Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies This is the complete collection of Kevin Ahern's Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies as of December 11, 2020. The link page for individual melodies is http:// www.davincipress.com My Many Merry Melodies is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/my-many-merry-melodies/paperback/ product-23425848.html “Rhymes and Misdemeanors” is available at https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/kevin-ahern/ rhymes-and-misdemeanors/paperback/product-1pgjzqr8.html “Limericks Come Alive!” is available at https://www.lulu.com/en/us/shop/j-raymond- davidson-and-kevin-ahern/limericks-come-alive/paperback/product-1g2pe772.html “A Limerick a Day For a Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a- limerick-a-day-for-a-year/paperback/product-20580652.html “A Limerick a Day For Another Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-another-year/paperback/ product-21361729.html “A Limerick a Day For a Third Year” is available at https://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin- ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-third-year/paperback/product-21959393.html “A Limerick a Day for a Fourth Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/http:// www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-fourth-year/paperback/ product-22439562.html “A Limerick a Day for a Fifth Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-fifth-year/paperback/ product-22990649.html “A Limerick a Day for a Sixth Year” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/kevin-ahern/a-limerick-a-day-for-a-sixth-year/paperback/ product-23361989.html “Kevin Ahern’s 1001 Punniest Limericks” is available at http://www.lulu.com/shop/ kevin-ahern/kevin-aherns-1001-punniest-limericks/paperback/product-21732984.html Please let me know if the melodies are fun and useful to you. My email address is [email protected] Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 1 of 424 Sani-Cloth is Cleaning Up Town (to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”) Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern It’s time to get clean You need to comply Til there’s a vaccine You cannot stand by Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town It’s cleaning up hands Killing the germs Wiping out COVID The doctor confirms Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town Chorus It is a magic tissue One wipe and then it’s through I only have one wish you Will use it please, thank you So, roll up those sleeves Wipe off that skin If you do I believe ‘Twill be a win-win Sani-Cloth is cleaning up town Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 2 of 424 There is a Virus on the Loose (to the tune of Neal Gladstone’s “When There’s Grapefruit in Your Life”) Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern There is a virus on the loose That has sucked out all the pleasure It’s the worst thing we have seen Making for a quarantine And the Charmin’s running low Off you go into a store On a quest for toilet paper But there’s none upon its shelves From restocking elves Oh so now what will you use? There’s a virus on the loose When there’s a virus right nearby You must avoid a bad infection So a mask is put in place A bra for your face And your breath stinks up your nose Here’s the new reality If you are a non-essential Working from your living room In pajamas using Zoom Making sure to close your fly There’s a virus right nearby Bridge I can’t wait til it is over I’ll need a vacation Subsidize the Nobel prize For an inoculation Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 3 of 424 When there’s a virus near your mouth You will not know of its presence That is why it is the case You should never touch your face Not a finger not a thumb And you’ll be much better for it You’ll survive, congratulations Just be careful where you eat Stay apart at least six feet And, dear God, avoid the south There’s a virus near your mouth Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 4 of 424 Grandma Got Infected by That Virus (To the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”) Copyright © 2020 Kevin Ahern Grandma got infected by that virus Cuz they opened up her state too soon They claimed it was fine for all the people But I don’t think my grandma was immune She’d been feeling very happy Baking cookies and some bread But then she got that awful fever Before we knew what happened she was dead Meanwhile the politicians voted For that giant company payout If they’re of and by and for the people Then why aren’t we the ones they’re bailing out? Grandma got infected by that virus Cuz they opened up her state too soon They claimed it was fine for all the people But I don’t think my grandma was immune Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 5 of 424 Beaver Believer (to the tune of “Daydream Believer”) Copyright © 2018 Kevin Ahern Oh I get high. Such a grin Every time the Beavers win The orange and black’s em-bedded in my skin From the Gill - basketball To the labs in Cordley Hall So much to say, now where should I begin? Chorus Cheer on Benny Beav Students will achieve They’re all Beaver Believers With an ace up their sleeves Innovate and dream Linus Pauling’s on the team There’s not any more that one might need When Ed Ray tells everyone That the best is yet to come You darn sure better know that they’ll succeed Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 6 of 424 Chorus Cheer on Benny Beav Students will achieve Since they’re Beaver Believers With an ace up their sleeves Chorus Cheer for Benny Beav Dump on Donald Duck We’re all Beaver Believers And those other guys suck Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 7 of 424 Orange Head (to the tune of “Mr. Ed”) Copyright © 2018 Kevin Ahern The country’s off course, off course, off course ! I don’t think it really can get much worse ! Melania’s thinking of divorce ! From the orange head ! Out on the golf course, there’s no remorse ! While putting around in Bermuda shorts ! With hookers he has intercourse ! That’s the orange head Chorus ! The Russians are the ones he needs ! He tells us they’re OK ! While Mueller tracks the dirty deeds ! He just keeps on tweeting away ! When questioned of course, he just ignores ! Discussing the hush payments to his whores ! You haven’t heard this from your news source? ! Well son of a bitch! You must watch Fox news Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 8 of 424 Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 9 of 424 Trumpster Donald (to the tune of “Old MacDonald”) Copyright © 2018 Kevin Ahern Little Donald had it made Unlike you and me Daddy had a lot of dough Aristocracy With a million here A billion there Little Donald never had A worry or a care Little Donald had it made Unlike you and me Teen-age Donald had a maid Yes why wouldn’t he? That’s where he got all of his Sexy fantasies With deferments here A draft dodge there Teen-age Donald never had A worry or a care Teen-age Donald had it made Unlike you and me Grown up Donald had it made Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 10 of 424 Never had to work On Apprentice acted like Such a super jerk With a tax break here A tax dodge there Grown up Donald grew to have Some really ugly hair Grown up Donald had it made Unlike you and me Old man Donald ran for prez Much hyperbole Racists backed him all the way White supremacy With a tweet-tweet sent A golf event Old man Donald really does Help the one percent Old man Donald has it made Unlike you and me Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 11 of 424 No Moore (to the tune of “Oh Susannah!”) Copyright © 2017 Kevin Ahern The voters last night got it right And showed a jerk the door The Senate’s not the place for him Their message is No Moore So listen up, if you’re fifteen And female please ignore A call to date a senator He’ll have that chance No Moore Chorus Alabama! Your message says to me The Senate’s not a place for someone’s Teen-age fantasies Harassment is so very wrong It’s something we abhor To Trump and Franken, Weinstein too We loudly say No Moore Islamophobic rhetoric And hate speech we deplore There’s now a tidal wave of voices Shouting out No Moore Chorus Alabama! Your message is quite strong Regarding human decency The Trumpsters have it wrong Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 12 of 424 Kevin Ahern’s Wildly Popular Metabolic Melodies (www.davincipress.com) Page 13 of 424 Last of My Many Merry Melodies below Donny Boy (to the tune of “Danny Boy”) Copyright 2017 Kevin Ahern Oh Donny boy, it seems that you are traveling We hope it’s pried your fingers from the bomb Though you have kissed the feet of Mr.