PATERSON What a single pomegranate seed, a fat suitcase, a pair of dead headphones, a bunch of singing buddhists, and a dusty old skeleton can teach us about finding our place in life. When her father died a few years ago, yoga instructor Mary Paterson felt as if she had no place to stand. Her response to this sense of upending was to grab the chance to spend 40 days at the Bordeaux retreat of the great Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. She hoped and expected to find some peace and perspective. AND ME THE MONKS What she didn’t quite bargain for were the unusual packages in which wisdom sometimes comes. “There’s nothing better than a Buddhist with a sense of humor!” —Brian Haycock, author of Dharma Road In 40 brief chapters such as The Lesson in a Bad Fish, The Man Who Nicked My Headphones, How a Monk Washes His Face, and How Not to Be Sneaky, Paterson’s chronicle serves up 40 nuggets of essential wisdom for modern life. “A vastly entertaining and juicy primer on the basic guidelines for a richer life.” —Ragini Michaels, author of Unflappable The perfect read for anyone who feels suddenly at sea—or just plain curious about the teachings of this great Buddhist master and what goes on behind the walls of his monastery. ISBN: 978-1-57174-685-6 U.S. $16.95 51995 9781573245937 Copyright © 2012 by Mary Paterson All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Hampton Roads Publishing, Inc. Reviewers may quote brief passages. “In, out” poem reprinted from The Heart of the Buddha’s Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh (1998) with permission of Parallax Press, Berkeley, California, www.parallax.org. Cover design by www.levanfisherdesign.com/Barbara Fisher Interior by StanInfo Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc. Charlottesville, VA 22906 Distributed by Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC www.redwheelweiser.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Paterson, Mary, 1963- The monks and me : what a bunch of singing Buddhists, a fat suitcase and a single pomegranate seed can show us about taking refuge in our wise selves/Mary Paterson. pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-57174-685-6 (alk. paper) 1. Paterson, Mary, 1963- 2. Spiritual biography--Canada. 3. Village des pruniers (Buddhist community) I. Title. BQ978.A753P38 2012 294.3092--dc23 [B] 2012010852 ISBN: 978-1-57174-685-6 VG 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Paterson_The Monks and Me TO TYPE.indd 6 6/23/12 10:42:12 AM Author’s Note would like to take a moment to clarify that I have I written about my forty-day pilgrimage to Plum Village based solely on my own observations and reflections, as I attempted to absorb and apply the teachings of the Ven- erable Thich Nhat Hanh, within his Buddhist monastery in France. My writings are not meant to be a scholarly examination of the teachings of the Buddha or those of Thich Nhat Hanh. And, importantly, my discover- ies are in no way connected to Thich Nhat Hanh’s spe- cific counsel. For comprehensive insight into the vast and intricate teachings of the Buddha, I encourage you to explore the many exemplary books written by Thich Nhat Hanh. All the names of the people within this book, includ- ing my fellow pilgrims, have been changed with the exception of the following people: my brothers, David and Iain, and my sister-in-law Janice. Also, Doug is really Doug. My fellow pilgrim, Stuart the Scot, is really a Scot- tish man named Stuart, and I might add that the Scot was delighted to appear in this book, even without knowing what I would say about him, trusting soul. And finally, the Sisters Pine, Prune, Hanh Nghiêm and An Nghiêm have all graciously granted their permission to be included as themselves. The affectionate name for the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh is Thây (pronounced “Tie”), which is Vietnamese xiii Paterson_The Monks and Me TO TYPE.indd 13 6/23/12 10:42:12 AM for “teacher.” I regularly use his affectionate name throughout this book. And one more thing before we start: I want to express my deep thanks to you for entering into this journey with me. I have written The Monks and Me for you. May you take refuge within your wise self and be guided Home. And may that bring you great joy. xiv Paterson_The Monks and Me TO TYPE.indd 14 6/23/12 10:42:12 AM Introduction Leaving Home to Find Home In the stormy ocean of life, take refuge in yourself. —THICH NHA T HA N H y mother died many years ago. After her death, I Mfound great healing through the Eastern teachings of yoga and meditation. But I also noticed something else. The more I practiced and applied these dynamic techniques, the more joy I felt, and the richer my experi- ences in the whole of my life. These masterful practices acted as a kind of life support for all my various difficulties and challenges, the ones that come with being human. But, here’s the thing: even though yoga and meditation benefited me immensely, I didn’t consistently apply these teachings in my life. And then my father died. And there it was. I felt I had nowhere to stand. I had lost the con- nection to my familiar inner Home. Death can be a destabilizing force. And when it touches you closely, you must somehow discover a way to find and rebuild your secure Home. A forty-day pilgrimage is what I came up with. The longest meditation retreat I had ever undertaken had been ten days in length. Maybe forty days would bring me closer to the strength and love xv Paterson_The Monks and Me TO TYPE.indd 15 6/23/12 10:42:12 AM and Home I needed to reconstruct. Maybe a six-week pil- grimage with a wise monk at the helm would not only bring deeper healing from the deaths of my parents, but also serve as guidance throughout the turbulent waters of life. This ocean, as we all know, is sometimes calm and sometimes stormy. All of us need to be well-equipped for those stormy days. In yogic science, cycles are often used to enhance life-affirming habits and advance one on the path of wisdom. A forty-day sacred journey supports the phi- losophy of the ancient yogis. Within many cultural and spiritual traditions, the span of forty days is recognized as a key interval in which the unfolding and recogni- tion of truth happens. Christ prayed and fasted for forty days in the desert to prepare for and understand his pur- pose; so did the prophet Muhammad in a cave. Moses was transformed by this time on Mount Sinai. In the forty-day Christian season of Lent, followers give up a pleasure or vice. And the Buddha enjoyed the peace of enlightenment under the Boddhi tree for a period just exceeding forty days. I was forty years old when my father died. Knowing that a forty-day spiritual practice has the power to be incredibly transformative, entering into this forty-day journey of renewal at this time would be to honor syn- chronicity. So, under a cold November sky, with the mystical number forty by my side, I crossed an ocean and set off for my pilgrimage. For six weeks I lived essentially as a nun, alongside the Sisters and Brothers of Plum Village, in their beloved Buddhist community in the Aquitaine countryside of France. During their monastic winter retreat, under the tutelage of world- renowned Vietnamese Zen master, author, peace and human rights activist, and Nobel Peace Prize nomi- nee Thich Nhat Hanh, I meditated, gardened, walked, reflected on life, communed with pilgrims from all over the world, and looked my various demons straight in the xvi Paterson_The Monks and Me TO TYPE.indd 16 6/23/12 10:42:12 AM eye as I listened intently to a wise eighty-four-year-old monk talk about the sacred and ancient teachings of the Buddha. Each monastic winter retreat follows a theme that is announced on the first day. For this particular retreat, Thich Nhat Hanh chose to focus specifically on address- ing the new world order, emphasizing the importance of applying the Buddha’s teachings to our lives within the current times. This wise monk taught the necessity of calling the suffering by its true name, understanding that we are now faced with environmental destruction, fear, terrorism, emotional distress, fractured families, and a multitude of physical and mental illnesses. Through the Buddhist practice of mindfulness, of touching life deeply in every moment, compassion arises, wounds heal, and you become rooted in courage, strength, and wisdom. This is taking refuge in the self. Mindful awareness of the breath unites your body and mind, and this generates insight. You experience breakthroughs into the nature of reality, and you recognize your interconnection with all life. And then your strong, enlightened self can transform and heal all the beings of the world. You are not alone. The American writer Annie Dillard said: “The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you.” And so, with Dillard’s motto in mind, here I am, writ- ing about the forty days in a Vietnamese monastery in France that taught me how to take refuge within my wise self, and find Home.