B E A CON PRESS DISC U S SION GUIDES for Unitarian Universalist Communities Taking Retirement A Beginner’s Diary . A LEADER’S GUIDE Bea con Press w w w. b ea co n .o rg This guide was made possible by a grant from the Unitarian Universalist Veatch Program at Shelter Rock. C O N T E N T S I n t ro d u c t i o n 2 G etting Sta rte d 3 Session One 5 Session Two 10 Ac k n ow l e d g m e n ts/ For Fu rther Rea d i n g 12 A p p e n d i x : 13 Participant Evaluation Form Leader Evaluation Form Taking Retirement: A Beginner’s Diary by Carl H. Klaus Beacon Press, /./paperback/--- UUA Bookstore: --- or www.uua.org Leader’s Guide by Wendy Bivens 0-8070-9151-0 The shift into retirement can touch every aspect of our being, and it is often with feelings of vulnerability that we face later life stages. In our state of flux, we re-visit an internal dia- logue about survival, mortality, how we define ourselves, and how in our daily existence we fulfill our purpose. Further questioning leads us to consider: What constitutes the fabric of our lives, and what are the essentials? What prepares us to experience life and its 2 I N T R O D U C T I O N transitions? What are our attitudes toward aging and the The word “retire” is derived from the French elderly? verb retirer, made up of the prefix re-, meaning How does our sense of identity evolve as we age? “back” and the verb tirer, “to draw,” together What grounds us and keeps us in touch meaning “to take back or withdraw.” In retiring with our feelings and sense of identity from occupations that we have followed as our when our life circumstances are changing? lifework, we retreat from activity in which we How can we heighten our connection to have invested time, energy, our sense of our- what sustains us when times are hard? selves and our future—activity that has created and/or defined our relations with others. In Taking Retirement: A Beginner’s Diary, Because work holds a unique place in our Carl Klaus discloses his thoughts and feelings lives, we process retirement in different ways. A as he reluctantly disengages from a prominent person’s outlook on retirement can be shaped position in an academic setting. With him we by how deeply work determines his/her sense discover that in his rocky transition, he is lay- of identity, how well it affirms his/her work ing the path to a whole new life. ethic, the level of success and fulfillment in this The purpose of this discussion program is work, its physical toll, compensation, and envi- to provide a framework for UU discussion ronment. The ease with which we experience groups to share ideas about: the retirement journey depends largely upon encountering changing landscapes— our state of health and well-being. A sense of emotional, spiritual, physical and mate- wholeness in relationships and in community, rial—as we enter retirement; economic stability, physical and emotional achieving serenity and acceptance in wellness, access to essential resources like health this and other challenging life phases; care, spiritual groundedness—these factors can honoring, affirming and supporting be of enormous influence during any period of our elders and those of us who are change. Even in the best of circumstances, approaching or in the midst of retiring. many of us struggle to feel balanced and well. This program has relevance for adults of all ages. We offer it with the hope that it creates a space for authentic sharing between UU elders and encourages intergenerational dialogue about aging and life transitions. T a k i n g R e t i r e m e n t : A L e a d e r ’ s G u i d e call for information to be recorded on newsprint, so you will need adequate wall space or easels to display what has been written. You might ask volunteers to provide refreshments and perhaps a light snack. I nvo l ve the Group in Setting the To n e The group should take responsibility for creat- ing an environment that is welcoming and con- ducive to open dialogue. Bring to the group’s attention the importance of active listening, G E T T I N G S T A R T E D thoughtful responses and mutual respect. Also, 3 note that occasional silences are acceptable. Use P ro m ote the Pro g ra m people’s own experiences as a way to ground Many congregations have a number of the discussion when it threatens to become too resources for publicizing new programs in the abstract. community. It is always a good idea to create Some people have a tendency to be more flyers and post notices on bulletin boards and vocal than others. If a few people clearly domi- in newsletters. Announcements could also be nate the conversation, you might need to open made during meetings and services. You might a space for those who have not had a chance to consider targeting specific groups to embark on speak to do so if they wish. this journey. For example, an “over-fifties” dis- As a discussion leader, it is important to cussion group might have particular interest in establish a balance between too much control this program. Some congregations promote and too little direction. It will be important to new programs by organizing “Kick-off be responsive in your leadership and draw peo- Sundays,” which include a sermon by a minis- ple out, yet keep the discussion on track. ter or lay leader about a related topic. We suggest that the group draft a set of ground rules at the beginning of the first ses- sion, post them on newsprint, and review them Ad j u st the Format as Needed at the beginning of the second session. If all This program includes reading, reflection, and participants give input, everyone will be participation in two ninety-minute discussion accountable to the group’s needs. Ground rules sessions. (The format can be adapted to one might include such items as: maintain confi- session.) We recommend a group size of no dentiality—don’t repeat personal stories outside more than ten people. of the group; make personal (“I”) statements— don’t speak for others; give full attention to the person who is speaking; pagers and cell phones P rovide a Co mfo rtable Sett i n g should be turned off; and so forth. Hold the session in a comfortable setting, well- lit setting, preferably with cushioned chairs arranged in a circle. Some discussions will be carried out in small groups (3-4 people), so it is important to find a space that will enable unin- terrupted discussion for small groups as well as for the larger group. The discussion sessions T a k i n g R e t i r e m e n t : A L e a d e r ’ s G u i d e P re p a re for the First Sess i o n Eva l u a te the Pro g ra m Participants should read Taking Retirement: A Two evaluation forms are provided in the last Beginner’s Diary in its entirety before the first pages of this guide. Participant Evaluation session. Ask them to maintain a journal during Forms should be distributed at the end of the this period of reading and reflection. This final session so participants can give feedback activity might offer insight into Klaus’ chal- to group leaders. (Note that questions and lenges in shaping his book. Participants might on the form give leaders a chance to pose their also learn to appreciate journal writing as a tool own questions to participants.) Also, be sure to for connecting with the inner voice. Encourage send Beacon Press your completed Leader participants to give their journal a special place Evaluation Form. We are striving to meet the in their daily activities, one that is comfortable program needs of UU congregations, and your and allows them to quiet outer distractions. continued feedback and suggestions will bring 4 Stress that they should be consistent about us a long way toward reaching our goal. We their journal-writing ritual, but note that jour- really want to hear from you! nal entries can be brief. Give participants the option of either keeping the journal as a daily log of their activities or a focused diary similar to Taking Retirement. Suggest topics for their journal dialogues, such as: the present phase of a relationship with a partner, family member or friend; their spiritual lives in practice; feelings and thoughts about an upcom- ing event; some aspect of their lives that they would like to change. Indicate that although individuals will not necessarily share their writings, the group will discuss the processes and outcomes of their journal-writing experience. Before the first session, photocopy the opening readings (pp. 6-7) and clip each of the brief quotes from your copy. Fold the slips of paper and place them in a basket. T a k i n g R e t i r e m e n t : A L e a d e r ’ s G u i d e Opening and Check- I n : Welcome participants and make sure everyone knows where to find restrooms, water, a tele- phone, etc.