a reason generals don't fight in the trenches. His new on dvd character, Reyes, is set up as a criminal tycoon, but $10 million is not, after all, very much drug money to have in a bank, not when Ip Man 2 (5/3) Wachovia Bank was recently revealed to have laundered drug Blow Out (4/26) money equal to a third of the Mexican GNP. One thing you know is Somewhere (4/19) that the U.S. law authorities will spend less time trying to put those White Material (4/12) bankers behind bars than the Brazilians do here, and lose many Ricky (4/12) fewer squad cars in the process. The Human Stain (4/12) Buy now » Dead Man (4/12) Tron: Legacy (4/5) But facts will get me nowhere in reviewing a movie of this sort. What Tron (4/5) you want is advice about your genre expectations. The 2001 movie Jersey Girl (4/5) was sorta fun with its energy and ambition, placing Diesel and Walker in a Los Angeles street-racing story. The 2009 film, which more new on dvd » made an impenetrable leap from the plot of the first one, was much more routine. Both made plenty of money. coming on dvd The "F&F" titles got confusing with the unrelated "Fast and Furious: True Grit (6/7) Toyko Drift" and John Singleton's "2 Fast 2 Furious," which is why, I Buy now» more coming on dvd » suppose "Fast Five" drops the "furious." But it isn't technically the fifth "F&F" unless you count the outliers. So I don't know what "Five" great movies on dvd refers to. That doesn't bother me. What it all comes down to is a skillfully assembled 130 minutes at Santa Sangre (1/25) the movies, with actors capable of doing absurd things with straight Senso (2/22) Heart of Glass (3/23) faces, and action sequences that toy idly with the laws of physics. That can be amusing for some people, not so much for me. What I more great movies on dvd » missed were laughs, although I got a good one right at the end, Buy now» when we were warned that the driving in the movie was done in a controlled environment by professionals, and we shouldn't try those stunts ourselves. Someday I would like to meet a driver who was planning to race his Hummer into a reinforced concrete wall before being persuaded otherwise by the closing credits. Buy now» Fast Five Watch Trailers & Get The Latest News On movies.msn.com DIRECTV® Official Site Free HD+ Over 210 Digital Channels Plus www.DIRECTV.com Get DISH Network® Today New Offers Starting at $24.99/mo! 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